Existential OCD - Community

I have some questions and a fear : The questions are 1-Do we have free will or we are determined ? Are our feelings , thoughts , desciouns , desires free or they are determined 2- What is I ; what am i ? A brain ? A body ? A soul ? 3- what is feeling , like really what is feeling or imagining , is imagining like putting a picture infront of you but in the mind ? What is thinking , i know that its an electric thing but what do we sense ? The fear is .... Is this hyperreflexivity ? (Which means so high self consciousness ) When the things i take for granted are now not granted .... And if so does it mean the start of schizophrenia That is making my mind state like shit Just not being able to do any thing

Does anyone else just feel like they don't wanna be alive anymore because of ocd like I want to just not be here anymore but I'm to afriad to die and and everyday I keep dealing with ocd every day of every second and it just keeps feeling worse and worse can anyone help or relate

I've struggled with ocd for some years and had all different obsessions, but recently my fears have been wether or not I'm real, or people around me are real. It sounds weird and feels even weirder. I only started having these thoughts when watching a vid where someone else had this though. It causes loads of guilt, anxiety and it makes me feel sick sometimes. Being around someone I love and then questioning if they're real it's awful. I start wondering if I'm crazy or if I actually believe their not real? I keep reminding myself ocd goes after whats important to you (and clearly feeling 'real' is important to me) Just wanted to know if anyone else has had this and if anything helps?

Sometimes I get anxious because I don’t feel like my self. Or like I’m losing myself. Or like I don’t know who I am

idk if this makes sense, but i also have dpdr and existential thoughts. like i fear the fact we live on a rock, that were ina solar system, how we got here, that we breathe air, etc but am i only “fearing” this stuff because my anxiety is clearly very high? i think having dpdr makes the existential thoughts alot worse but im always anxious about existence and it sucks like im afraid of everything.

I am always ruminating about What I am thinking and feeling. It prevents me of conecting with The environment, be it activities I have to do or People I should interact. I end um doing What I should but I feel souless, without being able to fully enjoy things naturally. Is this actually ocd?

The biggest question i ask myself sometimes Is: What if it's not OCD, what if i'm really a bad person and i can cause suffering around me? What if i'm only a burden? And even if it's OCD, who can tell me that one day, tired of all these thoughts, i will or will not harm myself or others? I don't remember who i was before and i feel lost and alone, i just want my life back..

I recently created a YouTube channel called Henry’s Mental Health struggle and one short video called Henry’s mental illness struggle, i do a spoken word about what OCD really feels like. I hope it resonates with at least one person

Anyone with OCD and dpdr question literally everything?? Like our existence, why our brains work the way they do, skin, etc. (those are just examples) like why does it freak me out? It puts me into a state of panic. I don’t feel like myself at all and feel so dissociated from my family and everyone that loves me. Ugh. I now notice going outside even freaks me out.

I've hit this phase where I'm no longer afraid or anxious about my intrusive thoughts but they are often still there and they just make me feel sad. I'm getting better everyday though and I'm enjoying the present more frequently.

Has anyone actually overcome existential OCD? This theme has seriously not only caused dpdr but its just scary. Like i constantly feel like im living ina dream and nothing is real. Its definitely alot worse at night as it used to be all day. But its so draining makes me not wanna even live if im gonna deal with this forever. Also makes me scared ill get pyschosis or something too. UGH

Realizing OCD makes it hard for me to trust myself. I don’t know whether I’m obsessing over something that’s not true or I’m worrying about something that’s genuinely valid. For example, I’m constantly worried that I’m not in a relationship that’s right for me. I’m not as happy as I used to be. Considering breaking things off and living alone but incredibly scared it’s the wrong decision and I’ll regret it because I was just overthinking the whole time. Feel like I will never have answers.

I was recently triggered and now I keep having thoughts again like “what if no one is real or what if you don’t believe anyone is conscious or what if you keep thinking like this” :( any advice?

Not really related to OCD (or at least I don’t think so, maybe a little perfectionism), but I’m out of work for awhile and lonely and don’t even know where to begin to rebuild my life. I’ve tried finding my “passion” and thought maybe that would be where to start. But I cant get out bed or brush my teeth. And every time I try to think of doing something positive, I just feel a giant sense of overwhelm and a billion different thoughts that keep me stuck and not making it forward. I feel like I need a taser or somebody to come punch me in the face. Something that will shake me out of it. Its like I can be so thirsty and the water right next to me and im telling my arm to reach for it, but my arm aint moving. The thoughts are almost like a defense mechanism, keeping me stuck under this giant rock. Even when i can break the stuckness and move the rock a little bit it lasts for maybe an hour or a few hours or maybe a day. And im constantly fighting to keep the rock off my head with one hand and build strength with the other hand so maybe i can eventually have the strength to move the rock away all together. But my arm just gives out eventually and the rock solidifies back into its original place and I’m back to square one. Its like the rock is magnetic and it doesnt matter for how long i can keep it open and away, it will shoot back to its place within seconds. Im also curious if because this has been going on for so many years that its almost like trauma. That was mentioned to me once, but I think its BS and a disservice to people who have really suffered from trauma. I’ve had a pretty cushy life so to speak. Just ranting I suppose.

Ughh I hate always questioning life. Like i make myself panic over the uncertainty of life. Like how’d we get here, is life even real etc. its so stressful

If you suffer with pocd. You're not a monster🙏🫂we are not monsters. I understand that it is hard to do normal things now, with this condition. Just about anything could be a trigger. So I understand. I tend to isolate for months at a time and I haven't seen my family and a very long time. And it is an unfortunate situation because I miss my family. But I kind of would rather isolate than for them or anyone to see me suffer. I also feel like my family wouldn't understand pocd. They would just call me you know what. My aunt has noticed because she has called me "different" and kind of used to treat me bad knowing that I dealt with what I dealt with. But she wouldn't necessarily tell anyone, she just kind of held that fact over my head. And she started treating me badly. Like the kids in the family really looked up to me. Because I'm so kind and nice they still always come to me to ask me two player board games and I will always play because I'm sort of a big kid myself, which I think is ultimately my problem? I think? But they would always come to me for things and I will want to play board games too but my aunt would pull the kids away from me leaving me alone by myself in the room with a sour taste in my mouth as if I had done something wrong. So instead of dealing with the indirect Jabs from certain family members, I would rather be homeless and live in my car like I'm doing. But it's okay God is with me through this terrible walk. I know that things will be okay. the intrusive thoughts are strong and ever since I've chosen to abstain from certain "activities" the starts in the dreams are increasing. But I will remain strong. I know that we will make it through this Dear God I pray that anyone reading this knows that they are not alone and that they are not a monster and that this is something that they didn't ask for. I know that you are protecting us and watching over us at every moment. I do wonder why at times God that those things were allowed to happen to me when I was younger. And I may never understand. But the fact that I'm alive despite what I've been through lets me know that you are still here with me. My faith is strong my God you are strong and my willpower is strong. I asked God forgive those who are trespassed against me. I got to ask you to forgive me for any feelings that anyone may have had towards me due to this very different condition and I'm dealing with. Something in Me God tells me that this condition is not So Different that my the situation is not so much of an isolated incident. Because of this amazing platform that I'm on expressing these words God I know that there are a lot of us suffering with this and I know that you will protect us through this. God I ask for your healing today for me and the thousands of others dealing with this. In the Father the Son and the Holy Spirit I pray. Amen.🙏

I’ve been Obsessing over Death ever since my Dead died worrying about dying and what’s next and that I will be gone one day even though by the age of 80 I’ll probably ready to die because I’ve had a full life but I still obsess

Hey there! New here! Going to refrain from needing confirmation and validity that I actually love my partner and I’m not just with them because they’re nice to me or meet my valued needs and we have great sex but I actually LOVE them. What is love anyway??? If this person loves me through it all but I can barely handle standing to be with them when they get angry. “They’re toxic… we must break up” “they play video games… we must break up” “they love me so there must be something wrong with them… we must break up” I fucking hate my brain. I just want to love them and have them love me and not make life more difficult than it already is…. But here we are. Can anyone relate? Does it get better?

Am I the only one who reaches a point where they just can’t deal with it. I want to shut it off off and just can’t. I’d rather feel nothing than feel this. Is there hope?

I give up , I can’t do this anymore

I miss the days where I didn’t have this constant worry and anxiety

On Thursday night after being out with the family I got a horrible feeling of being hyper aware in my own body. The same existential doubts proceeded. Is my life fake? Is my life a simulation? Are other people real? Am I crazy and nobody has the heart to tell me? I decided to just color in a coloring book, think about what I wanted to do this weekend, & not find the answer. The questions OCD asks are not real questions. Relapses are normal. You just know what to do now. Stay strong.

Will my existential ocd go on its own? I just can't see how? I can't stop thinking the most weirdest strangest things..like ...every single thing I know, can see, feel and touch could be fake...how do I know even this site and the people posting on it are real? And even everything I've even learnt throughout my life might be not be real or is just fake and made up for me ?? Keep thinking I'm going crazy thinking all this 24/7 ... is this normal for this sort of ocd? I'm not looking for reassurance... just wana know this is ocd and not me going mad? Some of the things I think are so bizarre and beyond I just can't understand how it can be ocd? And its scaring the S*#t outta me?

Ugh. Very rough day with my ROCD. Avoiding my partner, obsessing about our political differences, doubting everything, but not doing any compulsions. My therapist stresses the importance of accepting the fact that I have OCD, yet he equally stresses the importance of ERP, which raises anxiety from exposure to obsessive thoughts. It's like watching your sink overflowing because you're not supposed to pull the plug. The shame and guilt is really bad. Hope you guys are faring better!

HI struggling with existenal OCD at the moment. Is it normal to think really really strange things with this theme? Like what if everyone is really against me, what if I'm not real and everything around me is not real? And trying to work out what thoughts are etc etc ... anyone else suffer with this sort of thought? Will it ever go?

sometimes the compulsion is in my head I often think of certain colors or words to make my anxiety go away

Anyones derealization/depersonalization come with panic? Sometimes I’ll feel weird and start to feel like I’m coming out of my body and I start to panic. My heart drops and I get lightheaded and feel like I get tunnel vision. This tends to happen most when I’m driving too, which is alarming. Does anyone else experience this?

Has anyone dealt with derealisation/depersonalisation when dealing with existential ocd? All I can think about is death and how/why we are here and if we actually exist and I’m starting to feel like I’m watching my life from outside my body. It’s such a bizarre feeling, if anyone has experienced it, do you have any advise on how to cope?

Does anyone out there suffer from OCD Themes that are related to schizo, or psychosis? I have these intense fears of having a psychotic episode and hurting others, or destroying my life. I looked up the symptoms of schizophrenia (dumbest thing I could of done) and then I noticed my mind started to actively look for those symptoms. Which in turn cranked up the anxiety and my body’s stress response. Obviously I feel weird from the intense anxiety, which furthered my thinking that I could be going into the onset of schizophrenia. I realize that this is all OCD and it’s extremely likely that I don’t have a psychotic disorder. I also realize just accepting and living with the uncertainty. But when the anxiety comes on, it hits heavy. I’m wondering about techniques that others with this may have used to get over it and relax. I just want to enjoy and live life. Thanks homies :)

i feel like i could never win with ocd. i let my thoughts pass and i’m okay but then i start feeling like im waaaaay too okay with the thoughts being there and it starts bugging me bc i wanna be sure i wouldn’t do that. im not sure if this makes sense but fuck im exhausted.

TW - existential OCD also long post Lately the things that have been triggering my OCD haven't been quite as intense, but now things that normally don't bother me are making me anxious. I've been having intrusive thoughts about my existence and why I'm here. I ruminate about my perception of the world and how other people perceive me and just who I am in general and why. Why am I me specifically? Why wasn't I born as anybody else? I don't hate my life or wish I was somebody else, I just don't understand why I am coincidentally experiencing the world around me along with everybody else. Sometimes I get the thought that I'm the only "real" person and that everybody else is computer generated or in my imagination or a part of a test some higher power is putting me through. It's not because I view people as lesser, I just don't know why I'm here. The universe is full of coincidences and accidents, but what chooses who perceives the world from a specific body? How are we supposed to know that we're experiencing the same feeling when you can only see the world through your own eyes? This is a lengthy post and I apologize for that, these thoughts have just been kinda upsetting and they make me feel even more isolated. Sometimes I wish I could share my mind with somebody so I would have somebody that would fully understand my thought process.

Why do intrusive thoughts have to pop up at the absolute worst times? I’m just trying to enjoy some quality time with people I care about, and all of a sudden *poof* terrifying intrusive thought. Instant anxiety and sad, sinking feelings. I know I have to just sit with the anxiety, but I wish so much I didn’t have to deal with this every day. I miss my somewhat healthy brain function. Does anyone else mourn for the time and experiences that OCD has robbed from them?

Starting to get thoughts like what if nothing is real again :( also feeling like I’m floating

anyone else way too self aware? like i’m never not thinking about every little thing that i do and what it says about me every moment of every day

Is is anybody familiar with feelings of depersonalization and derilization? I have had persistent struggles for 8 years straight. Those of you who may have experienced it truly understand how horrific it can be. I'm working for any sort of advice, Medication recommendations, Or any types therapy anyone would know of That could potentially help. I was told by a specialist that this is an OCD spectrum condition.. Thank you all.

Anyone in the community composes music or is in writing music in general? How OCD has affected your Hobby (or profession) in general?

As an excercise, I am beginning to visualize my ocd like Naruto visualizes the nine tailed fox. It cycles through themes and intrusive thoughts until one sticks and I give in by performing mental compulsions. I picture my ocd like the spirit of the nine tailed fox, confined in a cage in my mind. Whatever it throws at me, whether during exposures or in vivo, no matter how convincing or cunning it may seem in the moment, I refuse to let it out of its fetters despite its begs and pleas (I refuse to perform compulsions despite feeling intense anxiety). I will talk to the fox through the bars of the cage until it better understands its place in my mind. I am in control, and right now the fox is an overprotective nusance, so behind bars it shall remain until it learns to calm down. Take this metaphor with a grain of salt, but for me it has made my battle with ocd feel like less of a battle and more like working through a dysfunctional relationship with a part of my mind that needs more love.

Why does OCD make me feel like I’m actually going crazy? Like I feel so lost right now in this world but mostly in myself? Although I have a therapist I question and fear that what if I’m the only one who’s not curable? I suffer from harm ocd and it has made me believe that I’m this horrible person and that my fate is to commit horrible crimes. I feel so lost and feel like I’m going crazy does anyone else relate. I just want to wake up from this bad dream!

Does anyone avoid their favorite music to listen to because of OCD? I've been dealing with strong intrusive thoughts from trauma and I tried listening to one of my favorite songs just to clear my mind only for it to remind me of the situation..now I've been avoiding not just music, but anything nostalgic that puts me at ease because I don't want it to be associated with the new memories. It's been eating me for months to be quite honest. I don't know if it's just me.

A little bit about my situation: I have had other OCD symptoms throughout my life, but never ROCD until getting into my current relationship with my boyfriend. Before him, I was never in a relationship for longer than 6 months and I kind of developed a "well relationships aren't for me" mindset. Then I met him and everything changed. He treated me so well and he became my best friend. Around 6 or 7 months in, when things were getting more serious, I started having these waves of doubts like "maybe I should break up with him", "what if I don't love him", "do I even know him"....etc. These thoughts would bring so much intense anxiety and depression and I would obsess. This has happened off and on over the last almost 3 years. When I am not experiencing these thoughts, I have felt so in love and happy about planning our future. Over the last several months I had gotten a break from ROCD, I simply felt happy and in love. We constantly talked about marriage and our future. We have a dog together and we started looking at apartments. All good things. We found an apartment and signed our lease and I was so excited. Then a few weeks out from our move in date, I started to have doubts. "Am I doing the right thing", "Is he the right person", "What if we hate each other once we live together"....etc. I know these are normal doubts right before a big change but I just started obsessing again. I've had some moments of feeling okay and like I love him but mostly I've just been overcome with anxiety. We have only been in our new place for 1 month and I still dont feel fully settled in. Change is a big trigger for my anxiety and dissociation as well so that isn't helping the ROCD. I'm trying to feel happy and feel in love and feel connected with him but mostly now I just feel constant doubts and fears and then sadness because of those doubts and fears. And the worst part? Because I have been having such intense anxiety about the drastic change of moving as well from the ROCD, I just feel completely dissociated most of the time. I don't feel connected to him (or anything in my life/the world actually) so now my thoughts are like "I feel like I don't know him so I don't feel safe", "What if I never feel connected again", "What if I need to leave in order to get rid of this anxiety and dissociation", "What if I'm just feeling this way because I don't love him", "Maybe I should just pack up and run away"...Or I will obsess over things I might not "like" about him - like if we get into a disagreement or if he has a different opinion about something small, I get thoughts like "Wow I guess hes just an awful person". I've been checking myself constantly during "good moments" to see if I really feel anything. Its so exhausting. Like I said I struggle with dissociation and depression so when my anxiety or my thoughts get really intense and stressful, I tend to just shut down - I stop feeling real, I become disconnected and I just stop feeling anything in general. Its been a nightmare.

Hi I am struggling with scrupulously and exententail ocd about the devil torture me after I die. So as a compulsion I made a deal with the devil to test if he was real and thankfully it didn’t come true but I’m scared that mabye he may still send me to eternal damnation. Pls help😭

i hate how alone existential ocd makes me feel. and i hate that i can’t prove the thoughts and ideas wrong (because they’re philosophical concepts).

ever since i went through my depersonalization episode i haven’t felt the same. does anyone have any tips on maybe how to help this?

Anyone have existential ocd feel disconnected from life and or reality

I have parents/family that claim theres nothing wrong with me/I’m lazy/stupid/whatever and refuse to let me seek out therapy/treatment/etc. you know the usual controlling uneducated parents stuff but how do I really know I have ocd? What if it’s symptoms associated with adhd or whatever else? What if I don’t even have adhd? There are many certain things things that lead me to believe I have both but when I’m confronted about it my mind goes completely blank and I suddenly can’t remember a single thing about any mental illnesses I’m convinced I have and then I’m called a fake/liar/accused of only seeking out drugs to get addicted to and it’s so frustrating because I go so in depth about my problems in my head but when asked I can’t explain a single thing

Why is existential ocd so freaking difficult compared to other themes?

Also, does anyone feel like they almost have like two brains? not personalities just feeling okay and not okay? hard to explain

I feel like I dont have a gender, yet I disguise myself as female. I don't think of myself as he, she, or any other pronouns. I kind of think of myself as an...it. I think of myself as an honest, as just pure matter floating in space. I just tell people I go as she/ so they aren't confused by whatever I have to say about this. I feel like it's hard to just tell them this. Not sure what to do but rn I'm fine with just disguising myself as female and ignoring any more thought about it

I’ve ruminated so much that I think I’ve found proof of my fears- should I just accept this is a compulsion and try and stop?

I’m dreaming about my ocd now, and dreaming about my compulsions and I’m my dream I woke up panicking about because I didn’t do one compulsion and it was like I believed my fears in my dream aswell - I’m feeling so confused and scared by this

Does anyone know how to deal with intrusive thoughts in question form? I’ll have ones like “why are you against your harm thoughts” “why do you care about others” “why do you value what you value”

*TRIGGER WARNING* So I watched a video about the definition of "I" and it triggered me so bad. It talked about how the body doesn't need "us" to function but we need our body. I'm freaking out thinking that I'm not who I think I am and I keep ruminating trying to figure it out. I keep thinking my outer appearance doesn't look like how my brain thinks I look if that makes sense. I'm just flustered.

I was diagnosed last night but my obsessions seem so abstract I’m not even sure where to begin with them. I feel like all my thoughts and my whole life is in a giant knot that I tied it in or layers and layers of thick paint on a blank wall and I can’t untie it or peel back the layers I don’t even know where to start . I’m optimistic about ERP but so afraid I won’t even be able to do it.

Does anyone else suffer with existential OCD/mental illness OCD? Feeling like the world isn't real or you're stuck in a dream or schizophrenic? Any tips on how to cope?

I worry that I’m going to go insane because of my obsessive thoughts about the begging of the universe/life. Or if I think about space. It terrifies me that I will lose my mind.

My existential OCD is ruining my life. I'm trying ERP and meds but I tell myself that "if nothing is real, what's the point anyway?" I think deep down I know everything is real but sometimes I question reality. Then I get worried I'm schizophrenic and delusional. I guess I don't know what to do from here.

WHY AM I ABOUT TO HAVE A PANIC ATTACK WATCHING A CHILDRENS VERSION OF THE BOOK OF ESTHER!!!

does anyone else’s ocd effects them at all hours of the day? i used to have relief now i’m constantly thinking about how i’m thinking about thoughts

My question is when does ocd get better 🤔😕😔

I can’t stop thinking existential thoughts I can’t take it anymore. Whenever anything good happens I think them.

Don’t see many people with existential OCD posting on here. I have bad existential (am I real, are the people around me real, am I in some kind of Truman show/matrix world etc.). With existential I think reassurance from other people is basically impossible because we understand that you can never know if the world is real, and I think that’s why doing something even like posting on this forum for support can feel unhelpful and meaningless. But maybe that can be a good exposure for us, like by allowing this forum to mean something we will fight against our OCD? Idk just a thought. Also these thoughts are just so scary that talking to people about them can seem very scary. Like how do you tell somebody you think they might not be real? I avoided talking to anybody about this for years until recently because I thought I was going crazy (I have some schiz-ocd as well) after this thought came to me after an LSD trip. Wondering if anybody relates to this, and maybe we can get some more existential posts in this forum as I think it’s under-talked about, and it’s something that probably will get worse as a society with all the dystopian tech themes in movies and stuff. Also how have you been doing ERP exposures? I’m just starting

Are there any effects on studies from OCD?

If you’re always questioning if you’re a good person or friend or worthy, what type of OCD would that be? Maybe ROCD, existential OCD, scrupulosity?

How would I do exposures for pure-o? I know I need to stop ruminating but I’m not sure how? It seems to happen automatically and I try to stop myself. Should I do nothing, or try and acknowledge that I’m experiencing an intrusive thought?

OCD Existencial questioning my every moment awake like Why am i really me? How is it that i am able to think? Why am i doing what im doing? Why am i seeing thru my eyes? Is this really reality?

What is your favorite way of responding to your ocd thoughts? How do tell yourself these are ridiculous, but also not feed your ocd?

Can OCD N ADHD Be Over come? I'm very sorry if I'm not doing these Post correctly.

I feel so depressed like these thoughts are too much I wanna give up

Hey everyone! New here and recovered from 5 years of HOCD. Now my biggest OCD intrusive thought is that I do not really exist and all of this is either a simulation or I am dead. Any suggestions on how to help?

Can an obsession give you false feelings? I have religious ocd and now I am making myself believe I like doing religious things like praying constantly. This is causing me so much distress because it makes me think and feel I want to become a nun. I want these feelings to go away so badly but they just won't

The way I view the world is so.. I can't really put it into one word. I always think about the purpose of humans and how we work. I believe our main purpose is to connect, support, and grow in a healthy way. The way the world is right now, is nowhere near where I believe we should be at. There's wars, racism, misunderstandings in how we view ourselves and others, and maybe not in all of us, but a good majority. We all have different thoughts and feelings that form opinions, but the reason for that is to share them safely without the hassle of getting mistreated, and to grow and adapt new ideas that compromise for the better of others. The more we grow and understand eachother, the more likely we'll achieve "world peace," but it's the fact that many don't give others the time of day is what's stopping that. At the bas of everything that exists, we are simply a blood-pumped complex computer, with ideas that flourish, or even destroy, our environment. If we never have created a society the way we did, everything we know and love, would simply not exist.

OCD existential questioning everything even the most little thing for example “Why am I posting this” “Why am I doing what I’m doing” “Why am I thinking”