- Username
- OCDHaver
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I wish I could go back and change things 💔
It feels horrible, I don’t know why I ever thought or liked this stuff, I like to think I’ve matured a lot since then, but I really don’t feel like I have, I want to believe people can change, but it feels impossible
@OCDHaver Is it related to po**? I’m struggling too with things in the past. Like what if I came across the wrong thing like people related on po** sites and I feel terrible like what if?
@Just Breathe ❤️ It is, but also just really gross things I’ve done. I’ve confessed the worse to others, but I’m terrified of myself, I just really want to live the rest of my life out alone
@OCDHaver I understand. I’m terrified too probably for different reasons but you are definitely not alone
@OCDHaver I just wish someone could help me but sometimes my posts get ignored and then I feel so along and in the dark it makes me feel worse
@Just Breathe ❤️ I’ve seen, I try to respond to as many as possible, I just like to remember how hard it is for me to do things, and I imagine we all feel that way, so responding to others might drain a lot of people on here
@OCDHaver I understand
@Just Breathe ❤️ It’s okay, we’re all in a lot of pain, I HIGHLY doubt that whatever you’ve done is as bad as mine, I hope you can find peace someday!
@OCDHaver You too!
I understand those feelings so much. I fear I acted on mine but I can't tell if I ever did..one thing I did act on and regret a lot. I absolutely hate who I was,, I even did these things last year whuch scares me so much. I do belive you've changed, you show so much hatred to what you've done. My themes are really taboo so I always fear others thinking I'm weird or my past..if you ever need anybody to talk to Im here! And I'll look out for you on this app! :)
*which
Thank you so much, it is really hard. And my thoughts and real events are also really taboo, I like to think this is a place free of judgment, I hope we get through this!
I struggle with this too. But understand that we all make mistakes. Sometimes its the things you were exposed to that twist your mind into thinking of things you would never do. Cut off from your life the things that influenced you to do those things, if you havent already, and carry on. There are days where it will be hard to forgive yourself. When you dwell on your past, but look at the change you are making now and be proud of how much you’ve grown. If you fall again, get up. Keep going.
Thank you, this actually really helps. I’ve cut out a lot of things and people that have influenced me like that. Looking back, a lot of people around normalized things that shouldn’t be. I’m happy I know better now, I just wish to be better and to possibly help others if and when I can. It just really hurts knowing I’ve done the things I’ve done
@OCDHaver Exactly. And I’ve sure you’ve heard this one before “you acted on the limited knowledge you had then.” And its true. Or sometimes you just knew it was bad but never really sat down and thought how bad it was. Understand that you are looking at the past with a new and fresh understanding. You won’t ever erase the past, no matter how much you cry about it, but you can change your whole life and mindset now. Do one thing everyday to help someone. It could be the smallest thing. It might not help you get over the guilt/ocd you feel, but youll know that atleast you did one good thing for someone or something. Believe me there were be super bad days when all you think about is the bad/real event stuff. But keep going. Hopefully the other people on thread can read this and bring some help.
@OCDHaver *there will be super bad days
@walkingtacostand You’re spot on on the “knew it was bad but didn’t know just how bad it was”. I lacked a lot of self awareness for a lot of years, but I’m just glad I learned and stopped. Thank you for the advice, I’ll try to help others in whatever way I can, thank you!
Same, I’m in bed awake over it right now, my core fear is that the gross things I’ve done mean something about me today. I get confused as to why I even did it but I also get scared that I’d do it again. It makes me sick, especially when I get images and thoughts of me doing it.
I have Real event ocd about things I did as a kid at 12/13. It’s killing me because it really happened but I feel like a different person now completely. my actions disgust me and it makes me feel like i don’t deserve to be alive. I constantly have flashbacks about the events and it sends me into a state of panic, I feel as if my younger self has traumatized my older self. i’m so scared that things I did make this true, i really am a bad person, even though i’m an adult now and would never never ever do that again. I’m so scared. All I want is to be a good person but I keep remembering gross things I did and now I feel like the biggest fraud to friends and family and everything good in my life.
is someone threw the same thing as me ? i feel so bad about things i’ve done while i was a pre/early teen, as sexual experimentation. It was Gross things that i’ll never do it again, i’m disgusted by it now. But i have so much guilt on me, i feel like i don’t deserve happiness after that. I know i was young and discovering sexuality but it don’t gives me enough relief. Thank guys, tell me how you feel about this.
People can change right?? I did terrible things..even last year. Probably even this year. Which would make me my fears. But I regret them so much,I generally just want to move on and be a better person, but I feel I don't deserve to..this isn't ocd making a little bad thing bad, these things were terrible. And I know it,, everybody would know it. I just want to love myself for who I am today, not my past. I chang everyday but I generally feel so much guilt and disgust. The ocd with intrusive thoughts that I wanna do it all again. Makes me feel I still am my fears...I hate it so much. This wasn't 1 mistake or 2..or even 3. It was so so so many disgusting, horrible,shameful mistakes. I did for years and years. And I mean 11+ years.
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