Rocd only with some thoughts, without anxiety is so scary... Or feels do real, like your intuition voice, without if. Calm statements. I'm afraid of it.

But if you were tormented by anxiety for long time, you can feel numb, I think. Mm

Especially, when you are doing that for half a year...

@Andate Now, I'm not even obsessing so hard... It's like permanent thought

@Andate May I ask are you married or just dating?

@Anonymous Im not married, but 3 years into relationship

@Andate Ok well I try to remember that love is also a commitment and not just a feeling. I am married so I made a commitment to my husband through the good and bad times and ups and downs. Some days are gonna be good days and some won’t be. I also try to think one day I’ll look back on this and the bad thoughts will all be a memory!

@Anonymous Thank you for your words. I'm keeping telling myself, that love is a choice we are making everyday, but I'm so afraid, that it always will be that way, with that thoughts and that I'm in denial. I'm scared of being bad, egoistic person, who strings him only to me.

@Andate I understand what you’re saying. You’re not alone!! I thought I was the only person on earth having these bad negative thoughts and I felt so alone but I know now that I’m not alone in this. Other people are having these same thoughts. Are you talking to a therapist yet on here?? What do they say about the voice and thoughts being calm with no anxiety?

@Anonymous My therapist is not OCD proffesional but she is trying her best and know about rocd. She said, that I'm probably in constant fear and my body is tired with all that. I had some traumatic experience with death of my Mom and from that time I feel like living in the edge, from health ocd (I have been in hospital due to all somatic signs), to numbness and now, I think rocd. I have bad anxiety for about half a years and now I feel calmer but it sound like truth. I want to love him so badly, I'm crying when I think about hurting him, or leaving him. Thank you for your response, you are not alone! How long are you dealing with that and how are you dealing?

I’m glad that the calm voice is part of rocd because it almost feels like it’s intuition! It’s so scary! Thank you!👍

Thank you for response! Yeah, that calm voice is scarier than anxiety itself... Sorry to hear, that your mom triggers your rocd, when she is talking about your relationship. It's hard when family and friends don't understand clearly what you are going through.

@Andate Thanks! She knows what ROCD is sort of, and she says she is proud of me for not flipping out anymore when she criticizes the relationship. But given she saw that I didn’t visibly react this time, she really took it to the limit by talking to me about it for a good hour or more each day I have been home for Thanksgiving. At one point I became dizzy because I was so overwhelmed, pms came, and I began googling again. I don’t think she fully understands the impact this can have on me. But a big part of treatment is learning to not react to these words.

@azaleas You are do strong, for dealing with that... In my current situation I prefer avoidance, which I know is bad, but I want to feel some relief, when everything is trigger. I'm nearly sure, that I don't love and that I'm a bad, coward person. Sometimes I feel like breaking up is only moral option, to give him freedom and someone who will truly love him , but I don't want to break up. I think that its not rocd, I'm only lying to myself to prevent hurting him by breaking up

@Andate are you diagnosed?

@azaleas I respond in post above yours, by mistake.

@Andate And I'm kinda sure, that I'm only using rocd to doing hard things

When I first read about rocd I feel really good. But everything was back again and now I'm still questioning. I feel tired

Thank you for sharing your experience! I feel sorry for you losing your mom, I know how hard it is. I hope, that your consellor will help you go through all of that. It's worth fighting for your wonderful husband, as you know, you want toć spend life with him. I think, that my rocd started at the beginning of my relationship, but was calm and kinda numb due to all that stress I went through previously. But that calm doubts at the beggining are something, which fuel my rocd now telling me I didn't love him dromader beginning. It's hard...

Totally! I understand it, Your brain might try to rescue you from potential danger.

@Andate Yes exactly! ❤️

@Andate Also, I have to remember every relationship will have its own issues no matter who you’re with. No one is perfect.

I would try to talk to a therapist here if you aren’t already. I was so afraid of being told I’m in denial and was so relieved when I heard I have ocd. I went through a really long list of doubts in my session.

@azaleas I was asking her for that and she said that I deifinitely have symptoms go anxious disease and obsession mixed with some false beliefs about love (constant passion and butterflies) and my family trauma (every women in my family had poor marriage or get hurt badly by man, my father abandoned me when I was a child). But I think that proper diagnose can be given by psychiatrist and I still struggle to get one. Moreover I'm really scared of being in denial or forcing that love from beginning, so I postpone that... I know, that's bad...

@Andate She is still evaluate me to get me a proper kind of therapy. When I told her, that my symptoms are sometimes different of ocd, she said, that not every symptom have to fit in box to say I have that kind of mental condition. And that I'm not faking that mental condition...

@Andate Moreover, I think I might not have ocd, that's why I'm so afraid...

@Andate I hope you receive a diagnosis soon!