A new theme is emerging and I’m really not even sure if I actually have OCD anymore, or if it’s intuition or the universe just trying to show me. I feel like I’m losing my mind and I don’t even recognize the person I love anymore. I’m sure this question is reassurance seeking but I literally cannot find a single answer online so I have to ask: is it possible to have POCD towards your partner/loved one? Like, I’m not worried at all about me being the P, but them. It’s a theme that’s been slowly building for a few years, and is based on zero tangible evidence. There’s never been anything I’ve found that would even suggest that about them. But it’s been getting extremely bad in the last few weeks and it’s quickly becoming all I worry about. It feels like it came out of nowhere: I was triggered online by some Reddit forum about a woman finding out her husband was a P and it just snowballed from there. Tonight in particular is really bad, and I’ve already tried to call him at 2am to ask for reassurance (he obviously doesn’t know about this theme). I had an intrusive thought about the dark web (don’t ask me why, I can’t figure out where that thought came from), and I suddenly remembered him saying he had been on there once. And guess what a huge thing on the dark web is?! I tried to call and ask what he did on the dark web even though that conversation was months ago. I’m sure I asked him at the time but for the life of me, can’t remember what he said. I just know we talked about it. He obviously didn’t say anything bad or I would have remembered. At this point, I don’t even know if I have OCD. I feel like the universe is reminding me of all these things so that I put the pieces together and get rid of this awful person. I’m so scared and so upset. It feels so REAL. And if it’s not real, then I’m accusing him of the worst thing a person can do. I just want to go back to regular old ROCD 😅 that was much easier to handle

OCDHaver

Date posted: 4y

Yeah, you can definitely have fears like that, this definitely sounds OCD. Like when I was 14 I was scared that’s older brother was making sexual advances on me even though he would never and he’s the greatest brother I could ever ask for, I only felt like this because he was being a lot nicer to me and being generous, and obviously none of that shows that what I thought was true. It’s really scary imagining that someone you love is secretly a monster, but so far it doesn’t seem your boyfriend is. I have this same fear because how many celebrities I’ve seen being exposed for it, but it’s made me scared I’m one and it has been making look back and ruminate on all sexual things I’ve done, but that’s classic POCD, while yours is putting it on another person. Just know it is very much OCD still. I can’t give you relationship advice, but I would say just be careful of what you ask or do, since like you said, these are very serious allegations or thoughts of him you’re having. I hope you feel better and just try to see what’s going on presently and actual behaviors and actions you seem him have now, wishing the best for you!

Stuckinmyhead

Date posted: 4y

Thank you, I really appreciate that. It is REALLY awful and terrifying imagining that someone you love is all of these really scary things. it makes me feel like I don’t know him at all. And he’s not perfect by any means, but I don’t think he’s a monster (even just saying that spikes my anxiety, ugh). I just don’t even know if I have OCD or if I’m just ignoring all the “signs”. And I feel like I NEED to figure this out because, of course, I can’t be in love with someone like that. I can’t imagine loving or marrying someone like that for years and being deceived the whole time

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