Thread
Andate
7d ago
  • Relationship OCD

Rocd only with some thoughts, without anxiety is so scary... Or feels do real, like your intuition voice, without if. Calm statements. I'm afraid of it.

Andate
7d ago
Like everything is ok, but voice in my head still telling me "You know, you don't love him"
JM29
7d ago
I know what that feels like!! So I wonder is it ocd or is it intuition??
Andate
7d ago
But if you were tormented by anxiety for long time, you can feel numb, I think. Mm
JM29
7d ago
But then I think it has to be just ocd and overthinking because this isn’t normal to keep thinking and overplaying it in your mind like a hamster wheel over and over.
Andate
7d ago
Especially, when you are doing that for half a year...
Andate
7d ago
@Andate Now, I'm not even obsessing so hard... It's like permanent thought
JM29
7d ago
@Andate May I ask are you married or just dating?
Andate
7d ago
@Anonymous Im not married, but 3 years into relationship
JM29
7d ago
@Andate Ok well I try to remember that love is also a commitment and not just a feeling. I am married so I made a commitment to my husband through the good and bad times and ups and downs. Some days are gonna be good days and some won’t be. I also try to think one day I’ll look back on this and the bad thoughts will all be a memory!
Andate
7d ago
@Anonymous Thank you for your words. I'm keeping telling myself, that love is a choice we are making everyday, but I'm so afraid, that it always will be that way, with that thoughts and that I'm in denial. I'm scared of being bad, egoistic person, who strings him only to me.
JM29
7d ago
@Andate I understand what you’re saying. You’re not alone!! I thought I was the only person on earth having these bad negative thoughts and I felt so alone but I know now that I’m not alone in this. Other people are having these same thoughts. Are you talking to a therapist yet on here?? What do they say about the voice and thoughts being calm with no anxiety?
Andate
7d ago
@Anonymous My therapist is not OCD proffesional but she is trying her best and know about rocd. She said, that I'm probably in constant fear and my body is tired with all that. I had some traumatic experience with death of my Mom and from that time I feel like living in the edge, from health ocd (I have been in hospital due to all somatic signs), to numbness and now, I think rocd. I have bad anxiety for about half a years and now I feel calmer but it sound like truth. I want to love him so badly, I'm crying when I think about hurting him, or leaving him. Thank you for your response, you are not alone! How long are you dealing with that and how are you dealing?
JM29
7d ago
Ya it’s no fun. I just found out about rocd like a week ago!! Before that I had no idea why I was thinking or feeling this way. At least know I can think well it’s ocd and I don’t feel quite as bad.
Andate
7d ago
When I first read about rocd I feel really good. But everything was back again and now I'm still questioning. I feel tired
JM29
7d ago
Now *
JM29
7d ago
Awe sorry to hear about your mom!! I also lost my mom coming up 3 years ago in February. That’s good that you’re therapist is trying their best to help you! Just think things will work themselves out and come to a head eventually. Everything will work out how it’s meant to! Well I have always had doubts in relationships and I would always end up dumping the guy I was dating at the time but they always usually gave me a reason to know they weren’t the right one. My husband is an amazing man and father to our kids! He provides for us so well and is so loving and patient. I have no reason in the world to be doubting at all. That is why it feels so horrible to have these thoughts. I just want to feel content and happy. I am going to be starting therapy with a consellor on the 29th so I hope she can help me deal with these thoughts. She also isn’t an ocd counsellor but she has dealt with it before. I will do everything I can to better my mind because I won’t give up on my marriage. I said my vows to my husband and I know he’s the man for me. My mom also loved him she told me before she died that she loved him. She approved of our marriage because he asked her for my hand. Sorry for the long post haha!
Andate
7d ago
Thank you for sharing your experience! I feel sorry for you losing your mom, I know how hard it is. I hope, that your consellor will help you go through all of that. It's worth fighting for your wonderful husband, as you know, you want toć spend life with him. I think, that my rocd started at the beginning of my relationship, but was calm and kinda numb due to all that stress I went through previously. But that calm doubts at the beggining are something, which fuel my rocd now telling me I didn't love him dromader beginning. It's hard...
JM29
7d ago
My husband and I have been married for almost 3 years it will be 3 years on February 22! I have always had some doubts but I pushed them to the side because I always have had doubts in the past but I had a reason then to have them. I don’t have a reason now and I just feel like maybe my brain is so used to these thoughts that it will pick at anything just because it’s so used to doing it. Hope that makes sense!
Andate
7d ago
Totally! I understand it, Your brain might try to rescue you from potential danger.
JM29
7d ago
@Andate Yes exactly! ❤️
JM29
7d ago
@Andate Also, I have to remember every relationship will have its own issues no matter who you’re with. No one is perfect.
azaleas
7d ago
The calm voice is a big part of ROCD as well and a different manifestation of the intrusive thoughts. Mine are particularly triggered when my mom says things like I won’t be happy with him or he is too blunt / emotionally unintelligent to make others comfortable. My mom clearly does not really like my partner, despite her repeatedly acknowledging he is a good person, because she can’t tolerate that in a relationship. With my four years of thoughts and just beginning therapy here, it’ll definitely be a journey to accept her criticism without going into the googling deep end afterwards. I’m sorry to hear about your mom, but also am glad that she extended warm support to you two.
JM29
7d ago
I’m glad that the calm voice is part of rocd because it almost feels like it’s intuition! It’s so scary! Thank you!👍
Andate
7d ago
Thank you for response! Yeah, that calm voice is scarier than anxiety itself... Sorry to hear, that your mom triggers your rocd, when she is talking about your relationship. It's hard when family and friends don't understand clearly what you are going through.
azaleas
7d ago
@Andate Thanks! She knows what ROCD is sort of, and she says she is proud of me for not flipping out anymore when she criticizes the relationship. But given she saw that I didn’t visibly react this time, she really took it to the limit by talking to me about it for a good hour or more each day I have been home for Thanksgiving. At one point I became dizzy because I was so overwhelmed, pms came, and I began googling again. I don’t think she fully understands the impact this can have on me. But a big part of treatment is learning to not react to these words.
Andate
7d ago
@azaleas You are do strong, for dealing with that... In my current situation I prefer avoidance, which I know is bad, but I want to feel some relief, when everything is trigger. I'm nearly sure, that I don't love and that I'm a bad, coward person. Sometimes I feel like breaking up is only moral option, to give him freedom and someone who will truly love him , but I don't want to break up. I think that its not rocd, I'm only lying to myself to prevent hurting him by breaking up
azaleas
7d ago
@Andate are you diagnosed?
Andate
7d ago
@azaleas I respond in post above yours, by mistake.
Andate
7d ago
@Andate And I'm kinda sure, that I'm only using rocd to doing hard things
Andate
7d ago
Sadly, no. My psychologist suspects generalized anxiety disorder and maybe ocd and trying to get me psychiatrist, but I'm not full diagnosed. I'm afraid of seeking diagnose, because they can tell me, that I'm only in denial, not rocd
azaleas
6d ago
I would try to talk to a therapist here if you aren’t already. I was so afraid of being told I’m in denial and was so relieved when I heard I have ocd. I went through a really long list of doubts in my session.
Andate
6d ago
@azaleas I was asking her for that and she said that I deifinitely have symptoms go anxious disease and obsession mixed with some false beliefs about love (constant passion and butterflies) and my family trauma (every women in my family had poor marriage or get hurt badly by man, my father abandoned me when I was a child). But I think that proper diagnose can be given by psychiatrist and I still struggle to get one. Moreover I'm really scared of being in denial or forcing that love from beginning, so I postpone that... I know, that's bad...
Andate
6d ago
@Andate She is still evaluate me to get me a proper kind of therapy. When I told her, that my symptoms are sometimes different of ocd, she said, that not every symptom have to fit in box to say I have that kind of mental condition. And that I'm not faking that mental condition...
Andate
6d ago
@Andate Moreover, I think I might not have ocd, that's why I'm so afraid...
azaleas
4d ago
@Andate I hope you receive a diagnosis soon!