- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
I wish I could go back and change things 💔
- Date posted
- 3y
It feels horrible, I don’t know why I ever thought or liked this stuff, I like to think I’ve matured a lot since then, but I really don’t feel like I have, I want to believe people can change, but it feels impossible
- Date posted
- 3y
@OCDHaver Is it related to po**? I’m struggling too with things in the past. Like what if I came across the wrong thing like people related on po** sites and I feel terrible like what if?
- Date posted
- 3y
@Just Breathe ❤️ It is, but also just really gross things I’ve done. I’ve confessed the worse to others, but I’m terrified of myself, I just really want to live the rest of my life out alone
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- 3y
@OCDHaver I understand. I’m terrified too probably for different reasons but you are definitely not alone
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- 3y
@OCDHaver I just wish someone could help me but sometimes my posts get ignored and then I feel so along and in the dark it makes me feel worse
- Date posted
- 3y
@Just Breathe ❤️ I’ve seen, I try to respond to as many as possible, I just like to remember how hard it is for me to do things, and I imagine we all feel that way, so responding to others might drain a lot of people on here
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- 3y
@OCDHaver I understand
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- 3y
@Just Breathe ❤️ It’s okay, we’re all in a lot of pain, I HIGHLY doubt that whatever you’ve done is as bad as mine, I hope you can find peace someday!
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- 3y
@OCDHaver You too!
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- 3y
I understand those feelings so much. I fear I acted on mine but I can't tell if I ever did..one thing I did act on and regret a lot. I absolutely hate who I was,, I even did these things last year whuch scares me so much. I do belive you've changed, you show so much hatred to what you've done. My themes are really taboo so I always fear others thinking I'm weird or my past..if you ever need anybody to talk to Im here! And I'll look out for you on this app! :)
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- 3y
*which
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- 3y
Thank you so much, it is really hard. And my thoughts and real events are also really taboo, I like to think this is a place free of judgment, I hope we get through this!
- Date posted
- 3y
I struggle with this too. But understand that we all make mistakes. Sometimes its the things you were exposed to that twist your mind into thinking of things you would never do. Cut off from your life the things that influenced you to do those things, if you havent already, and carry on. There are days where it will be hard to forgive yourself. When you dwell on your past, but look at the change you are making now and be proud of how much you’ve grown. If you fall again, get up. Keep going.
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you, this actually really helps. I’ve cut out a lot of things and people that have influenced me like that. Looking back, a lot of people around normalized things that shouldn’t be. I’m happy I know better now, I just wish to be better and to possibly help others if and when I can. It just really hurts knowing I’ve done the things I’ve done
- Date posted
- 3y
@OCDHaver Exactly. And I’ve sure you’ve heard this one before “you acted on the limited knowledge you had then.” And its true. Or sometimes you just knew it was bad but never really sat down and thought how bad it was. Understand that you are looking at the past with a new and fresh understanding. You won’t ever erase the past, no matter how much you cry about it, but you can change your whole life and mindset now. Do one thing everyday to help someone. It could be the smallest thing. It might not help you get over the guilt/ocd you feel, but youll know that atleast you did one good thing for someone or something. Believe me there were be super bad days when all you think about is the bad/real event stuff. But keep going. Hopefully the other people on thread can read this and bring some help.
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- 3y
@OCDHaver *there will be super bad days
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- 3y
@walkingtacostand You’re spot on on the “knew it was bad but didn’t know just how bad it was”. I lacked a lot of self awareness for a lot of years, but I’m just glad I learned and stopped. Thank you for the advice, I’ll try to help others in whatever way I can, thank you!
- Date posted
- 3y
Same, I’m in bed awake over it right now, my core fear is that the gross things I’ve done mean something about me today. I get confused as to why I even did it but I also get scared that I’d do it again. It makes me sick, especially when I get images and thoughts of me doing it.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 19w
Being exposed to taboo p*rn as young as first grade ruined my life and now ocd is making me pay for it. I have so much guilt for being a child/teen and looking at taboo stuff, and it was all fictional or anime or whatever but it was still so so gross. and I didn't realize It because I had been used to it at so young 🫠 I think what haunts me most is when I was a kid/young teen (like 12-14ish) and didn't have access to p*rn I'd imagine stuff similar to what I'd seen in the art. I can't even believe I'd imagine scenarios involving kid characters or whatever because it had been so normalized to me and I assumed it was normal since it was fiction. I'm 23 now so it's been a decade since I've done anything like that and I've never had the urge to since but still. I've NEVER been attracted to kids or had any urges or anything ever, even when I was addicted. The thought makes me want to vomit, I'd rather die than associate anything sexual with kids/minors and I think people who groom or assault kids are vile. But I still feel like the fact that I imagined stuff similar to the things I read sometimes when I was young is proof I'm a p*do. I don't think people would believe me if I said I'm not. I just feel like I don't deserve to live or that if I do, I'm living a lie. I know 'I was a kid too' but even when I was 13/14 I read/imagined stuff with characters younger than me because I thought it was normal. I'm so disgusted. I've had this theme for so long I'm starting to wonder if ocd is right. I feel too ashamed to tell my therapist.
- Date posted
- 19w
Everyday I wake up, all my mind makes me think of is the stuff I’ve done in the past, like all day I’m in a constant cycle of judging who I used to be and it hurts so so much. I wish I never thought to do those things, I wish I had been more mature than how I was before, it’s really lowering my self worth and I don’t think I’ve ever felt this miserable before, like last summer was the worst because I was dealing with this shit, I about almost ended my life over it, and I thought it would get better, which it did, but it didn’t last but for a while. As soon as it became 2025 I was going through it again, having constant cycles of “I’m a good person” to “I’m the worst person imaginable” and I’m so sick of it because I just want to feel like the good person l like to imagine myself to be, but I can’t because of shit I did in the past that I obsess over. I’ve cried and screamed so much over it and it seems like it will never leave me.
- Date posted
- 14w
I look back at various past events in my life where I said or did things that I feel really guilty, disgusted, and ashamed about. I replay them in my head for hours. I feel anxious about crossing paths with people that I've hurt or upset in the past or who perceive me badly, to the point that I will avoid going out in public as much as possible. I go out for work, errands, appointments, and occasionally to eat (even though those all give me a lot of anxiety), but I avoid community events where people might recognize me and I tend to isolate myself. The only people I see regularly are my boyfriend, my parents, and my coworkers. I live in a small community and I'm worried about people confronting me publicly and proving what a bad person I must be.
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