I am so selfish I just think about myself,..

I feel like I’ve lost who I am , even since my depression and ocd started. I don’t even know what I like anymore:(( I doubt everything I think and it’s so draining because I just want to feel like my old self again😭 I feel like I have no motivation to get better which is bothering me so much because I want too but something is holding me back from doing what I need to do :/ with all my thoughts and doubts , I feel like I can’t trust myself . I don’t know if I’m the only one that feels this much pain

I feel like today, I realized I’m not a good person at all. I think I am a really bad person. My pet died because of my neglect. I never thought he would pass away, but he did and I can’t believe it was because of me. How did I allow that to happen? He died because he needed flea treatment. That was my responsibility and I failed him. I know I’ve gone through so much the past 2 months. Losing my mom to cancer, being stuck in a foreign country for a month while grieving, coming home and try to pick up all the pieces in our family, struggling financially etc. My depression from losing my mom was so bad that I’ve been neglectful with my pets the past month. I’m even a mom to a little one. Of course I got up everyday , took care of him, fed him, played with him, cleaned our home. But it was hard and I feel so guilty for even feeling like my life is hard. Like everything is so hard to keep up with. I truly feel like I’m an evil person that neglects everything in my life. My cat dying because of me seriously has me viewing myself so differently now. Like what kind of person am I? What is wrong with me? I’ve been cleaning my house everyday, I have two other pets that I feed 3 times a day, I groom them, I got their flea medicine, I’m taking them to the vet next week to make sure they are ok. I took my son out to the pool yesterday, cooked him homemade meals.. got him toys.. i cook for my husband, i try to clean the house so my husband doesn’t have to do so. I still feel like I’m such a bad person. I’m a terrible person and something is wrong with me. What do I do? I don’t know if it’s because I always want to be perfect and everything has to be perfect, that when it’s not.. I feel like I’m a terrible person. What is wrong with me ?

I’ve acted to an extent on my thoughts in the past. I never cheated..but I did try and look attractive in front of certain people even though I only want to marry and spend the rest of my life with my fiancé…. How do I get over this😣