here’s your reminder that even if you did something ‘bad’, you still deserve good things. i try to tell myself this as well :)

I think all of us have made mistakes, wether in childhood or teenage years and adulthood. I’ve made terrible mistakes when I was younger ( childhood ) and I’ve been regretting my actions and dealing with severe shame and guilt, I came out okay in the end and been the ideal kid I should’ve been when I was younger. I changed but hearing people like close family saying they would judge past mistakes and you’re allowed to judge, makes me feel horrible. because only if they knew…

i’m crying but i don’t deserve to i’ve had this thought before, my mom works and i stay home and clean and homeschool. lately i have not been doing my part and i understand why she’s upset. every time she gets upset with me she cries, and tells me how bad i hurt her. Also every time she’s upset with me, for some pathetic reason my head brings up when she hurt me as a child, she never really admitted to it but i think it’s because she doesn’t want to think about how bad she could’ve hurt me or brother. slowly im starting to realize how bad of a person i am, I’m a procrastinator and im lazy. i had a dream about us arguing, i said awful things, something’s i’ve never said before something’s i have out of anger and then i start crying. I think im a psycho, im crying so hard rn. i want to fix everything, why can’t i be different? in my dream i was mean and aggressive, and it scared me.

I know I shouldn’t and I’m trying not to ask for reassurance but how do I deal with this when I made real event mistakes in childhood? I’ve opened up to my cousin about this who’s an adult and believes that kids can be influenced at a young age and mimic things that they see and friends and my therapist. They all see the good in me and my stupid childhood mistakes but the guilt is very strong and even though I’ve opened up It’s telling me to open up more and more and I don’t know what else it wants from me.