Does anyone get it when you always feel like your lieing to yourself you say something head makes you feel different or constant same thing tell you you want certain things and you don’t so you baiscally arguing withy your head to shut up

I have really bed harming intrusive thoughts and sometimes feels like it’s feeling! The thoughts happening every day and the hardest part is that I’m testing my self in head all the time if that’s what I am or want!!! Also, so many times feels like I’m been tricking myself and doctor or people and maybe I don’t have OCD, just that maybe it’s me really!!!! How can I know who I am really 🥹???!!??

Whenever anyone starts to feel like their thoughts are less triggering or they feel a moment of happiness/ relief OCD tells you that you want the thoughts back or you actually like having the thoughts and maybe thats just the person I really am? I feel like im going insane😢

Have you ever been through Very bad thoughts about your brain wants to twist anything about good or bad like evil and good which is god and sat*n and panicking because you believe In god but your brain is messing with you have you ever felt like you're afraid you had commit blasmphy in your thoughts It's very bad thoughts like omg where does these toughts come from?? Please tell me your experience One moment I feel okay and I can pray and vent to god and other moment I'm so ashamed of myself for thinking like that Am I alone in this am I crazy?