It’s almost 4am and I can’t sleep. I’m sick and just really struggling mentally. Unfortunately I have to work today I already called off work yesterday. I just want this pain to end. I’m starting to think that maybe I deserve all this 💔

I'm so so sorry you are going through. YOU DEFINITELY DON'T DESERVE ALL THIS! Please be kind and gentle to yourself. Try not to ruminate, seek reassurance, confess or any kind of compulsions. I promise you, you'll get through this. I am sending you all my love. ❤️ This post is two hours ago so I hope you are having a good sleep now💗

I only got about 2 or 3 hours of sleep and I have to go to work so I’m actually pretty sad but thank you I appreciate it! 🙂

@Just Breathe ❤️ You can take a break today because you have to take care of yourself first. 💙 I'm sorry you're having a hard time. I hope you feel better soon. You can sleep later on. I hope you get to sleep well soon. I'm sending you all my loveeeeee💙💜💙💜❤️💜💙💙. Please take care of yourself. ❤️ And also, remember, don't let OCD win!

@itsAnna Thank you I truly appreciate it!! 🙏🏻

@Just Breathe ❤️ You're so welcome. 💗❤️

Remember, you are STRONGER than OCD. And also, I promise you, things will absolutely get better and better days will definitely come. 💗

I really hope so. I’ve been feeling so defeated lately

Things will absolutely get better and better days will definitely come, I promise you. ❤️❤️❤️ Defeated? What does that mean? Sorry I'm a bit confused.

@itsAnna I feel like ocd is winning. I feel very anxious and guilty all the time and it makes me feel defeated

@Just Breathe ❤️ I'm sorry you are going through a hard time. Don't forget that you are definitely stronger than OCD. ❤️❤️❤️❤️ Don't let OCD win. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ And I promise you, things will absolutely get better.❤️

@Just Breathe for some reason it’s not loading the comment you sent from yesterday. I can’t read it -_- how are you doing today?

Not so great. Still bothered by stuff

@Just Breathe ❤️ I'm sorry you are going through a hard time, lovely. Better days are coming, I promise. ❤️

I’m sorry to hear that, same thoughts as yesterday? I’ve been dealing with mine today as well, they come and go in waves, but it still like I’m constantly on edge.

Yeah just about what we’ve talked about. I made a comment earlier but I don’t know if you saw it or not on our last conversation

It wouldn’t load up for some reason -_- have you tried any ERP?

Not for real event ocd no

I know it scary, but what real event are you experiencing?

Already talked about it I’m not talking about it again

@Just Breathe ❤️ Okay I’m sorry to ask again, like I said the last message didn’t pop up. ERP has been helping me which is why I am Asking

@Andrewmz Oh ok

@Just Breathe ❤️ Yea, I’ve been exposing myself to things I’m not comfortable with because my OCD tells me to avoid it but I’m doing it anyways. It’s hard because we just expect it to go away immediately, not really. It comes and goes in waves. You just have to retrain your brain to not fear the thoughts. Your not your thoughts. You are you and sometimes you gotta keep that brain in check.

@Andrewmz It’s not even the intrusive thoughts that are bothering me it’s my past that’s bothering me. I so much want to change things I can’t. It’s literally driving me insane

@Just Breathe ❤️ To be honest, I just gotta outta of a 5 year relationship which triggered my anxiety, depression and OCD again. She wasn’t exactly a saint, but I also wasn’t a saint either. Without getting into detail she cheated on me and left me for a co worker and for 4 months I despised her and hated her. I used all that hatred to bottle up my true feelings which was pain. A little over a month ago is when I relapsed into what I’m going through now. We can only hold our true emotions in for so long before it pops. I reallly sat down with myself and realized I wish I would of done some things different with her and maybe we wouldn’t be where we’re at? I regret a lot of it, but I can only push forward from now on. Worrying about the past isn’t going to change it and letting my ocd trying to convince me that my past makes me a bad person also doesn’t help nor does it change what has already happened. I just have to learn from it and move on. It’s hardest thing to do, but I have too. My friend told me this and maybe it will resonate with you as it did with me. “If you don’t move, life will move you.” In other words nothing stays the same forever whether you like it or not. I really wanna help as many people as I can. It’s always been my calling and if I can help you even an inch forward than that makes the world a better place 😀

Lovely, do you have any hobbies?🌸 Maybe you can watch your favorite movie? ❤️

Yeah I guess so. I’m trying to play video games to calm down and it’s not really working

@Just Breathe ❤️ I'm of proud of of you trying. Awwww. what else do you like to do? 💙 Try your best not to pay attention to OCD is saying. 🌸

Hi Just Breathe ❤️, I’m so sorry I didn’t see this sooner, I’m assuming the same events you mentioned the other day are still troubling you. I hope you are doing better and to answer your last question to me on the other thread, yes I did read your story, thank you for sharing and no I do not think anything negative about you in the least. I tried to respond to that question 3 times but it kept not posting. Should have tried more and maybe it would have helped with this one. Like it’sAnna said and we talked about on the other thread no amount of worrying will change the past, but like I mentioned I too have issues with letting it go as well as being harder on myself than anyone else too. And I too did some things when I was younger that I am none to proud of either, mostly from being impatient and rash (thank you adhd) or because of emotions. Remember, you are not your thoughts, or your memories and you today is not the you from back then. We all make mistakes or do things in hindsight that we are not proud of or regret, it’s how we learn from them that matters most and you mentioned before that you would never repeat your actions again. Try to tell your OCD to go kick rocks, by practicing erp and trying to paying to those thoughts, as well as play some disctractionary video games, that always is a go to for me as well, especially if I can play with loved ones or friends. Take care and stay brave, you can conquer your OCD bully and I’m going to keep checking in to see how you are doing. Sending all my best thoughts and strength of will to you.

It’s ok I understand I’m just sad no one will help me they just keep telling me the same things and it’s really upsetting. Now I’m worried about what if I’ve violated my little niece when I would tickle her and I wouldn’t stop at the time and I’m scared because as a teenager, that was a stupid fetish of mine and now I’m so worried what if I was aroused and what if I was a horrible monster or what if I am now. I’m absolutely terrified. I truly hope I never violated or hurt my little niece in any way. I love her very much and would protect her at all costs. My heart is heavy and I am so haunted by my past I just want to give up. There’s no point in even being apart of this community when no one gets it or understands

Hi. I just want to tell you that better days are coming. Please don't give up. 💗 And please try not to ruminate, seek reassurance, confess or any kind of compulsions. 💗 You can do this. I'm here if you wanna talk. Sending hugs 💜

Do you have Instagram? I have found some helpful posts in Instagram that can help you. 💜

Thank you I appreciate it. I tried so hard all day to stay busy and not ruminate but as soon as I got home the guilt hit me again and I feel like I need to confess to my mom. It’s driving me crazy again. I feel so bad about what I mentioned above. I don’t know what to do. Yes I have Instagram

@Just Breathe ❤️ You're so welcome. I'm sorry you are going through a very hard time. But I promise you, you'll get through this. Don't give up. Try not to ruminate or do any kind of compulsions. ❤️ I know it's hard but you can do it. ❤️ Try not to pay attention to OCD. I'm sorry you are going through a very hard but you'll get through this. 💙💙💕❤️ I highly Recommend you to watch Nathan Peterson's videos of real event OCD on YouTube. ❤️ I read your story above but I can't reassure you. I'm sorry. Reassurance won't help you in the long run. Say "maybe, maybe not" to OCD. Don't give any value to OCD. 💙❤️ Please please be kind to yourself and Remember you are stronger than OCD. 💞

@Just Breathe ❤️ And about Instagram, if you want, you can tell me your username and then I will text you and send you those helpful posts. 💜💘

@itsAnna I don’t like giving out my Instagram for privacy reasons but I appreciate it. I’ve watched Nathan’s videos and they are helpful in a way but it doesn’t help completely

@Just Breathe ❤️ It's totally fine!!! ❤️ Yes Nathan's videos are so so helpful. I promise you, you'll recover for sure! ❤️ Also, I highly recommend you to check OCDRECOVERYUK on Instagram. This account is so so help and the posts are so so helpful. Also OCDRECOVERYUK on YouTube is also so helpful. The videos are so helpful. 💙 Do you have any therapist? I want you to get the best help. 💜

@itsAnna I will have to check into that for sure. I have a therapist but I haven’t had a session due to financial issues