- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
I relate sometimes I think I don’t have ocd even though I’m diagnosed. What scares me the most is not the thoughts any more but the idea of actually wanting to hurt someone or snap I hate it . It also gives me nausea and I wish I could know for certain that I’m not my worst fears even though ocd makes me feel like I am :(
- Date posted
- 3y
I get that %100. I feel like how can I enjoy life not knowing if I'll snap tomorrow. Just knowing I could be capable of doing something so horrible makes me not wanna live. The sheer panic I would feel alone if I did snap makes me sick to my stomach and no matter what I do I can't stop thinking about it. It's ruining everything lately. This is going to be my daughter's first Thanksgiving and Christmas coming up and I should be happy. Instead I'm feeling guilty and terrified to be around her. It's worse because I'm doing it alone right now too because my husband's in another state. I feel like he would be freaked out if he even knew about this fear and obsession of mine. I'm feel alone and criminal.
- Date posted
- 3y
@bulldogmomma13 I can completely relate. I have two children, a three year old and a 4 month old and I am going through the same exact thing. It’s so debilitating. My husband works nights, so he sleeps during the day and works at night. Night is when it’s worst for me. It’s so hard being alone with them, thinking I could snap at any moment. I have my first therapy appointment tomorrow morning. I’m really hoping it helps…
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- 3y
@ashleyc95 Good luck at your session, I'm rooting for you.
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- 3y
@bulldogmomma13 Thank you so much. I’m rooting for you too.
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- 3y
@ashleyc95 Did your therapy go well today? Seriously considering therapy myself but am scared.
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- 3y
@bulldogmomma13 I did! It went well, and I was officially diagnosed with OCD. I’m really hopeful for the future sessions. I really think it’s worth looking into! It would be a good step to fight OCD back. I had this appt scheduled for over a month, but I don’t think the wait time is usually that long. How are you doing today?
- Date posted
- 3y
@ashleyc95 Not good. It's tough especially at night when I'm at home byyself with the baby. I'd be happy to try therapy but the expense and if theres anywhere near me is a concern. I'm also afraid if therapy doesn't work then what will I do? I'm just a wreck.
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- 3y
@bulldogmomma13 I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I completely get what you’re going through. It’s torture. It might be worth calling and seeing what payment would look like. They take some insurance, and do a payment plan for people without. If you want someone to talk to, feel free to reach out to me. It really helps knowing we’re not alone in this. My email is ashleycherise95@yahoo.com.
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- 3y
@ashleyc95 I appreciate that so much. Im here if you need to talk too. My email is bgcleanhom2019@gmail.com
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- 3y
Same im going home in two days for thanksgiving break to see my parent and I’m scared cause I’m scared I’ll hurt my parents especially my mom. My ocd makes me doubt if this is my true nature or what I don’t love my mother? My ocd makes me doubt everything and the idea that I could snap ag any moment and hurt someone absolutely terrified me. The idea that anyone can do anything terrifies me. It makes me want to cry and run and I just want someone to tell me I won’t do these things. What’s worse is that I don’t feel like myself anymore. My worst fear is what if this obsession is not ocd and that I actually want to act on these thoughts even writing this makes me feel sick.
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- 3y
I understand completely. Everything I've been told and read says that because it's the opposite of our nature we won't act on it, but I think to myself what if I'm the exception and do it!
- Date posted
- 3y
Same^^^ I think what if I’m the first patient with ocd to act on their harm thoughts
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- 3y
Relatable
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w
I’m tired of thinking about the same OCD thought to “kill mom” it just doesn’t leave. I try to break the cycle but when it’s broken it just sits there and waits to be interacted with. Idk what to do im tired of it. And it makes me feel like a psycho path and I’m tired of not feeling like myself.
- Date posted
- 23w
I'm really frustrated right now because once again I feel like I can't keep up with my own brain and I just can't keep doing this. I'm so tired of doing this. My head is always going and going and going and I just want to unplug it. It makes me so stressed. It's like I have someone else in my head who won't shut up and is always pointing everything I do out. Like I'm walking on eggshells around myself so I don't trigger these thoughts. But if I walk on egg shells then it just goes on about something else and I feel like I'm going crazy.. I feel so bad because it makes me so snappy. I want to bash my head in because I'm so over it. The only thing I know that helps is anxiety meds, because I had one one time and it actually really helped me (it didn't even do it's job! Because of how bad my anxiety is!! I'm just so desperate at this point for relief) But the last time I brought up going on meds for anxiety with my mom she said I'll get addicted, like my dad, or my grandma, or whoever else in my family because everyone in my family is addicted to SOMETHING. I don't see the issue in trying though. I feel like I'm someone who could really benefit from anxiety meds. I don't talk about my feelings often BECAUSE of anxiety, so it seems like I'm just trying to go on meds for no reason. But it's like..my body hurts. All the time. And my brain never stops. My brain is so messed up. I feel like I could do so much more if I wasn't like this. It's never going away, I've tried and I've tried and I'm still a mess. I just want it to stop. I'm not asking for much. I just want the fear to stop and the intrusive thoughts to stop and the racing thoughts and the feelings of doom and the nervousness and and I actually want to feel okay in my own skin for fucking once. I've tried everything nothing works im losing patience and I'm losing hope. I feel like there's something wrong with me. I feel like my brain is broken and that makes me sad to be honest. I feel like everyone around me can work. Why can't my stupid brain work???? I try so hard. I try so hard all the time. And it still doesn't do what it needs to do. I hate myself so much.
- Date posted
- 23w
I have to be alone with my children tomorrow and I'm scared. Harm OCD has me panicking and ruminating. I don't want to hurt my babies they mean everything to me. I keep fighting for them, I got a better job for them and I want to create a better life for them. I'm so afraid that I might hurt them so I need to be away from them but I also don't want to be away from them. The thoughts and images are so much. I'd rather die before I hurt them. Accepting the uncertainty of possibly hurting them is not something I can accept or live with. And it doesn't help having existential ocd because that says none of it matters anyway. I just want to be the old me, I hate this disorder I hate this disease I hate me for having these thoughts. I'm sorry for ranting. I just need to get it out. I hate this worry disorder!
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