- Date posted
- 135d ago
- Young adults with OCD
- Students with OCD
- Sexual Orientation OCD
I want my anxiety back. It feels too real now.
I want my anxiety back. It feels too real now.
And the only thing I did was checking the whole time. About him but also about my soocd. What if I lay here with a women? What if I like it? What if I don't love him? Do I love him? Is he the one? What if a women would kiss me? These are just a few examples. Can someone give me any tips you to manage this? And are other people experience this too?
This anonymous person (whose gender I don’t know but I assumed to be a woman ) walked in with a mask and hoodie covering their head. I started getting intrusive thoughts about them doing stuff with me when I dont know their gender and don’t want to ever be with dudes or anyone else besides women my age and above… and then I get intrusive thoughts about dudes and doing stuff with them too… I only ever want to ever be with women my age and above… 😞😞😞
But it’s so difficult when you have extremely horrible real events OCD connected to POCD that’s based on extremely horrible real events you did when you were 13… I truly didn’t know how horrible the real events were… I really didn’t…
I was hanging out with this girl I think is very attractive at work. I had very tight jeans and because of that, I had a physical groinal. My HOCD was giving me intrusive thoughts during these moments too… and my HOCD was making me think I was in denial because of “me getting a groinal to the intrusive thoughts…” and when I feel comfortable and in a good mood around the ladies, my HOCD tells me that it’s because I’m in denial when I only want to be with women my age and above…
i keep weird urges and it’s just so frustrating
Hi for the past three months I've experienced no romantic attraction towards the gender I like even doe I have been romantically attracted towards that gender before. Last year I had experienced Sexual Orientation OCD and think this might be similar but not having any romantic attraction at all. Can someone make sense of this?
I went swimming with my friends today. I had very few groinal responses and I had very little anxiety and intrusive thoughts because I was having fun. Now im home my heads replaying the time I had to see if I react to their bodies or peoples there. It’s convincing me I liked my friends. Wth is wrong with my head.
The thing Is that I just can't believe that something like so-ocd esists. My brain just can't accept It, I always think if you had these doubts/obsessions over your sexuality for years well it means it's true. I Just can't get over it.
For a minute I believed I was gay because of intrusive thoughts entering my mind and trying to convince me that I was attracted to other guys. They’re not thoughts I want, nor do I agree with. And I found myself checking Instagram pages of fitness guys to see if I was indeed attracted to them. I’m pretty sure this is SO-OCD. The devils a liar.
I had a bad HOCD and POCD dream where I was looking through porn (h*ntai) and stumbling across content I didn’t want to see… and it’s making me feel like I’m not anxious about it…
But I don’t believe it. Sometimes I believe I’m lying about everything and that I’m in denial..
I think the worst part of all this to me is the loss of attraction towards my better half, since this started I haven't been able to feel the same way at all towards her or women in general, if there was even a glimmer of attraction then it would make this hell I'm living in that little bit easier I think.
Can HOCD make you have a feeling that you like the thoughts and then because you felt like you liked it your anxiety just goes straight through the roof. Kinda falls under the intrusive feelings/emotions category that’s less talked about
My HOCD is also making me think I wouldn’t be happy kissing my boss (she’s 22 and I’m 21) and it’s making me feel like I wouldn’t be excited by it either… ihml…
I keep getting intrusive thoughts of the word “boyfriend” and “sexy” when my boss (who I’m attracted to) came into the room I’m at, I was getting intrusive thoughts of the words constantly (I do think my boss is very attractive and she’s the same age as I am), and while i do think my boss is “sexy” I don’t think guys are because I don’t ever want to ever be attracted to guys in any way shape or form… I don’t ever want to ever be homosexual or bisexual at all… but it makes it feel so real and I hate it…
My HOCD is telling me that I want to be approached by a “cute guy” instead of a beautiful woman my age and above… and it’s making me feel like I’m not attracted to women… ihml… and intrusive feelings are there too… followed by intrusive thoughts of certain friends my HOCD is targeting with false attractions… why me…
Are there any active discord chats? I’m struggling bad with real event and I feel like it’s so hard to relate to others with ocd sometimes bc their fear hasn’t happened and mine has
I had a dream of naked men and women gathered around and I was focused on the women in the dream but my HOCD is telling me that this means I’m Bi when I dont ever want to ever be homosexual or bisexual in any way shape or form…
Sometimes when the thoughts come and j check to see if I like the thoughts I react in a way of not liking it, then a thought comes in trying to connivence me otherwise
There’s an nsfw chat on discord and it’s giving me intrusive thoughts of words like “little girls” and “gay” and it’s giving me a groinal feeling… ihml…
I'm 15 and I want to get a job I've applied to a few but it seems the only ones are babysitting jobs and I don't feel comfortable with that
I have ocd for like 4 or 5 months, but I discovered that there are days I feel straight, and there are days that my body tells me am gay. Like today it was frustrating. I had a feeling I was gay but no anxiety. I don't want to be gay. I also discovered that in the evening the hocd isn't that strong, it feels like I don't care at that moment. I Don't feel attracted to men, but my mind says to me I like them and creates sexual imaginations , telling me I like them. Anyone who has this the same?
Growing up I was a kid who always looked up to people that I wanted to be like, mostly nba players since I loved playing basketball. Still while growing up I always looked up to nba players and certain celebrities that I admired cause of their confidence (I was a unconfident person growing up) However, now with this HOCD it’s turned all of those past events about working to be like the people I looked up to, to making it seem like I was just attracted to them the whole time. Furthermore, growing up I was always a very loving person to my friends and family. (Never a sexual thought) but now it’s making the love I have for my friends and family turn into a “oh you’re just attracted to them” when that’s never been the case Is this the same for anyone else, feel free to write your story in the replies, I’d love to talk
My thoughts ALWAYS get worse during that time and even a week before. Today I’ve had 3 times where I’ve felt like I did before ocd. I’ve had an ocd attack. I cried about a breakup. And now I have loads of anxiety. It’s hell
i first learned i had ocd in mid-august. i’ve been dealing with so-ocd since early july. i could tell you the exact moment it hit me: it was a comment a friend of mine made about my dating life. they said they thought i might be aromantic. i cant tell you exactly why, but i freaked out over this. i suppose the idea of being perceived differently than i saw myself struck me as significantly threatening. i remember walking into the bathroom in a panic, mentally reviewing every crush i ever had to scour my brain for any proof of my friend’s observation. i remembered a boy i liked in second grade. i remember thinking he might confess to me and being so nervous that i ran away from him. looking back now, it seems so obvious. i was a kid. of course i was nervous. i was 8. but at the moment it hit like a lightning strike. a bomb went off in my brain. i hunched in on myself and asked, so anxious i was nearly nauseous: “am i gay?” and was sucked inside my own brain for the next several months, completely detached from happiness or reality. i don’t have to tell you guys how awful it was. you all know. i did everything. i went on lgbt+ reddit forums, desperately trying to compare my experiences to them or to see where we differed. i compulsively watched porn. i read the lesbian master doc upwards of maybe twenty different times. i cried. had panic attacks. couldn’t eat. took every single sexuality quiz i could find. read up on sexual fluidity. ruminated constantly, imagining different sexual scenarios and seeing which ones i liked best. all the while, i was so confused. i knew, logically, that i was acting completely irrationally, but more than anything, i wanted to scrape the doubt from my chest where it lingered persistently, taunting me. i *knew* my answer, yet at every turn, it was snatched away from me. it was like sisyphus rolling a boulder up the hill. everytime i was 99% there, another “what if” question had me back down on the bottom, hopelessly confused. it wasn’t until i accidentally came across an ocd article that i realized what i had been dealing with. i remember bursting into tears when i saw it because i finally felt seen. i was looking for the perfect label to encompass the truth of my sexuality (because why else would i have these doubts if they were not, on some level, true?) but it was in reading about a mental disorder that something resonated with me. still, though, i was so stuck in the process of rumination that getting me out of it seemed almost impossible. i was of two minds: on one hand, i knew i had ocd. i was diagnosed. i was proactive about getting diagnosed. on the other, what if? what if, what if, what if? what if it wasn’t ocd? what if it was ocd AND a sexual identity crisis? didn’t i owe it to myself and my future partner to know? it was irresponsible not to, i told myself. like dr. greenberg said, i was only justifying my addiction to certainty. i was willingly and happily making myself worse in the name of “self-discovery.” i’ve been here for a while. many of you have probably seen my worst moments. my ocd has ebbed and flowed between being absolutely unbearable to being moderately okay. but it wasn’t until recently that i really, really started to see the futility in this. i was driving myself insane over hypotheticals that literally may never happen. i was putting myself in every single imagined scenario to see how i would react, knowing that those situations were fake, a product of my neuroses. i was engaging in some kind of twisted form of self-harm, deliberately making myself uncomfortable and distressed in the name of problem-solving. and for what? because i didn’t trust myself? because i didn’t trust my wants? because i was scared of making decisions i know i didn’t want to make? it was futile. all of it was futile, almost laughably so. i knew myself and yet i engaged in this torture anyway because, what if? what if, what if? it was stupid. i hear a lot from sufferers and specialists alike about acceptance and uncertainty, and i get it. those are important. but in this case for me, at least, it was understanding that i didn’t need to give a shit. i needed to get over myself. i had to stop being such a control freak. i had to learn to trust future-me to do what she wanted to do. i had to take the stick out of my ass and see the forest for the trees and dedicate myself to living again. i won’t lie to you and say that the instinct to check isn’t still there, but everytime it rises back up, i tell myself: what’s the point? what’s the fucking point? i’m not gonna be satisfied with the answer anyway. i wasn’t the first few thousand times i did it. and i won’t be the next thousand times i do it either. so yeah. i still can’t tell you with 100% certainty what my sexuality is, but that’s okay. i also cant tell you with 100% certainty that i won’t die immediately after posting this. it’s fine. it’s all gonna be fine. you all have the strength to see past your ocd’s taunting and return back to yourselves. i believe in you💖
I find that my so ocd is calmer in some situations, but at times i wake up and its the first thing i think of and im very overwhelmed.
Sometimes I don't know what i'm doing. I can't seprate bad and good. I feel like I'm guilty, but then l realize what if it's a noraml thing?! It's like i gotta make myself sure about what i do. Even that's a simple uninmportant thing. I'm suffering too much. :) What do you do at this moment?!
What are some of your silly triggers?
I feel in denial
I've kind of accepted that I can't for 100% sure know what sexuality I am and I'm trying to live with the uncertainty but it makes me f**king depressed like it feels totally off. I've had moments in the past where I was sure what sexuality I identify as and I felt amazing like I knew who I was I felt comfortable in my own skin. I just wish I wouldn't obsess about this specific theme. But I will keep going cause I know there is light at the end of the tunnel 💪❤️🌸
What’s there to even hope for? Because it feels like there is no hope at all for me… my POCD, HOCD, and real events OCD connected to the two subtypes hurts me so much… I am in agony and in constant anguish every single day… and people ignore me in real life… people block me on here… people say they will always be there and never are… what is there to hope for? If I disappeared right now… I would prevent so many peoples pain… if I ceased to live right now… then people would be happy… people would laugh… people wouldn’t care and want me gone… for my POCD and real events OCD based on porn when I was 17-18, and extremely horrible real events when I was 13… my HOCD feels so real too… like it makes me feel like I want it when I don’t… I hate my life so much…
I had one of the nest nights with the girl i am in relationship and i felt so so in love then in tomorrow day i slept and anxionity comed back and like i saw part boddy from mans and it triggered me so so much and i feel like i dont care anymore i am so so scared snd i feel like im turning in gay😢😢😢
I feel very weird posting this but I went on a trip with my friends and I had to share a bed with one of them and for some reason I had a sexual dream that night when I was sleeping in the bed with her (not about her) but I just felt so weird and uncomfortable when I woke up. Has anyone ever experienced this? I keep ruminating on it and I’m not sure what to do. It is very much triggering unwanted thoughts around my sexual orientation and making me question everything.
When I was 13 I hung out with a friend a lot. He was the only friend I had in the US. And I had this constant feeling in my chest this one time I hung out with the guy. I wasn’t attracted to the friend at all and he was someone i just hung out with. My HOCD is saying that the feeling was attraction when I wasn’t attracted to him at all and never fantasized about him or any guys in any way… plus my HOCD is giving me intrusive thoughts about kissing my male co-worker and it’s making me feel like I’m not anxious about it… what do I do… 😞😞 I don’t ever want to ever be homosexual or bisexual in any way shape or form….
Does anyone with hocd have the thought what if I don't find her attractive 🤣and it freak u out so then u like have to say I don't kno then that freak u out 🤣🤣dam typing it out now it seems soo ocd 🤣
I’ve freaked out before when i dyed my hair purple and pink because I thought it would make people think I was bisexual since it was not only the colors of the bi flag but also because colorful hair has now been seen as a very common characteristic of people thag are bi/lesbian. I also sometimes freak out because of what i wear. Ever since I was a kid I always dressed pretty tomboy, now older ive started to dress (naturally, not forced) more feminine but still will dress tomboy here and there. And now, when i dress more tomboy-like i get scared that people will think I am bi/lesbian by how i am dressed. I know I shouldn’t and I should just dress however I want but it’s not that easy because I start getting these intrusive thoughts that then make me wanna change what i’m wearing just out of fear. I wanna also state that my own sister has told me that she and my family used to think I might’ve been lesbian due to me dressing pretty tomboy in my early years which used to not trigger me but now i feel it adds to my HOCD thoughts.
i had a same sex dream today and i woke up with an urge to check out gay porn and i had an intense groinal response because of it and even fantasized a bit. extremely depressed and i feel like my life has been a lie.
I was in school today and a girl walked by and I looked at her clothes because I liked how she looked. But then I had a 'groinal arousel' and now my OCD is telling me i always had this...
Maybe I am, maybe I’m not but I probably won’t figure that out today so for now let’s just get dressed for work
Really hard to deal with this right now as I have a girlfriend & a baby at home, the guilt of these thoughts is killing me inside & the further it goes on the further I'm believing I'm gay, I've had past experience with homosexuality once & It was very confusing and I didn't know what to think, I was 17 at the time & I'm 25 now. My relationship with my girlfriend is the healthiest one I've ever been in & I had more plans for our future but since this started, everything seems jeopardised by it! My head feels like it's literally telling me to give up and be with a male instead & it feels to real at this moment in time! I've struggled with health ocd or health anxiety & also ROCD, the HOCD started after this, it's so debilitating.
I want to do a compulsion and look up for the 100th times if I’m a lesbian or ask for reassurance. I try not to do it and sit with the uncertainty. Anyone have any tips?
Hey, I'm thinking to book a call with a therapist on this app but I live in Europe (this goes about the insurance/finances stuff) plus I don't speak English very well. Is anyone here having therapy sessions who is in the same situation as me?
I was always wanting to be with women my age and above, and I couldn’t answer why to my friends… my HOCD is telling me that it’s because I was in denial… 😞😞😞
I am not having panic attacks and breakdowns anymore from my thoughts but I still do go crazy when I have them. I have good days but then others are so hard. Anytime I think about like I can’t wait to have a boyfriend and be married to a nice guy, u turn to panic mode because I know I’ll have intrusive thoughts now about liking girls and I do so many compulsions. And then throughout the day I check myself to see if u have thoughts which then leads to doing more compulsions. I just can’t stop thinking about how I’m struggling and how four months ago none of this was going on and I was so happy and confident. I just want my life back. Anyone know how to distract myslef so I don’t think about my thoughts when I’m not having a ocd moment? Thank you
I'm thinking on going on vitamin b12 and zinc should I ?? I'm like doing better but I feel like I'm at the point in which any thought I get I'm just like I don't know and I just stay there with anxiety but idk I feel like I could do more ? I'm not sure any advice??
Hey, I just read something I wrote about an old girl friend of mine and right now I just can't handle this burning feeling on my chest. I just wanted to share it because it's to much. 🌻
My intrusive thoughts are centered around hocd and I usually have a mix of thoughts about it However, sometimes the thoughts get so graphic and feel so real to the point where it feels like my brain gets shocked and my whole body tightens crazily. Idk if anyone else has experienced this.
I was sitting doing some studying and I had a random thought (although It didn’t seem like a thought) and then I got a sharp pain in my chest. It went again and then I got another ‘thought’ and then the pain came back. Anyone else have this ?
I had low attraction even prior to hocd, but now it's like gone? I'm sure it will come back, but at the same time I'm concerned about if it won't. I was a porn user even prior to hocd. Guess that had something to do with it. Will I get it back?
My HOCD was giving me intrusive thoughts of guys private parts and stuff all day… and it’s making me feel like I’m not in the mood when I see women my age and above doing stuff… I hate my life..:
having a really rough time of it rn i just want to cry and i’m trying not to and i want to throw up. and i just want my brain to shut up. i hate this. i don’t know who i like anymore, i feel like i’m sabotaging all my relationships. i can’t tell what is me anymore and what’s not.
When I try to ignore the thoughts it feels like I’m just accepting the thoughts and saying “yea these thoughts and feelings are me” does anyone else feel this way? It makes it feel even more real and then the cycle starts all over again for me
As far as I know I've been living with OCD for a long time but these past 6 months have been at its worth. No matter how hard I try I can't seem to bring myself to the present moment. I feel I've gotten accustomed to living in my head and it's exhausting, to the point where I don't even really know who I am anymore, what any of my relationships meant. I needed to vent for a moment.
Anyone on medication? If so, what has helped with minimal side effects? I’ve tried Zoloft but it caused me to have no emotions and no sex drive thus increasing my hocd.
I don’t know if I have intrusive thoughts anymore :-(. Like they don’t come randomly or spontaneously to me. I am just ruminating about the topic like I am actively choosing to think about it for example if I don’t want to have sex with my boyfriend one day I am ruminating why it is like that etc. is it still hocd?
I’m trying to see my reaction to the triggering thoughts by thinking things that purposefully trigger me… I ended up puking and cringing but it was later than when I usually end up puking and my HOCD is telling me that I’m in denial because of it… Plus when I was doing my private time, I was getting intrusive thoughts of doing stuff to guys private parts and “little girls” when I was doing it to women my age and above… and it’s making me feel like I’m not anxious of it…😞😞😞
It's making me feel like I'm not anxious of intrusive thoughts kissing men… When I tried to see my reaction to the thoughts it was making me feel like I wasn't anxious of the intrusive thoughts at all... and it's making it feel so real too…it's making me feel like I want it when I don't ever want to ever be homosexual or bisexual in any way… While trying to see my reaction to the intrusive thoughts, I was trying to see my reaction to the false attractions of my friend that my HOCD is targeting. My HOCD is making me that I have feelings for him and making me think I like "being bisexual" when I dont ever want to ever be bisexual or homosexual at all… I've been dealing with this for two whole years… and it's making it feel so real 😞😞 like it's making me feel like I want it when I don't ever want to ever be homosexual or bisexual in any way… it's like this intrusive feeling in my stomach… And it's making me feel like I'm not attracted to woman my age and above and I hate my life so much I only want to be with women my age and above… I only want to be with women my age and above… I don't ever want to ever be romantically or sexually attracted to men in any way shape or form… it's making it feel so real like it's making me feel like I want it when I don't…
My triggers from the previous two posts are still present… plus additionally, it’s giving me intrusive thoughts of me letting go of being in denial and accepting it when I don’t ever want to ever be homosexual or bisexual in any way…
It’s making me feel like I’m not anxious of intrusive thoughts kissing men… when I tried to see my reaction to the thoughts it was making me feel like I wasn’t anxious of the intrusive thoughts at all… and it’s making it feel so real too… it’s making me feel like I want it when I don’t ever want to ever be homosexual or bisexual in any way…
While trying to see my reaction to the intrusive thoughts, I was trying to see my reaction to the false attractions of my friend that my HOCD is targeting. My HOCD is making me that I have feelings for him and making me think I like “being bisexual” when I dont ever want to ever be bisexual or homosexual at all… I’ve been dealing with this for two whole years… and it’s making it feel so real 😭😭😭 like it’s making me feel like I want it when I don’t ever want to ever be homosexual or bisexual in any way… it’s like this intrusive feeling in my stomach…
I’ve been working on non-engagement responses for my SO-OCD and I’ve been doing better. I want to take my exposures up a notch but I don’t know what the next step would be. Any ideas?
I’ve had a very hard but helpfull ERP session and practice at home with the ERP. Its hard and rough but it works. For 2 days i felt good. The thougts didn’t bother me and i could feel happy. Today I feel distress, anxiety and a lot of sadness. I had hoped that the feeling of the last 2 days would remain. Is it normal in the healing proces that you have some days where you feel like you are back at the start and you feel horrible? Its scaring me because what if this means the therapy isn’t working for me..
Can sexual orientation ocd make you believe that you actually are the feared orientation but just afraid of rejection from family. I don’t want to be with a girl in romantic or sexual way. Throughout my suffering I have thought about what my family would think if I were and it is a little scary, but my mind has latched on to the fear of well it’s just cause your family wouldn’t approve or would find it weird. I think it scares me cause that is one of the things of like denial and I don’t see it in anyone else’s struggles with soocd and usually if you’re having those thoughts that means your just in denial and don’t want to be rejected, but I’ve talked with my parents about soocd and some of the things that we’re going on a while ago and I don’t think someone who is scared of judgment would bring anything of the sort up. I just feel really disconnected with myself right now and am in a lot of distress.
So I’ve been suffering from SO-OCD for a year now and it’s beginning to take a toll on my relationship with my boyfriend. He also suffers from OCD so he understands but says he feels inadequate and like he can’t feel secure because he feels like I’m not secure in our relationship because of this. I feel awful because I can’t alleviate his anxiety because I can barely alleviate my own. I don’t want to lose him but I feel horrible about this affecting our relationship and his self esteem and so my brain is telling me it’s better to just end it so he doesn’t have to suffer anymore. I’m heartbroken and lost 😔 I hate OCD
I experienced this as a young teen (i am 21 now) i haven't thought about it in so long until a therapist (not from here) asked me if i was straight or not. :/
This literally feels like denial now. I wanted a future with my boyfriend but now can’t see one. I just wanna be straight and like guys again I can’t deal with this anymore it’s too much and wayyyy too convincing. I don’t have the anxiety hardly at all anymore and just feel like I’ve faked being straight my whole life even though I know my attraction to men was real. Why did this have to come up as soon as I got into a healthy relationship with the man of my dreams/I wanna have a future with. Im too far down the rabbit hole to come back
Many people and therapists say all the time that it can be both that I can be lesbian or not and I realise it when I get better. I have the feeling that more I feel better with my ocd I feel more like a lesbian and I am scared I am realising the truth now and I will realise I am a lesbian :-( can someone relate?
Is there anyone else out there who is also not straight, I.e lesbian in my case but gets sexuality ocd about actually being straight….
Hi! My intrusive thoughts hit me under the form of a person's face. Only their faces. Can anyone relate?
I have been struggling with hocd it’s horrible it feel so real I feel like I am in denial I I’m with a woman been with her for 3 months and the thoughts are telling me that I am lying to myself it is horrible I want the old me back before this hell stared
Seen myself marrying with a man, having kids and a cat. My SO-OCD is ruining this. The thoughts telling me I want to live with a women and that I have to live with a woman to make me happy again. It’s so confusing. I want to marry my boyfriend and have kids with him..
Hey everyone, I’ve been struggling with SO-OCD for close to 5 years now. I identify as a heterosexual male and during these 5 years I have dated and been intimate with women, but for some reason I get debilitating doubts that I am not heterosexual. Love and relationships have always been my greatest goal in life and something I place great value on. I’m at a point where I generally avoid people and dating because my thoughts never align with who I used to know myself to be. I don’t know how to engage in ERP therapy because I don’t want to date or be physically intimate with a man. I guess I’m just looking for suggestions on what to do or how to help myself. I am currently in regular talk therapy. Thank you all.
Winter depression is hitting me hard and my OCD spikes a lot. Feel sad.
Once you have erp therapy and take OCD meds for xla certain amount of time will OCD be completely treated/cured to some extent or will I have to go back for therapy in the near future to make sure I don't relapse?
Keep swapping between these themes - really doubting that they’re ocd. I worry that I’m secretly aromantic because romantic attraction is so hard to define. How do I stop obsessing as I’m so terrified this isn’t ocd?