I can’t keep pretending to be okay when I’m not. IM NOT OKAY NOTHInG IS OKAY

(I apologize in advance for my bad punctuation and ongoing sentences, but i actually dont really care because it doesnt matter to me) Anywho, Im brand new to this app, been on it for just a few minutes now so im not really sure what im doing but i just needed to get it out that i am so extremely stressed with my life right now but its like my mind tries to convince me that im not stressed because i know everything will turn out fine in the future but then the thoughts of "what if it doesnt?" Start flooding in and all of my thoughts just start going back and forth and back and forth and im just so confused about everything that im doing everything i say or do right or wrong everything i do or say that can or maybe has affected people i just i feel like i hate myself so much after thinking all those things and working myself up over it all and then im just like, its gonna be okay tho in the end. AND THEN IT JUST STARTS ALL OVER AGAINF i cannot do this i cant continue suffering with all my thoughts just completely takinh over my mind and everything that i do. i think im so in control when i know im not. There are so many things going on in my life right now that i just feel like i have absolutely no control over, but i DO and easily have control over them, i just let myself believe that i dont, then i make it happen for some reason. I dont even know what else to say now that i just worked myself up into a sobbing spree. I am just so terrified.

i have had intense thoughts and fears about being gay today and i have been sick to my stomach. it just stopped and now im scared im accepting it and im not freaking out. i feel like im okay with it. I AM NOT OKAY WITH BEING GAY.

I was sleeping after a very long stressful week at work and life but lately i was worried about myself cause I don't feel bad anymore just numb, I thought I was living and it's fine but I woke up now with jumble of different bad intrusive thoughts that it makes me feel like I'm crazy person it always happen when I'm stressed I guess but I feel like my mind is going crazy and I try to stop my mind from thoughts it's thinking about different things in one minute like idk what's going on Idk how to manage