Alright guys i know I’ve been going on about hair a lot here. I just notice all the small things and like i said earlier i don’t want to buy human hair because i feel like it’s inhumane. So i bought synthetic hair thinking it was only synthetic. This may sound a bit confusing but when I was shopping I found human hair wigs that were cheaper than synthetic wigs which doesn’t sound right because human hair wigs are typically sold for higher prices (since they are more versatile) and that made me think that maybe my synthetic wigs weren’t truly synthetic as well. I did some more research and I found that most of these wigs might be just masquerading as human hair wigs but are just a blend with usually synthetic hairs and human hairs. But I wouldn’t be able to be sure of that and I wouldn’t be able to be sure that my synthetic wigs are truly synthetic. So now I’m thinking to myself maybe I should just not buy any of these wigs at all because even though they’re fun to wear it’s not a necessity, it’s just something fun that I like to do sometimes. I previously liked wearing them until I found out that they might be coming from humans which could be coming from people in concentration camps like the groups in China that are being forced to sell their hair there. Before I found this out I had purchased a hair that I thought was synthetic from a YouTube reviewer who also was refraining from buying human hair wigs and said that the wig was synthetic but really how could she know? how could/ can anybody know? I don’t know if I should just play it safe and not buy any of the wigs on the off chance its being taken from the people unjustly suffering in those camps, or if this is me doing OCD stuff and spiraling and I should just practice uncertainty and continue buying wigs that are being marketed as synthetic. As a fellow Muslim it just makes me feel totally disgusting at the idea that I might be using human wigs that come from these people that are in concentration camps because they align with my religion of Islam. What should i do?

So i bought this product last year. The total for all the purchases was 68 dollars. It was a combination of 10 dollar products, 6 of them. Well they forgot one product and wouldn’t send me it/ it took awhile for them to respond and i got annoyed by that. I also thought they sent me expired products but it turns out that wasnt the case. Anyways i emailed about this gave up on trying to find a resolution and asked my bank to reverse the charge. Then i ended up feeling guilty because i found out the products WERENT expired (my OCD was going off thinking they were tampered old, or expired, but after some sleuthing i found out that wasnt the case. They just missed an item. So then i felt too guilty to use any of it. I thought of giving it away at some point and repurchasing or purchasing some similar but different to make up for it. Writing it feels a bit illogical now but… im wondering what to do. Because reversing that bank charge on all of those items seems ridiculous/wrong for only one item but it happened already, a year ago. I think my magical ocd was telling me it was wrong to use and I would taint/ negatively impact anything i used it with because of what i did… or is it guilt because i really “stole” more than they “stole” from me?

I wanna start out by saying, I am really proud of how far I've come in recognizing my OCD tendencies and learned about how it can show up intersectionally for BIPOC folks who have racialized trauma and how me, being a White person, how it manifests itself for me. I'd also like to say, this is gonna be more of an analytical and reflective post. Please feel free to read and respond with any critiques or thoughts you have. I'm embarrassed about it nowadays, but it's important to acknowledge because it was a HUGE part of my teenage personality, unfortunately. I used to be a HUGE Shane Dawson fan 😭 like, his content was my strongest hyperfixation to date. So at this point in time, I feel like I'm still trying to decipher what kind of racial commentary and satire and jokes are genuinely funny and which are just perpetuating stereotypes and straight up minstrelsy. Shout out to D'Angelo Wallace for making the video essay that woke me up to seeing this issue more clearly. I try to be aware of how I can easily fall into just laughing at racial stereotypes without being aware of the serious consequences it has for BIPOC people, but at the same time, I don't want to be too worried about everything being racist and therefore that means it's bad and should be banned, cause that's also not always helpful, I've noticed. So racialized fear and polarization is something I'm deconstructing. I hate to admit this, too, 'cause it's embarrassing, but my OCD seems to latch onto racial issues. I end up obsessing about whether or not I'm causing marginalized people harm or not, particularly when it comes to racism. I believe this is because I know I was one of those White kids who was into "edgy" humor when I was a teen. I think it's just lingering guilt from knowing that was wrong, but OCD makes my guilt and rumination and therefore compulsions to "fix" it so much worse than most people. It's frustrating, but I have come a very long way in confronting and dealing with it. I'm very proud of myself for being aware that that's an issue I have. I've got to give credit where credit is due, to my biracial friend (who also happens to have OCD) for essentially helping me learn this, albeit the hard way with many arguments about racism and trauma. It's something that isn't talked about much, but we're learning to build bridges in our understanding of how mental health affects us as people with different forms of racialized trauma. Mine's not so much trauma, but social stigma, whereas his was from actual bullying and harassment and physical assault, simply because of his race. I've also learned how to recognize and deal with my own mental health issues WHILE confronting race because of Black advocates like Tony Nabors who does Racial Equity Insights, F.D. Signifier who does really great intersectional analyses on social issues pertaining to Black people, and D'Angelo Wallace for being the first Black YouTuber that made the problem with Shane Dawson video that finally helped me break out of my lowkey toxic parasocial/trauma bond relationship I had with him, lol. Does this post seem too wordy and analytical for this forum? Let me know if this isn't the right audience for this type of writing and reflection. I just wanted to talk about it because it's something I had to figure out largely on my own. Wondering if anyone else relates to this or can see themselves in this.

I have no clue when the last time I washed my hair was. I write down when I did on my calendar so I can make sure I don't go too long without washing. I'm too scared to see when the last time was, I know it will make me feel more gross and uncomfortable. I have enough shampoo and conditioner. But the one little stupid thing stopping me is my bonnet. A while ago, I wore my bonnet outside. When I went back inside, my head was itchy. I realized that some pollen must have gotten stuck in my bonnet. I have allergies. So, I figured it was no big deal and washed it in the sink. Then, my OCD gave me a habit of washing my bonnet every time I went outside, even if it was only for one minute to refill the dogs water bowl. And the washing got even worse, my OCD making me dip it in the water a certain amount of times and a bunch of other stuff. What happened recently was I opened the screen on the balcony to get my dog to come into the house, and I leaned a little outside while I was wearing my bonnet. My OCD made me think my bonnet was dirty again. It's not very easy to just ignore this compulsion. This one makes me think if I don't wash it, there will be pollen on it or other allergens and when I wear my bonnet when I go to sleep I will suffocate from my allergies and die in my sleep. I have no clue how to combat this. Hand washing it is really hard because of my OCD. I would love to wash my hair right now so I can feel clean, and not feel so embarrassed every time I leave the house, but I can't use my bonnet without intense fear. I was thinking, maybe I should buy a new bonnet and put away the old one until I feel better about it? Although I would have to wash the new one too because I don't really want to wear one that hasn't been washed before because new clothes are usually sprayed in chemicals to prevent bugs. I guess I could go to the store and buy one. Or just use the bonnet I already have. The reason I feel like I have to use a bonnet after washing my hair is also OCD I think, I'm not sure if it's OCD or logical. My hair will be very wet after washing it, and if I sleep in bed with wet hair the pillows and stuff could get moldy. I'm having success getting better from all my other OCD problems except for this one. Please, I could really appreciate some advice on how to beat this. I have a therapist but she doesn't specialize in OCD so she often doesn't know what to do for my problems. I really just want to wash my hair today.