This is a crazy one, buckle up and get ready to read.
I have an account on a website called Nationstates. It's a text-based browser game where users create their own fictional countries.
One of the more creative things you can while managing your country is creating a Factbook, which is where you put written lore for your nation in so people can learn more about it and be entertained.
I was writing a section in my nation's history where a civil war ended with a final battle in a big city that was being torn apart by explosions, fighting, and shooting.
With all that chaos, it was conjuring imagery of similar fictional events like the Purge, or even real events like the 1970s NYC Blackouts and stuff.
My OCD kicks in right here, by trying to associate my writing inspiration with real life events that had horrible outcomes or lots of deaths, therefore making it "bad taste" or "cursed" for me to be writing "something about those events", even if they have no connection whatsoever or we're not inspired by such things at all.
My OCD be like, "Oh, you're basing it off of the (insert violent riot event in real life with atrocities being committed), your work is now cursed and allowing it to exist will invite bad things to happen to you."
OCD: "So you have to delete your work, and anything you created after it to protect yourself."
As someone who wants to go into graphic design and other creative work, this type of OCD is DEVASTATING.
Especially when your brain decides to randomly connect your current project with something that is already rumored to be cursed in real life, like the unreleased Beach Boys song about fire that supposedly caused a building to burn down after it was played. My brain associated THAT for some reason just because I was writing about a city in chaos (so presumably there'd be fire involved, I guess.)
So my brain told me that if I posted the work without editing out the city battle sequence, I'd risk my house randomly catching fire because of the curse between now and even to the distant future.
I tried to ignore it and post the work, then I went on and posted more works. I told myself that if the nagging got unbearable and I was convinced that it was a "real omen", I'd delete everything I made after it as well as the OG work.
Unfortunately, I'm in school now, and the manifestation covered my schoolwork. Thing is, once I turn in schoolwork, I can't retract it for obvious reasons, unlike my art.
I don't want to delete my art since I made some really good content and I'm trying to set a benchmark against my OCD. I don't want to destroy my work again like I did on my birthday. And no, my OCD says I'm not allowed to copy the text and paste it later, it must be obliterated completely and redone from the ground up, and that stuff took me HOURS to write.
But I need to turn in my schoolwork, and the paranoia is hitting hard. Even if I turn it in and nothing happens shortly afterward, the curse has me thinking that it will follow me around my entire life. My brain is convinced that it's an omen.
I distract myself by procrastinating and playing video games or something, but it hurts me with anxiety.
I'm in pain and I need help. I can't tell what's real and what fake anymore.