Really need to get over my fear of watching movies/ tv shows which include violence or scary music. I can’t even enjoy a normal documentary without being freaked out. Idk if this ties in with my harm OCD. I was literally just present when my ma was watching the marilyn monroe documentary and i was shitting bricks
Harm OCD - Community
So lately my OCD flared up because of stress and anxiety triggered by an unrelated event. My thing with hit and run OCD / false memory OCD is specifically about backing out of a parking spot and hitting someone because I remember when I was little seeing news about cars backing out and hit children because driver didn’t see the kid. So now it’s a thing for me. Really stupid. Last weekend, I parked in a garage and by an elevator. It was underground and quite empty, I think only 5,6 cars parked near me. I have the backup camera so I know there wasn’t any people behind my car but still circled around 3 times, and kept looking at my rear view mirror when driving away. And now I’m thinking all the what if’s and checking local police news if they’re searching for hit and run persons, etc. The more I read the news, the scarier it is for me cuz they just add to my anxiety of all the “what ifs” I already have and thinking the police is going to show up and pick me up. I have a therapist but she’s not an OCD specialist but I’m reading some books and doing researches on ERP. If it gets worse, I’ll have to find a specialist because this is a lot. This isn’t my only ocd, but they all center around false memory “What if I did this horrible thing or that awful thing”. Any support is appreciated!
One thing that's really helped me is telling myself "its not happening because of you. It's happening to you." When you have ocd the intrusive thoughts and the things you obsess over are incredibly stressful and dark. It's hurting you. No one deserves this. No one. I imagine my lizard brain as a monster I have to deal with, rather than a part of who I am. It's like an abuser, and no one deserves the traumatic, gruesome, upsetting thoughts that come with ocd. If you had ocd as a young child like me (symptoms as a toddler, diagnosis at 7/8 yrs old), tell yourself "no child deserved to have those thoughts. Those were scary thoughts." In the past, evaluating my childhood was a compulsion. It still is a compulsion of mine, BUT I've been trying to see the hurt child in the picture (me). As a compulsion I told myself "what child would think of these things. What's wrong with me?" Now I say "No child should have to think these things. It hurt me and scared me." And through that, I've slowly gained more empathy for myself. I've begun to understand I am BEING hurt. No one is born naturally built to deal with the intensity of ocd. You deserve treatment. You need treatment. It's happening to you. It's being done TO YOU. Not because of you. Have empathy for yourself, understand you're being hurt by these thoughts. You are the victim/survivor of it. Whichever terms you prefer. Hug yourself, comfort yourself, understand that your thoughts scare you and hurt you, and it's not your fault
It feels like it’s literally impossible to feel normal or good at all. I just want to know that I won’t do anything to harm anyone or myself and feel inner peace with that. But I keep getting this feeling that I don’t want to be here and it’s so annoying. Like I keep trying to visualize my life how I want it but I just get the feeling that I really don’t want that and that I won’t make thru ocd or want to. Like what the fuck are even these feelings? Can anyone relate ?
Having a difficult time today, it's like when I improve a bit OCD ups the ante. My brain won't be quiet and it sucks :( When I hold my baby, I get intrusive thoughts and urges and every little muscle twitch I make feels like I did something wrong. I hate it so much, I try to do my ERP but sometimes the thoughts are so fast and powerful that it's hard :/ and sometimes I feel like I'm doing things wrong. Idk. I've been rationalizing and stuff a lot. It's like the more I do, the more I think "at least I don't want to do that!", then I feel like I want to...it twists every little thing to feel like this is who I am :(. Then I panic. It's like it wants certainty of me doing a bad thing so I can isolate as a bad person without a doubt. Anyone else feel like this? it really sucks rn and I could use encouragement :/ thanks
I keep thinking what if I’ve done something wrong even walking past someone I will think of all sort of things I could have done. The idea of that I could have possibly done these things makes me petrified with fear. But what helps is there’s 0 evidence I’ve done anything wrong that’s what everyone says but my brain tries to find ways around it.
I know they are just thoughts. But it feels real. It feels like I’m about to lose control of my arms and it feels like I want to. I do know they are thoughts but they become more than thoughts. Deep down I know it’s because I let them. But In the moment I cannot tell what is real and what is not. In the moment my arms tingle and my stomach drops and it feels like I’m on the edge of losing control. I hate this.
Does anyone else have this huge fear that they are going to sexually assault someone or hurt someone in their sleep? I have this fear that like I definitely did that to my bf and I just can't fully remember. I have very vivid dreams and I already sleep talk so I'm worried the ocd may cause me to do stuff in my sleep or like the meds I'm on. I'm like freaking out because this is something you can't even be sure about.
How do you cope with guilt when your mind tricks you into thinking you did something wrong/did when you didn't but your mind makes you believe you did? And how do you cope with any kind of OCD guilt? How do I stop hyperfocusing on it?
It's been so debilitating, I've had an extreme fear of saying slurs, muttering, mouthing or humming them. It's been making me feel extremely guilty and like a bad person. I feel like it's not going to get better and I feel like I'm secretly a horrible person because I'll mutter and mouth things and CONVINCE myself I've said a slur. Does anyone else have this fear?
Hi everyone I’ve dealt with ocd for about 10 years now it’s typically contamination but sometimes especially recently my mi d ventures to false memories that cause me a great deal of distress and it’s usually the same “memories” that pop up when this symptom acts up. I hate how it makes me feel and idk how to make them stop. I won’t go into great detail but the most recent one is of me hurting my niece when she was a small kid except she is 20 years old now and we have a great relationship. Why would I hurt her so long ago? I know it’s not true but the memory feels so strong and real that it’s easy for me to get wrapped back up into it.
idk if this makes sense, but i also have dpdr and existential thoughts. like i fear the fact we live on a rock, that were ina solar system, how we got here, that we breathe air, etc but am i only “fearing” this stuff because my anxiety is clearly very high? i think having dpdr makes the existential thoughts alot worse but im always anxious about existence and it sucks like im afraid of everything.
Does anyone else fear you will never get out of this state, and that you are constantly worrying about anything and everything, including the past? Cause right now all I want to do is stay in my room, and I don't know why these thoughts are occuring to me. Day to day stuff now seems impossible to do.
I really appreciate the people that take the time to read this. 🤍 I start my job this Thursday and I am beyond terrified. I had a similar job like this two years ago, but I quit abruptly because my OCD made it unbearable and a nightmare. I’m afraid that my new job will end up like the other one did. I know my OCD is going to make it difficult, but I need to hang on and fight it. My mind keeps telling me that I won’t be able to do it and that my OCD will make it a living hell. I’m so stressed out. The thing that worries me is that when I’m at work and I have to send emails, write stuff down, etc … that I will write something so horrific and offensive. My mind tricks me and makes it feel so real and it’s hard for me to know what’s reality and what’a false. What if I write down something that I need to give to the customer like “I hope someone kills you” or something along those lines. I just don’t know if I can do it and stay strong.
I feel so weird. OCD has made me doubt everything, mostly myself. I don’t feel like myself anymore. I don’t know who I am. All I do is wake up, deal with intrusive thoughts, work, go home to sleep and repeat. I’ve been dealing with this for such a long time that I don’t get the strong anxiety anymore. It has just switched up to a weird feeling about myself, it’s literally a physical feeling, I can’t describe it but I and everything just feels so extremely weird. I don’t know if i will ever be happy again.
My prevalent theme currently is Harm OCD. However, today a false memory from 3 years ago came back with a vengeance to the point I was worried I was going to turn myself in. It feels so real. Like I did something horrible 3 years ago. I thought I was over that false memory. Why is this happening?
The intrusive thoughts are starting to bother me less. But what’s killing me are the intrusive feelings. Why does it FEEL like I want to or need to do these horrible things? Why do I get these feelings? Thoughts are one thing because thoughts can be random. But why are the feelings and urges happening? It doesn’t make sense.
The biggest question i ask myself sometimes Is: What if it's not OCD, what if i'm really a bad person and i can cause suffering around me? What if i'm only a burden? And even if it's OCD, who can tell me that one day, tired of all these thoughts, i will or will not harm myself or others? I don't remember who i was before and i feel lost and alone, i just want my life back..
It doesn’t feel like a thought feeling or urge. Every time I’m alone, touching or near someone. I have this “feeling” that never goes away to hurt her. No intrusive thought to start it. Like I just always have this feeling to hurt her my dog or anyone in my family. It feels uncontrollable and like I want to do it.
I had undiagnosed OCD for a while but have only started the journey of being open about it and now I'm going to therapy for it. My family really don't understand why I get so anxious about things that I don't 'need' to be anxious about and I find it hard to explain to them because I know my fears and intrusive thoughts are irrational but I do still get nervous by them. How did you explain having OCD to friends or family?
I used to struggle with pocd pretty badly. The thoughts were so destructive I eventually spiraled into a major depressive episode and had ongoing suicidal thoughts. I still struggle with some ocd like existence and spiritual ocd but I’m slowly finding ways to manage it. Here’s my tips on what I did that helped me overcome the theme: 1. Trying to prove to yourself it’s “not you” by having an extreme negative reaction will only feed it. Everytime I had a thought that disgusted/ scared me real bad I had the urge to prove it to myself by isolating myself more and avoiding anything that would trigger it. Reactions and compulsions only make it stronger… Trust 2. Unconditional self love and acceptance. After forgiving myself for having major depressive episodes and intrusive thoughts I started loving myself unconditionally and knew instilled it in my brain that no matter what challenge i’d face i’d be OK! Ocd hates this because it’s on the fear of uncertainty all the time… 3. No avoidance, stop trying to repress the thoughts and fears but don’t try to figure it out ever. Don’t try and figure out why you’re stuck on whatever it is you’re stuck on. When I read ocd advice people online said allow it in your mind but don’t have any compulsion, reaction or try and think you’re way out of it… they were right. 4. Thoughts that become powerless and pointless because you have unconditional self love, trust yourself and give no attention or reaction to them become little wispy gusts of wind after awhile. 5. Don’t ever say “Oh if I ever lost control and did this i’d just off myself” “because i’m thinking this I must punish myself by being miserable…” or “I need to compulsively read the bible and pray” and my favorite “If this is real then I wouldn’t be able to live with myself” You’re making yourself more stuck! It’s fueling the fear cycle. Thoughts that have no power over you die off eventually. It takes time. Observe your own thoughts. Fake it til you make it!
Reaching out to all my fellow Harm OCD sufferers to make connections, develop relationships and be there for each other. Whether it be through this app or other sources of communication; please feel free to reach out and hopefully starting being there for each other from there :) Sending love, compassion and support to all those suffering from the monster and battling the beast that is OCD 💌
can I ask for anyone with experience. I have pure ocd and harm ocd. I’m considering going on medication because it’s getting pretty bad. I’m scared to go on the medication because there are so many side effects and other issues. I heard it can make you gain tons of weight and can make you worse. Anyone have any insight
Hi. Recently I’ve been feeling like I’m not myself, and everything just feels very strange. It’s hard to explain but it feels like I don’t feel anything but emptiness. Is this symptoms of depersonalization or derealization? Anyone who have experienced the same ? :(
Do you feel like your not doing enough in your exposures? Maybe you get a trigger that really scares you and you feel like you need to lean in and go further into that as an exposure otherwise your OCD will get worse. That is your OCD talking. Trust me, stick to the exposures that you have been assigned with your therapist and try new ones with them so they can help you through. I overdid and exposure last week and scared myself really bad and it sent me into a spiral. My therapist was super understanding and helped me realize I don't have to tackle my worst fears all at once, it takes time. Do you start training for a marathon by running 20 miles, or maybe just 1 first? If your OCD tells you that you aren't doing enough, tell it to shut up and you're coming for it eventually.
I have an issue with associating clothing with bad things. I'll be getting dressed and I'll just go into a freeze because I can't find any safe shirts. For example: me getting ready to take my cat to the vet - I can't find a shirt that is safe. I get the feeling that my cat will die if I wear this shirt. Or that one. Maybe bad things have happened in that one too. I have to keep changing until it feels just right, or that I have the best chance for his survival in what I'm wearing. Does anyone else experience this? I'm having a really hard time with it lately.
Does anyone get numb from the OCD thoughts? Like they still appear and stuff but you just dont get as scared anymore? But at the same time it’s scary cuz like why am i not getting scared over harming someone? I know i don’t want too but at the same time me not having much of that anxiety feeling when they pop up makes me feel like i do. Ugh. It’s like it has me convinced i want too. This is exhausting
My OCD has now completely overtaken my life. I can have good days when I think I'm making progress, get ruined by intrusive thoughts at any point, most of which don't make any sense. It makes me feel like I'm failing at life right now. People around me don't seem to get just how difficult it is
Can your intrusive thoughts turn into dreams?? Ive been struggling with harm OCD bad this last week for my first time and had multiple dreams last night of harm and it makes me so uneasy. Makes me doubt myself and think i would do it especially if im even dreaming about it and thats my biggest fear
Hi i have been struggling with the theme of psychosis or schizo for quite a few months now, and im really struggling. My mind relates everything to me going crazy. Like likterally anything and i am so tired. Does anyone have any advice, or have struggled with this theme before? Thank u
My mom woke up and it made me wake up too since we sleep in the same bed but i'm asking myself why the first thing that crossed my head is if I had abused her while sleeping because we were too close?? And I started overthinking and thinking if it is possible to do that while sleeping and from this I started thinking if I would abuse a kid while sleeping i'm so disgusted I just want my head to stop
I will never meet anyone on here or anything, but I still wanted to say this. I had no idea that a community like this existed. I knew I wasn’t the only one, because obviously someone has felt the way I felt before, but seeing other people post about their concerns— in ways that reflect my own— sort of felt freeing. I’m glad and a little bit grateful to know that someone else feels similarly to me. It doesn’t make my OCD any less shitty, but I’m still glad that I’m not alone on earth feeling this way I guess.
Hi everyone, does anyone else get any really bad triggers when moving to a new place or going through big transitions? I've been having really bad intrusive thoughts (really intense sexual and violent stuff) during this time. I think it's from being ungrounded in my new space and having to create a new routine to calm my ticks. I also get most triggered around the people I love the most, like my family. Does anyone else have these intrusive thoughts? If so, what helps you most with them? Thanks. And hope everyone is well.
I'm finding that rumination has become my worst compulsion, without even trying to sometimes I find that I am thinking about a thought almost as soon as it enters my mind. As a result, it becomes a very bad obsessive thought sometimes and can make me ruminate on it even more.
Just wondering if anyone relates. I'll get horrible intrusive thoughts sometimes when I'm alone. Then I'll ruminate about it and think that maybe I lost it and did that horrible thing that I was thinking. Like its hard for me to even walk or drive sometimes because I think I may have actually done something horrible and ill believe that maybe it just wasn't a thought.
What helps you fight strong urges? The type of urges when your mind is almost convincing you that you need to or will do something. I am struggling a lot with this lately and often find that I am scared of myself. I am not a harmful person, I don’t know why these thoughts have to convince me that I will cause such harm to myself or the people I love most.
you spend your whole life creating values and following them without any doubt that you are a good person, and then you are diagnosed with ocd, you start to doubt everything, literally everything, you don't recognize yourself anymore, you are afraid of yourself, you suffer from being in your own mind, you are afraid to approach people, and no one sees it, it's a pain that no one can feel for you, no one can take away from you, it's incredibly exhausting
It feels like my mind or ocd now is attracted to any and everything thats bad. Its forcing me to think like the exact opposite of the person that i am. Every time i see something bad or concerning happen whether its on the news or social media i think normally at first, but then my mind tries to make me second guess and think i like the bad thing thats happening and it scares me. Its destroying me right now. Does anybody else go through this? Does this go away/get better?
It feels like after a few weeks of getting progressively better I have taken a complete nosedive and am now back to where I started. I'm scared to be home alone, to go out in public, I feel very paralyzed by my thoughts, and it seems the thoughts just keep coming every hour and just get worse and worse. It makes me question every single thing that I thought I knew about a situation sometimes immediately after and it is absolutely terrifying to live with.
OCD recovery for all subtypes is a journey; not a destination. That being said, I feel blessed to be where I’m at in my journey in general, but especially because this month marks a year that I had my first ever mental break and was admitted into the psychiatric unit of Nassau Community Hospital. I was self-admitted due to my Harm OCD and my fear of harming other and taking my own life if I were to ever act on my intrusive harm thoughts, etc. The next two weeks of my life were the scariest two weeks of my life to date. Not because of my surroundings (which were not 100% stereotypical), but the fear of not knowing if/when I would ever make it out of the hospital and return to what would be by ‘New Normal.’ Over that period of time; diagnosing my condition, etc. took place. Unfortunately, while in the hospital; I was classified with both “Suicidal/Homicidal Ideation.” To this day, hearing that diagnosis/those words broke me entirely from the inside out. It felt as though I lost my identity entirely and I was now a monster. Something, I was petrified of both being true and/or becoming. My entire life; family, relationship, fur-babies and friends, flashed before my eyes and I didn’t know if I would ever have any of those again and/or if my relationships with all of the above would ever be the same. Thankfully, throughout those two weeks; my OCD/Harm OCD diagnosis was eventually confirmed. From there, the discharge plan and out-patient program that I would eventually be admitted into would come into play. I spent the next two weeks after that in a virtual at home program where I was undergoing treatment amongst fellow suffers also experiencing the same and/or similar conditions. After discharge from there; I was introduced to NOCD, where I have been undergoing monthly therapy with my therapist Joe Cook (who I highly recommend). However, I’d be lying if I said I don’t have both highs and lows on a daily, weekly and monthly basis. Again, “Recovery is a journey; not a destination. That being said, I would like to take this opportunity to reach out to my fellow Harm OCD sufferers and see if anyone would be interested in exchanging contact info in order to communicate with each other; share experiences, stories, check-in on each other, etc. I would love the ability to be able to engage with someone or people who are in the same and/or a similar situation as myself because no one knows nor understands our condition and all that entails other than us! On that note, anyone who feels comfortable any form of contact info; please feel free to comment below and we can connect! Sending love, compassion and support to all those suffering from the monster and battling the beast that is OCD 💌
I’m scared. I feel like I’m going to start hallucinating and hearing things, and I fear if I’m becoming insane. I’ve been repeating reassurance things all. day. long. Im mentally exhausted and I’m scared. I feel like my mind is now becoming blank and it’s hard to even make myself mentally comfortable. I just feel numb now.
Does anyone feel like there harm ocd takes away there emotions? I used to love my dog so much and feel a insane amount of love for him but since my ocd has gotten worse I feel like no emotions towards him. Which makes me feel scared or weird bc it feels wrong and crazy. I don’t feel really love for him right now which scares me. All I can feel are my Harm Ocd thoughts towards him
My mind has recently been trying to make me feel like i want these thoughts and its scaring the hell outta me. Even now when i pray about getting rid of the thoughts my mind is making me feel like im acting even though ive been praying about getting rid of them for almost 2 years now. I want this to go away so bad..Its making me feel like i shouldn’t be here.
Please tell me anyone has done this, when i was younger I used to act on ”harmless” intrusive thoughts and this makes me think I’m more likely to act on my k*lling thoughts today bc I already acted on harmless ones in the past, trying not to have a panic attack right now 😢 i know this is reassurance seeking but i just have to know