Do any of you men have the kind of ROCD where your OCD makes you think your girlfriend might be doing something sexual with another man? The intrusive thoughts are torturous. It would be nice to know I’m not the only one who suffers like this.

Yes, you need to get to the point where you can say maybe she is and not feel extreme amounts of anxiety. Making sure she isn’t only fuels the monster.

Of course. It can attack you wherever! OCD can take any form. Unfortunately, you can’t ever be sure that she isn’t. No amount of reassurance will help. And there will always be triggers and “evidence” if you start looking for it or acting on compulsions. We have to come to terms with the face that we will never be 100% sure on anything.

I’m not a man but I deal with this same issue with my spouse

I suppose gender doesn’t matter at all. OCD is blind to gender, it just gets you wherever it hurts!

@Eryxpedu Thank you for writing! Maybe we can remind each other that this is an awful type of OCD, and that this is just a painful, torturous thing that our brains do to us. And we can breathe, and let the anxiety subside, and act from our true values.

@Eryxpedu One idea: maybe we could use the term Jealousy OCD, and see if we can find other men on this app who suffer with it, and then form an online support group on yahoo or google or something... In the meantime, do you feel comfortable saying a bit more about your situation? I’m 50 years old, and my girlfriend is just a little younger. We’re trying to move forward with our relationship, towards maybe even kids and marriage, but right now my OCD is really troublesome. When I get triggered I tend to fall into compulsive thinking/mental rituals, unless I catch it really fast and have the courage not to engage in compulsions. When I’m doing mental rituals/ruminating, I become distant/un-communicative/distracted, and that is really unpleasant for her. Also, I have to make a concerted effort not to avoid social events, because I’m very likely to get triggered there, and then my stress will go through the roof, and I’ll be miserable, etc. And of course she wants me to go to social events, and, if not for the OCD, I would want to, too. I’m in ERP therapy, but it’s just all so challenging.

So I’ve been mostly dealing with Subtype II ROCD. It’s “cheating OCD” but partner morality focused. So essentially, even though my rational brain sees my relationship as healthy, honest, open and monogamous, my ROCD tries to convince me my partner is cheating/doesn’t love me/is going to leave me/lies to me. When we are apart, if we aren’t constantly communicating, I get intrusive thoughts and images of my wife being unfaithful. Really vivid, damaging shit, to be frank. Sometimes like movies in my head and also nightmares. I don’t have many rituals, although I do move my toes in a rhythm or to a certain motion, but it primarily manifests as anxiety coupled with dermatophagia and occasionally unexplained bouts of anger. It almost always subsides once we are back together, but it has also caused me to question my motives in spending time with her. Do I want to spend time with her because I love her? Or do I want to spend time with her to avoid the anxiety of being apart, if that makes sense. It’s extremely difficult and I haven’t begun treatment for this particular issue, but I will be in Texas for a few months and plan to go back to the therapist who practiced CBT and exposure therapy with me during my time in the Army. Admittedly, leaving for Texas has been a huge trigger and I’ve been in agony for weeks. :(

@Eryxpedu Sorry, I deleted and reposted because the app seems to remove anything you say after giving a link. So I put the paragraph before the link. Write anytime!

Thank you both. I really appreciate you writing. And I will try not to give in to doing compulsions!!

Me! Me! It’s why I downloaded this! It’s eating me alive you are NOT alone

Absolutely @MusicNinja If you know a way to directly contact each other let me know. I just got this app

Yes, I have some things to do today, but later I will come back here and let you know what I’ve been experiencing in a little more detail. If there’s any specific triggers you have I’d like to avoid them if I can, but I will be as honest as I can. Just know you’re not alone.

Cool! Thanks for thinking about not giving me triggers. But I think it’s best for us not to second-guess that, and just share a little bit, as I did, of the general situation of how OCD is appearing in your relationship. Have a good day. You are not alone, either!

Thank you for writing!! I will write back tomorrow

Thank you so much for sharing that. I’ll definitely have a look.

@Eryxpedu Sorry to hear you’ve been suffering so much. I appreciate that you have figured out that this type of OCD can be called “ROCD subtype II, Cheating OCD”. I’ve been trying to research that. While we’re often told that OCD is OCD, no matter how it is manifesting, it is slightly calming to know that other people have similar symptoms. I think OCD is just the most horrible thing our brain can do to us. For the double reason that not only are the intrusive thoughts/images absolutely horrendous, offensive, and torturous, but also there is the situation that our rational mind knows it’s all garbage, that is the product of the overly-active, overly-creative, overly-cautious mind/brain/psyche. And yet in our moments of distress, we cannot access that rational mind, it is overwhelmed by the false alarm going off in the amygdala, the fear center of the brain. I’d say, stay on this app. There seems to be lots and lots of friendly and helpful people here. Stay positive. Have compassion for yourself. And remember, thoughts and images are NOT REAL, they are just thoughts and images. I have to mention one e-course that I have found to be pretty darn helpful. It’s called “Four Keys Out When Locked In Doubt” by Jeff Bell and Shala Nicely. https://beyondthedoubt.teachable.com/p/thriving-with-ocd/?coupon_code=BTDKW&preview=logged_out