Are there any other Christians struggling with Real Event OCD? Specifically being able to differentiate between if it’s the OCD making me feel like I need to confess to more people or if it’s actually guilt coming from the Holy Spirit that is trying to convict me so that I will talk with elders in the church or something, etc.? For a tad more information in case it helps you respond to me- The “real event” wasn’t any action(s) that I committed. It was just thoughts/feelings that I had that were inappropriate. I never acted on them and never would. I even prayed them away when I had them at times, but I don’t think it’s fair to call them intrusive either. I feel like they were my thoughts/feelings. I already confessed to my husband 728734 times and will be talking to a counselor in January (first she had available), but in the mean time I am struggling very, very badly. It’s led me to being very depressed and my mind constantly swirling like a tornado. It’s also led to lots of other “themes”… also, I’m new to OCD. I’ve only been seen in the past professionally very briefly for “general anxiety” although it’s starting to become clear to me that I’ve had OCD all along.

I remembered something I did a couple of months ago that has changed me completely from trusting myself it was a conversation I had with my cousin and something they said unrelated made me remember this happening, I went into a full blown identity crisis i couldn’t walk out of my room or get out of my bed for months paranoid and scared of everything I’m still scared and feel like I don’t even deserve to shower I’m working on it slowly each day but I knew I had to get a therapist and I was diagnosed with ocd because of this event I remembered, and I just don’t know what to do…. I read online that it doesn’t matter how little or bad the event is it’s still ocd regardless when diagnosed but I know I have a compulsion to see others real events and it is nothing compared to mine which I shouldn’t compare but it’s difficult because no matter what I have to come to terms that it’s undeniably bad legally and morally what I did and it’s just so confusing how it’s something I JUST learned about months ago I’m literally in my mid 20s, and I went years without even realizing how troubled my childhood was and yes my real event happened during that time but I was still a teen and old enough to know better but I didn’t understand the magnitude of what I did at the time still no excuse though, this is where I don’t know what To do because 1. I already know what I did was awful and there’s no excuse for it 2. I can’t apologize in my situation that I don’t feel comfortable sharing specifics yet3. Yes I know I changed so much obviously I’m a grown adult now I know what’s appropriate and what’s not that’s why I’m so troubled over this and I never did anything like that again, I’m literally in the happiest relationship and seeing a therapist to also help me understand all this trauma, this event involved my cousin but even they are cool with me and very close as well hasn’t said anything I don’t know if they remember or not but it’s not something I can talk about with them at least not yet (again just don’t want to go in to specifics) but this is why is so confusing and has caused me to have intrusive thoughts about everything EVERYTHING the what ifs what if they remember what if I go to jail what if they hate me what if I’m denying who I have been and I’m this horrible person this whole time without even realizing and everything is a lie my relationship my joy for things what if I’m a ped, what if I can’t love or care what if I’m a person who just harms others manipulates I even spiraled thinking I was going to physically harm someone… it’s very bizarre to me because before my OCD my biggest anxiety was just having to learn how to drive…I’m in my 20s just to mention that again😭 I have probably almost all intrusive ocd categories, These thoughts never existed in my head until I remembered my event it has completely traumatized me but do I even deserve to feel better do I deserve to get help if I did something unforgivable do I move on or don’t? Should I even be living life I just feel guilty even breathing stepping outside I know for a fact if people knew they would never trust me they would feel like I probably should go to jail but do I go on to what others feel or myself? I know I wouldn’t harm anyone regardless of what my ocd tells me I never did anything like that again and wouldn’t but if it’s something that even legally I could be punished for does all of that not matter? I’m sorry I’m just trying to figure out what the right thing to do is , I’m continuing therapy and getting the help but obviously my therapist cannot say if I should be punished legally but even my boyfriend said that if I turned myself in they wouldn’t even take me seriously because I don’t even remember everything fully it was so long ago, but from what I do remember it’s still bad enough mainly just of me being a teen, I don’t want to make that event my identity but I just am so freaked out I feel awful what if I caused trauma to another person and all these years I didn’t even know, this event only happened once that I remember, there were things that happened to me as a child that would explain why it happened but it’s still not an excuse, I did a compulsion and googled what would it be called or the charges for it and the words that popped up triggered me to my core as anyone would feel if they were as stupid as me those words I googled are what monsters are so it’s hard not to think of myself as that it’s hard to not make that my identity if that IS what happened, is living with this guilt my punishment?I don’t want to give up on life I want to love and care and just love life I know this is complicated and a lot not much I can do but I’m just so lost.

Hi there I talk about religion (but I'm not trying to force it down anyone's throat) So my main event (which is the one that truly bothers me) happened in 2015 when I was 14. I won't go into any details or anything. I will say that it got so bad once that I almost committed something detrimental to my health earlier this year. Not long after that I spoke to a doctor and basically confessed what's been happening to my brain and my mistakes, he mentioned things that really resonated with me, I'll paraphrase a bit: "Okay, so what you did was not good but it's not something to condemn yourself for. It falls into the grey area, you've apologized and have been forgiven (even though I apologized over text, which comes across cowardly)but it seems that you haven't forgiven yourself. There's a whole lot of difference between you at 14 and you at 23. Try to have some perspective." This really helped and it still does, but unfortunately ocd tries to find a way around this. I'll get a thought of "oh but you forgot to mention that other part of the event" and it magnifies it. Can anyone relate? I've done everything but fully move on because I sometimes feel like I don't deserve to move on. And I'm still worried over the future.

Hey guys- I don’t know if any of you with religion/spirituality ocd struggle with the “unacceptable thoughts” about like evil and stuff but I’m struggling.. it feels like I believe that I want the evil stuff because I had demon-like voices in my head as ahead where I went to talk to God when I was experiencing great distress and then these evil thoughts came in and I let them in and like “ok-ed” evil stuff. Especially because I felt so forced into my faith journey as a kid so it’s like that “feeling rejected -> rebellion thing) but I also know that but I also have such fond memories of feeling so close to God to leaning on Him for so many things. It’s so hard because 90% of my memories as a kid, I struggled with severe ocd and no one knew what it was or how debilitating it could be I’m trying the ERP with these thoughts but😭 have any of you gone through the same things? It’s so strong In my mind because I know there’s actual spiritual warfare so I feel like - pray for me guys