- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
I definitely believe similar things in the moment, but I usually realize later that is my anxiety and fear trying to rule me, and that it has little to do with what I am actually capable of or what is actually going to happen to me. I don't need to sugar coat this because it's just describing how things play out.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
That’s an excellent point and has also been true in my experience!
- Date posted
- 3y
hey friend, I hear you. this is something I am struggling with right now, too.
- Date posted
- 3y
I can relate to that a bit. There have been times where I've felt like I'll never do anything right (lie). Or that what I've felt will last forever (lie). Or that I'll always be useless (lie). Lies, lies, lies. Your brain will lie to you all the time with a disorder like this, and it can make it difficult to know what you really want or where you're going in life. Which is uncomfortable, but I'll let you in on a secret - those people you see around you who seem so well adjusted? Most of them have either struggled with their own demons or they're struggling with them right now, because the only thing that people who are terrible and people who feel terrible have in common with one another is that many of them are great actors. A lot of us are barely keeping it together on a level that others will never know. Give yourself some credit - right now you're in survival mode, and that's okay. In time, you'll find a way forward. Nothing lasts forever, and that includes depression, even if it seems like it will in the moment.
- Date posted
- 3y
Thanks for the kind words I hope I can pull through and I wish the same for you
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
I’m really sorry you feel this way. I don’t believe that anyone is hopeless, I believe that anything is possible with God. You are loved, regardless of whether you are able to keep a job. You have value because of who you are; you are made in the image of God. And your difficult experiences may be a blessing to others. People who are struggling often can’t relate to people who seem to have it all together. Your weakness may be a strength. I don’t know you but I value you and am praying for you. I went through a different mental illness for over 10 years and there seemed to be no hope. But praise God, I am now free from it. This was unfathomable just a few years ago. Now I struggle with OCD and there are days it feels dark and hopeless. But feeling is not truth. Even reason might not be truth. OCD is debilitating, but that does not mean it always will be. Do you have an OCD-knowledgeable therapist? If not, have you tried using the other resources on this app?
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you for the response but at this point I just feel like I don’t even have OCD I’ve seen therapist before and taken medication but nothing is going right, right now and I know I’m still valuable if I can’t hold a job but I mean without money you can’t survive in this world you know
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
This past week I realized I have not friends. It makes me feel lonely. I’ve been homeschooled my whole life, so my only social life would be work or church. I don’t have a job right now due to medical reasons. But I feel like such a fucking loser right now. The voices of my family and myself are making me feel horrible. “You couldn’t even kill yourself right.” Is what my brother said. He told me I need to grow up and realize that nobody gives a fuck. I feel like there’s something wrong with me. Am I really just a sensitive piece of shit? Am I just being dramatic? I feel so lost right now. I can’t stop comparing myself to others who seem to be doing so well. It’s not like I haven’t been searching for a job. They’ve all turned me down. I’ve gotten help and I know my resume is great. Maybe my dad is right that it’s really just how I am. People are hired because of the way they are. I am not outgoing or friendly or approachable and it makes me hate myself so much. I know I can’t kill myself. I can’t put that financial and emotional burden on my family. I’m already enough of a burden as it is. I know that I’m “never a burden,” but the truth is I am. My mom even admitted that I was the most burden of a child and it makes me feel so guilty. I wish they didn’t love me. It’s so selfish and horrible to say that. I know there’s someone out there who deserves my life and family more than I do. I deserve punishment and failure. But I want an answer. It’s impossible to know the future. Am I right? Am I really destined for failure? If only I got that answer I’d be relieved. It’s not the ideal answer, but it’s still an answer. I don’t have to try anymore. It’s fucking tiring. I know I’m not alone. I just don’t know anymore. Maybe I need to realize that this is real life and life’s not fair.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 20w
This is just a vent. Feels nice to just be honest about who I am and my deficiencies. Mental health advocates are always like "you deserve to live no matter what" and I'm like "bet lol" I am not a good person whose presence has any positive impact on the world. I'm not evil, just useless without having the excuse of depression or whatever (it's anxiety based but again who gives a shit). If I were to go away, I wouldn't be missed because I contribute nothing of note. If we did not live in the US where you can get by without being socially accepted as long as you have loving parents, I would either be dead or would have stepped up and might actually be a valuable member of society (like between being dead and pushing through my anxiety I would probably choose the latter lol). Interpersonally, I have no redeeming qualities. No I'm not one of those people who says that shit and then lists all the ways they're actually decent but just have low self-esteem, I'm genuinely useless. I'm unreliable when it comes to group projects and my job, usually doing the bare minimum or less than that. When it comes to my work in general, I tend to drop the ball, often waiting till the last minute to get started on it, turning it in late, or simply not turning it in at all. I make promises about the things I will do and then don't do them. I also lack initiative and just follow orders. Socially, I don't have any friends and don't make an effort to try to gain any - I tend to act distant in social interactions and don't join in when people are having group conversations. I'm a talented artist, but the only work I've ever shown others in the last few years has been shoddy, amateurish, and completely unreflective of my abilities, and I've never been complimented for it lol. How do I feel about all this? Pretty freaking bad, yet I make no effort to change. I'm afraid of most things so I avoid them, screwing up my own life and negatively affecting other people's as well. Despite all this, I have this desire to be accepted by someone else as I am. The fact that I accept myself shows that it's possible, I guess (you could argue that I don't have a choice but I definitely chose to be okay with myself after years of self-loathing). I have a shit-ton of flaws and nothing to really offset them - I mean I'm self-aware but I think self-awareness is completely useless if you don't do anything about what you've observed in yourself, and less self-aware people are able to take more risks - and I just have this fantasy of someone showing up and looking at all that I am and being like "you have contributed literally nothing to society and you have no redeeming qualities but I accept you as you are and love you, for no reason other than I just do." But based on the comics I've read this can only happen if you're childhood friends who've known each other for a long time lol. No reason someone's gonna want to be friends with some random person who leaves a poor first impression and doesn't do anything to further the relationship. The plus side of this is that I have a /lot/ of room for growth, lots of things to change that could make me a better person. The negative side is that it is still just as hard to not be avoidant af as it was yesterday
- Date posted
- 12w
Does anyone feel like they are stuck in place? I haven’t done anything besides lay in bed on my phone (if I’m not at work) for almost a year now. I have the desire to go out and be a part of the world, but I feel like my body is glued to my bed. I can’t motivate myself to get out of pajamas to go anywhere, and the entire time I’m out (even just at the store) I just want to be home in bed. I mainly just DoorDash food now, when I can convince myself to eat. I’m tired.
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