Having a really bad day but trying to stay positive and focus on that nothing is permanent!

I've had this app for awhile and was really nervous to post,comment or like anything.I still am,and frankly I've been having a really rough time which mostly includes ocd symptom,guilt/shame and agoraphobia which is not a fun combo but a small part of me is so tired of hiding and feeling awful all the time,even if at times I feel like I deserve it.I've been wanting to dabble into my hobbies like drawing or gaming but even my hobbies have been stressful & these negative feelings have been so awful for so long that I feel like I'm standing between two roads all the time yet feel horrified and worried either path when it comes to almost any decision will be wrong or not worth it in the end(and I hate that I feel like so.).I'm sure people can relate but the heavy loneliness and dehumanizing feelings is so awful,it's so good at it too.😭 I'm not diagnosed yet but I share alot of symptoms (interested to figure that out about myself soon.),but until I get medical insurance figured out I don't think I'll have access to professional help yet so for now I've just been watching some professionals online and I might finally read 'Freedom From Obsessive Personality Disorder' and see what it can offer.ANYWAYS,I'm trying to force myself to post so I can to people irl and online in any way I can train my brain to not stay so terrified of everything/everyone so,how has your day been?I hope it's been going well,if you've read this book or have any good suggests please feel free to let me know!

Lately, my mood shifts so frequently. A couple of minutes ago, I got triggered and decided that instead of doing a compulsion, I'd write in my journal (since I haven't done that in a while). But after writing not even half a page... I'm okay? Well, sorta! 😭 I'm experiencing a resurgence in old obsessions, which is disappointing. A couple of weeks back, I was doing a lot better, but now it's just one thing after another. Really wish therapy was more affordable. I'm already seeing my psychiatrist, but she wants me to see a specialist as well. When I think about living with this for the rest of my life, I can get a little emotional. I know it'll get easier to manage as time passes, and it might not even affect me in the future, but right now...? It's a lot of work I'll need to do to overcome this. I'm willing to do it, but I get discouraged at times... But that's enough of my little vent! I hope anyone who reads this is doing okay. Hang in there 🤍

i’m so sorry, this is a bit longer than i anticipated. for the people that struggle with periods on this app, i’ve had irregular ones all my life. the one i’m having now has been going on for almost two and a half weeks, i’m in so much pain, and i’ve bled through pants multiple times a day since i’ve been on it. i went to the gyno earlier this year for my first pap smear and tried talking to her about the problems i had previously faced. it felt like she ignored me and rushed through my appointment. i had to go ahead make another appointment with her because she could see me the soonest (since i was already established with her. every other office i called could only take me starting late june) due to the issues i stated previously. i’m extremely nervous to go because i’m scared she won’t listen to my issues like last time. i’ve also gone to the er a few times trying to figure out what’s wrong, but they all just do a blood test and an ultrasound and tell me to go home. i’m swimming in medical bills that i already can’t pay. on top of that, my ocd is getting to a point of being extremely debilitating. i tried seeing if the app would accept my insurance, but they don’t. even with a payment plan, i absolutely cannot afford to find therapy here. i’ve also tried looking at therapists near me, but it seems like none of them specialize in ocd. i live in a small town, so in a way that’s expected, but it doesn’t help my case. i’ve been feeling incredibly weak due to the blood loss and the lack of therapy. i just need some kind words to help me keep a positive attitude, because it’s been extremely hard to do so as of late.