i met someone online last year and finally got to meet each other a few time this year. as we facetime and chat i know i have feelings for him, like they’re “more than friends” feelings, but when i’ve seen him in person i honestly don’t feel a cosmic connection you know, and idk if that could be rocd because i’m trying to prove myself that i do feel something spectacular when i’m with him but it’s honestly not as big as i’d thought it would be! can anyone relate and give me some advice please? thanks<3

I’m really struggling and I feel emotionally drained. Every time I spend time with my boyfriend — even when we do something nice, like watching old videos or just being together — I feel this heavy, painful disconnect. I keep having thoughts like “I don’t like him,” “he’s annoying,” “I feel nothing,” and it feels so real. We’ve been together for 2 years, and this has been going on for more than a year. It’s exhausting. I feel like I’m constantly chasing a feeling that never comes. I’ve read everything about ROCD, about ERP, about how I’m supposed to sit with the thoughts… but even when I try, nothing makes me feel better. I can’t tell what’s real and what’s not anymore. When he wants to see me or come over, I avoid it. I don’t feel excited. I even feel afraid of being around him sometimes because I’m scared I won’t feel anything and that confirms my worst fear: that I’ve lost feelings or never had them. My chest feels tight all the time. I feel like I’m lying to myself and to him. I know he loves me so much — he even moved to my city to be with me. And yet here I am, thinking these horrible thoughts and feeling nothing. It makes me feel like a terrible person. But I’m also just so lost. Has anyone been through this? Where it all just feels too real, like you’ve hit the truth you’ve been avoiding? I feel like I’ve ruined everything, like I’ve been forcing feelings all along, and now there’s nothing left to feel.

So I talked to my therapist about some things, and I’m doing a lot better. I’ve realized I’m obsessed with infatuation and feelings. When I expect to feel really goodly eyed over my boyfriend I don’t, sometimes I am most of the time I’m not. However I cuddle him, have desires for sex with him, I love him, I love being with him, he’s funny, his personality is attractive. I also want my physical attraction to grow. I’m afraid if I don’t look at him an ogle that it means I should be with someone I can do that with.But physical attraction is fleeting. He’s amazing he should be the father of my kids, I am not wanting to give up. This is half ocd half not. I wand to feel a certain way but honesty ? I have to allow myself to feel these things and stop fearing. Like allow myself to reflect on his heart and the things I love instead of focusing on obsessing over something I don’t like.

I feel like I don’t feel THAT physical attracted to my partner, however it’s not 0, and I love him I wanna marry him I want to be with him very badly. I have this ideal person in my mind and physical attributes I want h it I know I can’t chase after them. How do I cultivate appreciation for how he’s made? And who he is ? Like what are real life practice ways(I’m Christian btw) that I can truly appreciate him and grow this because I’m not breaking up, I’m simply not I want be with him and k know I’m looking for just right attraction feelings too.