I absolutely hate the person I was in the past. The sick things I used to fantasize and did. I’ve luckily never hurt anyone or acted on the even grosser things, but I hate who I was. I want to believe that I’ve changed and that’s why I feel so sick about all of this, but a part of me is terrified of myself, I just wish to absolve myself from society as a whole.

It feels horrible, I don’t know why I ever thought or liked this stuff, I like to think I’ve matured a lot since then, but I really don’t feel like I have, I want to believe people can change, but it feels impossible

@OCDHaver Is it related to po**? I’m struggling too with things in the past. Like what if I came across the wrong thing like people related on po** sites and I feel terrible like what if?

@Just Breathe ❤️ It is, but also just really gross things I’ve done. I’ve confessed the worse to others, but I’m terrified of myself, I just really want to live the rest of my life out alone

@OCDHaver I understand. I’m terrified too probably for different reasons but you are definitely not alone

@OCDHaver I just wish someone could help me but sometimes my posts get ignored and then I feel so along and in the dark it makes me feel worse

@Just Breathe ❤️ I’ve seen, I try to respond to as many as possible, I just like to remember how hard it is for me to do things, and I imagine we all feel that way, so responding to others might drain a lot of people on here

@OCDHaver I understand

@Just Breathe ❤️ It’s okay, we’re all in a lot of pain, I HIGHLY doubt that whatever you’ve done is as bad as mine, I hope you can find peace someday!

@OCDHaver You too!

*which

Thank you so much, it is really hard. And my thoughts and real events are also really taboo, I like to think this is a place free of judgment, I hope we get through this!

Thank you, this actually really helps. I’ve cut out a lot of things and people that have influenced me like that. Looking back, a lot of people around normalized things that shouldn’t be. I’m happy I know better now, I just wish to be better and to possibly help others if and when I can. It just really hurts knowing I’ve done the things I’ve done

@OCDHaver Exactly. And I’ve sure you’ve heard this one before “you acted on the limited knowledge you had then.” And its true. Or sometimes you just knew it was bad but never really sat down and thought how bad it was. Understand that you are looking at the past with a new and fresh understanding. You won’t ever erase the past, no matter how much you cry about it, but you can change your whole life and mindset now. Do one thing everyday to help someone. It could be the smallest thing. It might not help you get over the guilt/ocd you feel, but youll know that atleast you did one good thing for someone or something. Believe me there were be super bad days when all you think about is the bad/real event stuff. But keep going. Hopefully the other people on thread can read this and bring some help.

@OCDHaver *there will be super bad days

@walkingtacostand You’re spot on on the “knew it was bad but didn’t know just how bad it was”. I lacked a lot of self awareness for a lot of years, but I’m just glad I learned and stopped. Thank you for the advice, I’ll try to help others in whatever way I can, thank you!