Thread
Brave through
7d ago
  • Sexual Orientation OCD

Today was a little weird and hard i am losing hope so i just need some words of advice.. i went out with some friends today due to my college work and it was all okay until we were coming back and i noticed this girl out of the friend group randomly and went like do i like her would i do something with here?!? Which popped out and i am not lying it felt too real to ignore or deny and it was like i might even like it and just that thought made me think my friend who is bi would have actually also noticed like this only?!? And she wouldn’t make a move but what if she did would i have retaliated i might have and might have not but all these in that one corner also feel very irrational and baseless but thats like0.1% and the rest feels like i want it and i am in denial and then people will say so what if you are why don’t you be okay with it which makes me think why this then why wouldn’t I accept it then why don’t i know the answer to it now then?!! It was so real that I can’t deny it what do i do?!? I started thinking things imagining things and felt i notice her the same way as i would have to a guy which is so crazy cause why would i ?!? And people will say again so what if you are?!? Then why don’t i know it now?!? I am tired i don’t know what to do i feel like i am in denial big time… and not accepting because of society or fears i have is it so … even when i tell myself i am straight i know it I don’t believe it i just can’t and if so much doubt and so many thoughts don’t mean anything why do they feel so strong and real pls help… am i straight or not do i want to be or not?!? What is this?! Other people know the answers why don’t i I genuinely feel like i am in denial and i am not accepting cause it feels like i want it feels so real and idk what to do….people wouldn’t question if they wouldn’t doubt and then if they doubt that means there some truth to it?!? Why am i not okay with this or am i and just avoiding it.. i am sorry to whoever’s reading this cause i put you through so much i need help…

Brave through
7d ago
Lastly is this ocd at all or just denial cause I genuinely feel its not ocd and when i use the word genuinely it would mean something right… cause i feel i am trying to constantly convince myself and others to tell me its denial cause its eaiser i am tired i need help if i am noticing guys and girls the same way there’s only one explanation and i am not accepting it…..
Janajana
7d ago
Oh I feel you but remember yourself before that thought. Everything was fine . Now hold on onto that. Do not scroll so much trough social media like tik tok and Instagram. Go out , go jogging act like you are „straight“ even if it feels like big denial. I know that feeling it’s okay that it is tough, but try this one day and tell me about it :)
Brave through
7d ago
@Janajana I am want to and i will and thankyou just to know that i am not alone is a blessing its so hard and torturous thinking about the days nothing like this existed for me 3 years ago and today questioning all that as a lie too makes it so so difficult considering the childhood fun same sex experience that i have had doesn’t make it any easier cause that always comes to me as proof like you did like it thats why it happened and today these thoughts are just telling you that and the past is a proof its so convincing idk what to do from there
Janajana
7d ago
Which gender had your first crush? Did you layed in bed and thought about how you want to be with a girl before this ? No ? There you have your answer you are straight. Today’s social media is so crazy it even got to a trend that everyone is something. I‘m sorry you are going trough this I have the same fear about my gender identity. Wishing you the best.
Brave through
7d ago
Thankyou but its like someone here commented sexuality changes and it can change with time you can learn later and my friend who is a bi before she came out she also liked boys and still does and is dating a girl so if its like that then what?!? Like what if it works like that?!? And also me thinking about both the genders the similar way is it ocd or because it actually means something because they feel so real and natural is it something i am just denying?!?
Janajana
7d ago
@Brave through I thought about Beeing with women too but I think a lot of this stuff has to do with trends because I think if you are got out of puberty straight I think your brain will biologically remain that way. Beeing romanticly or sexually attracted are too different things, I think women are so hot too :)
Brave through
7d ago
Also your questions even if i have not thought of any of that i still think i have and its like I don’t even remember feeling what i felt for guys was real nothing feels real anymore its so so hard one mili second of peace before its worse again.. I question everything what if one day i have thoughts what would that mean did i like that and in my previous posts too i have written what if i liked it i might and people have commented thats okay live with the uncertainty but does that mean i am what i am running from and they know it and are trying to tell me that?!? Idk if this is ocd but whatever it is its driving me crazy
Brave through
7d ago
@Janajana Its so hard to not question like what if its emotional too romantic too what if it happens in the future cause i saw a video of this girl coming out in denial where this other girl helped her accept it what if something like that happens to me and its just so hard to live with the uncertainty why cant i and if i think if living with the uncertainty do i not need answers am i okay with being what i fear or do i even fear it its endless if something has to happen and i am thinking about it so much why don’t i have an answer to all these questions rn if i doubt so much does it mean anything i am tired and i am so sorry you had to read that rant:(((
Brave through
7d ago
@Brave through Thankyou though i just appreciate you reading this means a lot:))
Janajana
7d ago
@Brave through No I really like to help no problem :) As I said a lot of people do things on social media and a lot of it is mixed and messes with our feelings. Did you ever dated a guy or made out with one? Did you feel aroused and happy ? Even if you think you faked those feelings did you felt that way ? That’s enough to know you are straight. I do not want to reassure you too much but I know OCD can really, really convince you something you have never been. Just because on social media Someone tried to help a girl doesn’t mean you are her . Maybe she had a lot of girl crushes before and thought about it since she was little. If you have got this far with Beeing with guys then please do not worry. Continue to fake it till you make it I guess it could really help girl :)
Brave through
7d ago
@Janajana Thankyou so much i am grateful:)
Brave through
7d ago
@Janajana And i too wish nothing but the absolute best for you and for all of us to come out of this stronger than ever
BK
4d ago
Hi Brave through, even though one of my sub types is not typically SOCD, I have had random thought pop in my mind like this out of nowhere before. There was one particular one I remember early on during my therapy where I went over to IT with a question and a thought popped in about whether I found a new guy there attractive or not. Caught me way off guard and not something I was used to thinking and then it took me down a similar rabbit hole for days about wondering about if my entire life was a lie and if that’s why I never found someone and that’s why my marriage failed, etc…just doubting everything. Like @Janajana said I started thinking about my first crushes and whether I had had these feeling before, etc…. But I had to remind myself that I am now my intrusive thoughts, and even if it was true so what, I was still me and that would never change. Much like my other subtypes I practiced ERP and tried not to pay any mind to these thoughts and make them have more power over me and eventually they faded into the background. My OCD likes to keep me on my toes and switch themes and types at a whim, especially when there is a lull in my anxiety and I am not feeding it the doubt it craves. Stay strong and you can get through this. Best wishes and take care.
Brave through
3d ago
Hey thanks for this but even those sudden intrusive thoughts feel like i want it like its normal to be and has always been and i am calm about it and don’t act on it and it shouldn’t feel like that right?!? Normal and okay because if it does then its true like i saw this girl sad and i was like oh i wish i could help her and I don’t know now in what way am I denying the way I thought it should be cause I don’t want to agree but i still had that thought or was it something else and its my ocd kicking in like I don’t understand cause why after a min of that I won’t think about it and not pay attention to it like its normal and happens every day and i feel like when i get these thoughts i know they are okay and normal but because ik how ocd works and i am constantly trying to say its just ocd i force the compulsions to reassure myself whereas i am supposed to be afraid of denial am i ?!? Cause other people even with ocd would have like intrusive thoughts what I usually have feel like emotional thoughts mixed with feeling or idk if thats true I can’t separate the truth from the intrusive thoughts and i say they feel so real and emotional they must be true cause thoughts are thoughts they have no meaning and why would i address meaning with them that would mean its true right and because somewhere i feel it is and if i am confident it must be ?! What do i do?!? Is this even ocd or some hallucination?!?