I don’t understand every waking moment is something gay thoughts I wake in morning to go to restroom anything that might look like a penis or dildo I have thoughts of you want to put that in your ass, or I’m driving on the road and see people use a right hand turn blinker and think it means there calling me gay I work as a driver driver for Amazon and any time they talk about a package I auto think of gay things or I deliver to someone a dude and my brain won’t shut up I want to get therapy but I have no insurance isn’t it through the roof? This has gone beyond repair I worry sometimes fuck man this hurts bad

Whenever I get my in the morning i feel so scared and fearful I cannot even tell. I am suffering from religious and blasphemous thoughts and these things just come in my mind fear of hell and abusive words are killing me inside all such thoughts just come in my mind and now even on tongue but in silent words I am dying but I have no money for the therapy my family just think that try to remain busy you will be okay but I am unable to focus now i cannot tell them as they have notime to listen to me as how they can listen same stuff all the timen these things and my anxiety making things more worse. I need someone to talk who have same issue i am uncle to attend religious gathering see posts on social media and funerals all are the triggers this morning I just miss a religious gathering due to this and my family is not happy due to it I feel cutoff in everything. I am weeping. I am doing this I am sure even now it become worse if someone say bad to me or even no to anything abusive words just came out against them I am unable to control.

Hey everyone, I’m reaching out because I’ve been going through one of the hardest mental spirals of my life, and I’m hoping someone can relate or shed light on what’s happening to me. About 4 months ago, I accidentally came across a trans porn scene. It didn’t do much at the time, but later it triggered this overwhelming intrusive thought: “What if I’m gay?” Since then, it’s been absolute hell. I’ve always been into women—emotionally, sexually, everything. I’ve been in a long-term relationship with a girl I love deeply. But after that moment, my brain started spiraling into nonstop analysis. I began checking how I felt around men, whether I felt attraction, whether I was in denial, whether I was lying to myself. Literally everything became a test. I got stuck in this loop: • A thought pops in → panic • Try to solve it → brief relief • Another thought → worse panic • Repeat. At times, it got so bad I couldn’t feel anything at all—toward my girlfriend, toward women, toward myself. I started doubting everything. Some days, I feel emotionally flat, like I’ve lost my personality. Other days, I wake up with a full-body jolt of “truth” like “I’m definitely gay”—only for it to fade into numbness again. I’ve also noticed that I get short bursts of peace when I stop reacting, but then the fear comes back louder, like “See? Now you’re accepting it. That means it’s true.” Therapy hasn’t helped much so far—it felt more like general counseling. They told me to sit with the thoughts, but didn’t clarify if this was OCD, identity questioning, or trauma. That just made it worse because now I’m back to thinking “What if I’m just rejecting my truth?” I’m exhausted. I’ve lost connection to everything I used to love. • I want to love my girl again the way I used to • I want to feel desire without overthinking • I want to trust myself again I’m not looking for reassurance—I just want to know if anyone else has gone through something like this, and if this sounds like HOCD or identity OCD. Thanks for reading.

Does anyone else get intrusive thoughts of same sex oral sex? I’ve been struggling with this repeated intrusive thought for over two years, and everytime I get it it’s like a stab in the chest, I hate it so much if I think about it for too long it makes me feel sick and I’d never want to do it so why does it keep coming back 😔