Hi guys I’m freaking out again! I was making cookies for my boyfriend and family and I was taste testing the batter. I a chip that was in my mouth fell into the batter. I’m really worried because of my previous post. The previous post were about how I didn’t realize the toilet paper was sitting on top of dried up blood and I’m really worried about having HIV or any other worst possible disease. So when it fell back into the bowl I got the thought of what if I give my boyfriend and family HIV if I bake them the cookies and eat it. I realize that I used my finger to taste test the batter so it probably has my saliva on it. I’m scared of giving it to them. I haven’t baked them yet it’s in the fridge cooling. I feel like throwing away the batter :( idk what to do because I was really excited to make cookies but now they are tainted

This fear keeps coming back and it’s to the point I cry and what to panic. I no longer talk to the man simply because I wanted to move on and find something meaningful to have with someone (relationship wise). I still keep fearing I need to go get my blood checked. Thoughts like “what if I have it and don’t know it and give to someone?” “What if that urine test I took months ago didn’t work” I got tested for stds but it came back negative. They took a urine test but google says you have to have your blood drawn!! I’m so scared. My mind tells me “you have HIV” and then a sense of peace comes and scares me even more!!!

In September I had unprotected oral sex. I haven’t had sex in five years because even before that I was so ashamed and worried about sex. I finally did it and then a few weeks later while I was at work I started to be very itchy all in my underwear area like up to my butt. I didnt see any blisters or anything but when I googled it, herpes came up. Eventually I thought maybe it was the new underwear I bought and it went away after I stopped wearing them. However it’s returned twice, mostly when I’m really worried about herpes. I know this makes little sense because I don’t thinking about it would cause an outbreak but, either way I’m really nervous to go get tested because I heard there’s a high false positive rate and if I get a positive there’s a huge chance I will just become a recluse and never speak to anyone again. I already have so much trauma with sex, vaginismus, etc. I can’t imagine telling anyone I have herpes and then they 1) don’t want to be with me 2) now know this and could tell anyone they want Even if I don’t have it I was reading it could be asymptomatic and 80% of people who have it don’t even know, so now I’m worried I will get it no matter what sex I have. I can barely handle staying alive with just OCD but now with social stigma with herpes I will feel like I can not even live a normal life. I am already freaking out about it and don’t know what to do. I am worried to go get tested and it saying I have it, and then I’m worried to not and potentially spread it, I’m not even having sex with anyone right now so it’s not like I would. But I’m worried I will forget to wash my hands and touch something and someone else will touch it and then get it. I’m just having a really bad time.

A few days ago, I posted how proud I am of myself, that I managed to go to the doctor to get a vaccination. Now, two days later, I find myself panicking and ruminating. It was a practice where they also test a lot for HIV and other blood diseases and in my mind, the needle/syringe they used for my vaccination was somehow contaminated with blood from another patient. Maybe by accident but sometimes my mind would make up a scenario where they would do it even on purpose. I was so proud of myself, that I managed to go there on Monday and now I am making up scenarios how I caught HIV by going there - I am feeling guilty because I was „careless“. Any tips for the moment? ❤️