Bah! Starting off the first day of the regular curricula by not going to bed till after 5:30am! I don’t even know if I got (really) stuck on those lessons plans. I didn’t even get to prep all the materials I was supposed to. I have just as much lesson planning I’ll need to do tonight. I still have to enter tons of data. I still have more trainings past due. And that’s not even the end of my work tasks. Plus there’s new “solos” I need to learn for band, posters and posts to be made, general life stuff like showering once in a blue moon…. I’m just so mad for not sleeping. I told myself I wouldn’t do this and only a week or so in and poof. 🤦🏼‍♀️😭

I can completely relate to being in similar scenarios, often and for a majority of my adult life before work (especially related to class), and before any other kinds of big events. My therapist has had me doing a lot of ERP exposures around perfectionism like stopping something midway (yikes, I know? Literally closing my laptop, or stepping away physically), when I’ve maxed out certain time limits I set. Clearly, she doesn’t want me to loose my job, and my ability to manage my time has gotten a bit better (except for when I feel my ADHD really kicking in.) The thing is, it’s better to force yourself through ERP exercises put work away at night and be with the discomfort of the unfinished work and wake up earlier to do it. And I know those morning moments can feel like a pressure cooker but the pressure cooker kind of weeds out the extra compulsion loops overtime, and the exposures help feeling like a lot of those compulsions are necessary. It’s all really hard, and stressful, and I still struggle but last night I managed to sleep by 1am before a big day at work, and I was kind of shocked..thinking, wait, what? What’s the catch? And it was the first time when there was no catch! And a lot of the stuff my anxiety said I had to do last night, I don’t feel is necessary this morning. The power of sleep! And progress from those exposures. Sorry for this big blob of text! I need to get ready for a meeting but can type more later. (Another thing my therapist is having me do is not re-read my messages or over edit. Super hard! She also wants me to stop apologizing but I’m not there yet! Seems like a common courtesy for my rambles!) PS..easier said than done, but try to work on self forgiveness with the sleep deprivation. You’re working on things! ❤️

I also used to work incessantly on weekends and I set a limit to finish work by Friday night. I thought..yeah right..but 90% of the weekends I got off now despite all the work I have to do! Just saying, the ERP works! And my work quality hasn’t slipped. Kind of bizarre to me.

I was able to put a pin in the work last night and actually sleep, but yeah, those strategies can be so hard, especially when OCD and ADD team up!!! Not to mention I actually have so much extra work right now because materials are starting to arrive and my students are more than eager to get to the real curricula. If I actually focus and can get a bit caught up, that should make everything easier, including ERP of actually following my time limits and embracing…::gulp::…imperfection! —Because we can know nothing is perfect, but OCD tells us, “Ooh, you NEED to fix that.” So proud of you for putting in the self-work! Thank you for sharing; it’s totally helping me stay more positive! 🥰

Sorry to hear you're struggling. Pulling for you 🙂.