Anyone else’s Harm OCD “Backdoor Spiking” with both Thanksgiving and the Holidays upon us? My one year anniversary is this time of year from when I first started to have a break with Harm OCD, followed by my first onset episode; where I was hospitalized for suicidal ideation because of what was then labeled as “Homicidal Ideation,” but in reality was Harm OCD and before becoming officially diagnosed. I know both the one year anniversary and also the pre/Holiday season being upon me/us is the main trigger, but haven’t posted in ex amount of time and would like to know if anyone else can relate? Not seeking nor looking for reassurance. Happy Thanksgiving to all those apart of the OCD community using NOCD. Sending you all love, compassion and support 💌

My last and almost life long theme/sub-theme largely subsided recently and my ocd felt like it wasn’t even an issue. Then I went on winter break from uni and being alone made my mind come up with a whole new topic to obsess over. TLDR on my fears, my advisor wouldn’t email me back for a while about signing up for classes so my mind started to worry “what if he doesn’t in time and you can’t enroll this semester and you lose this whole life you just built and all these new friends” So when that issue was resolved my mind found other scarier ways I could be uprooted from my current life and friends that I’ve grown so attached to. Then my mind remembered back when I was struggling with false memories and scrupulosity and I essentially made a post on a forum 2 and a half years ago saying I did something or was convinced I did something that I never actually did. Now I’ve been spiraling about someone finding it reporting me and I either get seen as a horrible person or arrested or something over something I never actually did but “admitted” to out of fear of going to hell. My mind won’t let it go and keeps finding new reasons for it to be “valid” “logical” or even inevitable. I feel like it’s just hanging over my head and I can never rest easy. Especially when I try to focus on my daily tasks or plan for the future I get this horrible flair up of “why plan for the future when this could come back in that future and you get uprooted from all of it” my mind won’t rest without certainty being uprooted won’t happen but certainty doesn’t exist, at least not with ocd. This sucks and I miss being care free.

Okay so I’ve dealt with harm OCD from the beginning. Started off with harming my kids, going to jail and then harming myself. The harm to myself stuck around for a long time. Then it went away and other themes picked up but it keeps coming back. This is like the third time it’s come back and every single time it comes back it feels worse. It feels like this is the time something is going to happen. Has anyone ever dealt with this? With old themes constantly coming back and feeling more real? Please any advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks

Honestly ocd has been so tough these past months, like I wake up in the morning thinking I accidentally hurt my whole family and just don’t remember. And I start to question so much. And freak out thinking that I did. If anyone can relate I would love to hear from you ;) and any things that may helped you