Guys has anyone had a pocd thought thay was so disgusting but you felt like you would like it and now your whole life feels ruined completely? I'm not sure if i can move on from this

I'm posting something after a long. I have multiple Ocd themes and my main themes of sexual ocd is incest Ocd and Hocd and POCD has never been so active but today something happened that has been bothering me for a while. I was traveling in a bus and there I saw a kid/young teen. When I saw him, I instantly found him so attractive and then BOOM.. I started feeling like I'm attracted to him. I felt confused. I literally found him attractive and also thought that he would look really fine after growing up his face was so attractive but I don't want to be into him at all. I feel like I'm so much into him. I'm feeling very bothered by this feeling. I feel like I'm in denial and I should accept my attraction towards him. I don't want to feel this way at all. I don't understand what to do, how to figure out this feeling. I'm 99% sure that there was an underlying attraction I felt when I looked at him and realized that he is good looking. I feel like dying from inside and extremely confused. He's not in my bus now and I feel urges to just see him once to finally figure out that I'm into him or not but he is not here. I think I'm a pedophile which I don't want to be and everything is finished now, nothing would be same in my mind because I'm so paranoid and feeling like I'm into him. Please somebody help me and let me know if anyone of you has ever felt this way having POCD.

so I’ve been seeking therapy for my OCD for a few years. The theme that I’ve been dealing with most recently is the fear of becoming a pedophile, which then has led to intrusive images of me doing things to kids.Which now is just causing me so much distress and 24/7 constant thought cycle. I am starting to not be able to tell the difference between thoughts that are wanted/ unwanted- the line has become some blurry and these things are starting to feel like someothing i want to do. My brain keeps telling me to just test these thoughts and the “maybe”or”i don’t know” isn’t working. This has become such a barrier because the second layer is that I’m afraid that if I just let the thoughts be there it’ll make me be OK with doing those things and the fear is what’s keeping me from actually doing something inappropriate. It’s also transitioned into intrusive thoughts and images of me doing something very disgusting to my dog and that when I’m cuddling with him I get the thoughts to just do it or try it to see if i am actually a p*do. it’s almost like the compulsion would be to do the inappropriate thing, even though I know it’s wrong just to see how it would make me feel. I feel like i can’t control these urges even though i’ve never acted on it. At any point i could just do it. I’ve never had these thoughts before up until about a year and a half ago when my friend‘s boyfriend got arrested for soliciting a minor then all these thoughts came to life.Has anyone experienced something like this and have any advice?

I feel nauseous. Extremely sick, i cannot eat, cant sleep well, and I haven't enjoyed things I normally enjoy to cry in bed and spiral for several days already. I feel extremely anxious over my past real events. I remembered something extremely triggering. I used to be morbidly curious about crimes and like I remember when i was a younger teen I watched a dark documentary that honestly i shouldnt have watched. There was this extremely weird scene and i think i felt weirded out but also a little aroused? but only bc I was thinking "lucky, shes already having sex. I wish I was her so i could experience it too." The poor person was like 1-3 years younger than me at the time. I KNOW how wrong that is now i legit feel like im going to throw up rn. Anyway I think I felt a little aroused??? And I think I touched myself a little bit and imagined myself in her place? I dont think I enjoyed it bc i remember it felt forced and weird and i stopped. I never did it again. I feel so sick! I would NEVER watch a documentary like that now as an adult and think or touch myself to it thats just so wrong but im scared that this is a sign im a sicko/p. I remmeber crying at the end of the documentary bc I felt disturbed by the contents but i still put some in my watch later out of morbid curiosity to see more real cases of these crimes bc they scared me. I never watched them again though. It only happened once and it was before my ocd started which SCARES me even more!!! And i wouldnt watch them as an adult either theyre too disturbing! I regret it so badly and feel like a monster bc it was messed up. Like what was wrong with me?! Theyre extremely disturbing to me and I rather avoid such content bc its triggering to my ocd but im afraid now like was that a sign of me possibly being a p? Am I a monster??? Am I in denial? Is this even ocd?! I feel so much shame and guilt it's killing me. 😔