- Username
- san🌻
- Date posted
- 1405d ago
- Sexual Orientation OCD
Can I talk to someone about my hocd?? Please!!! I'm very anxious
Can I talk to someone about my hocd?? Please!!! I'm very anxious
for those of you who dont know what TOCD is its a fear of being transgender, almost like HOCD. Ive always loved being a girl until OCD attacked me and now its became into a daily obsession from the moment i wake up and them go to sleep. Its horrible i cant stop questioning myself and idk who to tell. Any advice?
I have gone through intense ERP, and feel I am on a much better path than I was a few months ago. I can get through the day without crying or shutting down, I can work, I can socialize…all things that are a great step! BUT all of things just feel OK, I feel just okay. The thoughts are still constantly there but my response to them has changed so my anxiety has gone down. I’m in recovery but I’m most definitely not where I want to be, I want to be able to have these happy moments with my boyfriend and family - instead I just don’t even feel emotion anymore unless it’s sadness. I have little blips of moments where I feel like me again and there are wonderful but 80% of the time I’m just coasting through life Any suggestions are greatly appreciated🤍
has anyone tried gabapentin? if so has it helped?
Ever since I was a teen I've been exclusively attracted to women. But last year random false attractions popped up randomly. I think I'm not attracted to men, but these false attractions makes me doubt that.
Thoughts came with great anxiety and panic at first but now it feels like I want it. Feel like im lying to myself, don't understand how this can happen overnight, so depressing.
My ocd is telling me I would like to have breasts? It feels real that I would like them. I have had Transgender OCD theme off and on . Any suggestions? It’s really bothering me especially because I have went weeks without it bothering me and then it pops out of nowhere. If I was truly transgender it would not be off and on right?
I noticed that even when looking at a guy I like or am extremely attracted to. My pupil doesn’t get big which it’s supposed to when your attracted to someone. It makes me worry it dilated when looking at what I don’t like and makes me feel very depressed. I’ve been dealing with this since I was 17 in my 30s now I don’t know if I’ll ever fix this. Anyone else feel this or notice their eyes doing this or the reason for it
Is someone able to look at my last post. Someone accidentally triggered me and I’m very very scared. If your able to. Please take a look.
I was so so happy with him. So in love. I always reacted right away to his texts. Right now because of my SO-ocd I don’t feel any attraction or love for him and I hate it. Please someone help me. Are other experience this?
Sometimes I don't even know what I'm deep down, and this sentence makes me anxious. Anyone else?
Just getting over a cold. My period has been causing me pain. My head hasn’t stopped. And I’ve barely slept. I’ve had to take the day off of college because I just haven’t got the slightest amount of energy and ocd is feeling too real today. Don’t know what to do with myself
What do I do if my HOCD and POCD gives me intrusive thoughts and makes me feel like I’m not anxious of triggering situations…? 😞😞😞 it’s making me think I’m in denial because of this… 😞😞😞
For having this space to share everything that bothers me. I feel extremely sentimental and emotional about all I've endured and gone through. It's hard for me to grasp everything I've gone through in life, sometimes, even hard to remember. I've been through so much, seen so much, been to so many places, met so many people, cried so many nights, and it makes me feel really emotionally that, truly, no one in this world can say they know me as much as I know me. All I've experienced and felt. My home life is difficult because for all I've seen, change is not one of them. I hate change but I always wish for it in my household. I grow older now, and I get so nervous and sad because not only do I age, but so do those around me. I've developed depression and anxiety and have had them impact my life beyond belief. It's hard to remember how fucked up many days were and still are because I just can't realize it. Now I have this OCD, and it's a reminder that I have yet another thing I can't see impacting my life so much and terribly. It's so hard to believe that depression, anxiety, and OCD mess with our being and psyche so bad because out of all the things we experience, these are the only ones we cannot see. On days where I reflect like this, it lets me have some sympathy for me. And that's all I can ask for.
Does anyone else have loss of attraction (aesthetic attraction) to the opposite sex? And also does dressing well/looking good trigger anyone else?
It’s giving me constant intrusive thoughts and it’s making it feel so real…😞😞😞
Does anyone’s themes bounce around? Yesterday I was suffering heavy from contamination intrusive thoughts, today I am having thoughts that “what if I hit someone on my way home and didn’t realize” when reality is nobody was around on the road and I know I’d know if I hit someone. I have had high stress in life recently which I think is triggering this flare up. I just wanna be okay and I know I need to see a therapist but financially as a student that Isn’t in the cards right now. Anybody have advice for how to handle your mind consult dining new things to fixate on? In the last two years relationship and SO themes have been the ones I’ve struggled with, but these constant intrusive thoughts are all over the place and it’s less easy to cope now. Any advice appreciated! Thank You!
Hello guys.. i am strugglin a lot lately, like since two months ago, and today my psychiatrist prescribed me a new med. Risperidona. I don't know but i feel kinda guilty because i can't do it "by myself". I have this voices in my head yelling at me "You should be able to do it alone" "You shouldn't take meds" "youre weak". This is so hard
All these lesbians having crushes on guys before realizing everything, It scarsa me so much.
i now have HOCD and its based on being trans and lesbian. I support the lgbtq+ completely but i love being a girl and im attracted to males. Thats why it worries me so much. Is anyone else scared about the same things?
And I am diagnosed with OCD. Somehow I don’t believe it. My thoughts are telling me that I was lying to my therapist and that he know that I’m lying. What if my thoughts are true. I’m so anxious
Does anyone else get really nervous when telling someone about OCD/the thoughts you’re struggling with? I’m going to talk to a spiritual mentor today about it and am feeling anxious.
So I know that not feeling attracted is normal well recovery but I feel also somewhat attracted I think i don't know it's weird I use to like questions if I was gay or not but now I'm just like it doesn't matter maybe I am maybe not and I notice that I do get attracted to like the gender I prefer but like it's not what it use to be ik I'm still recovering but is that common like feeling attracted but then question if u are 😂and yeah I do get a bit anxious about that but not as much as I use to I just say maybe maybe not but I can still notice my brain wants to like figure it out sometimes 😂
I posted on a forum and I was scared and asking a question and someone got really annoyed at me. Said I need to stop asking because it’s annoying them. I need to just accept who I am etc. I get where they’re coming from but it still hit me a bit. I’m not trying to be annoying and I’m struggling a lot at the moment. And then saying to ‘accept who you actually are’ triggered me. Maybe I’m just being stupid.
And I’m scared they gonna say I don’t have ocd. I’m so so scared. Can someone help me? And who has experienced this too?
So I’ve never had a boyfriend and I really want to have a relationship and I want someone to love and care about me, but I have never had my first kiss or even been on a date. My ocd makes me think the reason for that is that I’m gay. I have had crushes on guys but then I even start to doubt those. I’m afraid that once I do get a boyfriend that I won’t like them or be too afraid to get intimate. Which in my head “proves” I’m gay.. I hope you understand what im trying to say But the fact I typed the work gay 3 times is a step in the right direction for me
Intrusive HOCD thoughts about my friend as I had finished my private time… It’s making me think I enjoyed it and making me feel like I’m not anxious of it… ihml…
How should I react to it? How do I deal with not being able to know? And how can I get over it permanently without relapsing? This isn't for reassurance purposes I generally would like to know from someone who's gotten over it or a professional.
Somehow, my bookmarked info got wiped, and I had a bunch of good resources stored. If you all could be so kind to provide any books, youtubes, websites, etc. That provide info and help out with ROCD, SOOCD, etc. Thanks!
I’m not sure how to sentence the way I’m feeling, but it’s almost like I kinda just stopped arguing with the ocd thoughts and just let them be there, recently my hocd has turned into a voice saying “you’re gay” and I used to get anxious about it and start doing all this checking to see if I was and it would always end in me starting from stage 1 again However, recently I kinda just stopped caring, and even tho at first it felt like it was acceptance and it made me even more anxious, overall the anxiety came to a major decrease. Idk if you guys experience this but sometimes when I get a very detailed event or image of something sexual, it scares me and grossed me out, but then I really try to put myself in that situation to see if I would like it and my brain always spazzs out and my body tightens all across. That’s one of the ways Ik I wouldn’t enjoy it, but since it scares me so much my brain keeps bringing it back up
I know I enjoy having sex with my boyfriend, but I worry it’s not enough because I enjoy fantasizing about other things. I just feel weird about it. I know that fantasies are just fantasies but it just makes me feel like I don’t actually like my boyfriend and I’m not actually straight.
It’s giving me intrusive dreams of coming out, and then a physical groinal response… idk what to do… 😞😞😞
Every time my partner does something that i like or she says something that I would say I always get so upset. It seems like my brain thinks that she copy paste me or that because she is woman and I am woman we have too much common and it’s a problem. I don’t know how to change my attitude towards it because I’m afraid if I’m going to think differently about it it will be as compulsion . Like I’m so sad she likes it too and instead of think that actually no I’m excited too for it! It really upsets me all the time and I don’t want her to stop do thinks that she likes to do.
I grew up in a very loving household that treated everyone that walked in there like family, I always had love for all of my close friends and looked at them as family, and I always loved being the person that would uplift people and spread positivity and love. But now HOCD is making me rethink all of those past events as “what if I was attracted to me friends” I know that’s not the case but I hate that it’s gotten to this point. Anyone else struggle with showing love to friends?
Everytime I have a thought, I start panicking. To relax myself I watch How I met your mother. But is this a compulsion?
Last night I was doing my best to just ignore the thoughts and it brought my anxiety down, but now I woke up worried that instead of ignoring them I just accepted them as truth but the anxiety isn’t there. Has anyone else experienced this?
Haven't had to post in a while cos I had ocd under control as much as we can. 4.30am this morning I woke up from a nightmare. Its like I watched myself let someone do something whilst the me watching was saying no, but dream me accepted it like she thought nothing of it. I woke up and my brain was like you enjoy it but I immediately told myself its ocd trying another way and it helped, settling back into my true self. I am a little shook though at how randomly it started up again and how intensely. Just trying to shake it off
When I was around 14, I had (and still somewhat have) Sexual Orientation OCD and Religious OCD, so I would question if I was a lesbian and nonbinary, whilst having to pray every single thought about being gay away or God himself would kill me. It sounds really weird to my friends, but I woul litteraly sob about this all the time. Did anyone else have this weird combo?
I keep getting intrusive thoughts about my friend and I hate it so much… when I think about my boss who I like (she’s my age and above) I feel relaxed and happy… when I get intrusive thoughts about my friend and intrusive feelings I feel so anxious… I hate my life…
Idk what to do about this… My friend was making another hinge account for me and she was going to put that I was bisexual. I stopped her and when she asked why, I was trying to say "because I'm straight" but what came out of my mouth was "I want people to see me as straight"... my HOCD is telling me that I'm in denial because of this and it's making me feel like I'm not anxious about it...
I’ve been doing research on the difference between the two and it says that HOCD is lead by anxiety, while denial is lead by fear. This has been one of the most confusing parts about this process for me What if they thought of becoming homosexual scares me, isn’t that fear? But I also feel anxiety. I feel like it’s not that simple to make a distinction between the two. Anyone have any other way of differentiating the two?
I’ve been working for a month now but some days are harder than others with my intrusive thoughts like I’m scared that people will think the worst of me I’ve been doing erp it does help but I wanna try something new with erp
yesterday was the first day in a while i felt like myself, i curled my hair and put on a cute outfit and i just felt like me. intrusive thoughts at a minimal and it was just a good day. now today i’m back what i was before where hocd is taking over again and i’m just so uncomfortable and don’t want to look at myself. this is so frustrating. i want to be able to wear my whatever i want like i used to and not question myself
Having a extremely bad relapse and fell down the rabbit hole of reading Reddit for reassurance that it's just "hocd" but it end up making me question more stuff and caused extremely bad anxiety. Idk what to do anymore.
Also when I’m in my private time, I keep getting intrusive thoughts of guys private parts and intrusive thoughts of POCD stuff like “little girls” while I’m looking at stuff with women my age and above… my HOCD and POCD are saying I’m either getting a physical groinal to the intrusive thoughts, or doing it to them… ihml…
My HOCD is making me feel like I’m anxious of women doing stuff together when I’m normally not anxious of that… it also has been giving me intrusive thoughts all day today…
I’ve experienced this before at the start of my ocd but it only lasted a day. I stopped taking Zoloft in September and my OCD has slowly worsened and now I’ve been experiencing what I think is depersonalization for the last two weeks. I’m really scared and don’t know what to do to feel like myself again. Does anyone have any advice?
I don’t know if I can do this anymore… the guilt and shame is too much. No matter what I do it’s there and I just don’t think I deserve to be happy or to live or to be in a relationship… I can’t move on. I know we aren’t supposed to confess but I feel like I need to apologize to my childhood friends for being a complete monster and terrible human but I also don’t want her to #metoo me and my life be over bc of my disgusting 6,7, or 8 year old
It feels like I like the feelings but I also feel disgusted !!!!!!!!!! Sends me in so much confusion !!!!
I don’t know if I’m compulsion but I probably am. I still can’t figure out my SO, I’m feeling a little anxious but I keep asking myself if I’m “gay” or “straight” like I want to be with a man but I also am scared I’m never going to find someone to love, and what does that say about me… I’ve chosen to do things based off my religious. And now I’m like did I do that for God or was that an excuse so I didn’t have to do it. I’m wondering if I’m just having internalized homophobia… but at the same time I’m like I don’t want to be with a female cause I don’t want to… the thought of being with one is just something I don’t have interest in… but then again am I just telling myself that because I’m in denial . I don’t even know 😔
I don’t know if this is a reassurance tactic or what but does anyone feel like they almost try and force themselves to be attracted to someone of the opposite sex? Like I was talking to a cute girl at church today and just deeply wanting to find attraction, but then there’s the anxiety of what if im not? And so then I’m trying to be cool while inside my heart is racing because I’m trying to force something instead of letting it come naturally. Idk. That sounds really weird to type haha. But it seems like every girl I see or talk to my mind is like “Am I attracted to her? I don’t know.” Which I don’t think is helpful for actually being attracted to somebody.
What's everyone's thoughts on this subject? Does anyone get hit hard with this type of thing? This is probably the worst for me than anything else. What's your experiences with this?
How often is normal to have relapses/flare ups of OCD? I go weeks with nothing or managing it then it can cripple me for weeks at a time.
Can ocd make you want to be with the same sex & and have you questioning if thats really what you want? It's getting more difficult by the day, I'm so worried about loosing my girlfriend & son, but right now I dont feel much towards her & I feel so guilty & my minds telling me that I would probably enjoy same sex relationship more, this is horrible.
I believe I’ve had a few different themes of this horrible thing. From real event, religious, confessing, false memories and believing I r word someone. And now hocd (I think) What is ocd and what makes it different from other disorders?
Does anyone have a spike in their anxiety and ocd symptoms now that winter weather is coming (in the northern hemisphere). I was fine all summer and proud of how far I’d come but now my anxiety is spiking and I feel like I’m spiraling.
I know I’m pansexual. I was raised in a very strict and homophobic environment. Didn’t know that bisexuality could exist until I was nearly sixteen. I’m 21. Still feel like I have to “choose a side”. My partner is non-binary — clearly I haven’t chosen a side 🤣 but god I hate these thoughts. I hate that I overthink every aspect of my relationship. That I can’t simply enjoy my love, my life. I want to be okay again — I was for five years. Before the thoughts started again, the constant pressing, all consuming anxiety. I’m so fucking depressed. I only feel okay when I’m warm and have a substance in me. Which then makes me panic that I’m becoming an alcoholic or pothead, even though I don’t exceed two drinks or 5mg a night. I just want to be okay again. God, I wish I was okay again. I can’t even smile for photos without it being obvious I’m lying. That I’m not fine. That I want this part to be over. I want to live, I want to smile. I want to go on trips, go to work, go to sleep without dreading what the next day brings. Will I ever get there? I don’t know. And that kills me.
I have been doing really well but now it’s hit me again but it feels as if I don’t care. I switch between ROCD and SOOCD. Tonight I had a goodnight with my partner and friends but got a thought of ‘I don’t want this’- I usually find it hard being around people Drinking as I’m sober so it’s not unusual for me to be slightly less tolerant. I confessed to my boyfriend and he said ‘if you are spending an evening thinking you shouldn’t be with me then you shouldn’t be’. This isn’t great to hear but I also feel like I don’t care. I don’t want to feel this or have these thoughts but they do happen often. Not sure if my ‘lack of feeling’ is because there isn’t any OR if because I’m so used to OCD it’s hard to feel that extreme anxiety anymore. I so want to make my relationship work but this is pretty much never ending. What’s the solution? Doubting this is OCD anymore.
Does anyone else with OCD simultaneously struggle with sex performance anxiety and other performance issues? Not looking for reassurance - I’m just interested to hear if anyone else struggles with the same issues and what has been helpful for them.
And I’m scared my SO-OCD will be triggered… anyone tips?
I haven’t posted in many months, but when I was deepest in my OCD despair I remember people’s treatment stories giving me hope. This time last year I was inconsolable. I felt disconnected from real life because of how much time I was spending in my own mind. I could hardly work, barely could participate in my relationship with my fiancé, and found myself in hysterics more often than not. I was overwhelmed, I was consumed. My main themes were SOOCD and ROCD—incredibly challenging themes to battle. For anyone battling them now, I and so many others here see you. You are not alone. A year ago I hit rock bottom on a Thanksgiving visit to my husband’s parent’s house. I disrupted the whole trip with my instability. I privately scribbled in my journal about how terrified I was, and how I knew the thoughts weren’t me but I didn’t know how to make them stop. A week later I learned about OCD. A month later I stated ERP. A year later I am feeling safer and cozier in my life than I’ve ever felt. I still have the thoughts about the same themes, even some new themes that try to latch every once in awhile. The difference is now I have the tools to let go of the thoughts, because that’s all they truly are: a string of words or images I’ve simply made up. I noticed they’re worse when I’m sick, tired, or stressed. A year later and, for the first time in my life, sometimes I don’t have a single thought in my brain at all. I can just be alive. You can make it through this.
HOCD intrusive thoughts are making me feel like I’m not anxious about it, even when I’m in my private time, and intrusive feelings are making it feel so real… and groinal responses that my HOCD is telling me is arousal to the intrusive thoughts when I’m actually looking at women doing stuff and the intrusive thoughts keep popping in… ihml…
My mind keeps thinking “since ur trying to avoid think about it u must be in denial” “since ur thinking about it u must be truly aromantic”. I’ve never been in a relationship b4 and the thought of it is sometimes scary because it’s knowing and being with someone on such a personal level, but I know it’s something I want. My mind keeps telling me I’m lying to myself and I’ll never be in a relationship bc I’m too scared and won’t develop feelings for anyone. Is there anyone who was first scared of a relationship like nervous, but is in one now? Or relate to my situation?
My friend keeps showing me pictures of guys she likes and her exes and every time she does I get this intrusive feeling in my chest and it makes me feel like I can’t look at them… I hate my life 😭😭😭 I don’t ever want to ever be homosexual or bisexual at all…
What exactly to false attractions feel like? I was doing good today and I pulled up an article of some new elected politicians and looked a picture of one of them and immediately my heart started racing and I was filled with anxiety. I went straight to trying to reassure myself of attractions to women, previous crushes, and other forms of reassurance. Then I tried to go back to the article to prove I wasn’t attracted, I thought like ERP but all thats done is massively increase anxiety and I feel like im tail spinning a bit.
The past few weeks my (what I hope is) hocd has affected me a lot. On and off throughout the days. And out of nowhere I’ve developed a really crappy cold. No one I know has one so I haven’t got it off of someone else. I’ve tested loads of times. It’s not covid. Is it possible that my mental health has made me so exhausted that I’ve developed a cold ?
I was sitting in the car with a guy friend my HOCD is targeting with false attractions and I kept getting intrusive feelings, and it's making me feel like I can't look at him... and when I do my HOCD is like "your in denial for looking at him" and when I don't my HOCD is like "your in denial for not looking at him." And it's so horrible... and it's making me feel like I'm not anxious about it when I try to see my reaction to the triggering thoughts and making me feel like I don't have to vomit… I don't ever want to ever be attracted to any guys or any of my guy friends in any way shape or form...
I think I’m turned on by thoughts of kissing a woman I know but when I think about kissing my boyfriend I’m not as turned on and I don’t understand urgggg
Hey to anyone that reads this today. I woke up this morning and did my normal daily metal review of yesterday and I noticed I wasn't very anxious, I'd even say it was a good day. We have to take these little victories. We aren't going to beat this disease in a day but we all need to keep fighting. there WILL be good days. I couldn't afford to continue therapy on here but with some tools they gave me, I can fight. These thoughts do not have power over us. They cannot dictate what we want out of this life. The best advice I can give is fight to be as present as possible. There is no future and there is no past. Only the now, fight for it. I'm positive that will be out savior. Good luck everyone, let's take today moment by moment
I have my first therapy session. I have been diagnosed with OCD, but i'm still scared for this session. Scared that they are going to say I don't have OCD. Scared that they are going to say that I need to find out my sexual orientation. It's giving me so much anxiety. Do others experience this too? And do you have any tips for me? Thank you!
So when I do my compulsions it feels like I'm high and over the moon, full with clarity about who I am! But that makes it even harder to sit with the discomfort bc I want to feel like that all the time. Anyone else feel like this?
Any talking about sexuality and all that stuff and it triggers me a lot… my HOCD is telling me I’m in denial because I’m getting anxious of everything involving sexuality, even though I only want to ever be straight who loves women my age and above… I don’t ever want to ever be homosexual or bisexual in any way shape or form… 😞😞😞 it’s making me feel like I’m anxious of the word “straight” when being straight is all I ever want to be… I get intrusive thoughts of the word “boyfriend” every time i hear the word “straight” and an automatic cringing feeling… I only want to be with women my age and above…
So today I feel like I accepted the uncertainty of me being gay or not I don't know how to feel about it I not that anxious I get anxious when I have the thought what if I don't find her attractive honestly I have no idea what to feel it's kinda sad by reference I have had this theme for 2 1/2 months now idk 🙄how to feel or anything I'm lost ig
so i have been in a space where i no longer do compulsions, sometimes i feel the need to but i simply don’t and wow does it feel so powerful. it have got to the point where not doing the compulsion eases the anxiety more than doing the compulsion because i know that i am making progress and am not relying on patterns, repetition etc to get rid of my thoughts or reduce the anxiety they give me in any way and it is so so freeing. i finally feel like my own person again. when i have a thought and i can feel my brain getting “sticky” (my brain latching onto a thought) i simply say “let it go over your head” and let it pass over like a cloud and this is how i now deal with not interacting with my thoughts. i see no meaning in them now and that doesn’t mean it doesn’t catch me off guard sometimes, harm is the subtype that i struggle with most now along with existentialism but not nearly to the extent that i used to. both sexuality and gender are near gone, a memory of a point in time and i can easily let those thoughts go over my head. i have days where the thoughts have no volume whatsoever but i still feel their presence sometimes through out my day and that is only normal! and a bad day does not tarnish you’re progress, this was another thing that i struggled with, a classic perfectionist with ocd :’) if you’re working through recovery or haven’t quite gotten there yet, you will! it is hard but so worth it. if i can do it, you can too! you’re not alone!🤍 (people often ask me whether i take medication for ocd and the answer is no, i never have) i hope you’re having a great day wherever you are in the world! :)
Im having feelings where I accept myself as “gay” I feel like Im able to continue life , not wanting it is making me feel stuck and not able to do anything for my life , I was sure I was straight but now maybe I have realised that I never was , theres no way this thing can be this real .
I’ve seen a lot of things talking about how ocd attacks what you value most and I’m trying to figure out what that is, I suffer from ROCD AND HOCD. If anyone suffers from the same thing or may know what those people who suffer from those themes usually value please let me know, I’m still trying to figure out what I value the most to get a better understanding of these themes
Does anyone else feel like they have to watch sexual videose with the gender thay don't like? Or if i watch sexual videose with women my mind tells me it's "gross " and i would never have sex with a women , and that's not true . I feed these thoughts sometimes but while watching videose with men i feel very uncomfortable and ashamed after
Does anyone genuinely not get anxious from the thoughts and feel like they are in full denial & that they would be happy with the same sex? This feels too real for my liking.
I'm really tired. I want to cry it out and then just disappear from the earth. I try not to talk about my intrusive thoughts with others because they'll not understand or they're persuade my theme in a way that will trigger me so im stack here all alone in an endless loop. Its sad. I'm questioning old friendships, I'm questioning myself.. everything. I don't know anymore.
I have so much anxionity those two days i used weed in bad feelings and now its going on it but now i was felt so so happy talking with gf is that a sign that there are hopes and its ocd or im going in denial i am scarsdx
I used to have this almost foggy feeling in my mind that was just always there saying “you’re gay” that I could not escape from. Last night and this morning, the fog is gone, but it feels like it’s sunk in. My head doesn’t feel the thoughts and I don’t feel anxious per se but yet my heart is pounding. I worry that I’m forcing it to pound because and that I don’t care about the thoughts anymore. I was able to get aroused fantasizing about a woman this morning, and enjoyed the feeling, but I can’t shake this feeling as though the thoughts have “sunk in.” When I think back to past relationship, crushes, things like that they all seem like distant memories that I long to be closer. I just ended a relationship. I want to feel those feelings still. I want to know they’re real. But yet part of me just feels “eh” about it all and that’s what scares me the most.
I was “minding my own business” and I was getting intrusive HOCD and POCD thoughts… when the POCD intrusice thoughts came in it was making me feel like I was getting a stronger groinal feeling… but because I wanted to actually get better, I tried to not to react to my intrusive thoughts and watch what I was watching… my HOCD and POCD is now telling me I’m in denial for all of this… I don’t ever want to ever be what my intrusive thoughts say I am…