Does/has anyone else felt guilt for something in the past that they can't really fix now? It's so bad it rules my thoughts and I obsess and constantly ask reassurance from everyone. I was diagnosed with OCD at 15 and this is a new OCD thing for me to deal with. I just feel alone because I am STRUGGLING so hard. Thanks <3
Currently feeling really bad because I saw a classmate of mine hugging another one for absolutely ages and she seemed a bit uncomfortable but idk! So I was telling my friends about it and did a demonstration and my other friend put it in the group chat with the classmates and no context. Then the classmate said I looked cute and wholesome. I feel awful now because I can't say the real reason why I did it and I just want to disappear. I feel like such a terrible person.
This is mostly a rant, but I feel as if “Cancel Culture” has caused a significant rise in people dealing with the Real-Event subtype. Never before did I think much about my past mistakes, when I looked back on them I felt content in saying, “I’ve learned, I was a kid, I’ve changed, and I’m moving on.” But with the rise of cancel culture in online spaces in recent years, it feels harder and harder to treat my past mistakes with grace. I don’t look at who I used to be and see a kid who was still learning about the world and figuring things out through trial and error, but instead some horrible monster who I have to make sure I hide from any public eye lest I be insulted/ridiculed/ostracized for actions committed over 10 years ago. It’s caused me unmatched levels of guilt and shame, for the past two years I’ve spent every day haunted by things I would’ve ordinarily just written off as a dumb 15 year old being a dumb 15 year old. I gave up pursuing my dream job because I couldn’t stand the idea of becoming well-known and having my past brought up on a public forum, and I now live the most mediocre, devoid of passion, boring life. When does this cycle end? When does this perpetual regret and guilt leave? How am I supposed to live in the present if I spend so much time fearing being dragged into my past- so much so that I now live in my past? If these mistakes were to be put on display, would people forgive me? Would I be deplatformed for good? Would I lose my life more than I already have?
Does anyone get scared that they may never get back to a normal life? Constantly fearing they've done something horrible or will, and then start to fear maybe they did do something and that triggered their OCD
Does anyone know how to cope with intrusive thoughts after an embarrassing event? I can’t stop thinking about what happened to me yesterday! I have become infuriated and extremely depressed. I won’t even get out of bed! Any tips to feel better about an embarrassing event that your OCD is targeting it/replaying in your mind?
Good morning! Iam having a rough week. Had a major trigger by someone from my past trying to contact me. I keep having the urge to confess everything to my husband even know he knows it already but OCD tells me to tell him every detail of what happened otherwise I will loose everything. I have therapy scheduled here on Monday. Will start ERP.. as of now what would you suggest me to do? Thank you and I feel so embarrassed for posting this!
Hello! Anyone has dealt with real event ocd? Whatever happened was 5 years ago… and I got a phone call from a person related to that event and went downhill with my thoughts. I blocked the person but Iam so scared to even look at my phone! Will start ERP next week. Thank you
i just thought of this and it is making me anxious. you know how with most false memories people thought they did something but have no memory of it? mine stem around real events that have happened but intrusive thoughts and images are filling the blanks. i actually imagine scenes and think i did that. like my false memories have scenes and idk if it is truly ocd or not.
I think I have had OCD for my life, but it really got bad a year ago when I started to worry about it I was gay or not and many other things. I don’t want to go into all of it because that will probably make it worse for me in the long run, but after I had became less stressed about being gay, I started to become obsessed with focusing on swallowing, especially if people were talking about something bad. Then it moved to blinking and then focusing on thinking about thinking, but that’s when things got weird. When I became less stressed about that, there were things that I had read about that I really didn’t want to be obsessed about, and I think I started to get intrusive thoughts about thoughts that would reassure me about whatever it was. My brain basically tried to come up with a plan to begin obsessing about something that I didn’t want to. Now sometimes I feel like reassurance has turned into the intrusive thought, because I know it will make things worse. For example, if someone says the word “OCD” I get worried that hearing that will reassure me that I have OCD and that my other obsessions aren’t true. The problem is I feel like it is hard to describe, and I feel like it is so hard to describe that I won’t be able to explain it right or get treatment for it, and I’ll be stuck in a loop of reassurance. Whenever I’m calm, my mind tells me that that’s because I reassured myself, and sometimes I don’t know how to do ERP for this, or what the compulsion is. Also, sometimes there is something that happened in the past that I don’t want to talk about in therapy, that my mind will get stuck in my head, and I can’t do anything about it. I know this is confusing, but what should I do about this, and if a thought that is reassuring comes into my head, should I let it into my head or resist it? Thanks!
I'm crying so fucking hard. I'm 14 and like last year when i was 13 almost 14 i had an online friend who was 12 almost 13 and anyways we were very good pals but one day they just blocked me, and i reached out to one of their friends who was actually an irl friend of theirs and asked them why and they said it was an accident so then they unblocked me. like a week passed and they blocked me again. they kept doing this until they told me they actually didn't want to be friends with me anymore, i was so upset and i asked why and they kept saying they had a valid reason but didn't want to tell me, then they just told me it was because i was "annoying" and anyways we stopped being friends. later on i had a group chat with someone who knew that one friend i had so we talked about them a LOT and we started saying bad stuff abt them (not too bad i think you know kinda like bullying but they weren't in the group) and then someone added them and we started messing around with them and they didn't seem to care until they just left the group. so anyways i had added their other account to the group chat, but it was an account that they didn't use in a lot of time so i don't think they have it anymore. this happened some months ago and i genuinely feel so fucking bad even tho they probably didn't care much. but im crying so much im legit in tears. and now I'm dying with anxiety because since I'm not the owner of the group i can't remove their other account so what if one day they just log in and see everything? I'm legit so scared I'm such a horrible person i was influenced by the other people in the group chat to bully them but i know it's not an excuse I'm such a horrible person i want to disappear
So I am a female, and I tend to have intrusive thoughts, like sexual ones, and sometimes I have this weird turn on feeling down there, and feels like a throbbing feeling down there, and I get anxious afterwards, Also had this event where i thought seeing a kid touch the outside of his diaper and had a turn on feeling and didn’t touch myself but did this squeezing thing down there, that i feel awful about, and i’m really scared, i’m not looking for reassurance or anything like that, more so someone to relate too, I am truly struggling and feel like a terrible person, too the point to where I have self harmed over this situation and these feelings I have..
I’m just so tired. I’m scared… and I never get relief. I recently started to remember things that didn’t upset me/bother me at the time… but now it brings fear and anxiety to my core. Mainly regarding my job. Because these memories are from a few months ago, I can’t recall everything exactly to a T. So my mind is trying to fill in the gap with all these possibilities that terrify me and go against who I am. Has this ever happened to anybody? I’m starting ERP soon and I recently was put on medicine to hopefully try and help me.. but I was wondering if anybody else has had this happen?
Anyone else have these thoughts? I’ll think of my real event, and how if things played out slightly different it wouldn’t be a big deal and I could move on. I feel stupid for those very small changes not being reality. I want this feeling to stop, but I feel/know I did something actually really wrong. Even if I’ve been reassured I haven’t, and sometimes when I say my event out loud I can see the flaws in my thinking
I can’t do it. No matter what anyone tells me even my mom and my therapist, I can’t let it go. It hurts 😭
I cant live in this constant anxiety and fear of being hated. It sounds bad but I just want to crawl into a whole and die. I have so many regrets. Is life worth living if this Is how Im always going to feel? . The only ocd specialist in my area is extremely costly... I could never afford it. Ocd controls me, and I feel like I cant do anything about it.
Yet I keep on going on them to look for opinions on my real event. Tiktok is the reason I'm on my current theme. I hate this so much. I hate that the very least I can say is no crime was committed, which is great sure but that doesn't change anything. Part of me knows I'm not a predator, the only reason why I got into a fake short-lived relationship was because it seemed very plausible that if that didn't happen he'd threaten to harm himself. I'm scared though I misread the situation. Is a 1.5 year gap bad with minors? Some no yes and there seems to be a lot on those platforms that say yes. I'm also scared that I'm in some sort of echo chamber with the people who told me I'm ok. My friends say I'm fine but that could simply be because they're my friends, and I'm terrified to tell my girlfriend because what if she thinks I was a predator? I just need to know for sure I'm not.
I suffer from childhood experimentation and I hate it.
How do you know if it’s a false memory or real after years
Does anyone else fear you will never get out of this state, and that you are constantly worrying about anything and everything, including the past? Cause right now all I want to do is stay in my room, and I don't know why these thoughts are occuring to me. Day to day stuff now seems impossible to do.
I can’t do this, just as I got over one theme, I had a few day break that was heaven. Now I’m stuck here ruminating on another real event. I don’t know if I can keep this up
Anybody else couldn’t eat without vomiting or sleep at all when OCD kicked so hard?? I remember when it happened I couldn’t do these things or be alone and I even stopped going to my room and started sleeping with my mom. I’m so happy I got out of there but I can’t eat without starting to puke. I just wanted to know if anybody else got to that point bc of OCD.
Does anyone have a hard time keeping eye contact in social interactions without looking at someone or people inappropriately? I guess its called starring/peripheral ocd
I need some help, i’m struggling with real event ocd and false memory. The one thing that has me stuck is I was ruminating and I don’t know If I had a real memory or a false memory to reassure me. This reassurance back fired (I tried to avoid it in the first place), and now every memory I have from the past makes me think that this potential false memory is real. I hope this makes sense, please tell me how to overcome this. I’m trying so hard to recover, but i’m so scared this real event is true, I have such a strong feeling it is. Thank you :))
i can't stop thinking about the past, the past that maybe my mind created, and the future.
Tw: venting, depressive thoughts I just don’t know what to do anymore. This started months ago and even now it refuses to go away. It’s starting to wear me thin to be honest. I can’t stop thinking about past mistakes for at least 8 hours a day. Insomnia over it is also causing me problems when I’m not forcing myself to sleep to avoid thinking about it. I review memories over and over again. I get intrusive thoughts so intensely lately that when I used to be good at ignoring them they now make me question everything I thought I knew about myself. It’s exhausting. These past mistakes make me feel like I will never deserve to be happy or even if I deserve life itself. I spend hours researching trying to make sure these mistakes weren’t as bad as I thought they were but everyday I feel more and more guilty for all my intrusive thoughts and mistakes. I’m starting to struggle to tell my dreams from reality as well which had only been more frustrating. I don’t know what to do. I guess this is a vent? Or maybe an admission of giving up? I was feeling better for a while there but last night staying up till 6 am to mental review everything and look online for answers to if I’m a good or bad person I think just proves that this guilt is here to stay until I either find a way to get rid of it or I myself am no longer able to think at all.
Is reminding myself I have OCD a form of reassurance? Because I tend to do that a lot whenever I start to panic
So when I was younger I wanna say between 12-15 (there’s no way for me to be sure, to clarify I am 21 now), I made a mistake. I was at someone’s house watching a movie and their little sister was always close with me and when we were watching she cuddled up with me and it was fine. At some point my hand was like between her thighs and I can’t remember but I feel like I thought about it or may have moved my hand closer to her private area and I just can’t seem to remember how far or if I did or what and it is honestly killing me now. At the time I was aware what I was doing, but I didn’t know how that could hurt or effect someone. Nothing changed after the event to indicate she was uncomfortable or anything but I feel so guilty as if I took advantage of a situation despite my age and lack of understanding of the seriousness. Recent events in my life brought up the memory and I can’t help but to feel terrible and I replay that memory every 5 minutes in my mind wishing it never happened and feeling like a sick awful person. I want to accept what I did and forgive myself but also recognize it was wrong. I know this is a little on the stronger more questionable side of things, and I don’t want anyone to subject anyone to this but I honestly don’t know where else to go. I am trying to pursue clarity or at least self forgiveness for an event that probably happened 8 years ago, but am currently struggling. To all I hope you all can find clarity in what you’re going through, and find a way out of OCD controlling your life.
Idk if this is false memory OCD but I have these fear every time I talk with my parents that maybe I yelled to them and I try to remember if I did but I can’t trust my memory anymore.
i’m so scared, am i’m currently having a panic attack i feel like ocd is ruining my life. why is my brain working so hard against me. why is it trying to convince me i’m a horrible person. i just want to get the help i need and start to feel better again
Y’all ever try to force yourself into another theme because your current theme is too unbearable lol but then you quickly realize all the the themes suck Lmaoo sometimes I just laugh because this shit is annoying
i got diagnosed with ocd last year, problems mainly rocd and pocd, but there were times where weird disturbing things I’ve done as a kid popped up into my head. I’m 16 now and did this when I was around 7 and 14, it haunts me to this day and I would never do it again but i keep getting bad groinals and the the thought just keeps repeating itself and I can’t stop doing compulsions
for those who have false memories, do you get scared that your false memory is just real event ocd and not false memory ocd? like im scared that my false memory is real and that it is just real event ocd and what is why im stressing out and suicidal about it.
Does anyone else experience “past erasure” compulsions? Where you think of a past event or era in your life and have a strong urge to ‘erase’ any and everything about it? I’m struggling to tell if it’s a compulsion or ‘rational’ urge - for me it’s generally out of fear I will be exposed for doing something ‘bad’ that I can’t remember, or that it will be discovered and used against me in some way.
How do you know if it’s the OCD that’s the problem or if it’s really the Real event or past mistake that’s the problem? I feel like I’m going crazy 😭
unforgivable mistake. I can never know the real truth no matter how many compulsions I perform. I'm trying to accept uncertainty, but I can't, since if I did in fact make the mistake, I shouldn't even be alive (hence the "unforgivable"). I'm so distressed :(
This happened 2 days ago. I was sitting in the school assembly and there was a girl behind me. I'm 14 and she'll probably 11 or 12 I doesn't know her age. We were sitting on the floor and her shoes came to my back touching my butt, we sit near each other so it was an accident. I panicked after she removed her shoes because 1) I liked the feeling. 2) I think I might've moved so that her shoes are there more. Then I had the thought of what if I tightened my butt in purpose. Idk what I did now but I'm scared and feel like a monster. Cuz even if I didn't move why didn't I look back to tell her to remove it? The thing is that right before assembly I was in a classroom with the lower grades and someone accidentally bumped into me and I was scared what if I moved to be in touch more but I thought I didn't do anything so it was a relief. I'm thinking maybe this happened because I was being a bit anxious about something similar earlier? Idk what ti think but I feel terrible.
Recently I’ve been getting these urges to look inappropriately at children. Every time I think about it, it feels like I’d really like to look but then I question do I really want to look or is OCD tricking me? And if I really do, is that because I’ve convince myself I do or because I’m a p? Is this questioning normal for OCD sufferers? Just feels so real 😥
How do you control it? How do you stop mental review?
the anxiety and guilt is overwhelming its not something stupid like it usually is it's actually bad like really bad if i was to tell anyone they would see me as a totally different person and most likely be shamed for it
I think I'm currently suffering from HOCD because i question my sexual identity. Before I do have a thought that I might be Lesbian or bisexual but i never really dwell on that thoughts, those thoughts will just disappear in my mind. But last March 2 we were submitting our module to school and then our topic suddenly went through lgbt and my friends told me that in Powerpuff girls I'm might be buttercup, I don't know why did they said that. I'm not the boyish type or tomboy I've always been a girly girl or lady sometimes I act maturely compare to them..... And starting that day I've question myself that I'm might be bisexual because I know I'm attracted and crazy to boys that for sure, I'm never attracted to girls , like I want to date them I don't have that thoughts before and then suddenly past events in my life cameback together that trigger my OCD (like when I was on 9th grade I find my classmate pretty and then I jump into conclusion that I'm might be lesbian and then I promise to myself"don't ever get close to that girl because you'll become lesbian" so whenever I'm near her I feel really nervous because I'm afraid I might like her,, then we became close friends till now we became really close friends, telling our secret together, bond together with our group of friends.... I've never had that thoughts now to her)..... March 7 where I had my first anxiety attack whenever I see girls those thoughts come in and then I feel my heavy breathing my heart is racing and I feel cold and have a weak knees. So I just stop by at our store where I sit but whenever a girl comes in I started to panic and then I feel like vomiting I feel really weak and my heart is beating like crazy and also I'm sweating.... That's so unsual to me because I've never felt that kind of emotion before.... After Sunday thats the first week where I feel very down I keep on thinking I don't want to be disturb I keep on searching on the internet on what's happening and at night I can't sleep because my mind are full of thoughts that I hate then I just cry myself to sleep. I feel guilty to my parents and my younger brother because they don't Know what I'm dealing right now and I'm just not in the mood..... I just want these thoughts to stopppppp.....
Does your mind ever ask “did you do that?” “Do you remember doing that?” Or is it just me.
Hi Everyone, For the past few months, I am constantly having thoughts about a particular thing I did in my past and am afraid what if it ruins my entire future. The fear about my future and level of discomfort it creates in my day to day life becomes unbearable and I couldn't cope up with my daily activities in a relaxed manner. At one point I decided to sit and study about it instead of hurting myself. I came across this book "Overcoming unwanted intrusive thoughts" by Sally M.Winston and Martin N.Seif. I haven't completed it yet but I find it really helpful. I am a little better now. I heard the ERP therapy is effective for such OCD but I am not ready for it now. I am looking for a book that specifically addresses Real event OCD. Could someone please suggest a good book? Thanks in advance! For those who are struggling with OCD and in the process of recovery, I hope each new day brings you closer to a full and speedy recovery!💚👍
So I had a same sex experience at age 12 which was not completely having sex. Which was a past memory came to me which made the OCD worse As I again went into Questioning. So I am really confused that is it OCD or what As I was never into boys. Was it a homosexual experiment or what was it? But it makes me feel worse which is so tiring As I have all been in to girls and now also I'm into girls.
Did anyone experience physical withdrawal symptoms after not doing the compulsions? How long did they last for?
The images and paranoid starting to go away today probably one my best days so far I still don't feel really anything but I'm glad the images are starting to go away they try to come back but I don't try to let it in hope I don't ever go through anything like paranoid again ever
Does ocd guilt feeling ever go away or do you always feel that?
Does OCD ever make you wonder if you acted on an intrusive thought?
i had a dream that me and my friend got really close and she was like in love with me and i was like uh no. like she just got the WRONG MESSAGE. i told her and my other friend and brought it up as a joke but now i’m afraid they will think i am a lesbian and i’m just anxious about the dream in general too. how do i stop stressing so much about this?
I spend each and every day replaying past mistakes in my head from childhood to 20 years old. Sometimes I wonder why it took me so long to grow up. It never leaves my mind and I’m constantly confessing all my mistakes to anyone who will listen.
Does anyone else’s ROCD blend with real event ocd and center around something their partner did in real life? My partner slept with someone else before he considered us to be exclusive. He told me about it months later, once we were mutually committed to each other in totally in love just so that we would have no secrets from each other. I struggled with it for a while but ultimately decided to forgive him. This happened 10 years ago and we have had the happiest, most supportive, healthy, loving, and fun relationship ever since (and have been married now for 3.5 years). But recently I haven’t been able to stop thinking about what he did. It makes me angry and disgusted and disappointed with him and I get so mad at him, to the extent that it may as well have happened yesterday rather than in the much distant path before he was even committed to me. It’s tainting our otherwise wonderful relationship.
I just don’t understand how I can go so long not even worrying about my past to all of a sudden triggered and upset and feeling horrible all over again. Real event ocd is one of the worst themes ever and the what if thoughts I keep having feel so incredibly scary and awful
My OCD has now completely overtaken my life. I can have good days when I think I'm making progress, get ruined by intrusive thoughts at any point, most of which don't make any sense. It makes me feel like I'm failing at life right now. People around me don't seem to get just how difficult it is
How would I know if I acted on an intrusive thought in the past? I keep playing scenarios in my mind and don’t really know what my actions were. I’m so worried that I did something bad but I can’t actually say that I did. I’m wondering if this is normal.
Does anyone else feel like not confessing is immoral? The thing is, the events I recalled could have been remembered wrong in a state of extreme panic and I decided to stop questioning whether it happened because it doesn’t really serve me / reflect me / my values. I’m taking the first step towards healing :) But occasionally I fear that just moving on with my life is not a moral thing to do.
In a state of panic and fear that you did something wrong, is it possible that you recalled a memory incorrectly? I keep getting so scared because I have a faint memory of doing something but all the specifics are not there. And I was in such a state of panic and anxiety that I wonder if it’s possible I recalled a memory incorrectly even though it feels so familiar ? I’m trying to be patient with myself even though I fear I did something terrible but I feel like if I did, I would’ve remembered it or there would’ve been more emotions tied to it? Is it possible that my memory is skewed or the recall is impacted by my anxiety ?
I feel like my friends hate me. I feel like my own family hates me. My mom won’t even help me anymore and when I bring up what’s bothering me she gets mad and won’t help me. My friends are getting tired of me and I think they hate me. Everything goes wrong. Everyday feels so dark and scary and my past keeps haunting me and it doesn’t matter what anyone says about how I should forgive myself and not be so hard on myself and I can’t do it. I was so stupid growing up as a teenager and I’m afraid of it being past 18 years old too because of a stupid and embarrassing tickling fetish I used to have and the things I’ve come across because of it during self pleasure and I didn’t know better at the time and also characters in memes and so on that had to do with the fetish and I hate myself and now I feel like everyone should hate me too. I feel like I don’t even deserve to live and that no one would miss me if I were gone. I don’t want to be a monster I never have. I never had bad intentions it was all for a stupid fetish 💔 I’m sorry I just need to vent. It’s been bothering me for years and now I feel so haunted
hi!! my brain is throwing a lot of questions at me right now. answering these questions would be a compulsion so im trying really hard to just let the questions and thoughts pass through without answering or mentally reviewing. its giving me a lot of anxiety but i know its one tiny step closer to me getting better. any tips on what i can do to help?? im quite new to this.
i keep accidentally doing compulsions (answering questions my mind asks me, reviewing memories) and now i feel terrible, i feel like i can't leave my room until i prove to myself that I've done nothing wrong, even though i know i haven't. but when i answer the questions my mind asks me it just flips and goes "well what if __" its so frustrating and now i feel trapped again. i cant handle it
I'm seriously struggling with false memory OCD. They have completely overtaken my brain and made me think I am an awful person. It seems as soon as an interaction ends or I walk away false memories start to get implanted inside my head, and they start to override everything inside my head. It's actually awful and I feel totally paralyzed by them. I don't know what to do anymore as I can hardly live my life in peace anymore due to my ocd.
With false memories how do you just let the thought be and not engage with it, when it's a horrifying thought? Really struggling with the false memories right now and they seem to crop up every day.
Hii!! im a 16 year old girl and lately I've been struggling with various sexual themes, and i've noticed im really bad at accepting uncertainty. I've been dealing with real event/false memory and it's very exhausting. i haven't done anything illegal or immoral but i can't help but doubt myself. it started off with me remembering something i did about 2 years ago i think, and i remembered that thought after seeing some very disturbing things on tiktok. and i came to the conclusion i didn't do anything wrong, but the more i thought about it the more guilt I'd feel. like more things would be added into that memory. again i haven't done anything illegal or immoral but the constant questioning from the uncertainty. "what if you had bad intentions at first?" "what if things went differently, would you have done something unforgivable?" even when knowing that the thought has always made me uncomfortable, so then i start thinking "well if i know the thought of it has always made me uncomfortable then i obviously had bad intentions at first" and its so overwhelming, any tips??
Rumination has easily become my worst compulsion. Does anyone have any good tactics on how to stop it before it makes the intrusive thought worse?
After days of completely being disabled by my false memory true event, now I’m having the thought but my anxiety isn’t there. Does that mean it’s real and not OCD..
Having trouble with false memories, seem to happen almost immediately after an interaction changes or ends and I don't know what to do about it, I start to ruminate as soon as the intrusive thoughts occur, and then it makes the thought so much worse. Does anyone have any tips they use with their false memories?
I'm finding that rumination has become my worst compulsion, without even trying to sometimes I find that I am thinking about a thought almost as soon as it enters my mind. As a result, it becomes a very bad obsessive thought sometimes and can make me ruminate on it even more.
Did anyone else’s false memory OCD get triggered randomly by an old memory that got twisted?
Bf is letting me go so I can find a partner and make a family that he isn’t ready to give me yet (we are 28). Even tho he loves me. Love of my life and I’m hysterical. Haven’t eaten in days.
It feels like after a few weeks of getting progressively better I have taken a complete nosedive and am now back to where I started. I'm scared to be home alone, to go out in public, I feel very paralyzed by my thoughts, and it seems the thoughts just keep coming every hour and just get worse and worse. It makes me question every single thing that I thought I knew about a situation sometimes immediately after and it is absolutely terrifying to live with.
I’m feeling better about my real event after doing sessions of ERP treatment.
Does anybody else, with Real Event / False Memory (or any other subtype actually), feel a sense of imposter syndrome? That the more you approach the things that make you happy in life, e.g., relationships, a fulfilling career, hobbies, productivity, or even just peace of mind, the threat of obsessions become stronger? It makes me wonder how much “passive avoidance” I undertake to avoid these meaningful situations that evoke this overwhelming sense of guilt and shame. I would be interested to hear if anyone else feels a similar thing! :)
For YEARS I have had so many intrusive thoughts about being fat and thinking I am fat and therefore unworthy. Feeling like IF ONLY I didn't have a pooch, I would have a boyfriend, and I would be considered one of the "pretty" girls. It's a SUPER STRONG core belief that I've held for such a long time. I've worked on it so much in therapy in the past but it WON'T LET GO!!!!!! And it's embarrassing and I JUST WISH I could stop having all these obsessions about my stomach!!! I COMPULSIVELY look at my stomach and wonder if people notice it. It's holding me back. I hate hate hate it. It's so so bad. I am EMBARASSED to be around my family members, kind, loving, and understanding as they are, because I'm chubbier than all my siblings. I can't explain these thoughts to my mom AGAIN for the MILLIONTH time, because she is always there for me, but there's only SO MUCH that she can do to reassure me. It's OCD. Reassurance DOESN'T HELP. And that's why I feel stuck, and lost. It sucks soooo much. I feel like less of a person because of my stupid stomach. I have obsessions of carving it off with a knife sometimes. They are super minor obsessions and I have NO fear that I will act on them. My brain is just so obsessed with having a FLAT STOMACH and DOING AWAY with the excess. I just wish the thoughts would stop!!!! :(
i don’t know where to get an honest opinion on my real event. should i be allowed to move on? make friends? i feel like a fraud.
I have OCD that pushes me to confess things to my wife. I have been doing this for years. We fought today because I did a confession that while I was exercising I had brought my dog out to hang with me. I was doing a sit-up and slightly lost my balance as I was on a exercise ball. Nothing that would have caused harm to my dog. For me it became a major issue because my time with him outside was not perfect. I confessed this to my wife which caused the fight. She has become completely intolerant of my OCD confessing rituals. After a but of time away I told her how sorry I am that I bring this to the table. I told her that she does not deserve this. We are going thru a divorce and this is a major reason why we are. My confessing. It’s impossible to articulate how awful OCD is and the need to find relief. My wife told me and has told me how completely selfish and narcissistic I am because of my confessing. She thinks that I have made her become a monster because of how my confessing makes her react. She said that she hopes that I am always going to be single because no one should have to deal with this behavior from a partner. She said I am abusive and that this relationship is abusive. I feel so awful about myself and could not feel more sick about how I am as an individual. Anyone else ever have any conversations like mine with their SO?
please someone reply to this i am desperate. i know i shouldn't seek reassurance but i haven't been doing compulsions in weeks i just can't handle it anymore. it's about real events OCD and racism OCD. so i have this real event where some months ago, like a month before my bday in august so i was 13 (now I'm 14) i had this very manipulative and toxic friend who kinda brainwashed me and manipulated me. and one day we were calling and he said the n word and told me to say it too. i did not want to say it but then he started insisting and i didn't know what to do so i hung up. then he started texting me and saying he would've blocked me if i didn't say it and i was panicking so bad, i even remember crying, i was so scared because i didn't want him to block me (i used to care about him) he was forcing me so i just.... i said it. and i felt awful. but then i forgot about it for some months and now i have this memory and it's so bad i feel so disgusting i feel like im the worst person ever. especially because i could've known better, he was harming me and changing me and i was very anti-racism in general... i hate myself so much I'm so ashamed to even post this I'm so sorry i feel so horrible and guilty.. ((repost cuz i made a mistake,
for anyone else do they have false memories about what they were thinking during a certain time? like you can’t remember what you were thinking when something happened?
Will it end? I feel like l carry a dirty secret (things in my past) when I'm around people who appreciate me. It feels horrible.
TW Real Event OCD and POCD 18+ Don’t ignore…Please help Even if it’s not reassurance just please help somehow I feel like I’m going crazy because this has been bothering me for so long to the point I can’t focus and I feel like I deserve to give up… If back then I was a teenager with no bad intentions at all not even aiming to make a mistake but I make a really bad mistake but I didn’t know it at the time or didn’t know any better until much later than should I be worried? I had a embarrassing tickling fetish when I was younger and I would look it up on ifunny a lot and I would look up just the fetish itself and I also unfortunately struggled with masturbation at this time as well and I non willingly came across certain people or things I shouldn’t have even though they were innocent normal videos and memes or whatever, I guess you can say I was at the wrong place at the wrong time? I don’t know but I’m scared to death of the what if’s. What if it was immorally wrong and I deserve to die? I have talked to my first therapist and my mom about it and my mom said to let it go that I’m being way too hard on myself and that I’ve punished myself enough but I feel as though she is lying to me. I’m going to talk about it with my therapist tomorrow and I’m worried to talk about it but I’m so desperate for help at this point. I don’t know what else to do. I don’t want to be a monster? I never have and never will. I feel so much guilt and I know I would NEVER make the same mistakes again. But the thought of I was a monster back then and it makes me one now is absolutely terrifying 💔
Has anyone recovered from Real Event? Tips?
I was on my way to the train station and someone stopped me because they needed help looking for something. I didn't want to say no because I didn't want to come off as rude to that person. They needed help lifting a cart up the stairs so I helped them. But they also didn't have any money to get past the fee to ride the Subway. I paid but she kept talking to get my attention. This time I got really stuck on what to do because something told me I wasn't supposed to open the door that is push only. But I did it anyway because I didn't want to seem rude or like a bad person for rejecting a Samaritan in need. This one event has given me the most anxiety and it's still messing with me to the point where I'm tearing up. I feel like I just committed a crime by helping that person. I feel like I did something terrible. I wouldn't normally do that myself if I were alone but at the same time that person needed my help and I just wanted to do something good and helpful for someone for a change. I just can't get over it. I can't calm down. I can't shake it off and just move on like most other people would. I'm just left with heavy anxiety and overthinking. I guess what I'm supposed to do is not get anyone to tell me that this is not a bad thing or that I'm fine, but instead to just sit there and let it bother me. This feels terrible. I feel like a criminal.
I hate myself with a passion. I don’t know if it’s OCD or if I should really be worried but I feel like I deserve to give up and that I need to punish myself by not receiving care or love from family and friends and that I don’t deserve food or like I said to even live. I feel so dark and scared. I don’t know what I’m going to do. My therapist says it’s rumination but I think it’s more than that. She also said that I don’t need to figure it out either but I feel like I have to otherwise I’m never gonna know if I should hate myself or not but I feel like I do.
I think I've cracked the code to where my OCD comes from: It all began with early exposure to pornography. For so long I've beaten myself up for making mistakes with that kind of content, but I also forget I was only a 13 year old child when it began with no outside guidance to correct my perspective in such a position. Can anyone relate? How do you forgive yourself 100% for this? How do you go on? I want to start a dialogue for something like this. Something that helps people learn sex education the right away instead of all of the toxic ways our culture seems to show.
it's hard to trust my old self when the memory felt so real when i was on crisis. and trying to use logic don't solve anything, so i'm trying to remember to say "maybe i did, maybe i didn't. i lived almost 3 years without thinking about it, i don't need to solve it now"
anyone else scared they’ll overthink morality and stuff so much they’ll forget what’s right and wrong?
i just remembered something and it feels so vivid... i don't know if it's a false memory or not, I'm panicking so bad...
Whenever I see someone post about their real event ocd I think Mine is way more worse and feel like I don't even have real event ocd. It makes me feels like I am a horrible person.
Right now I feel like God is disappointed in me because of one of my tattoos that has pagan history even though I did not know it had that history and I do not align with paganism and im afraid that im going to be punished because of it, even though im making efforts to getting it removed.
Does anyone else‘s ocd tell you that you are just trying to justify what you’re obsessing over during times when you do start to get a better perspective on the obsession? My mind constantly tells me that I’m just letting myself off the hook.
Really struggling right now. Not seeking reassurance, but just need to vent because ocd is relentless. My ocd has latched onto the actual treatment of my ocd itself. I have an irrational fear that my docs will think I’m too obsessed with medications/appts and they will then stop prescribing my meds and stop seeing me as a patient because they don’t want to give into my OCD. Then I’ll be left to deal with my ocd on my own without meds and appts w/ specialists. This is a very paradoxical ocd and just an example of how ocd can do literally anything to keep a strangle hold on it’s victims. Any advice, thoughts, prayers are appreciated. Much love.
how do you let go of past mistakes? i just have memories constantly swirling around my head that make me feel like i want to vomit, and i just can’t get them out my head. i have an urging need to perform compulsions instead, but because a lot of my compulsions are mental, i really struggle to tell the difference between what’s a compulsion and what’s a healthy self-soothing mechanism ://
HELLO! EYES HERE! IT MIGHT HELP. My previous posts here were horrible just results of me drowning with my own feelings. (I don't know if yall remember my previous posts) BTW, I'M 2 WEEKS FREE FROM MY OCD!!! ❤ I'm so so so tired and mad of my ocd & anxiety and it just happened that one night I said to myself enough is enough!! my rumination and compulsion was never a help after all, it never answered my continuous problem solving in my head it just giving me more anxiety. That's why I said to myself "okay I will accept the worst case scenario eventhough it is hard to accept it but I don't care anymore! Past is past!!! I'm not my past. I have my good values today. Today is what most important not the past. Eventhough I did terrible things in the past (that I already repent numerous times) some things maybe I don't remember that I actually did (besides I'm not supposed to remember everything) what matters are my actions today (always choose to do whats right) (and I know to myself that I'm a good person today and will forever be! Plus I don't need anyone's validation with regards to my whole being!) AND I REALIZED THAT WE ARE NOT DESIGNED TO REPENT FOREVER. So my fellow ocd strugglers, ACCEPTANCE IS REALLY THE KEY it was really hard at first but pls TRY because at the end of the day the only true friend we have is ourselves. There are still times that I feel uncomfortable but I try to sit with it and accept that "its just ocd that tries to keep knocking on my door but hell no! I will not open my door for you anymore hah! 😝". We cannot change the past guys I wish we could but no, and we have to accept that. So the present moment is all that matters and we can control the TODAY so I suggest we better make the most out of it! ❤ Believe me, we can still live our lives the way we want to live our lives! Learn to forgive yourselves guys, move on and live with uncertainty. I PROMISE THESE ARE THE BEST THINGS I REALIZED DEEP IN MY HEART 2 WEEKS AGO 🥰 Feel free to ask me questions 🤗🤍
which memories are ocd and which of them are real? and what if all of them are real? i want to die if these memories about sexual things are real
why am i still doubting myself even if i have the same symptoms as false memory + real event ocd suffers have? deep down i know i would never do that, even if the memory takes place in 2018/2019, but i still ruminate sometimes about it since last december, after i had a nightmare with one of my ocd themes. it makes me feel scared because it felt so real and took place in a real event i want to die somedays because i don't want to live if i really did something wrong
i know that ocd causes doubt, but i am still scared that i did/would do something so horrible it's hard to not ruminate
One thing OCD has taught me: FEARS NEED TO BE FACED. It makes us stronger.
I’m at dinner with my family and I feel horrible. I don’t want to be here because I feel like I don’t deserve to eat or be happy or have a good time with my family. My past has been haunting me for so long. I feel so much guilt. I don’t think I could ever be free from this. I hate myself and I want to give up because my mind is doing everything in its power to find proof that I’m a monster and I’m scared that my past mistakes make me one 💔
I feel so much guilt and I feel so overwhelmed by my past mistakes. I don’t know what to do? How can I get through this? How do I know if it’s OCD or if I should be really concerned?
My retroactively jealousy is ridiculous. Why does my girlfriend’s sexual past cause me so much pain? It’s not like I thought she was a virgin before we started dating. She told me about things and at first it was fine and then it became real and it’s been my biggest theme ever since. I feel like the only way I could ever feel relief is to reach into the past and erase the events. I get such vivid images of her fucking other guys in numerous different ways. Of how they felt her skin and how she sucked their dicks and how her first time was with a boyfriend who was horrible to her and how all those men are out there with the memory of having penetrated her, how her moans sounded, having spread their sperm inside her and all over her body. I fucking hate this so much. I am going fucking insane. I looked all over the house yesterday for my knife so I could cut myself but I gave up because I couldn’t find it. How do you even apply ERP to something that already happened? To something that you don’t even know why it hurts you so much? I don’t understand myself. It seems so ridiculous and irrational. I’m such a joke.
I randomly just got reminded of my past mistakes again and I was doing just fine until I got triggered all of a sudden. I don’t know what to do. I feel so much guilt just fill my body and now I can’t seem to let it go no matter how many times I’ve been told to let it go and forgive myself I just can’t because I was so stupid when I was younger and didn’t realize at the time what I was doing wrong and I hate myself so much for it that I almost want to give up because I feel like I don’t deserve to move on and be happy
This is torture man... OCD is not cool... Imagine suddenly getting scared to watch a movie/ series :-( Imagine this being me for the rest of my life...