My sister had a conversation with me about r*pe crime and I had this uncomfortable feeling (the groinal) again and it’s been so long since I had that feeling but i was very confused and unsettled

One day I saw someone who was in a wheelchair and I had asked his mom if he could have a family and I don’t know why I would I ask that I had a thought saying so I could r*pe word him and I literally was just thinking about me taking advantage of him and why did I feel a gronial response and why did I think about me taking advantage of him??

Has it ever happened to you, that you read here or somewhere an experience related to pocd, or similar, and that you felt like groin answers?! Like that was exciting for a second? It really upset me...

i just thought about something that happened between me,my sister, and brother when we were younger and im pretty sure it was COCSA and im getting scared thinking about it. I’m the oldest and the biggest age gap is three years so we’re all fairly close in age and this happened when i was around maybe 8 and im not going to discuss too many details here because im scared but im just thinking about so many things from my childhood that could be signs i couldve been SA’d and its making me think what if i was and i dont remember and thats why that situation happened and the other ones im thinking about ? cause there are a couple situations im thinking about but i dont even know if theyre real. the only one i know is real is the one where i think i was apart of COCSA because i distinctly remember my siblings and i joking about it some time after it happened a few times. im scared of what my siblings might think of me if they remember it now after its been so long. like do they think im disgusting? i dont even remember how the event had started or if i was the one who made the suggestion but i just remember laughing when it was being done. honestly idek if it could be considered COCSA and im scared to talk to anyone about it in too much detail. this is really scary posting this i feel like im in trouble or something but idk i just need to vent. last post for now i just keep thinking too much today.