I’m scared my intrusive thoughts are gonna win I’ve never been this way ever never wanted to hurt myself let alone someone else but that’s all my thoughts have been and I am scared I’m not gonna be able to fight them off forever
Day 30 in recovery and my health ocd decided to visit this morning. I feel like I’m rocking, I feel like I’m gonna pass out like something not right I’m not worried I even broke down this morning crying cause I am so angry that I’ve been doing so effing good and had this this morning but I’m trying to calm down before heading into work knowing there’s gonna be bumps in the road is this is number one in recovery and it’s going to be okay. I’ve been through this before and I can get through it. I have to remind myself that I’m okay and nothings wrong. I also am celebrating cause I went a whole month in recovery with little to no intrusive thoughts from my harm ocd ❤️ I hope you all have a great day!
I know I love my family I’ve been having harm ocd lately (undiagnosed hopefully will be diagnosed tomorrow) I feel all emotions especially guilt but all of a sudden I can’t get another thing out of my head. WHAT DID LOVE FEEL LIKE? Like I said I know I live my family and I can’t leave without saying it and I’m hurt if they don’t say it back but what does it feel like did it feel like anything before I started my meds or before I started having thought? Is my guilt so bad I’m scared to show them love or feel it? Like I don’t deserve it almost? I don’t know but this guilt is eating me alive
Question for those who are in or have done ERP. My anxiety is actually down tonight for the first time in a while but the intrusive thoughts seem to have changed a little (not theme just the images) and become more frequent. Is this common? I’m trying to treat them the way I treat all the other thoughts - accepting and not engaging. Thank you!
Wanted to avoid my exposures today…did them anyways!! 🎉🤘🏻💪🏻
You know ever since therapy, Lexapro and noticing my compulsions. Is been a hit or miss... Some days i feel the racing heart, the sweaty hands, the panic coming in. Some days is super easy to let it "sit there" other days when the images come in and im alone its not so much. But you guys want to know something.... I never back down. And though i hit my lowest point at times i know that it wont be like this forever. i know that it will never be like the first time. Because i am stronger, more knowledgeable, and i know i am not alone ! We got this guys 💪🏻
Today at work for that lady few hours I have felt just a lot of adrenaline in my head for some reason. I don’t really like it.
Can ocd make it seem like another person is running your mind. Like I don’t not feel like me right now and it is freaking me out. Earlier today I was at work and i felt totally normal. And now In this specific moment i feel like I’m floating or that I’m not me. And I’m sooo scared. Im sUper scared of developing psychosis. But I’m not hallucinating or hearing things so and it’s not like I’m losing touch with reality because i feel with it but at the same time i feel weird. I do have harm related intrusive thoughts and the fact that i feel this way while having harmful thoughts is very scary. Like what if i just “snap” and not no it. Any advice or is this normal? Does anyone else experience This
I have my first therapy appointment tomorrow and I’m scared she is gonna admit me because of my intrusive thoughts. I know I’d never act on them but I’m scared she isn’t going to believe me and is going to admit me to the mental hospital.
Today I had a long conversation with my boyfriend about how ocd has been affecting my life. It hurt to hear him say that it has took a toll on our relationship because I don’t show as many emotions anymore. I know that it’s easy for me to say that he doesn’t get it because he isn’t getting these repetitive thoughts, but I also need to understand that it hurts to see someone you love go through something and then get distant to the point where they are numb and emotionless. I feel so bad because I just wish he knew that I do this because I feel it’s the only way I can “protect” him from me. When I came to this realization I thought of how messed up this sounded. I think that I’m protecting him by pushing him away and my family away as well. I don’t even want to talk to him or my family anymore because I’m scared that I’ll get triggered. Ocd has genuinely ruined me and has made me feel that I am a monster and I am a horrible person. When in reality, I’m so sensitive to the thought of me ever causing harm to others or to myself that I would do anything to make sure this didn’t happen. Even if this means not talking to them and being distant. I know it hurt him to hear me say that I was afraid I would hurt myself. Which lead into this whole conversation, but I just don’t know what to do anymore. Anytime I feel happy here comes ocd telling me I can’t be because I’m having these thoughts and that’s what I should be focused on. Gosh ocd I hate you with every inch of me. I hate you for using what I’m most vulnerable about against me. I hate you for telling me that im going to hurt the people I love. I hate you for telling me that I deserve to be a hurtful person. I hate you for trying to define me.
Hope everyone is doing great today! I’m on day 29!!!!! Of recovery I’ve learned a lot in this past month basically and one thing is we truly don’t give our selves enough credit when dealing with ocd. We have to give credit to even the little wins in the day. Yesterday I had to redirect myself from a thought 3 times! That’s it and I’m so proud of myself I only did a mental compulsion 3 times I used to spend all day constantly talking to myself to calm down! So today when I felt tired and kinda low I’m like it’s okay if today I feel tired doesn’t mean I’m gonna get an intrusive thought or revert back. I’ve learned our minds just mess with us a lot of times cause like we always say a thought is just a thought there meaningless. We get nervous about thoughts coming back or reverting back to before feeling good or in recovery but it’s just good old ocd messing with us
This honestly made me really happy. Last night I was woken up by an OCD dream for the first time in my life. I totally was terrified. I can’t really remember much cuz I was still half asleep, but I do know that I instantly started doing ERP to the thoughts. The reason this made me really happy is because my brain now knows to automatically do ERP when a thought comes. The fact that I still had the strength to do the right treatment WHILE half asleep in the middle of the night is amazing progress !!!
Does anyone have a fear that what they write here will become a reality? For example, writing about a violent compulsive thought and that thought becoming true? I used to keep an ocd journal, but stopped because of this fear.
One of the things I struggle with the most is my obsession with the right side. I can only use my right hand, right foot, place things on the right side of the bench, etc. This all came about when I was in a romantic relationship with a guy, I had an irrational fear of him leaving me. The past tense of leave is left, hence I couldn't use my left side for fear of him leaving me. During this period of time my ocd was spiralling MADLY, like absolutely taking over EVERYTHING. Fast forward a couple of months, I decided to break it off because I was barely coping with the obsession, and it was completely controlling me (taking up HOURS of my day every day). Annoyingly, this has still carried on to current day, even though he is no longer in my life at all. I now have compulsions to switch things from my left to right hand or I get extremely fidgety, nauseous, and my anxiety is through the roof. Sometimes, there's a violent thought associated with it (most commonly car accidents from driving on the wrong side of the road, from placing things on the wrong side). Anyone have any advice for this?
Since my diagnosis, I've realised that there are a ton more things I do every day that are affected or influenced some way by my ocd than I originally thought. These things have been going on YEARS, and I'm starting to wonder if I've had ocd for longer than I initially thought. For background, I'm going into year 12 this year. In year 8 or 9, I started having to repeatedly touch things on an 'okay' thought, or position things specifically because I associated specific meanings with random things. For example I used to have a sports bag with two very short handles. I would obsessively position the handles so they were both facing the same way neatly. I refused to walk to class until they handles were like this, because I had an intense fear that someone I care about would get into a car crash (handles positioned incorrectly looked like they had 'crashed' into eachother). I've only just realised that wasn't 'normal' for me to do, and when I asked my friends if they did it too, they looked at me like I was crazy (I honestly feel crazy). These obsessions and similar compulsions have carried though to present day where they have just become worse and FAR more prevalent and just taking over my life. Has anyone experienced these kind of obsessions and/or have any advice for how to manage these?
Hello fellow Zoloft users. I started taking Zoloft for my anxiety, OCD, and depression. Any luck with the Zoloft? Did it help?
Lately, my fear is that I will forever be tormented by harm OCD thoughts. It comes and goes but causes me to have some anxiety. I may be starting perimenopause, and I read that OCD can increase during this time. I have found the SOS button on here to be helpful. I’m just trying to accept it and let the discomfort be there.
just a couple days ago i experienced this for the first time from watching the new DAHMER series. Im having intrusive images and thoughts of me harming or killing my loved ones and its so scary because i would never do it. It has me questioning if im crazy and im having severe panic attacks over 3 times a day. Im mentally and physically drained, i’ve told my mom about it and we are going to see a therapist tomorrow. Im scared to because idk if they specialize in OCD and if i tell them my thoughts they are gonna put me in the mental hospital or say im crazy and don’t have OCD, can any therapists on here or fellow people with Harm OCD let me know if you think im showing signs of it, i just want it to go away and to be able to sleep at night without severe overthinking.
I started seeing a therapist for ERP a few weeks ago. I was doing pretty well before starting, but just simply talking about my OCD and starting a little bit of ERP has brought everything back and has put me back into a really dark place again. I feel like I’m too weak to do my ERP. Everyone says that I’m stronger than I think I am. I just don’t feel any semblance of strength in me lately. I’m scared the OCD is winning.
Can Relationship OCD be like a family thing?? Im starting to doubt if i ever loved my family and it’s scaring me i feel like such a bad person i know i love then and then i dont ?? Its so scary all i have is my family and if i dont love them that means my life is nothing idk what to do And after my Harm/Pocd im just doubting if i was ever a good person or was i born bad and i just dont know it??? This is so scary i dont wanna go through this anymore please help idk what to do i just wanna go back to normal without stressing out about being a bad person or not loving my family
Hi friends. I’m wondering if anyone can relate. When I started dating my bf 1.5 years ago, I started having ROCD. It got really intense almost a year ago. It all started after I got reprimanded at work (idk why it started then but 🤷🏼♀️). Then I finally figured out it was OCD. It has kind of been an ROCD rollercoaster since. I’ve done erp and all of it, but recently I’ve been having suicidal thoughts. I know ocd can be a big burden because it attacks what you love, but now I don’t know if it’s harm ocd or depression. It is pretty scary and I have certain symptoms related to depression, but also idk
How do you deal with conversations when your fears are brought up unexpectedly? For example death is something that triggers me and I had someone unexpectedly start talking about her sisters death & I noticed my anxiety rising.
I've seen a lot of people talk about that new netflix series about that cannibal serial killer and how triggering that is. Even here on NOCD I've seen people say how much they got triggered from it so I was like, "ok, I'm not watching it, I'm good", but yesterday I was watching a youtube video about how people are trying to cancel Katy Perry and Kesha for songs that make reference to that guy that they released years ago. Then this obssession came, now I'm scared of being a cannibal because when I was a kid I bit a friend once. And I know it's actually "normal" for kids to do that, specially as a cope mecanism for they're feelings, to express their anger and stuff. I feel so shitty :(
Can OCD be like a question ?? I see people saying that they get an itrusive though then it leave but for me i get intrusive though that never leave im thinking about being a pyscho or a P the entire day it never leaves my mind ?? Its not intrusive thoughts its a 24/7 question/topic that never leaves me head but now i just feel so used to it my panic attacks/anxiety went away and now OCD is just telling me that im calm beacuse I’ve finally accepted the idea
Having a tough night with harm ocd. This verse (Eph 6:13) offered me some peace: “Therefore take up the whole armor of God that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.” Practicing my exposures, taking up the full armor, and standing!
So I was sitting here at work and a thought came to my mind oh your just going to have one good month then the thoughts will come back and I couldn’t help but laugh! Ocd has really showed me doubt in the last few months with this new theme I’ve been going through of harm ocd. I’m currently day 27 in recovery the longest I’ve gone in the past 4-5 months and when I had that thought I got sad but also couldn’t help but chuckle because my doubts told me when this all started omg are you sure your not going crazy? What if this feeling and thoughts don’t ever go away? Etc. I thought I’d share this because ocd is the doubt disorder and it makes you question your surroundings, people, events, life and even yourself and your mind. At the end of the day the thoughts are thoughts! We have so many a day and they can be scary or not scary. The fact that the thoughts bother you and freak you out and you hope and pray they go away and want to be free of them prove it’s ocd. Something I’ve told myself the last few months that’s helped me is that you’ve never had these thoughts before you can’t just suddently go crazy it’s okay there thoughts and thoughts are just thoughts. As real and vivid they sound or look like they can not alter your brain they can’t make you do these thoughts they are thoughts ❤️
Ive had TERRIBLE anxiety before, but now intrusive thoughs come and i just push them away and i dont even feel anything what does that mean have i just cone to peace with me being a horrible person or what??
Another thought from religious subtype. So, i follow many muslim pages and love reading the quotes ( surahs) from Qur'an and today morning i was in the bathroom ( pooping) and was scrolling down my feed. Some quotes showed up and now I'm afraid i have said them out loud. To anyone who doesn't know, it's forbidden to mention God or anything religious in the bathroom, let alone that i was pooping. So I'm afraid I've said them in the bath, and now it is giving me so much anxiety that i mentioned God and the "thing we do in the bathroom" in the same sentence (notice how i didn't use the word anymore). Now my ocd is telling me God hates me and will punish me for sucha things. Any advice on how to sit with uncertainty ab this one?
Anyone that has watched the walking dead know that scene where Carl got shot in the eye ? I just got to the episode like a day or so ago and ever since then I sometimes think about it and it makes me feel icky . Like I get I guess chills . Ugh. How do you combat this ??
Anyone else experience impending doom and your mind just catastrophes into the worst case scenario. This is what kinda sent me into an OCD loop.
Does anyone’s thoughts make them feel like they want to do it? Like I’m my head I think “let’s see what happens if” and it freaks me out I know I don’t want it because I get really scared and uncomfortable and I wasn’t to puke but still I’m just wonder if anyone else has that.
Does anyone like me use your intellect to try to figure out what came before and what will come next and why—esp when it has interactions with loved ones (who may have become triggers)??? I just “figured things out” and now I feel dishonest—like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. If so I should become a therapist because I figureed out my trigger pattern?… At least some of it? I have NO. IDEA! No. Idea how rhis works. Please. Somebody help me!
Okay I have harm ocd so I considered watching Dahmer as my own ERP but I just don’t think I can freaking do it. Other people said they can’t watch it so if I refuse to watch, am I using avoidance as a compulsion? It gets so confusing. What if it’s just too hard for me to watch? I can’t stand watching anything about evil people based on true stories it sends me into a spiral because my own brain tells me 24:7 that I am crazy. Does anyone else understand? Harm ocd is literal hell.
Sooo triggered by the Jeffrey Dahmer Netflix series
I have depressive episodes when my anxiety is severe or extremely high. I may even cry. But once the anxiety has lessened, I feel somewhat normal and happy. Can anyone relate to this?
Anyone whose own child is a trigger? What is this like for you? mine has been center of harm and oocd. Last three months. Id really appreciate your advice. This is a veey difficult exoerience: habing my own kid be wrapped up in my mind like this.
I'm always trying to figure out what it's my mental health problem. And I am constantly scare because I don't know if I'm going to become a killer.
i’ve helped my pocd and am calming my ocd down a ton more. for those out there struggling, please remember there’s always hope. don’t indulge in compulsions, or try your absolute best not to. it’ll help you in the long run. reach out for help. remember there’s a huge community who cares and relates to you and you arent alone. hope everyone has a good night/day!
today i really struggled. i had to spend money which is incredibly anxiety inducing for me, and i became quickly overwhelmed which made my ocd bad. recently my ocd has kinda been on a downward spiral but it seems to just get so much worse sometimes. i want to believe that all of my fear is just ocd but its so difficult to "give up" the control that i have/think i have :( i wish i could be myself again.
Therapy appointment 3. Went over my triggers intrusive thoughts & compulsions from the week before i had written down like i was told. Went over my first exposure at the end. Were gonna dive much more into erp next week. Pray for me lol
So I’m currently on day 26 of recovery!!! I was just wondering ljme is it possible to really be on recovery without therapy I’m sure it’s my ocd but I’m sitting here going well I’m not in therapy maybe I need the therapy to get completely better.
I was wondering about this because my csa memories always makes the intrusive thoughts worse. Anyone else?
hi everyone! one of my main themes with ocd is driving (specifically getting into an accident and killing someone) and i have to come up with a list of exposures. the thing is i can’t think of a trigger outside of actually driving because that’s usually only when i have that fear. can anyone give any exposure suggestions?
So while being in recovery I’ve realized a lot of things having ocd has made me think/do and THOUHHT id share hoping it helps someone as well as myself -In hopes to make sure my intrusive thoughts weren’t true and wouldn’t happen I literally bought physic predications to see what my future looked like. -Because my intrusive thoughts scare me and freak me out so bad there was a point I thought I would have to kms to make sure these things never happened. I didn’t want to kms still don’t but it’s was just what my mind convinced me would help. -I never realized almost all my compulsions where mental til one day I literally was at work and couldn’t focus because all I did all day was repeat prayers and sentences I thought would soothe myself and help make these thoughts go away. -I was convinced people could read my mind and hear what crazy intrusive thoughts I was suffering with. -I would avoid certain places with certain people I pushed myself to go but was incredibly on edge and stuck in my mind in a endless loop. -because these thoughts were so scary dark and completely not me I honestly was convinced someone put a curse on me or I was possessed and looking back on when I thought that I can’t help but laugh at how my mind was f-ing with me. Now being 25 days in recovery I’m realizing thoughts are just thoughts they mean nothing. Nothing they say or how frequent they come as real as they feel any urges they can’t make it happen. Your thoughts can’t make you do anything! In recovery you still have these intrusive thoughts and some days are harder than others but there not as intense they not as debilitating and at least for me I feel more alive and awake now in recovery then I did the last few months stuck in such a dark place. Keep holding on friends things will get better! We got this one day at a time and one thought at a time ❤️
So I mostly was dealing with ROCD, Existential, & Harm. But yesterday I had an intrusive thought that had to do with POCD and I’m terrified. How do you deal with theme changes?
Since yesterday I been battling self harm ocd thoughts, which if you have this then you know how scary it can be. Today I woke up still feeling overwhelmed and ruminizing but I finally sat with the thought and just told myself that I may or may not be crazy or hurt myself, I can accept this uncertainty and it has truly helped. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still feeling some anxiety and out spikes but it’s not as bad as it was yesterday or earlier. Soo just thought I share. Still scary but learning how to deal
I was on a website seeing jewelry and stuff and I saw a beautiful mood ring, thought about buying it. But then it hitted.. what if I wear this and the ring always stays in the "normal"?? Like, what if I am a psychopath who doesn't have emotions and this ring "tells" me I really don't have emotions??
Okay so I was in bed with my boyfriend and he was sleeping. I had the idea of choking him and then I was like what if I do it and like it. Then felt happy and I was like why am I happy it’s because I want to and I got them super scared so I woke him up. I think I’m so monster has this happened to anyone.
I had a bloody image of a loved one while I was meditating, ironically. I can’t get it out of my head and am now feeling like I am always on guard against myself to protect them. How have people dealt with this before?
My OCD is making me afraid of the dark and “sure” there is someone there. Last night I had to wake up my husband at 3am so he could protect me from the people I was “sure” were going to come raid our Airbnb to kill us. I’ve convinced myself the people who rent this place are going to come kill us and practice witch craft. And while hiking, was “sure” the squirrels running around were mountain lions and we were going to die and started panicking. This is all ocd right? Convincing myself my fears are true?
good books about ocd? need some recommendations
I've had "mental health professionals" misunderstand me and not ask me for further explanation, just made their own conclusions, which led to me being abused in the TTI. I'm still dealing with that trauma. So, I guess, how do I trust a therapist enough to tell them what my OCD is about? How do I know for a fact that no one will take me away from my family? What if I can't find a trustworthy therapist?
Anyone else struggle with Harm OCD and feel like your not having the vivid images/intrusive thoughts really but you feel on edge and kind of have brain fog? I started lexapro 10 mg about 45 days ago. Around day 25 I started 15 mg, so I’m around day 20 of 15 mg.
I just watched most of the episodes of the new series about Jeffery dahmer with Evan peters and now I'm spiraling again. I wanted to watch it because it interest me but it made me get really bad after I was doing ok for a few days. I keep telling myself that I would never do those things but it makes you feel like you could or want to ugh. I used to enjoy watching scary things like this and now I barely can
Hello, does anyone know what ERP I can do for racial slurs Type OCD in public places? It’s very hard to deal with and caused me a lot panic, as if I’m going insane.
My ocd has been very bad lately and I literally get intrusive thoughts in my dreams. The next dream I had a dream I was doing erp 😂 Assuming it’s my new ssri making them even crazier but ugh!!!!! It’s so upsetting. Can’t even sleep to get away from it.
We r going to my moms friends house i was exited and everything till I remembered that she has kids now i just feel this panic in my heart and stomach idk what to do i dont want to see kids :((
One time when I was at school during a class one of my friends were playing with a kid's scissor, I don't remember the whole context I just remembered that I was like "bitch, stop!". The scissor was opened, then I grabbed it and closed it. But accidentally it made a small cut on her finger. I immediately apologized because I didn't want to hurt her in any way. That was not my intention at all. Does that make me a violent person?? Like a murder or something???? I don't wanna hurt anybody in any way. I would never want that. But what if this thing means I AM like that??
So one thing that is hard to get used to but I want people to know like while in recovery you still get intrusive thoughts and feelings/urges but there not as debilitating if that makes sense. It’s strange but it’s like not as intense and last all day it’s like you register have a moment and it slowly settles down again it’s if you feed into it and over think it when it last
I think of ocd as like having the angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other
Is it an intrusive thought when it’s saying “do it”?
Hey I’m having a really hard time with the intrusive thoughts I keep on thinking that I harmed somebody but I don’t know for sure and it’s giving me high anxiety I keep on wanting to apologize or just check to see if everyone is okay but I know that’s not going to stop the intrusive thought. How do you y’all handle bad intrusive thoughts in the moment when they happen ?
Alright day 23 I decided this morning instead of listening to the same song I listen to every morning cause for some reason my mind says if I don’t I’m gonna have a bad day and something is gonna happen I switched to a different song and I’m okay I felt so uneasy about it but I’m okay. It’s interesting being in recovery cause you can like fully sit back and observe what you went through and are going through like the thoughts are still there just sitting in the back of my head it’s just not as pronounced and intense. I’ve gone from looking into it and obsessing and freaking out 24/7 to maybe like 3-4 times to redirect myself and it’s not full breakdowns where you shut off. It’s hard to get used to being back to like not panicking and obsessing 24/7 it’s almost foreign but feels amazing
So last night I was hanging out with a friend and everything was good but I had a sneaking feeling of anxiety coming up and then I put my hand in my pocket and I felt a pin. I literally thought I was going to stab her in the neck with it the thoughts wouldn’t stop and they were like “what would happen if” or “what would it look like if” then I got like this feeling of a psychopath smile. I’m just scared and I was wondering if anyone experienced the same thing.
Has anyone had an intrusive thought basically ask why you haven’t acted on a thought you have? This one is new for me and I have never seen anyone with this thought. Curious as to how you would respond to this form of intrusive thought.
i have harm ocd and it is always the worst before bed. recently my bf watched a true crime documentary (BIG MISTAKE) and i can’t get those images out of my head. i am so scared of myself and of those replaying in my head. and it makes me so scared that i feel like i shouldn’t sleep by him because i don’t want to do something in my sleep but i know i shouldn’t give in to my compulsions. i don’t feel like i can talk to him because i don’t want to scare him because i am scared of myself. help. it’s 4am & i can’t sleep
Hi all, I have some harm obsessions and I am freaking out! My boyfriend is out of town for the weekend for his brother’s bachelor party and I really don’t like sleeping in the bed by myself. It is so scary. I am worried I will hurt myself if he is not here to stop me. I hate these thoughts, they are so scary. OCD doesn’t let me trust myself and I hate it. I’m also just scared that he will get hurt during the weekend like they will crash (road trip) and he will die and I will be alone forever and then there will be no one to stop me from hurting myself or doing bad things. Sorry for the rant, don’t want to bother him on his trip but I feel like I need to express all this. In 2 months he will be going to naval training so I feel like this is a precursor of things to come. What if it is like this the whole time he is gone?? I am starting to panic, I hope others are doing better than I am tonight.
As stupid as this is, does anyone ever analyze things they did as a kid and wonder if it was a “sign” that something is wrong with you? For instance, one of my themes is that I could be an evil person (like a narcassist/sociopath) and one time my brother’s gerbil died and I laughed bc he was upset. I don’t remember why or why I laughed at him. I was like 4 years old. As stupid as it sounds, I obsess about anything I did as a kid and wonder what the deeper meaning is. Kids do stupid things that make zero sense all the time. As a dance teacher, kids said and did evil things constantly in class. Why would I let this even bother me. Ocd is a JOKEEEEE 😑😑😑
I have suffered with harm OCD since I was 3 years old. Obviously I didn't know at the time that it was harm OCD. Upto about 3 years ago, I was managing my OCD fairly well but unfortunately in 2020 I went through a difficult divorce after 28 years of marriage. This kicked off the harm OCD big time and then the pandemic compounded this even further. Does anyone else suffer with harm OCD? At the moment I just doubt myself all the time and I am finding it very difficult not to do compulsions. What do you do to make sure you don't do the compulsions?
So i was sitting today at lunch and idk why my stupid brain works like these but i was picturing in my mind as if the pickles in front of me were moving. I was having images of them move, just like we have intrusive thoughts. But i suffer from false memory ocd and now I'm not sure whether i just had an ocd image or really really hallucinated. I'm shattered to death of become schizophrenic. I can't stop thinking that i might be and really hallucinated the pickles moving. Any tips please
I felt like I was kind of getting over this harm subtype and I was doing fine for a couple of weeks. I felt so relieved and yes I would get triggered at times but I was able to let a lot of these thoughts pass. But of course something has to happen in my city and now I am absolutely In a wreck. For some background, I had known that this had been going in within town for a while and honestly it made me a bit paranoid for my own safety. Now that they have arrested this person and I know the details of what his mental state was like I feel myself panicking. I can’t help but worry that my headspace could ever get like that. It’s absolutely triggered the schizophrenic ocd and I feel so anxious and so worried. I just want to cry because I don’t ever want to be like that. And it gets to me a bit more at the moment because I’ve been having a rough couple of days. My school is in the middle of my city and I hear sirens all of the time and lately I’ve been fixated on them because I want to make sure that I’m actually hearing them. So a few days ago I heard the sirens and I was like okay yeah something is going on. And sirens typically only last a few seconds just because the police car is speeding by. But then I found myself walking for the next 10 minutes and hearing the sound in my head all over again. And I knew it was just in my head because obviously I know what a siren sounds like when you are nearby. But the amount of anxiety I was feeling because this was replaying in my head was terrible. It was to a point where I was like “Maybe that siren was real” or “Um that one sounded kind of real, I think” I wanted to burst out crying. I was telling myself that I was going crazy and that I was literally schizophrenic and that I needed to tell my therapist ASAP so that I could get put on medication. I saw a few people on here who could relate to the same thing and it made me feel a bit better. I just don’t know how to overcome this part of ocd. It has gotten to a point where I just replay the sounds of sirens in my head and i do it on purpose so that I could remind myself that they are not real. Which realistically isn’t helping me because I am just causing myself more distress. I told my boyfriend that I couldn’t stop hearing sirens replaying over in my head and it was the most embarrassing thing. I felt so defeated. He told me that I needed to stop fixating on these things and that this wasn’t me. I’ve came to that conclusion as well that being so anxious and so worried about every little thing in the world is not me. Before ocd really hit me, I used to just live my life and go about my day not worried about any of this. Now I am always making sure that for one, I am not hearing things. Two, I won’t hurt the people that I care so deeply about that are literally my life. And three, why the world is the way it is and why we have just been okay with living in space. lol that last one I can laugh about at the moment because it’s just funny that ocd has convinced me that I have to worry about that. I just want to over come this. This is probably the scariest thing I’ve had to deal with ever. Especially the sirens. Ocd has ruined my perspective on life. I could never wish ocd on anyone. I just want to be okay and I just want to live my life in the way that I want to, not the way Ocd wants me to. I’m sending my love to everyone dealing with this monster. As im even just writing this ocd is telling me that it is bad for me to write about, but who cares what you think ocd.
How can I be sitting here, perfectly fine and happy, and then get an intrusive urge that makes me feel like I want to or have to hurt someone? How does this happen in a split second? How can something so sinister turn on that quick? It’s so scary because it comes out of nowhere.
I am an ocd newbie. It began as sexual orientation ocd and relationship ocd, but has lately evolved into a bit of harm ocd. I want to get back to work (I took this week off) but am not sure when is the right time. Has anyone experienced something similar? I’m starting treatment next week with an NOCD therapist, so I was hoping I’d get some relief starting next week just by opening up about everything and feeling like I’m going to get some help. But I’m really torn about when to return to work and if I should just take the plunge next week. I’m an attorney and work is very stressful but also can be a heathy distraction/something else to focus on besides my thoughts. My boss said I could come back part time too which may be nice.
May I just say, having harm OCD and intrusive thoughts about “what if I want to/going to hurt someone” is probably the closest thing to hell I can think of. Especially when you know you can’t tell anyone at all because they would freak out. Then it makes you feel even more isolated, disgusting, and alone. My therapist tells me it’s just my ocd and nothing is wrong with me so I just wish my brain would stop having the thoughts. If I become numb to them like they they say to do, that terrifies me even more? I don’t have compulsions other than ruminating and obsessing about why they are happening in the first place. I am not asking for reassurance I just want to know I am not alone out there. It’s hard not to want to give up sometimes. If you are somewhere out there, I’m in this with you and I support you. I know you aren’t crazy. I know it’s just your overactive frontal lobe playing tricks on you. This isn’t who we really are at all. It’s weird to say you love strangers on an app but I do love any person struggling with this illness because my heart feels everything yours feels too. Stay strong and keep pushing forward even when your brain is lying to you!
I don't know if anyone else struggles with this, I feel like any concern I have about someone else, after I bring it up I feel like I'm a shit talker and I feel so guilty. My concerns seem valid at the time but I fear that I'm being a bully without knowing it. I try to admit when I am wrong but is it possible my brain makes false judgment? Or am I just doubting my general judgment? If anyone else has a similar experience, I'd like to hear. It may not be OCD related :)
So I’m at day 21 in recovery! I am beyond proud of myself because all I wanted to do today was come in here and look for reassurance and post something and I held myself back and I’m fine. I had a intrusive thought come in yesterday that was one that had me in such a dark place for 3 months and I’m handling it so well it’s just sitting there. Like it’s not as intense and like in my face I’m not over obsessing over it it sounds strange but I don’t feel like a zombie stuck I feel okay. It is still scary and I do feel unsettled but it’s not like how it was for over 4 months. I think that’s progress!!!
i cannot do it anymore it becoming a nuisance to my life and i want out of it all
i have 2 events from my past when i was 12 & 14, im 16 going on 17 soon now. and it's like it's gonna haunt me forever, and maybe i deserve it. i know the situations weren't that bad or serious, but i feel like i should have known better. and i did feel bad after one of them but i knew i didn't mean any harm i just shouldn't have listened to my intrusive thoughts. i wish i could go back to age 4 and just start over again.
Rough day. Been a while without the OCD thoughts and now they’re back. Haven’t been doing therapy in a while because of work and it’s a reminder that I need to do it constantly. Trying to take some time for myself. But it’s good to know I have this community of people
I find myself repeating horrible words in my head, like ticks. And its usually triggered by certain things. I’m not sure this is ocd anymore, it feels more like Tourette’s. Does anyone else experience this?
So lately I’ve been having a lot of anxiety when I’m trying to fall asleep. I like to fall asleep listening to music or watching videos or podcasts. I notice as soon as I start to fall asleep I feel like I’ll hear a whisper in my ear and I startle myself until I’m fully awake. Does this happen to anyone else ? It doesn’t help that my fear is afraid of loosing it so I’m so hyper aware of my surroundings
I have recently began a new relationship. One where I've known the person since we were kids, and it happens to be long distance. I know we both love each other unconditionally and I would never actually cheat on him. But sometimes I feel it's not an "if" it's a "when" I'll cheat on him and I feel like an awful person. I would never want to do anything to hurt him and could never do it, but I am so afraid I'll do it. Since we've been together we've stressed the importance of mental health, and had discussions revolving around cheating. He knows I think I might have ocd (I'm undiagnosed atm), but I have not told him of it causing me to feel this way. Any tips on how to deal with this? I've never experienced rocd before, and this is my first time my ocd has presented as such.
Am I lying to myself? Two years ago my boyfriend and I were not together but visiting here and there. He was pretty toxic and spent the previous weeks not answering/telling me he didn’t want a girlfriend but didn’t want me seeing anyone else. I went to a friends family wedding, it was known I had been strung along since mid-january, our last visit resulted in a fight but him frantically saying “everything’s the same right” like we weren’t going to see other people. I never had but was certain he had. At this wedding I drank amply and was coerced to dance with my friends brother. Despite being around constantly he never talked to me until around the time to go home. He was charming and granted i had refused any attention but felt safe because of my friends brother. I agreed to share a bed but was indescribably clear I didn’t want to have sex from the start. I was put at ease by everyone. We smoke and lay down. He presses into my reasoning for not wanting to hook up- which is a sharp turn from the gentle conversation earlier. Im basically told Im stupid for chasing this guy, Im hurting myself and need to lighten up. I continue to say I dont want to for another hour. He presses. And I agree to head. He kept grabbing me and Id say no and he thought it was funny to keep asking for more. Eventually when he couldnt take it he shoved it in- i screamed stop and he said he didnt hear me. He told his sister we had sex twice. I only remember that. Now im terrified. What If i agreed to it. I called My (not boyfriend) at the time in the morning and said I needed to get my shit together because he was killing me. I took comfort in the brother that stole my boundaries. I slept over a few more times and let him hold me but refused to have sex- just to prove to my sick self it wasnt my fault. Now. A hear and half later, my boyfriend and i officially worked out September but saw eachother that summer. We live together and i randomly woke up thinking of this event. I did want a sexual encounter but not like that. When i told my best friend how terrible i felt she said him coercing me despite being there is assault. I felt that. But fight myself everyday. I dont know im telling myself that bc of guilt for my boyfriend or if i was relieved i had a bad sex experience without being in control of it
are there any other mental illnesses where violence is involved i can’t really take this anymore
Hi all. I am new to this universe. Now reflecting, I think I’ve dealt with subtypes of OCD all my life, but in the last month I developed severe sexual orientation ocd and relationship ocd with my fiancé. It really hurts and is hard to express how hopeless I’ve felt. I’ve also experienced lesser intrusions of harm ocd that I know are just thoughts and do not reflect my true morals or intentions. It’s really difficult to be going through this, but I feel hopeful that things are going to start to get better for me, and am thankful for the community NOCD is offering to those just beginning to address their scary thoughts like myself.
I hope this can help someone besides myself lol but getting an intrusive thought back that’s been bothering me for months and being on the road to recovery is odd only word I can use. It can up yesterday and like it’s there sitting in my mind I’m not feeding into it I’m not doing any compulsions so far and it’s funny cause I feel like I’m calmer about it but also still worried but it’s not as consuming of my whole body and mind. It’s just there idk if that’s a good sign lol but from what I’ve heard and read I guess this is what it’s like in recovery. Like it’s not as loud and in my face and not relooking and the urge feeling isn’t as intense idk
My thoughts are literally making me want to throw up. I feel like I need to go to a mental hospital. I’m really struggling. Anyone else feel like throwing up sometimes?
I had an intrusive thought of hurting a cat in class earlier today and i didn’t feel anything at that time i just pushed my thoughts away now i rememberd it and im so scared and guilty i dont wanna hurt anyone its just somertimes if i dont 100% panic my head tells me i like it