Was stressing about my OCD a lot, staying up researching it and now I feel that it is too early in the morning for me to become tired and sleep, anyone else gone through this?

Hi I’m really struggling I was up until 5 am last night getting showers and washing my bedding in stress. I want to know if ocd can do this…. When I get gronal responses it feels nice and last night even tho it was over a child it felt too nice to try to stop it… but can ocd do this, even tho the gronal responses was because of a child. I’m im so much distress due to this. Like they felt genuinely enjoyable and I wanted them but that itself was freaking me out

Ever since I found out about relationship OCD, I’ve been researching non-stop. Google, Reddit, ChatGPT, this app… I regret it deeply. Before I knew what ROCD was, I still had disturbing thoughts, but I didn’t spiral like this. I didn’t question reality this deeply. But now… it’s like I’ve implanted in my mind that I have a disorder that’s “unfixable” or that only gets better with time. And even though I struggled before, since I started researching obsessively, I feel like I’ve completely lost control. My boyfriend told me that I’ve gotten worse ever since I began searching. And I see it — I used to be able to express love. I used to say “I love you” a lot. Now I can’t even say it. And when I did say it before, I think I was using it like a compulsion — like if I say it enough, maybe the thoughts will stop. But they didn’t. Now I can’t even be intimate without feeling this horrible discomfort, sometimes even disgust. And I remember telling my therapist that — and she said it’s not normal to feel disgust when your partner touches you. That devastated me. It stuck in my head. And now? It all feels real. Not like “just thoughts.” It feels like I’m denying the truth, like I’ve ruined everything by digging too deep. I’m not myself anymore. I’m not the girlfriend I used to be. I feel like I’ve lost everything — even my ability to feel love. There’s a constant pressure in my chest, like a weight I can’t describe. And no matter what anyone says — whether it’s hopeful or scary — it doesn’t bring me peace. I feel completely lost inside my own mind. I don’t even know why I’m posting. Maybe because I just want to feel less alone.

I have, alongside my other OCD themes, an intense fear of insomnia. Although this has been improving somewhat — partly thanks to medication and The sleep school on YouTube — I still find myself ruminating about it throughout the day when I have something important the next day, I get stuck in the fear that everything will be ruined — for both myself and others — because my mind is so preoccupied with sleep. + a fear of depression coming back. It honestly feels like a form of sleep OCD. I'm not sure if that’s an official thing, but that’s how it feels to me. A form of erp is the idea of befriending wakefulness. That works great tbh. Things like sleep hygiene, meditation, etc. — tend to backfire because my OCD latches onto them and becomes too obsessive about “doing them right.” I’m genuinely wondering whether ERP — for example in the form of a worst-case-scenario audio loop (imaginal exposure) — could be helpful in this case. I’m hesitant to start unless I know it can actually help. Is there anyone who has experience with this or thoughts about it? I’m not looking for reassurance or tips to fall asleep — only for ideas on how ERP might be applied in this situation.