Im in a distance relationship for a few months now and I came to visit him yesterday and even thought we came sexually close after that intimate moment i was thinking that i am wasting his time/using him because yet again it feels like i am in denial.
Iâm talking to someone and everytime I talk to them I get an intrusive thought such as they look like a family member and this makes me feel so off but I still wanna talk to them but I feel weird and I donât want the intrusive thought to keep saying this
I've been really confused these last few months because I don't know which gender I'm sexually attracted to, since I was a kid I've always had a crush on girls but since I was 13 I started to be afraid that people would think I was gay because of the way I walk or speak and slowly I began to question myself if I was really gay, at the age of 16 I began to suffer from what I consider to be false attraction, whenever I look at a muscular, handsome or shirtless man I have intrusive thoughts and impulses of want to touch or kiss this man's body and it bothers me a lot but I don't know if it bothers me because I don't like it or if what bothers me is the fact that I like it and I'm in denial, I like to fantasize about women but why For some reason the intrusive sexual thoughts towards men feel more like sexual attraction than the purposeful thoughts I have towards women, I feel like I am forcing sexual attraction towards women and attraction towards men feels natural, I never wanted to kiss or have sex with a man but these thoughts confuse me and i feel like i'm lying to myself, who am i? "sorry my english is not very good"
Hello everyone..... I'm honesty so over this. I Haye the fact that my OCD theme is back and the anxiety hits super strong back to back to back and keeps going. I have been trying to stay off the internet and to not feed my ocd any more ideas, but it seems like evey where I trun, OCD uses evey chance it gets to make my anxiety spike more and more on after the other in a row. It was so bad I was crying my eyes out because these thoughts feel real and I hate them and I cried and cried until I couldn't anymore. I hate waking up now because I know what I'm getting myself into. I hate having to deal with my brain when I'm active. The only escape I have is sleep (95.5% of the time). I feel like im losing myself and I feel like im fighting to keep my identity safe from OCD. I'm tired, tearful, anxious, and stressed. Is so stressed to the point where I have physical pains in my back and develop headache. I want my life back and my sense of sanity back. I don't go on forums that much (reddit, quora, and google) Sometimes when I get numb from it all, I feel safer because u can't feel, and if I can't feel; I don't need to worry. Sleep is the only thing I look forward to because I can't even express my creativity( visual artists) without 4 or 5 intrusive thoughts following up.on each other along with intrusive feelings. I try and keep myself sane by playing bile games to re-directing my focus, but it works 50% of the time, which isn't bad, but from wverything I've stated above, it's not enough. I really Hate doing this because I know problems aren't as important, and people don't have time to stop and hear my thoughts and feelings, so I prefer to keep them to myself,; just so thay I don't burden or bother people with my issues when others have more issues than me. But I really feel broken and I feel.like my entire being is suffering because of it. TL;DR: my life is a living he'll I sleep Throught to cope, and I want to get rid of forums and ither things that feed my OCD to make it wores and throw things back in my face. Thank you to whoever had the patients to read thisđ Thank you so much... đ§đ§đđ§đ§
I get that checking, researching and giving reassurance/doing compulsions makes it worse but why can't I find an answer? Before all this I've had multiple girlfriends, wanted a wife and kids in the near future and was happy with life but now it feels like I'm a completely different person (not for the best either) I miss my old self I miss how I use to feel about my girlfriend. If I accept the thoughts that necasserially doesn't mean the thoughts are true since if I have a thought I'm a billionaire it doesn't mean I am one but why is OCD making it feel like if I accept these thoughts that means I am gay or bi? It's so confusing I just want to be myself again.
I never liked lesbian porn buy After two years of hocd it's like I started to like It? I don't get It, like I never liked It before, but then I started to Watch It to test myseld and now I feel something? Not excited but almost(?)
I keep getting intrusive thoughts of a friend my HOCD is targeting with false attractions and my HOCD is making me feel like Iâm anxious of women (upset stomach) when I donât ever want to be anxious of the gender Iâm attracted toâŚ
Intrusive thoughts have been constantly present throughout the day⌠intrusive thoughts about thinking guys are âhotâ, not wanting to look at men âbecause Iâm in denialâ, the word âgayâ everytime Iâm hanging out with the woman I like, it never ends⌠đđđ I only want to be with womenâŚ
im having severe anxiety about if im trans and looking back on my whole life saying âwhat if this meansâ. Its so mentally draining i genuinly cant even look at myself barely anymore. Anyone else going through this?
Whenever I get to the end of my cycle, or my relief part or whenever I just let the intrusive thoughts pass I think "did I really think I swing the other way, wtf?!" especially cause my desire to be with a woman along with my fantasies will pop back up as normal and I'll enjoy them, and I'll feel really happy, then I'm overcome with a sense of dread cause I'm like "the hocd cycle is gonna kick back up again ain't it..."
My OCD is now more urges, anxiety and constantly making up fake scenarios to check more than thoughts.
To who ever who comes across this I want you to know that you are okay!! No matter what!!â¤ď¸â¤ď¸
has any felt that weed has helped lower their ocd and anxiety?
am i the only one that suffering from not just having intrusive thoughts but more and more and it feel so awful to talk about any tips ?
So this is not reassurance seeking but basically me and my boyfriend are long distance but not too far (an hour flight) but it means that weâve been seeing each other every two weeks which was hard in itself because I have a pretty high attachment style and the OCD makes thing super hard too. He feels like he has no routine with the flying back and forth and he wants to push back to only seeing each other every 3 weeks (me go there, then 3 weeks later he comes here etc). This has caused huge arguments over the past few days because I know Iâm going to struggle with this so much with the OCD. I still have HOCD / ROCD when with him, the thoughts and anxiety donât go but theyâre way worse a lot of the time when apart and they get progressively worse the longer weâre apart so this situation is really triggering and upsetting me I havenât stopped crying for days and then in turn I get quite nasty with him and he doesnât understand. I donât know how to move forward with this and be happy with seeing each other so infrequently with no end in the near future (neither of us wanna move to the other for at least another year or two). Any help with how to deal with this would be appreciated.
Has anyone taken this with ocd. I took it last night to help me sleep and today I feel numb to the thoughts. Well Iâm not even having thoughts to be honest at the moment. But Iâm feeling so unscared by the thought of being gay. Iâm hoping itâs this tablet.
Does anyone else feel like their OCD gets worse after using porn/masturbating. Before my porn started becoming addictive and doing it daily my OCD was never this servere. I feel like it has created more sexual thoughts, lowered my self esteem and started my hocd in the first place and whenever I take a break from it my OCD is nowhere near as servere.
Itâs so hard to do everyday things when ocd is acting up. I canât focus on anything and I have no motivation to even go to the gym Iâm forcing myself to go but living like this doesnât feel sustainable
So much buzz around self acceptance and accepting/embracing your truth and how itâs hard to admit it to yourself and it just DOESNT HELP.
I feel so distant to my girlfriend, I use to think she was the most beautiful girl in the world now I don't feel anything its horrible. The same gender suddenly looks good as well which confuses me so much because before all this I found only the opposite sex attractive. I'm so confused I just want to be certain of who I am again, I wanna be able to smile again.
I like to fantasize about women, I feel good doing it but when I look at men with big shoulders and big backs I feel like I want to touch them sexually and I can't tell which one is the real sexual attraction, can someone help me ?
does anyone have this,when you experiencing an intrusive though and u feel a parts of ur body without any control ?
I dont wanna be like this forever i wanna go back to normal how do i make this go away??
Iâm getting intrusive thoughts of being homosexual or bisexual and itâs giving me intrusive feelings⌠worst part is that itâs making me feel like Iâm not anxious about it and giving me intrusive thoughts of being okay with it⌠ihmlâŚ
i think i'm experiencing same sex attraction, when i look at pictures of naked men i feel like i want to kiss or lick their body and it bothers me but at the same time i feel like i'm enjoying it and i actually feel bothered by fact that I'm enjoying this, what do I do?
Does anybody feel as though what they are experiencing isnât actually ocd but something our mind just tells us to keep us in denial? Like Iâve been struggling with these thoughts since freshman/sophomore year of high school and I am now currently a sophomore in college what Iâve been doing since then is just let the thoughts play in the background but it still very much so bothers me but Iâm also questioning on whether or not it actually bothers me or I actually enjoy them in secret? Idk If I make sense but I sometimes worry if I have to spend the rest of my life like this⌠itâs very depressing. Idk what to feel anymore and sometimes canât tell what my true thoughts are anymore đ
When my mind is active I donât have anything about being gay in my head. At all. Nothing. But the second I sit down and have nothing to do. Itâs back. And it breaks me down. It feels so unbelievably real
I feel like i dont see more future with my gf i feel like everything gone i feel like we are the worst couple on the world i think that our relationship is over i dont know like i want to break up but i dont wantt i cry and cryđĽşđđđđđ
It's ruining my relationship and I'm losing attraction to the opposite sex and keep getting false attraction and urges to check all the time it's horrible. Just want to return to my life before all this without worrying without having my identity lost.
I already said two things today, and maybe I just reached the end of my cycle or whatever. But I am a poet, an artist connected to the heart. We can all fixate on what our brains tell us. But I know in my heart that the women i fell for, those were real feelings. It wasn't me trying to push anything down or something that I was doing just to fit in or whatever intrusive thoughts try to make me doubt what's real. About me and what's not, what my heart says is that I want to be with a woman, not for any other reason than that I know it's what I want. Even during this HOCD episode I've been facing for two months I met a woman who made me feel electricity just by talking to her, it was a brief interaction but there's no way I faked that, I keep that in my heart during my darkest moments that no matter what happens or what my mind tries to make me doubt that my feelings are valid. I have the willpower to not let the king of doubt beat me
Sometimes I feel like I don't even know what sexual attraction is
Itâs making me feel like I wouldnât enjoy kissing a woman I really like⌠(Tifa from FF7)
I think the worst thing to happen is when your anxiety takes over and I feel numb to any sexual feelings, and it's starts to not even be about either gender but I think what if nothing is real.
I don't want to accept my thoughts could come true since that's what's causing all this fear but I do want this theme to go away. How do I stop this all.
When I was looking at stuff about women doing explicit stuff, I started intrusive thoughts and I started shivering uncontrollably⌠I got HOCD intrusive thoughts and started getting a strong physical groinal all the while I was still reading the stuff with women doing explicit things⌠I donât ever want to ever be homosexual or bisexual in any way shape or form⌠đđđ
I was watching a funny video with a couple of guys acting in it. I was fantasizing in my head about girls I like saying the lines in the video. (Tifa and aerith from final fantasy) and my HOCD keeps making me think Iâm attracted to the dudes when Iâm fantasizing about women⌠so I stopped⌠shortly then I started getting intrusive feelings in my stomach⌠i was fantasizing about the women so maybe thatâs it⌠but I hope itâs not feelings for dudes⌠đđđ
im asexual and have that or what it is
When I hear my friends talking about âpulling a lot of girlsâ I get sad because as someone whose⌠a virgin⌠Iâve never really had a woman my age and above whose attracted to me for me⌠and no girl my age and above actually want to be with meâŚ
I feel like Im not living without accepting myself that Im gay Am I still straight Not any detail of a women is attracting me
Also if I'm accepting uncertainty for recovery would that mean after I recover I'll be back to my normal sexuality or does that mean I'm accepting their could be a chance I'm bisexual? Because that's why hocd is difficult for me because I've always only loved women sexually and romantically.
I was trying to admire this attractive woman but then I accidentally clicked on a photo of this guy instead⌠and I didnât realize it was a guy at first⌠I was trying to look at th attractive woman⌠I wasnât trying to look at a man at allâŚ
Iâm hanging out with people and my roommate was talking about how I should have sex with my guy friends and I was saying no adamantly but I was getting intrusive feelings in my stomach⌠I tried not posting and now my HOCD is saying Iâm in denial for not posting about itâŚ
But for me my hocd only relapses when I've become addicted to porn again whenever I take a break from it my attractions come back and hocd is easier to cope with. Is anyone else like this?
I can't stop checking I keep googling sexual things to test myself and it's making me feel bisexual. I can't even go for a number two because if I "like the feeling" it makes me even more uncertain. I hate this so much idek who I am anymore.
I feel like Iâm using porn to constantly check what my sexual orientation is. Iâll use it multiple times a day and Iâll get aroused looking at women and feel reassured for a few hours that I know what I am but then intrusive thoughts keep coming back. Keep wondering what if Iâm gay and in denial and I keep thinking well Iâm attracted to women so even if I were into guys Iâd be bisexual but I keep thinking no what if Iâm gay and go back to watching prom. Donât even have a trigger here just intrusive thoughts make it tough to think about anything else or even live my life. Can ERP help if I donât even have a specific trigger and my thoughts are just hyper sexual all the time? Do I just have a porn addiction or do I also have OCD?
I feel stuck and canât stop checking. I hate the rituals that I do to check and hate that I get stuck in these loops. I canât get done anything that I have to because Iâm stuck and no matter how much I check it doesnât even give relief anymore it just doesnât feel right at all
Does anyone ever experience peaks in their SO-OCD? Like one minute you feel sure and youâre okay but itâs like once you have this hyper awareness that youâre not focusing on it you go back to obsessing and it builds up just to drop again. (Hope this make sense lol)
i donât get it. i basically believe my fear to be true at this point. unlike other people i canât recognize whatâs the real me deep down anymore. yet when i hear girls talking about their boyfriends i feel such intense jealousy and sadness that that will never be me. if im gay why canât i accept it. i keep trying to accept it. it shouldnât be this hard but it is. im so so so tired
What are your external triggers? Mine are pretty consistent (potential gay identifying man, rainbow flag) then numerous thoughts stem from those experiences. does this happen to anyone else?
i go to the gym all day and there are always a lot of muscular men there and it bothers me because i have a lot of intrusive sexual thoughts like kissing or licking their body, the problem is i don't know if it's sexual attraction or if it is only so-ocd, can someone explain the difference to me?
I was thinking of kissing this girl my age and above that I know, and my HOCD gives me intrusive thoughts of being gay, and then a groinal response / feeling⌠ihmlâŚ
Idk how I should react to the thoughts anymore it all just feels too real. I'm having more feelings, anxiety and urges than thoughts so it's really difficult to cope.
Before I say anything I just want to say THABK YOU SO MUCH TO EVERYONE WHO GAVE THEIR POSSITIVITY AND LOVE TO MY POSTS!!! It's been very helpful and I just wanted to share some good news with you all!! 1) I'm feeling semi-normal again? To clarify, I'm feeling a little bit of emotional numbness and a little bit of normal-ness lol if that Makes sense. 2) I'm less anxious and tearfully, but I still feel a reminisce of SO-OCD lingering in the back of my mind, but nothing harmful enough to get a full-blown anxiety attack. 3) The lingering SO-OCD is still making me feel out-of-character and not myself, so it's a mix of feeling normal, numb, and OCD's intrusive feelings. I hope that when I keep sitting with my thoughts and letting them be there along with the anxiety, that it will subside with patience and time. I made 3 posts today and you might have seen them "I hate this...." "I'm crying right now..." and thus one I'm writing right now!!. I really appreciate those who took their time to like and comment their experiences to make me feel less alone in this. And for those who did see my posts, I understand that you were probably not experiencing my theme(s), or you were dealing with your own OCD, either way, I am proud that you are still trying to break throught your anxiety and OCD symptoms, and I'm in now way upset about that!! Ik not the only one with this condition, so I don't expect people to read all the posts I made, but I will be happy for you whether you read my posts and they made you feel seen or heard, overcoming your current theme(s), or both!!! Lol this won't be that last you'll hear from me, but I plan on sharing my stories to help others along their journey!!! đŤâ¨ď¸đâ¨ď¸đŤ
I was very nervous for today. I was gonna see a lot of family today including younger family. Which made me very anxious about how I was gonna feel or think. I got there and obviously still felt anxious but I pushed through and still had a decent time. I do my best to not overthink or over analyze things. But as you know it can be very difficult. As well as after going home then looking back on today and trying to remember if I felt a certain way or if I did something wrong. Throughout the day I did catch myself analyzing my feelings and questioning what emotions were real. Which I do almost everyday but today felt a bit worse with the questioning. But the good thing to remember is that I made it through the day. I did what I had to, I smiled, laughed, and nothing technically bad happened. Your brain can fight you so much. But at the end of the day we can remember that even if it was extremely hard, we still made it. And not that Iâm not struggling. But Iâd like to express how even though your at rock bottom you can still make it through your day. You choose your happiness.
First appointment tomorrow morning! Iâm both excited and nervous. Part of me is nervous because: 1) what if I donât have OCD and Iâm actually just gay? Even though I felt 100% straight before this episode 2) I thought I was on downslope of the peak worse symptoms. So do I really need it? But it feels justâŚnagging today like my mind is like âcâmon just admit itâ and the lack of anxiety scares me too. Regardless, im excited to take the first step towards having my life back. OCD has really reared its head this year, causing fears about relationships, the future, the state of the world, and more. It feels awful that I canât mourn the end of my relationship with my girlfriends because these thoughts have been so preoccupying. Iâm ready for my life back.
Iâm getting my wisdom teeth removed soon and Iâm terrified Iâll blurt out any of my intrusive thoughts and people will think Iâm weird or horrible or someone that Iâm not. It makes it worse that my mom is very keen on recording me to post on Facebook when Iâve told her no several times. I told her I am not comfortable with her recording me and putting me on the internet when I donât even know whatâs going on. Itâs causing me a lot of anxiety. Plus itâs the first time Iâll go under general anesthesia and Iâm nervous.
i have a boyfriend and i don't want to have sex at all cause im asexual. but last time when i with him i have sexual graphic thoughts and feelings. im scared what if im not asexual, im scared what if i like that thoughts i don't want tođđ
Seeing these posts regarding sexual orientation OCD has been really interesting for me. I didnât know that was a thing and now Iâm like⌠shit. I came out as a lesbian in my early 20s. I always knew I was into girls from a young age and went through the usual turmoil etc. but I was so confident in my sexuality by the time I was in my 20s. Then I developed a crush on a man a few years ago. I think? Because I donât even know if I would actually want to date one⌠Is nervousness attraction? Is thinking someone is good looking attraction? For the past few years Iâve been spiralling between this is just me being in denial Iâm definitely a lesbian and actually no this is really attraction and thatâs okay labels can change youâre bisexual. But Iâve literally had this inner debate for over 3 years now on a daily basis. Iâve spoken so much about it with my friends and theyâre always like âjust go with the flow.â I canât! And now Iâm realising itâs not normal to stress over your sexual orientation on a regular basis⌠And it comes back to the OCD problem of I MUST know!! I need to know 100% who and what I am or nothing makes sense!! Anyway, every day I am learning new ways OCD has been a part of my life and I never knew, ha. Any other LGBT people with the same thoughts? Seems a lot of het people who worry theyâre gay/bi whereas Iâm the opposite đ
Iâm already a lesbian.. and that I like it⌠i hate it.. someone else?
That is all⌠HOCD and POCD keep intruding on me and make me feel like Iâm not anxious of thoughts and itâs making me feel like Iâm in denial because of the events in the previous post, as well as making me think I was in denial all this time⌠also forgot to mention in the previous post that while searching for stuff to watch, the searches were also giving me triggering HOCD stuff that I didnât ever want to do it to during my private time and my HOCD is telling me that I was doing it to the triggering stuff when I dont ever want to ever do that.. and itâs making me feel like Iâm not anxious about any of this⌠with chills in my arms⌠đđđ
I kept getting intrusive thoughts of guys private parts in my private time⌠as well as intrusive thoughts of how Iâm doing it to the intrusive thoughts when Iâm not, making me think I would do stuff with guys when I donât ever want to do that, and itâs making me feel like Iâm not anxious about it⌠đđđ
Hello Everyone! Today I had a breakdown when I woke up a few minutes ago because of my OCD appearing in my dreams. I'm Heterosexual and my SO-OCD showed up in my dreams and it felt so real. I'm currently in tears writing this and I feel like I fraud living a lie. I'm still having Anxiety while writing this as well. I hate living with this It makes me doubt who I am. What I love. And what I want. I just want it to stopđ Thanks for reading this lengthy postđ§đ§
Its no longer the thoughts that bother me it's the fact I lost my identity idk who I am anymore neither do I feel like my normal self. I just want this to all go away so I can be my happy self knowing who I was before this nightmare.
Thoughts, or another voice?
And my anxiety is worse. Is sleep a trigger?
guys it wont get out of my head i dont even know what to believe or who to talk to im so panicked over it. I look back on old photos and ive always been tom boyish and what if that means i rlly do wanna be a boy and never realized it. Ive always lived being a girl until ocd started attacking my mind a couples days ago. Im so sad and it feels like i dont know myself anymore. What if im just in denial?
First time back at the pool since HOCD got bad. I was worried, as could be expected I guess. I saw a dude walk in with a Speedo and my mind went racing and I had to check twice and was freaking out and in the midst of it, this thought hit me âthe last time you were aroused in the pool was with your ex girlfriend.â It was like a light turned on. The racing mind was still there, frustratingly, but it was like I realized, ohâŚthis is silly. And was able to finish my swim in (relative) peace.
It makes me feel like I canât vomit when I try to see my reaction to the triggering HOCD and POCD thoughts anymore⌠đđđ
When I was in my private time, I kept stumbling onto triggering things I didn't want to see, my HOCD telling me that I'm in denial because I'm cold as heck when I was in my private time, and intrusive thoughts and images during my private time my HOCD tells me that I'm doing it to when I don't ever want to ever do that to any man in any way shape or form... additionally, my HOCD is giving me intrusive thoughts about my friend and doing stuff with him or other guys... and I hate it so much... as well as making me think I'm getting physically aroused by the intrusive thoughts when I'm looking up stuff of women my age and above doing stuff⌠and I was getting intrusive thoughts of kids when I was trying to fantasize about women my age and above too⌠đđđ
I felt like I was doing okay today and then saw a couple of pictures that were fairly normal but still triggering. Why does it seem like the reaction I had to a cute girl like 2 months seems to have done a complete 180 and now be associated with the opposite sex? Has anyone else had this? And the scariest part is that Iâm not feeling anxious, but yet I know this isnât me.