Question when i look at people like my teacher Where should i look , at their mouth,ears,eyes or body ? I’m really worried that I’m looking in an inappropriate way, I mean i have sexual intrusive thoughts about almost every person i see or talk to, so you know intrusive sexual images lead me to look in inappropriate way So..can anyone help?

My whole life I’ve kind of stared at people’s crotches whenever they’re wearing something revealing a bikini. I feel like I’ve always searched to see if I can see an outline or something or anything because it’s so revealing. It kind of feels like curiosity I don’t know how to describe it. I did this before my OCD got bad and I do this now. I feel scared that I’m doing something I shouldn’t be. I’m scared that I’m doing something perverted. What scares me the most is that about a year ago this happened with my boyfriend sister. She was 15 at the time. I didn’t think much about it. I stared, searched and moved on. But now I really question if I did something awful or if my intentions were perverted. I’m questioning whether it’s okay to even have curiosity about this. Maybe this is normal and people don’t analyze their behavior, I don’t know. I had a theory that this has been a compulsion all along but right now it feels fully out the window. I haven’t been able to stop crying. I really need someone’s input or perspective. Please.

18+ TW! Involves sexual content I have learning disabilities which means im always going to be 3-5 years mentally behind from my actual age… when I was 14 I remember finding people saying they work with kids “attractive” and I remember mastu*** over a kid around 5+ but when I was 14 I was either mentally age 11 or 9. So I didn’t know it was wrong, and as soon as I realised I stopped. People say I was young and it’s okay but I remember finding people saying they even walked past a nursery “attractive” but I don’t know if this is even the right word. Maybe cute? Because I find different emotions hard to tell the difference between, so maybe it’s cute rather than attractive. I never ever had intentions to do anything to younger individuals, it was just me finding people saying they worked with them etc attractive… which my ocd now plays on, because my friend mentioned they were working with kids but idk if it was the real me or not but I genuinely felt like I found it attractive and it was giving my so many groinal responses which then made me feel genuinely aroused like I wanted to do things. This plays on my mind because my ocd will always say “but you did/do find stuff like this attractive” but this literally stops me from eating, sleeping or anything. I can’t break from my compultions because what if I do genuinely find it attractive. I don’t think it’s even attractive maybe it’s cute? Like I find it cute… but cuteness can give people feelings down there I guess. I think because if my learning disabilities I found it hard to know the difference between “attraction” and cute so I did stuff over it because it gave me that feeling down there but that could of been cuteness feeling. I just need some support on this.

i saw a trigger in a instagram reel. i noticed the face immediately, i guess that's because she had a unique beautiful face and that's precisely what ticked me and made me alerted. and my brain started telling me that meant something, the cuteness and so on the potential danger that i felt, it seemed like a cue that something was there. and my brain started testing me with intrusive se&ual images. and im afraid that they weren't completely distasteful to my brain even though i didnt want it and i was freaking out. im afraid there might be of component of truth that makes something in my brain wrong. why did it feel like there was a potential "allure" in those intrusive images? why did it feel like i could like it? was it because the more taboo is something the more it feels "alluring" automatically? something in those se&ual intrusive images felt affine, akin, feasible to maybe my preferences? was it the association between intrusive pretty face + the intrusive image of a private area overlapping in meaning making me think that there could be some likeness? some potential attraction towards it? or is it really true and i have something in my brain that ive been in denial this whole time? maybe i'm a danger. im utterly worried abt this. why was i able to feel like there was some affinity towards those se&ual intrusive association-images? please if somebody knows, tell me, because until then i don't think i can rest in peace. and it's not a matter of uncertainty, this is something untolerable. i cant live like a guilty person and act like im innocent and that is all ocd. it feels perversed.