i’m genuinely just sad, this connection might never be okay again or how it used to be and that breaks my heart

So I’m scared I lost feelings for my girlfriend of almost 9 months and I feel like it’s my mind overthinking and anxiety. I talked to her about it and I started crying to her because I don’t wanna break up with her. I care about her being a good person and all and just making sure she’s okay but I don’t wanna lose feelings and I would do anything to get them back. I had the biggest crush on her and seeing her with other guys before we dated even broke my heart for weeks. I wanna live a life with her but it hurts because I think I lost feelings.

maybe i dont want to accept the factvthat i lost feelings, maybe i never actually loved my boyfriend and i hust wanted a relationship , i dont want reasurance, but in very scared i dont love him, because it feels real. im scared

He loves me and complimenta me and saya beautiful things and does many things for me, he says he loves me and he is there for me, but me.. i cant even say i love you without doubting, i am doubting my feelings my atractuon for him, everything, i feel so bad, i dont want to be like this, i hate myself . He is precious and genuine and im scared im not, i have moments when i am happy … but rn i am sad. I saw him today. i dont know what i felt but as im writing this i feel guilt amd fear. Scared that i may be pretending. I want to be happy, what if im not happy with him.. it cant be.