I really don't have best friends ocd ruins every friendship and I really feel alone and depressed

I can't live with OCD anymore. It's ruining my life. I feel like I'm being constantly bullied in my own mind all day everyday. I don't know if what I think and feel is ever real or normal or okay, what is me and what is the OCD thoughts. I don't know if any of my experiences are normal. I'm exhausted from picking apart every single conversation I ever have with anyone until I'm strung out by a vague and ambiguous feeling of guilt. I'm tired of feeling like I'm a bad person and feeling scared all the time and not knowing why and having my brain spin me out on an endless spiralling train of thoughts that never goes anywhere and just makes me feel disconnected from everything and everyone around me. I don't know what I feel and if what I feel is normal or if anything I am doing is real and actually me or if I'm 'losing my mind.' I don't even know if this makes any sense. I get into these states of mind where every thought in my head and everything I feel and perceive makes me question my own sanity. I don't know if anyone likes me because I have absolutely no concept of what I am actually like. I feel completely lost and confused CONSTANTLY.

does anyone else with this theme hate to be alone?? i deadass get panic attacks when i’m left alone and i sit and watch the time until whoever is coming back because im so scared. i get scared that when im alone im going to lose control and act on my thoughts. my mind goes “oh your alone now nobody would know” or “your alone so you won’t feel guilt”. i hate this so much and as much as i try to deal with it i feel it never gets better. it doesn’t help that i have agoraphobia now either. i need tips!

OCD can be an incredibly lonely experience, especially when people around you don’t understand the thoughts and fears you’re facing. But you’re not alone—others have been there too. What’s something about OCD that makes you feel isolated or alone?