i feel like crying but i can’t

im so tired of trying to express my feeling and feeling so dumb. im so angry and my chest hurts from sadness and stress all the time with no one to talk to, this is so lonely. the only friend i had got annoyed with me and said maybe this is happening because i dont listen. i hate this so much and i gained so much weight from stress. i cant look pretty or happy if i tried.

I feel really anxious since i decided that i will go get a blood test. Today i went to get a haircut and the whole time i felt like i will faint, vomit, i dont feel good and it was horrible. I came home and started to read about how to deal with emotions. I found a really good article, and I started doing the work. I thought that im avoiding my emotions and I dont now what i actually feel so I went inside and after some time a thought and a feeling came up that said "i wish i could tell this to someone who would listen to me and nurture me" and i felt so good thinking about this. But then I started thinking maybe i should go to therapy cause noone will listen me here, and i started to feel sad and it got worse and worse. Its been hours now and my mind keeps thinking about "noone listens to me" and it keeps me feeling sad and depressed. This is is why i dont like to think about my emotions. Now I dont know should i act on this strong emotion, should i run and talk to someone? That feels like a compulsion. I felt this before,alot of times when i struggle i feel like i wish i could tell this to someone, and alot of times i do,but i dont get the reaction what i want. I dont like that we should act on every deep feelings we feel. If i feel this than the only answer to heal this feeling is to run to somebody and talk about my feelings. I dont like it that now nonstop i feel this and think about this and i cant move on.

it feels to real i feel like my heart is ripping apart. it feel like i dont love him, that i lost feelings, im hollow