Bah! Starting off the first day of the regular curricula by not going to bed till after 5:30am! I don’t even know if I got (really) stuck on those lessons plans. I didn’t even get to prep all the materials I was supposed to. I have just as much lesson planning I’ll need to do tonight. I still have to enter tons of data. I still have more trainings past due. And that’s not even the end of my work tasks. Plus there’s new “solos” I need to learn for band, posters and posts to be made, general life stuff like showering once in a blue moon…. I’m just so mad for not sleeping. I told myself I wouldn’t do this and only a week or so in and poof. 🤦🏼‍♀️😭

I feel so horrible and guilty, I've been pretty depressed lately and I don't know if i'm doing something wrong or not but my mom keeps getting mad at me, and I keep getting snappy with her. The other day she tried to take a selfie with me and I kinda got mad at her because it was in front of everyone and I didn't want to get anyone uncomfortable if they were accidently in the background so I told her stop in a kind of mean way. She stopped talking to me for the rest of the night and she keeps bringing up how disrespectful I am. I tried to explain to her I didn't mean anything mean by it?? It's triggering my OCD so bad and tonight i'm going to see a band I really wanted to see, and i'm super afraid shes gonna start bringing up how mean i've been lately. I've been really depressed and upset because of school and how much work their giving me, and I've been in my room for mostly more than 10 hours a day doing nothing but watching TV because I can't bring myself out of it, I don't know what to do anymore and the guilt of me possibly being a mean and aggressive person is haunting me.

Hi guys, So last night I said “If I don’t complete this” then I couldn’t eat or it would give me anxiety forever. Then I got hungry and ate anyways… I woke up with anxiety early this morning. So now that means it came true? Sometimes I go a long time without eating. I don’t know what the heck to do! Ugh!

So I work in a tutoring company that helps kids improve in math and reading. I usually do the grading and help out kids who are 3-6 years old. Today because there was 10mins left till closing I sent out a kid early and the mom came back asking me if he actually finished and I told her that he did two packets and that there was 5 mins till closing which I think was a mistake on my part to say that but like I was in shock because of how strong she came in and I then told her that if she wants I can do one reading with him and stay a bit longer but she also didn’t like that response due to her being upset that I let him leave 10 mins early. So then I told my boss the situation and the mom came back and for some reason the mom was now nicer and understanding about it and both just told me that next time to do one hour but my boss understood why I let him out early. It’s because I had another kid I was teaching and that kid likes to talk a lot and cause us a hard time so she thought that It was too much since I was working with that kid and the moms kid at the same time. But in the end I apologized to my boss about it and she told me that it’s okay that she only said certain things in front of the mom just so she can be happy or not have any problems. I just was very shaken up about it and still am. I feel like I always believe that I can handle people who come up to me in a frustrated or angry tone but nope I start wanting to hide and cry instantly so I was disappointed in myself. I have been wanting to quit this job for a minute because of the pay, I get paid monthly and it just doesn’t help with all the events and traveling I want to do. But I think I stay because I want the experience of working with kids so that I can seek other jobs but tbh I don’t think working with kids is for me. Not that I can’t handle kids, I know I can help and teach them it’s more so that it’s not a long term career that I wanna do. It’s just hard being a psych major and finding jobs or internships that relate to clinical psychology. I want to be able to hear people out and help them. I think I’m ranting at this point but in short I am just frustrated with myself for today because I’ve been working there for months and made a mistake that could’ve been easily fixed. It’s been bothering me all day and I hope it doesn’t ruin my mood for the rest of the week because I just wanna relax but feel like I can’t because I wanna cry.