- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
I won’t tell you how you should feel about possibly being gay or not, OCD can make things feels really, really real. But I know for a fact suicide prevention hotline won’t judge you at all if you tell them you’re gay or are having these thoughts. Let’s say worst case scenario, you are gay, and it’s not OCD. You are still a caring and amazing human being, none of that will change by you being gay. Again, I won’t say you are gay or not since OCD is terrible and can make our thoughts feel really real, but please don’t be ashamed either way, you are amazing, I hope everything goes well for you!💜
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you for the response I hope you’re doing well
- Date posted
- 3y
suicide hotline will not judge you. but i definitely recommend a therapist. even if you were just gay, therapy is beneficial to anyone and everyone. it sounds like these thoughts and feelings are distressing you and causing you to drink and isolate yourself. both of those factors are more than enough reason to seek long-term treatment. if you feel bad enough to call a suicide hotline, then seeing a therapist is well within your rights. there is absolutely nothing wrong with seeking help. no one's problems are any better or worse than yours.
- Date posted
- 3y
Have you tried talking to a therapist?
- Date posted
- 3y
Just for them to tell me I’m gay idk man
- Date posted
- 3y
It’s too late I’ve already told a bunch of people that I think I’m gay no matter what I do with my day every waking hour is about gay stuff
- Date posted
- 3y
@Andrew Yeah man, I know how it is, did you tell people you were gay bc you though you were? Thats a compulsion even if it didnt feel like a compulsion, I almost told my fam and friends that im gay so Incase if I am it wouldnt shock them later
- Date posted
- 3y
@Andrew How long have you had hocd?
- Date posted
- 3y
@Imaan7 I told them because I want this to go away I want to live my fucking life again I want to feel ok like I used to I’m dead inside and it hurts so bad well if I do have hocd it started when I was 16 I started doubted my sexuality I’m 26 now so you can see why I think I’m just gay it hurts so bad on top of that I used alcohol to mask it now I’m having with drawl
- Date posted
- 3y
@Andrew It is very much possible that you really pushed yourself deep in the rabbit hole, I think hocd has taken over your brain. Do talk to a therapist man, Im in a similar situation where I think Im gay too but then again Ive overthunk way too much and may have confused myself. I can barely function these days which is why Ive decided to talk to someone. Do it man, see an ocd specialist
- Date posted
- 3y
Suicide hotline is a great resource for you! They have no idea who you are and will stay neutral!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 22w
im so scared that this is just denial and that im actuall gay. idk what to do anymore i need help. its just constant anxiety in my chest and i hate it. is there anything i can do to help?
- Date posted
- 21w
I am very depressed right now. I really feel like maybe I’ve always been a lesbian and never knew. I never questioned my sexuality when I was young, never wanted to explore, I just was straight and didn’t think anything about it, that’s just what it was. I had my first soocd spiral in late high school but didn’t have a name for it, just that I was having intrusive thoughts and it was killing me that maybe I was gay. I can’t exactly remember how I got out of that but I continued to have crushes, talking stages, and dated. It went away and that was that I guess. Looking back now I definitely was still avoiding content and certain people, and still had intrusive thoughts but didn’t think I was gay. I guess they were less sticky. Something about me is that I’ve never had a boyfriend and I’m a virgin. I’m very shy and romanticize things like I love the relationships and scenarios I read about or that I see in movies or the thirst traps online haha. So I want that irl but am disappointed when that doesn’t happen. I have a very interactive daydream (started when I was 13 and still continued that fantasy world now too) with a boyfriend, friends, and a prettier version of me. I enjoyed making up scenarios about sex or romance in those daydreams and fantasies, but when it came to real life, I would get shy or scared when things were starting to get serious with men. I thought maybe this was an avoidant attachment style but now I’m not sure. I never considered female fantasies and I still don’t want to right now. I want to test and see which one I like better, but I’m afraid I’ll find that I’m a lesbian and I really don’t want that. Ive always imagined myself with a man but now I’m worried about comphet. I’m really depressed and I can’t tell because yes, I find some women attractive whether it’s their makeup, face, body, aesthetic, but I never thought that meant I was attracted to them in a sexual or romantic way until this spiral. Now I’m afraid of masc lesbians and pretty women because it triggers me. But I’m also afraid because I feel like I can look at attractive men, but I don’t feel the same way anymore. I can’t even daydream about them bc then my brain inserts a woman. I’m really scared that I’ve lost myself, because I truly feel like I have, but I don’t want to explore with women, I just want to like men, I’ve always liked that idea. But so many lesbians talk about liking celebrities, fantasy men, or just attractive men. Sorry for the rant but I’m struggling a lot right now. I feel like all my memories, even the ones that directly contradict being a lesbian, can be explained away by comphet, internal homophobia, denial, suppression, etc. When I do try and accept uncertainty, sometimes it feels ok, but then something will trigger me and I’m back at square one. I’m afraid if I take my meds I’ll discover something about myself that I don’t want to because I’ve always been depressed and avoidant of life because it never lives up to my expectations. My sexuality is on my mind 24/7! I can’t take it!
- Date posted
- 10w
I feel like the thoughts and feelings are getting stronger, to the point where they feel like they are my own and that I want them and want them to happen. Recently I’ve even had feelings of ‘wanting to be gay’ and that I ‘don’t want to be straight’, or that being with a woman would be nice even though that’s literally the one thing I don’t want otherwise I wouldn’t be constantly thinking about it day after day surely and if I wanted it I would just know? I feel numb and sick and terrified that I’ll just be what I’ve feared all this time. Why does my brain do this. I feel like I’ve lost so much already, I couldn’t concentrate on university work and I’ve had to delay my degree for a year, I’ve lost my purpose, and I feel so ashamed that I can’t tell anyone the real reason for it (I just told everyone the course was too much stress and was causing me anxiety) and it just feels like it’s getting worse to the point that it’s actually coming true, and I’m going to have to leave my boyfriend because I can’t be with him anymore. Why do the thoughts sometimes feel good? Why does it feel like real attraction? Why why why does it feel like DISAPPOINTMENT with the idea of never being with a woman wtf this is literally what I don’t want and never have? Even just writing that out my brain is telling me ‘it is’ and ‘I’m lying’ and I just can’t even believe myself anymore. I’ve tried telling myself the whole maybe maybe not but it just doesn’t work. It feels like if I accept I like woman I’ll want to be with one and leave him. Why does the idea of being with a man not fill me with excitement like it used to why do labels terrify me I genuinely just want to give up I still haven’t even told anyone about this cause I just feel like they won’t understand and that they will just think I’m struggling with my sexuality and the worst thing is I don’t even know what I want anymore cause of the thoughts and feelings I don’t know what to believe what if I am actually just struggling with my sexuality cause nothing feels right anymore
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