Contamination OCD - Community

Lately I've been thinking things touching the ground creates bad luck. I think if I carry the item around or take it with me something bad will happen. Then if that item touches another item, then the bad luck rubs off on jt. It's exhausting because I'm trying not to let anything touch the floor but I'm also really clumsy. It's really messing with me. It feels like magical thinking and contamination like combined. Has anyone else dealt with themes like going together?

Before I started NOCD I felt like my life was going to be plagued by my anxiety and that I would never be able to maintain a long term relationship or engage with life in the ways that I wanted to. Now even though my OCD will always be a part of me I feel like it no longer has control of me or my thoughts. I have been able to learn to ride the waves of anxiety and learned to be gentle to myself and forgiving if I do give into a compulsion. Overall I never thought I’d be able to get to this point but here I am! I hope everyone else in this community can reach the same level of peace that I have.

I went to the grocery store and bought raw pork chops & London broil. I used a plastic bag to pick up the meats and then folded the bag around the meats. I didn’t touch the packaging but after leaving the store I wiped my hands with a wet one then when I got home I used a Lysol wipe to clean everything I touched in the car. I’m very frustrated at myself for listening to my mind but if I didn’t I would feel contaminated the next time I touched the things in the car. 🫤 Hoping this makes sense.

Man my ocd is crazy. Saw a spider in my kitchen last night. I considered trapping it and then taking it outside. However it was late and then I reheated dinner and tasted something different and now I'm like what if I accidentally consumed a poisonous spider by accident?

Does anyone get really irritated and angry at absolutely everything because of anxiety just wondering if it’s only me

I feel so hopeful after finding this app, first time in awhile I don’t feel alone. It actually made me cry hahah

Feel like I'm going insane. I don't know why, but this week my system has been so lit up and on edge I'm jumping at everything and having a hard time handling contam triggers. A big part of it seems like relationship anxiety, we'd been going through a rough patch but everything seems ok lately and it feels like I'm looking for issues because I was blind sided that anything was wrong leading to the rough patch - so it's like I expect it's hiding. I just want everything to be ok and move forward, but I think all of this is making erp, etc. Harder. Any suggestions?

I am doing laundry right now and all my clothes are in the wash but once they are done I need to take a shower before putting them in the dryer because I feel like the dirtiness from me touching my dirty clothes will “contaminate” the clothes after washing.

I'm going to be moving in with my girlfriend and a friend soon. On the 10th of June. I have HPV and am terrified I'm going to give it to them. I know it's not supposed to be spread through toilet seats or clothes or whatever but there just isn't a ton known about it. And alcohol and hand sanitizers don't kill it. It's possible that it could be passed through kissing. It's possible it could be spread through hands. There isn't enough information. I've been terrified to let my partners do things with me because I don't want to spread it. They said they thought I was being overly cautious. I thought about it the other day and sent some information and told them to please do research and make their own risk profile, and figure out what they're comfortable with and what precautions they want to take. Because I don't want to shut them out either. But they're still looking into stuff and while I'm glad they are I also feel like a walking biohazard. HPV has no cure. It's really easy to spread. Condoms don't always stop it since it's skin contact with any infected area, so pubic mound contact can still spread it. It might be in my mouth because the person I think I got it from was also in my mouth. It could be on my hands. How am I supposed to know that it won't be spread other ways. I'm terrified. And one of my partners said "we can do stuff in a safe way so I won't get hpv" and while I'm happy about that I also feel absolutely awful that I am a danger. I'm a danger to do things with. I don't want this, but there's no cure. I'm so scared. What if I give it to my housemates by accident? I don't know how to deal with this.

I feel like doing an erp hierarchy is hard for me to make because I feel like my triggers are on the same anxiety level maybe? I dunno but I don’t notice a huge difference it tends to get worse if I focus on it for my sperm contamination ocd I don’t know what to do for erp

My contamination ocd and germophobia are at an all time high. Theyve never been this bad and when i say bad i mean just the thought of or looking at something can trigger me. I live with my parents and im an only child. We very rarely have guests maybe every few years. With that being said ive hardly ever had to share a bathroom. The layout of the houses extra rooms are 2 rooms across from each other and a bathroom in the middle. My dad is having his friend come live with us who will be staying in the room across from mine which means he will be using my bathroom. When i tell you i dont know what to do i truly dont know what im going to do. Just from me using the bathroom myself i have to disinfect it. Sometimes multiple times a night. Now im going to have some older man who is a complete stranger who frankly doesnt look like a very clean person and looks like he could be my grandpa from the few minutes i met him around my personal items and using my shower, etc. On top of that i spend a lot of time in the bathroom washing my hands, disinfecting things, going in and out of it constantly at night esp before and after i take a shower which i try to take as late as possible to avoid having to leave the bathroom and room area again. I take a lot of time having to feel clean before i can put my pjs on and get in bed and im by myself on the other side of the house so i usually dont have to cover up or anything i can just go freely from my room to the bathroom until im finally content and can wash my hands one last time before i go to bed. Now im going to have a strange man right next to me and its going to throw off every single thing i do. This man is basically contaminating my entire life. Im sorry if that sounds mean but its true and i really dont know what to do. I dont know how im going to get through this at all. Im crying just typing this and my anxiety is through the roof which is in turn is all making me feel dirty. Btw my parents have 0 compassion and said they dont care at all and if i dont like it i can move out. I dont expect them to cater to me but at least pretend like you care a little about how im feeling. Just wanted to share with people who would understand. Thanks.

My doctor said that I might have some sort of infection going on that's causing the problem instead of my medicine causing the problem which is making me feel a bit better.

Anyone else with contamination ocd not scared of getting ill from the germs they’re just scared of the germs? Idk if that makes sense?

haven’t been to a restaurant for almost 10 months because of my ocd

The day that school ended for me is when I suddenly started having unexpected medical problems. I want to enjoy not having to do school but now I constantly feel dirty and gross. I hope that since I think that it could've been caused by medication that if I stop taking it then I will go back to normal but I'm still scared that what's happening right now is something that I'm just going to have to live with forever and I'm just going to have to deal with always feeling dirty.

Mental health is my worst enemy

"First of all, hello everyone. I have been suffering from OCD since the age of 5, and I struggled with this disorder until I was about 17. My recovery is relatively recent, and I want to share my story with you in the hopes that it will inspire you to overcome this condition as well. I know that after you receive treatment, you will send me a message of gratitude, and I believe that you will experience the best days of your life. To start, I was severely affected by OCD. I would bang my head against the walls and even attempted suicide. Everyone around me thought I was insane. Here in Turkey, this condition is often referred to as madness. Anyway, I had no skin left on my hands from excessive washing, and they were constantly bleeding and in pain. My hands had transformed into mutant-looking hands, and I would constantly perform repetitive actions like going back and forth or turning lights on and off. No one wanted to be in a relationship with me, and with each passing day, I felt like I was losing my mind. When the COVID-19 pandemic hit, my family couldn't bear it anymore and took me to a psychologist. I started antidepressant medication and therapy. The therapy didn't seem very effective, but the antidepressants made a significant difference. I used them for about 2 years. Initially, there wasn't much improvement with the first dosage, but it gradually decreased with the second and third dosages. By the time I reached the maximum dosage, which I used for several months, my symptoms had greatly diminished. Additionally, my doctor prescribed an antipsychotic medication, which I started taking at night. I used this medication for two years, and I have almost fully recovered now. I have no issues at the moment. However, I made a mistake and stopped taking the medication. It has been 4 months without any OCD symptoms, but I have started to experience occasional intrusive thoughts. The reason I completely stopped taking the medication was to pursue an academic career. I have been studying very hard for the past 4 months, and after about a year, I plan to start using the medication again. I wasn't initially planning to write this life story, but I kept receiving emails from people who were suffering, and I couldn't resist sharing my experience. What I want to say is that medication is the key to recovery. I used it for 2 years without experiencing any significant side effects, and my quality of life is now at its maximum

So a few days ago I ended up accidentally peeing right after getting out of the bath and its since happened 2 more times in a row every time that ive gotten a bath. i dont know whats going on and im scared that im going to be like this forever and i feel gross and disgusting and my bed feels dirty to me now and i feel like im dirty

I need to know if this is normal. Everytime I use the bathroom I have to shower. I want to know if anyone else is going through this. It’s been about 3 years and I haven’t once used the toilet without showering after.

To be in my brain. It’s torture in my brain. Every day. With triggers and rituals.

Hair is one thing that triggers me. Seeing stray hairs sends me into a contamination spiral. I feel like I need a pet so bad (I've never had one, I'm 23) and I need the connection that people have with their pets but I'm horrified that it will make contamination OCD worse. I usually don't eat at other people's houses when they have animals because there is always pet hair. But I feel so alone and I was thinking of looking into an emotional support animal.

How do you deal with it when you're being constantly triggered by different things during a day and you are also very tired

I’ve had OCD my whole life but it wasn’t until my adulthood that it was truly understood and acknowledged as such. What are some techniques that I can try for overcoming these things that I’ve been stuck impulsively doing my whole life?

So we’ll see how this one goes

Contamination OCD turns the ground/floor into lava that I can’t ever touch… Anything that drops, it remains there. I know it’s all in my head but I still can’t touch the floor/ground, how crazy is that???

I always think about how I can just sit in discomfort and get used to my environment or not act on impulse, but every time I try I get so overwhelmed and stressed out. When I am home, all day I obsess over the cleanliness of my room or apartment in general and I clean every single day/disinfect surfaces. I can’t focus on what I am trying to do without cleaning my space up and when I am cleaning then I have to get very little detail and everything has to be in the right position/location or is clean the way I like it to be clean. I get so annoyed with it sometimes and I start to judge myself for having OCD, but in reality I know it’s not my fault but it’s hard to deal with sometimes. I don’t really have anyone in my life that understands OCD so then I feel extremely isolated because no one can understand so when I try and talk about it then I feel misunderstood and even worse so now I keep it all in and get stressed and frustrated about it. I already take meds for depression and I have anxiety meds for as needed but I am afraid to be put on anxiety meds for daily use because I don’t want to feel numb and I want to be off meds in the next few years or by the time I graduate from college, because I have found very good methods for coping and managing my depression and anxiety. I just would like some advice on how to cope and mange with OCD, I am new to it because I haven’t ever wanted to address it until now. Thank you in advance!

I have contamination ocd. It’s not really about germs or bacteria, but the “essence” of something I deem dirty or disgusting or contaminated. And if I touch x thing, then i’ll cross contaminate everything I touch and my family members and such. Fine so far. I can wash, whatever. But lately, my beautiful brain thinks “What if you’re sitting right now, but what if you got up and went downstairs and to the street and touched something dirty (or whatever, anything disgusting), then went back to sitting back to where you were? And all this without noticing, as in your conscious mind went blank and you don’t recall it, but what if that happened?” As you can see, It’s absolutely ridiculous, but the anxiety kicks in and its pure hell. Anyone experience something similar? Or any tips? I feel like I’m losing my mind now. Ocd is like being crazy without actually being it.

It controls my whole life. I mean it dictates everything I do. I want to be able to come home from work and sit down and relax instead of focusing on everything that still needs to be done before I go to bed. Because right now, the only time I sit down is to eat my dinner. I dont even take breaks or lunch at work because Im so scared I wont get everything done and I cant leave and I mean my OCD wont let me leave until I have done everything. Can you imagine working in a pet hotel with OCD? It’s exhausting and it feels like something always needs done, which normally it does. There is always something that needs to be done in a pet hotel and you cant be done for the day until it is. This is a pic of me wearing my Superman tank top because thats who I feel like I need to be all the time. I also have Iron Man and Supergirl…

I got a bath and then started worrying that I peed while in the bath, but I was calm-ish about it because its something that I'm used to my OCD telling me at this point, but then i actually *did* accidentally pee while trying to leave the bathroom a few minutes after, and now I'm panicking because now I'm worried that my clothes and my bed are also contaminated and I need to wash them all. What's also not helping is that I don't really have any sense of smell yet I have a bad taste in my mouth and I cant tell if it means anything or not but I'm taking it as a sign that my fear is real even though I don't know if it even means anything.

What is washing the dishes like for ya’ll?

I wanted to ask if anyone has done an Intensive Outpatient Program? If so, do you feel like it helped with your OCD? - Thank You

TW for emetophobia!! I am a huge Emetophobe. Or- i guess- was before treatment. It’s not bad anymore, but I still don’t like being around people who are sick. My partner is visiting from La!! They live six hours away. They actually got here and starting feeling sick and vomiting :(( we took them to the hospital, but I didn’t panic at all! huge huge OCD win and I’m so happy about it.

I have contamination ocd, not just about dirt but also touching dangerous chemicals. Any tips on overcoming hand washing? I try to avoid washing my hands as long as possible as I know it’ll take me forever to do it.

I have major contamination OCD and I’m incredibly afraid of toilets & showers. I keep having intrusive thoughts of drinking toilet water or eating ykw. It’s so disgusting and I’m afraid that I’ll actually do it. Idk why. I’m so tired of thinking about it though because it’s so disgusting and makes me cringe so hard

Had an intrusive thought about a wipe that was used to wipe a seat, and now I feel as if everywhere I sit is contaminated. Any advice?

I have contamination ocd with disgust theme. I've had it a long time but I'm right at the basics with treatment. I'm struggling with creating a heirarcy and the idea of exposures (my ocd doesn't want me to do any). I'd find it really helpful if some other people with contamination ocd felt comfortable to share what were the things you first started on to get going? I'd be greatful to hear some shared experience

Not sure if I have this but for about a couple of years I was so worried about contracting herpes. I would avoid kissing people, sharing drinks or food. It even got so extreme I would wash my utensils before using them or be hyper focused on peoples mouths all the time and check their lips. If I left a drink in my car I won’t drink it because I’m convinced someone broke into my car and drank from it. Same with leaving my bottles or drinks anywhere with coworkers in public. I would also feel a tingling in my lips which would send me in a spiral. I would constantly be googling symptoms, taking a picture of my lips to see if I was getting bumps on my lips or redness or anything. I’m just confused if this is ocd or if it’s just generalized anxiety disorder. This is a theme I still have but it’s more so in the back of my brain.

Has anyone ever had a call with the Care Team? If so how was it?

I’m really struggling to accept the uncertainty that my fears may come true when I really really don’t want them to. And it feels like my OCD is getting worse because of that.

I want to beat OCD cause I’m tired of it beating me 😢

does contamination have anything to do with feeling contaminated by bugs or is that just fear of bugs?

would love to hear how some of y’all have conquered OCD. some days i feel like my fears are so real that i need to be brought back down to earth

Does anyone else have a lot of trouble with the trend toward charcuterie boards? It makes social gatherings so much harder. Not only is it food that is touching other foods (allergy contamination) it is also sitting out and people are touching it with fingers that have been in their mouths! But they do look pretty and people work hard to make them nice so I feel so bad refusing to eat the foods. And I obsess over if I am hurting people’s feelings by not eating it. Why can’t we go back to trays of foods that don’t touch, with serving tongs,and appetizer plates people can individually hold and eat off of? We don’t do this with drinks. People don’t just share a punch bowl!!!

Hey again! I just would like to discuss some thoughts and see if anyone is in the same boat or has any advice. I tend to struggle with food sometimes, especially when my OCD gets bad. It can be hard to eat. 1am not worried about getting sick from food, but I think about much germs are on it. For example, I sometimes struggle with eating out. I think about skin cells/hair cells/ whatever else coming off a person and onto my food when they cook it. Everyone sheds skin, sometimes you don't see or realize it. And it really stresses and grosses me out to the point of not being able to eat sometimes. It got to a point where I didn't even trust any store bought food and I would have to check every detail of it. Most store bought food goes near humans when it's all open and allow the air particles to get on it. Meat is a huge struggle for me. If I go out to eat, I will usually never get anything with meat. Just the thought of it and sometimes the texture and flavor really get to me. I have gagged eating many times just thinking about the situation. Of eating someone's skin or hair cells. I am not worried about getting sick. Does anyone else experience this? How have you helped it? I get low blood sugar and can't go without eating for long periods of time so I really need to get this figured out!

Hey again! I just would like to discuss some thoughts and see if anyone is in the same boat or has any advice. I tend to struggle with food sometimes, especially when my OCD gets bad. It can be hard to eat. 1am not worried about getting sick from food, but I think about much germs are on it. For example, I sometimes struggle with eating out. I think about skin cells/hair cells/ whatever else coming off a person and onto my food when they cook it. Everyone sheds skin, sometimes you don't see or realize it. And it really stresses and grosses me out to the point of not being able to eat sometimes. It got to a point where I didn't even trust any store bought food and I would have to check every detail of it. Most store bought food goes near humans when it's all open and allow the air particles to get on it. Meat is a huge struggle for me. If I go out to eat, I will usually never get anything with meat. Just the thought of it and sometimes the texture and flavor really get to me. I have gagged eating many times just thinking about the situation. Of eating someone's skin or hair cells. I am not worried about getting sick. Does anyone else experience this? How have you helped it? I get low blood sugar and can't go without eating for long periods of time so I really need to get this figured out!

Every time I don't give in to a compulsion (which is more occasional than I would like), I end up crying. It's the response that just feels the most natural. Almost automatic... I "surprisingly" managed to give up on my excessive leg washing ritual in the shower, bcuz I just didn't have the energy reserves or motivation for it this time around. It's one thing for me to wash my hands over a sink for 5 or more minutes straight, & another to have to wash my "whole body" at once, with again, "over" 5 minutes per area, in a hot, steamy, not-so-spacious stall, that I have gotten dizzy & nauseous in before from staying in too long. Not only is it mentally stressful, but it's physically exhausting, & once I finally got down to my legs this afternoon, bent over & flustered, I just said "F IT!" out loud, let the soap rinse off even though I hadn't lathered it in a very specific way to my satisfaction first, & cried bcuz it didn't feel complete. But I needed to get out. Move on with my day. Eat my dinner, which was already going cold on the table. And get in my bed. I NEED to feel okay, with still noticing some streaks of skin left over (which doesn't mean that part didn't get clean), cuz it's damn near impossible to "perfectly" cover myself, until all I see is a smooth layer of white. Like you'd think this was contamination/germaphobia OCD, but it's actually perfectionism OCD in disguise. Bcuz it's less about getting rid of the dirt or the germs for me, & more about how it looks. Like whether or not it's visually appealing, bcuz in my mind, flawless = "right." Which makes me wonder if I should be facing away or closing my eyes as I'm scrubbing myself, bcuz "out of sight, out of mind?" But I'd feel so compelled to open my eyes & check. For god sake, it's like my showers have become an art project, bcuz the best way I can describe it is like with painting, & u want to cover every last bit of canvas. But these are bubbles! That I spread with my hands & not a brush, which I better not start considering a paint brush now! Bcuz that's even worse, crazier, & probably still wouldn't work anyway! Is there any hope for me at all? Can anyone else relate? Cuz my OCD is clearly a very severe, extreme, & advancing case. I wasn't this bad last year... Someone pls tell me that I haven't fully lost my marbles yet! Anyways, the amount of typing I have done for this post is probably also a compulsion (so as u can see, this piece of shit disorder has a way of affecting every individual aspect of my life - even this), & with that being said, I'm just gonna stop now.

I think I know the answer to this already, but as I wait for my doctor to get back to me with a referral to a psychiatrist (who can hopefully advise/diagnose), I will ask here. TMI incoming. The "theme" to my anxiety is being (ir)responsible with my own germs/contaminating others/avoiding inescapable guilt. It's moral scrupulosity(?) wearing the contamination shirt. It's gotten out of hand, swapping between fears of bloodborne disease and subsequently unknowingly infecting others, and the bathroom and its processes. The blood thing has been fairly tame lately, so bathroom has taken the wheel. It's got a few facets to it, but this one is troubling me most at the moment. A couple weeks ago (ish), I was cleaning up after a bowel movement that was a little messy. It happens. I was just doing as normal, but when I went to dispose of the first bit of TP, I had this really WEIRD mental feeling. Very vague, not even a specific thought. I am still unsure where it came from, or what it really was, but I just felt off. Brain chose "did that grossness smear on your lower back/toilet lid?" I went through the gauntlet of "no I didn't feel it, there's nothing on the lid, etc," but of course... I must now check my lower back and under my right thigh (from a different instance) EVERY TIME. It's illogical as hell, since not only do the physics of my motions NOT go to those places, but I watch myself throw away the paper, since checking for residue is a thing that is normal. Even when I use a baby wipe and can FEEL where the dampness has been... not in those places. Then, when I wipe off those spots (and find nothing), I check the mirror when I'm done (and see nothing). If I do not, I fear that I am getting waste on my clothing and spreading it. Anxiety ensues. I have tried not to do this, of course. That day was a bad spiral day. I showered at least 3 times. My water bill is going to hurt. I started keeping a journal of my visits, tracking what I check/wipe off/etc and if I find anything. I figured seeing it in black and white would help me. It's been nearly a week now? Maybe longer, I don't remember at the moment. HOWEVER: Every entry so far has been "no". I never really worried about this until that day. And yet? Can't not do it. Now bathroom time is more an anxiety riddled chore than ever before and I am afraid to defecate. Afraid if I don't check, that'll be the time I get it on my clothes and contaminate the whole house. I feel like I HAVE to know at all times. So my question: what the heck? As I said, I have a feeling the answer is "don't check and sit with the feelings". Problem is, that feels like I'm being deliberately careless with something that is ENTIRELY my responsibility and therefore putting others at risk/being a scuzzball. I don't know. Anyone else have a similar experience and got through it? It's taking over my mind, and eating might become scary too... (I am in shock at how my life has become this way. I am a grown ass woman.)

-TMI warning, but I have to get this out of my head- When will these shenanigans end? My cortisol is generally through the roof first thing when I wake up. I get a racing heart and high anxiety symptoms and my thoughts race like horses. This is not ideal for a person whose digestive system is regular when they wake up and has issues with bathroom contamination stuff, lately with solid waste. Every morning there seems to be an "issue". Today it has to do with a crumbly, loose bit of 'stuff' on the toilet paper near the end of wiping, after a couple clean passes. It happens. A 'normal' person might think, "ok, that's fine, it's gone off you and disposed of." I am positive I kept wiping after that to ensure cleanliness--otherwise I never would have stood and left--but of course brain is now doubting. When I stood to pull up my undies, of course brain goes, 'what if something else crumbly fell out/off of you and is now in your pj pants?'. Something like that has NEVER happened to me, that I can remember. I washed my hands and then shook them out in the tub. Some dark lint and maybe fuzz fell off--not the colour of my current 'stuff', so get out of here, doubt--I pulled up and went back to bed. Of course, brain goes, 'what if it didn't come off when you shook them out/was inside the pantleg and there's feces in your bed now? On your body pillow? Your shirt? Your plushie? You'll contaminate yourself again and again. You'll spread it through the house and make someone sick.' It's also saying, 'what if it's still in there and on your legs? You should shower. If you don't you're just making excuses by blaming your brain and being irresponsible.' I am so anxious I feel nauseous. I am resisting checking. I am not going to shower. I am not changing my bedding. I am not telling my mother to inform her what I am choosing to do--that's like confessing and a tactic to reduce anxiety I unfortunately give into often. It's fine, there's nothing to tell. (Besides, she has become quite annoyed with me doing so...) I have given into thoughts like this before and spiralled with showering, changing clothes and towels, etc, then when it was all over and I calmed down I could see how unnecessary all those "precautions" were. I refuse to do these things because of some inane doubt, because of what if questions. I was confident I was fine when I left the washroom. Brain pulls this with me so often and so far nothing has happened each time. (No, I don't think this is the exception!) This kind of thing makes me dread getting up in the morning. I think I made a mistake by shaking out my pants in the bathtub. That's basically checking. Wish me luck, folks...

Personally cognitive therapy doesn't help me. My OCD just drives over that. Wanted to know what helps others? Opinions? What tools work best when your in OCD spiral? Any info helpful!👍

Sigh... I was filling up the keurig to make a tea when suddenly brain goes, "did I forget to wash my hands after going to the washroom last?" Like. Really, brain? YOU are the one making me wash up my forearm every time. YOU are the one making me wash my hands again after doing that exact thing, for fear that the arm recontaminates them. Would I, someone who's been desperately afraid of contaminating others with my bathroom germs since late November (ish) of last year, EVER forget to do something like THAT? I smelled my hands. Scent of the particular soap in my washroom was there. Went up to investigate: the bottom of the sink was wet, and there were "fresh" drips on the countertop. (I recorded this in my journal near the time but I KNOW the doubt will resurface later) I made and drank my tea anyway. Sat with the anxiety for awhile... ended up giving into washing the keurig reservoir and my mug in the sink, lysol wiping a number of other things... I know. It's so far out of character for me to "forget" to do that it is completely absurd. Thing is, I wash my hands up there so frequently that I cannot pick out the specific memory and brain is going to TOWN with that. It's freaking about my clothes being contaminated now... I am not changing. I will wear my robe again. I'm throwing the rest of my coins into the "I did the thing shut up brain" fountain and leaving whatever else it comes up with to "fate". It feels... really horrible, like I'm deliberately inviting my mother's death/illness from contamination of kitchen stuff, but... I also, despite what I've already given into, don't really believe this thought. Yes, it's scary if true, but... it came out of nowhere. Do intrusive thoughts come in this colour too? Daily, I get them with the "did I step in/touch/etc. this nasty thing?" shade, which usually leads to arguing with my brain and other no-nos of anxiety... hm. I feel like I am treading into dangerous territory. Not necessarily that my decision will create what I fear, but if I am doubting memories of doing important washing... will this throw me into a deeper pit, if I cannot even be certain of the measures I take? Even the reasonable ones? Good lord. I'm getting older, but am still too young for a faulty memory like this. Thanks for reading folks. Just had to get this off my chest. I am holding onto the hope that things will be fine and that I won't end up double or triple washing in future just to cement to my fool brain that it was done at all, let alone properly...

I feel my OCD is worsening. Just now, I was asked to put food wrappers in the bin, and felt disgusted when touching them. I proceeded to wash my hands multiple times, excessively, due to how unclean and contaminated I felt. Even in the mornings, I’m using kitchen roll to lift the kettle and open cupboards. I feel awful whenever someone touches me and I pull away, feeling repulsed. I don’t know what to do, or how to help myself.

I was prescribed lexapro about a month ago and I have yet to take it. I am terrified of medicines. (Even supplements) I ask my doctor a couple days ago if I could start with a half a pill just to get started she said sure and I felt better and like ok I can do this... well with pill in hand... I can not do this. 😫 I feel like I really need to be on something because I am constantly at a level 10. But when it comes to actually taking something.. I just can't and idk what to do about it . 😔

My father is always watching 'fundamentalist' programs on TV and this has made me very nervous. When watching these programs, my past comes to mind when I had high vocation crises that even made me have nightmares and increased my anxiety. On Tuesday there will be a mass given by a priest who is a fundamentalist and I'm nervous because I know my father will attend. I'm afraid of having intrusive thoughts that keep me awake at night and of spending hours on the internet researching the subject of preaching. Not to mention that these days my cleaning OCD has been getting in my way a lot, at any time I get nervous about rubbing alcohol gel on my hands or washing.

These are a list of mental compulsions I feel useful to put up at my work place and m my bedroom. As OCD gets chronic I feel it improvised, my physical compulsions are far too few now. But mental compulsions are rampant. Hope this is useful. Have a good day Avoidance Mental Checking Mental review Scenario bending Mental rehearsal Reassurance seeking Thought neutralisation Memory hoarding Compulsive flooding Self punishment Praying Counting Judgement Controlling Rumination Obsessing about OCD

Do any of y’all use chemicals on your skin to convince your brain that you’re clean. Like disinfectant and stuff??😅

How To Use ERP for Contamination OCD?

Hi all, I am looking for people/friends to talk to that understand anxiety and ocd (not reassurance seeking or anything of the sorts). Just people who get it that I can connect with. I feel like support may be vital to our journeys and would love to connect more with our community. If anyone is interested in connecting, please let me know. We can exchange numbers, social media handles, or whatever!

How to tell the difference between actual thoughts & OCD thoughts? What’s true & what’s false? 🤔

Meaning that my mind is addicted to some compulsions and obsessions and if I don’t do them I get overwhelmed with anxiety How ? For example while writing in this notes app I have to press space and write in a specific way, or whenever I finish using my phone I have some actions I have to to do or else it just doesn’t feel right Also washing up, taking showers and even using the toilet in a specific way and order that take 2 or + hours daily and is very very draining When I get in the car When I wear my clothes When I sit down to eat When I prepare my coffee in the morning When I tie up my hair When I blow my nose When I use the google app When I make my bed When I put on my shoes When I wear my socks Don’t get me even started on when I’m on my periods, and I have to change a pad every 6/7 hours… And a lot more… At first it was not a big deal and I thought I’d overcome it, I underestimated it and thought I was stronger but I guess I’m not Today it got so big to a point where it affected my whole life, I’m always late, always fighting over the pressure, always pressured with time always running for that satisfaction I get when I complete every compulsion but the satisfaction is just temporary and I find myself repeating the same rituals some hours afterwards, it’s really really really really tiring and draining up all kinds of energy Some days I will be being so grateful and happy that I’m not going out to see anyone, because it means I don’t have to brush my teeth. Brushing my teeth has been a pain in the ass for me because it is as I remember my very first compulsion developed, or one of the firsts, I have to brush my teeth in a very specific way and sometimes I will be pushing so hard on that toothbrush I end up having blood coming out of my mouth, I have to brush my teeth in a certain way or else I won’t be satisfied and it just won’t feel right. I have never brushed my teeth in less than 5 minutes, ever Just a simple compulsion of brushing teeth might seem ridiculous, but added to the others and giving that it’s on a daily basis, it gets very quickly so exhausting, and I’ve had several depressive episodes due to this condition and I constantly feel tired while I find myself having spent a « lazy day » and not done a single productive thing, my family sees it as laziness probably and it got me into feeling guilty This whole condition is the source of so much downgrade in my life and now everything is related, i lost all self esteem of myself, I am so insecure, so feeling unproductive and lazy I feel like I can’t get anything done properly, and I feel extremely guilty for so many reasons as well There are also so many things that can be added to this list to describe my mental state right now and I’m not sure I have the energy to list them all.

I was being beaten by the “monster in my mind” today. 😒 OCD is hard! 🙁

I have a big problem with washing my hands too much. it's not a constant thing and it really isn't a super big deal at the moment, but I feel like it will turn into one. every time I wash my hands I need to wash them 3 times, and if I lose count I need to restart and do it 9 times. basically I'm just washing them way too much, and they're starting to get red and very sensitive. It hurts to pick things up sometimes. does anyone have any help with keeping myself from washing my hands too much?

I lost my virginity almost a month ago and I did not use protection( I’m 22) to a guy who I thought would become my boyfriend (i developed strong feelings for him). Anyways, it did not work out because he said he’s scared of feelings blablabla, totally broke my heart. But my main issue is that I’m terrified he gave me genital herpes. I asked him in advance «you don’t have herpes down there right?», and he said «No I don’t, don’t even worry about that» and he got tested for std’s not that long ago (that’s also why I chose to do it unprotected). Ever since losing my virginity, I’ve checked my hoohaa like 20+ times every single day, I keep googling and I ask people for reassurance that I indeed do not have it. I did not see any signs of herpes on him either. My ocd makes me so hyperaware of my groin so sometimes I feel some parts «poking» (if that makes sense)… and please don’t way «it’s normal even if u have it blablabla» because that does not give me peace. Ughhhhh should have waited for the right guy cause I’m also heartbroken.

sounds stupid but i was kinda proud of myself for going grocery shopping NOT in pants / a jacket. getting in the car and letting my bare legs touch the seat was kinda hard, but i made it. i lived.

I have an eating disorder right now where my obsession is that I'm going to have an allergic reaction to the food I'm eating. I'm scared that I will never get better. This has happened to me before and I got better but I'm so scared that I will be stuck like this forever.

I work at a restaurant and it’s normal to somewhat feel the need to clean a lot of areas to keep the restaurant hospitable. But it’s so obsessive. My hands are incredibly dry because (I am not being dramatic) every minute I am using hand sanitizer and I keep a towel on me so I can wipe tables even if I watched them get wiped down. This isn’t just at my job, but it’s just one of the many examples.

I don't have OCD myself and am relatively new to learning about it My partner is having a severe contamination OCD flair up. It's requires both of us to perform the same routine for things to not become contaminated. I understand the thought process behind it, but it is running our lives currently and I find there's not a lot of room for me to be able to make my own choices. He is in a bit of a crisis mode at this time and I don't want to escalate the matter. Is there a way to set some boundaries so I can be in a better place to support him without making things worse?

I just realized, that being diagnosed with OCD almost just feeds into it by confirming it. Like yes, it's a valuable piece of information to know, because how else are u supposed to start working on it, if u don't know what ur gonna be working "on." But I'm catching myself using this mental illness & its name, as an excuse for my compulsions, being that mental illness is becoming more & more accepted in society every day. I wondered, if by simply changing the narrative, & creatively taking stock of all the different things it could actually stand for, if that would eventually be reflected in reality too. In the same way that the more u tell yourself something, the more likely it is to become real. If u believe it hard enough. #fakeituntilyoumakeit So without further ado, choose ur new & improved OCD acronym: * But to lead in, here is an interesting thought. Isn't it ironic that people who are obsessive/impulsive are described as being very "orderly," but it's a "disorder?" 1. An "Opposite-Of-Organized, Counter-Intuitive, Development-by-Regression" (OCD-R?) This one is long, & a bit of a mouthful, but please let me explain. By "counter-intuitive," I literally mean u become more "refined, polished-off of impurity, cultured, & civilized" (all the words u would imagine germaphobia & prfectionism would best achieve) by going back to a time when u actually didn't care as much about anything, that being the resurfacing of ur inner child. Because let's be honest... OCD makes us hate germs, but OCD is the biggest germ of them all, in disguise. So yes, I'm suggesting that u actually "unlearn & undo" all of these years of trying to seem sophisticated & mature in front of people, when it's probably been a bit overkill, & to the point of just being stressful. And honestly, there never wasn't pressure when it came to appearance. Just let loose. 2. Only Chasing Dreams (meaning u should focus primarily on just end results/outcomes, rather than the process, or level of performance "during." Cultivate patience & trust) 3. Obeying Coo-Coo-Commandments "Decreasingly." Yes, it will probably simmer down gradually rather than cut out instantaneously. But just try to remember, that a person never need abide by something that isn't a moral or ethical obligation, or comes from a demanding Karen like Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. And a Karen not getting what she wants is always entertaining. 4. Oneself Can Deal (...with it 😉) * Feel free to come up with some of ur own ⬇️

So I’ve had ocd since I was about 9 and I never knew what it was untill I was 15 (I suffered in silence and then had my worse hit at 15 and finally decided to google what was wrong with me) I finally spoke out about it and then was able to slowly recover over the last two years by doing some exposure threapy exercises. (I’ve been unable to see a actual specialist as my parents don’t believe me but I’ve told friends, a teacher and I’ve been using NOCD) anyway the point it I’ve always suffered with OCD but over the last year and a half my OCD basically went away other then the fact I still struggle with contamination OCD. I just started my exams and now all of a sudden my false memory OCD is coming back to haunt me because stress of exams and I am unsure what to do to help calm it because I can’t just “accept its OCD” because I know that the stress from the exams will just completely make that irrelevant and now im stuck in a place where my OCD is taking over and I can’t focus on my exams. Any tips ?😅

does anyone else absolutely hate cleaning anything because when i do i obsess over it and HAVE to deep clean it or i’ll get hella anxiety and it takes so long to clean because of that lmao

I want to recover from my ocd so badly I'm so fed up of feeling like this daily it's making me so down and depressed and isolated I try so hard everyday to overcome my thoughts/compulsions it just seems to be getting worse I feel like no one around me fully understands me and I'm a burden to everyone I love this ocd has taken over my life and personality and I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle right now 💔 everyone says I put to much pressure on myself but I know I have to push myself to ignore my compulsions or face triggers to recover. On the other hand people around me put pressure on me for not seeing them because of my contamination ocd and constantly saying how it makes them feel when I'm the one living with it 24 7 they can leave if they wanted but I can't run away from my ocd 😩

I have a friend that often does things that make me uncomfortable. my OCD is no secret to my friends, and for the most part they're very understanding of me and my needs. but this friend is someone I'm only really close to because they're dating one of my best friends. I have a big problem with contamination, so I make it clear that if they want to share anything I'm drinking, they have to ask explicit permission as well as waterfall it (not touch the bottle with their mouth). this friend though always just takes something I'm drinking and drinks it normally, or at least tries. often times my best friend that he's dating will remind him how I feel about that and he'll reluctantly ask me permission to drink from it, but he'll continue doing it later. I can't tell if he just doesn't believe I have OCD legitimately or doesn't think it's that bad. I know he's not doing it to be malicious towards me, he's a very sweet person and just likes to joke around. am I overreacting by telling him no, or getting upset about it?

The impact this show has had on my mental health in hindsight is quite astounding

Hi so I have a food avoidance disorder because I have been scared I'm gonna have an allergic reaction to the food. For context I have never had an allergic reaction to food ever. This food avoidance disorder is causing me to lose a bit of weight and I don't enjoy it. It is also obviously causing me lots of stress and taking alot of "enrichment" from my life. Any advice to getting over this?

Does anybody else become unreasonably disappointed upon wasted food? Especially when it's one of ur favourite foods? Like to the point where u will force yourself to finish it even if you're already full? Tonight during dinner, I was having kabobs, & a square piece of meat flew off the end of the stick onto the floor when I was trying to pull it off with my fork. It had been really stuck. Anyways, I took one look at my parents & said "I'm just gonna have to throw this bit out, aren't I?" They nodded very fast as if it was obvious, like yes of course, but now I can't help wishing that I had just eaten it. It's pretty clear that all my germaphobia goes out the window when it comes to food waste. But this also means that my OCD is just manifesting in a different way. It was a perfectly crispy piece of pork. Maybe even the best one on my plate. I'm very triggered & dissatisfied 😔. Although, I read something on Instagram recently called the "5 by 5 Rule." That if it isn't going to matter to u in 5 years, u shouldn't spend more than 5 minutes being upset about it. So hopefully this feeling eases up soon.

I’ve been struggling with OCD my whole life. In my early years it showed up in more common ways like counting steps and needing symmetry, but as I have grown up other themes have taken over such as contamination OCD as well as both moral and religious scrupulosity. Recently the moral scrupulosity has been really bad. But it has been difficult for me to open up about it and search for treatment because 1. I am scared that I will be viewed as morally and ethically bankrupt and 2. I am transitioning to a new city and don’t have any resources set up when I move. I want to find a counselor who can do ERP as I have had success with this for my contamination OCD but I also would like my therapist to be religious as my faith is truly important to me. Any ideas on resources that can search for that specific criteria without spending loads of money on several different therapists?

Hey everyone, one thing I've always struggled with is hygiene. As someone who struggles with contamination ocd, anything related to personal hygiene can become overwhelming quite fast, leading me to avoid and overall develop bad habits. I was wondering if anyone else struggles with this? I have been trying to get back into having an extremely minimal hygeine routine, because I still have to take care of myself, but am finding it hard. I was wondering what tips people may have, besides doing exposures because I am already in therapy working on my issues lol

i’m so stressed out. i have health ocd and contamination anxiety. when i was younger i had lice really bad once and now everything my head itches i think i have lice. this fixation has been the worse it’s been almost 2-3 weeks and everyday i itch my head and have an anxiety attack and it’s so bad. it’s exhausting. i make my gf and mom check my head for lice almost everyday. i know it’s probably just dry scalp but my intrusive thoughts and anxiety and ocd are telling me otherwise.

Does anyone else have that one person who kinda makes the anxiety melt away? Like you can be have a full panic attack about germs but they grab your hand and kiss you and ik everything starts to slow? Even if you start to shake from anxiety again they scratch your back or get you water and just make it all stop again? But that person doesn’t want to be around enough to help get you held? Only when you need someone, but you keep going back bc for even an hour of decreased anxiety it’s worth the downfall of sadness after?

My Mum Doesn't Know about my OCD & The only theme of mine which is visual and noticeable that is Contamination One. So She Sometimes get Upset on me/ irritated why i do things like that, why i waste so much times on washing things. She tells me To be Punctual & not waste time unnecessarily. How Do i tell Her I cannot change My Brain 🤦‍♀️ plus i cannot really control my Contamination OCD. It's really bad than other themes. I got some control, lost control with other themes but with Contamination one i never could deal with it well. Upon that whenever She gets Angry/Upset i also feel angry as i can't tell her it's not my fault & I'm not deliberately doing then My OCD gets a chance to bring false feelings/thoughts about her which i didn't even felt/thought as It's not her fault as well cause She doesn't know. But OCD then keep trying to bring those thoughts and making me Double think "did i really thought/felt about her like that?" And As I was feeling anger then this angry feeling makes those thoughts more real.

I’ve had it my whole life. Many times through my life I’ve wish i were dead because of that and a lifetime of trauma. It’s frustrating when people who are generally happy tell me to look on the bright side and ask that I compare to myself to less fortunate as if I don’t try to already. Yes I know we all have problems but many people don’t have problems like us. And if you have ocd paired with childhood and adulthood trauma, ptsd, adhd, anxiety, and depression then you are as good as fucked. I know this post is negative but that is the point. The point To illustrate that I’ve been tired my whole life even after seeking a lifetime of help through self, family and friends, therapy, and medication. Being tired doesn’t make it better but damn oh damn does the only relief come when I’m asleep. Might as well doze off into eternal slumber.

I am challenging my OCD right now with limiting my hands washing significantly. I didn't mean to challenge it but I did and even after 2 hours I still feel awful. I hate how the anxieties associated with this can exceed 30 minutes. I hate that I can't go to the bathroom without stress. It's a basic human thing I can't just ignore from my life. Screw OCD.

I love seeing my therapist. He gives me such cringe worthy ERP homework, I’m learning that I can do hard things. Any time I tell him about my wins for the week he says: Great! Now we get to practice the opposite. Which always makes me sweat.

I wore my jeans yesterday and sat in that one kids seat, and now I have to wear them today because they're my only pair. Now I feel so dirty and I keep trying to think logical but I just need support.

Make you feel that something splashed on you when it actually didn't?

so my OCD used to be mainly symmetry and organize-based but since covid its gotten significantly worse, its become seriously dehabilitating and it quite literally took over my life. but since the pandemic was officially declared over, i feel like i can finally start slowly living again. for the past three years i have done nothing but close myself off from everyone and stay in my house, if i had to leave the house i would wear a mask, sanitize my hands constantly, and take a shower after. i haven't ate at a restaurant or even gotten take out since the pandemic was declared and i've been starting my recovery by ordering takeout at least once a week. I'm getting to the point where I'm starting to take off my mask, but every time i see someone wearing one it fills me with so so much anxiety and makes me like relapse with that thought process all over again. i'm trying my best, and i really need some support right now 💕💕💕

i want to beat OCD super bad because i feel like it has taken over my life and is about to take complete control. i realized yesterday that i have had Contamination OCD for a year in 2 months. i thought it would go away but it doesn’t. it just gets worse. i am at the point where i want to speak to a therapist but i don’t have the funds to pay someone $200 a week.

I’m feeling good when I don’t come in contact with items that ramp up my anxiety. But I’m still on guard for anything else my mind says is “dirty”.

My OCD was always a struggle as I was a PANDAS kid that never grew out of it. But after postpartum and an intensive pregnancy struggle my OCD was worse and has continued to progress far worse than when I little. My son has told me he is mad at me and does not know why and won’t say I love you anymore and he is still little. I feel so broken as a mom, no meds have worked or TMS or inpatient. I’m trying spravata next. I just feel completely broken. All I wanted was to be a mom when I was a kid. 😭I’m so pissed OCD is so strong

as a kid my family would always joke and say that if i had a partner and/or children.. "i would wash them too." like i would do to most other things because of my ocd. and now i can't ever imagine myself being loved ocd and all, or ever happily having children. it makes me cry at night. i want to marry just like everyone else. but i can't imagine someone just putting up with my antics. i want to hate myself less but i can't. how would i even explain? am i even allowed to date?

my body is so tired but i can't sleep because i get so anxious from my mind thinking ab these useless compulsive thoughts.. fuck ocd honestly. i just don't know why i keep losing. why i give in everytime to these thoughts that drown me.

my ocd is a lot better these days but sometimes i think about what would happen if it got worse (which hasn't happened yet) and it makes me so anxious i can't sleep and i get shakey and it's so unnecessary of me to stress like that but i keep getting scared that i'll be that bad again..

My 6 year old son has a real fear of ‘bare feet’, he’ll wear socks all the time also during the night. If he see’s others without socks on he’ll freak out and has to clean everything those feet have touched. After changing socks I have to wash my hands, anyone who has bare feet makes him anxious and acting erratic. He gets hypervigilant and watches every step that person takes making sure they don’t touch things with their feet and that they wash their hands if they touched a foot. I want to figure out how to help him overcome his podophobia. It’s stressful on us dealing with this and I’m not sure where this can lead to, how it will affect his future. What therapy if any should we consider? Have others dealt with this? Thanks..

Hey guys, Maybe it’s just me, but I find the process of selecting group support meetings in NOCD and integrating into my Google calendar is very not user friendly. Not only do I not see a way to integrate into my calendar, I don’t believe there’s a way to copy the zoom URL for the meetings I attend every week to manually put into my Google calendar. If things aren’t on my calendar, they usually don’t happen. What I’m doing now is manually putting regular meetings into my Google calendar, and then frantically going through my emails everytime to find the NOCD email reminder to then click on link there. It’s seriously the most inconvenient process ever. Suggestions??

when i’m at my moms house it is very messy and dirty and i feel like i get overstimulated really easily and i feel like I have to clean otherwise I can’t rest at all. But I feel like it doesn’t necessarily correlate with contamination ocd it’s just like the house feels dirty and it’s messy that like it overstimulates me so much I just wanna crawl in a hole and sit there. I have been diagnosed with ocd but i’m not sure if this has something to do with it or not. Anyone have the same problem?

they will pass. won’t they?

Hi, I’m new here I was diagnosed a while ago (about 15 years ago) by a child psychologist and never did anything about it, I had other issues that affected me more and dealing with them caused my ocd to improve a bit. However it is now getting worse and is affecting me more than what I let on to those around me. So I came here to see if I can learn the right words, or learn to recognise symptoms etc, maybe see what people use for coping techniques, mine before was mostly exposure but that scares me too much just now. I’m not in therapy now as I aged out the system and if I go back I’d need to redo the whole diagnosis process as an adult and in a diff country and I don’t really want to do all that. Anyways, just wanted to mostly say hi

Can I have OCD without having obsession about contamination? I don’t know why I have this stereotype that OCD is just about contamination.

Does anyone else have a huge phobia of drs/nurses/illness contamination do you have any tips on how to deal with it it has gotten so severe I dread going anywhere busy because if I even see a dr/nurse uniform I freak out and feel contaminated and have to clean everything it's so exhausting and it's controlling my life I have no idea how to get over this new fixation/fear please help 😩❤️

Does anyone else have a “symptom” of an illness and immediately think their sick? I feel god awful right now, but I can’t even tell if I’m really sick :(

Does anyone have any self-care habits that help them with OCD symptoms? I am just tired of being an anxious mess all the time. I wanna just let loose for once. :/