- Username
- NewToOCD8
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Hon, it’s definitely OCD. I’m a Christian and I have definitely gone thru this. No need to confess or pray. Since this is OCD, it will only get worse each time that you do. God’s spirit draws you to him in love. The enemy wants to drive you away thru fear and shame. Of course these thoughts “feel” like they are your own. That’s OCD’s trick. We can’t control our thoughts or our feeling. We can only control what we physically do. Get to therapy as soon as you can. Why not try the NOCD therapists right now. Love to you!
I almost want to cry reading this. My “logical mind” (as I call it) wants to believe you so badly and just release all of this, but it’s instantly followed by thoughts of “well, if she knew what you thought she wouldn’t be saying that, etc.” I soo appreciate your response though. I am trying to get through each day as well I can until I see the counselor. It’s a very reputable Christian counselor who deals with OCD where I live, so that’s why I’ve been holding out. Plus, to be frank, I’m scared to open up about these thoughts with just anyone.
@NewToOCD8 I'm so proud of you for reaching out, brother/sister. I went through a long phase of refusing to believe my logical brain "just in case." I eventually got a low of despair, barely believing in the possibility of salvation, and another low when I realised I can't go on like this. I made it out somewhat. I think "I could have turned from the Faith entirely" and it keepse going. Here's a beautiful letter from Terese to her cousin: https://stpaulcenter.com/st-thereses-antidote-to-scrupulosity/
@NewToOCD8 Hey . Just wanted to let you know that I have the same exact thing . I understand that you don’t want to talk about it . I respectfully understand because I was the same way . Just want to inform you that talking about it with someone really does help . It gives so much relief and freedom . Your mind is fixated on the “ terrible thoughts” that you’ve just had so now you’ve developed a fear and certain triggers . I’ve had terrible thoughts . Some of my thoughts I didn’t want to open up to with my own wife . Seeking counseling, talking with people in church groups and spouse all helped eventually . You’re not alone. The thoughts I battle with are intrusive / blasphemous thoughts . I absolutely hate them . Having the thoughts as I’m texting you . It’s so hard to convince myself that the thought isn’t me because we associate the thought with a negative feeling and we then make the assumption that it must have came from me . When someone explains that it’s OCD , you feel guilty because you are so convinced that it is you and blaming it on OCD would just be a way to not take accountability. Trust me , I understand . I’m a Christian by the way . If you’d like to discuss any further , please do . I’m willing to talk . Also , don’t focus on your problems . Focus on God ! When we focus on “us” we fixate our minds on sin , bad thoughts and situational things which all drive us in a loop . Focus on someone who is so powerful , who loves you , who sees for you , who cares for you , who knows you before you were formed in your mother’s womb , who has plans to prosper you and not to harm you . Someone who is there immediately when you call on Him . I’ll be praying for you . I pray that you receive Gods power , love and sound mind !
@Junior96! Thank you so much for taking the time to write this out. It has been tremendously encouraging to read. I think there is a lot to what you’ve said about not focusing on my problems & instead to focus on God. Specifically, I’ve seen some improvement in me when I try to be the hands & feet of Jesus and serve others however I can. The anxious thoughts don’t even cross my mind during those times & I think that says a lot about the validity of the thoughts in the first place. Thank you for the prayers, I certainly need them.
@NewToOCD8 anytime ! I’m so glad that I am able to help . Please feel free to text at anytime . More than willing to talk . I’ve been there , at times still going through it .
Sorry for the multiple delete and reposts of this comment. I wanted to word it well: what is your religion, if you deem it safe to disclose?
I’m a Christian. Are you meaning what denomination specifically?
@NewToOCD8 Not sure if my other reply sent as reply, but there. Also, you might want to look into Scrupulous Anonymous
I'm a Catholic, so my understanding of conscience is as a logic thing and my view of hearing the God Himself is to take it with skepticism (I spent a lot of time studying it.) If your belief is different, I can't really help, but there.
Thank you so much for the response. Any help/suggestions mean the world. I’m not exactly sure that I understand what you’re saying though. I do not believe to hear God audibly. However, I believe that through the Holy Spirit in believers God can “put certain things on our hearts” (if you will) or bring scripture to mind when thinking of certain things, etc. Because of the OCD though, it’s hard for me to differentiate between if it’s something God wants me to do/pay attention to or if it’s just OCD.
@NewToOCD8 I do believe He can, but I think it's unwise for *anyone* to try to differentiate between God and ordinary thoughts. The saints say it's better to take them as just ordinary thoughts until the Church seems it to be truly supernatural, just in case. They say God won't be offended if you wrongly assume they're just thoughts
@AnonymouslyMe (see bio) That’s helpful. This “real event” that I’m speaking of has been what’s lead to my scrupulousity because I’m TERFFIFIED of misinterpreting God’s will for me and then that meaning I’m not a “true” believer. Thank you.
This might be helpful https://nocd.page.link/osjjoBijiDQmQBkZ6
Hi NewtoOCD8, glad to hear that when you practice not focusing on the problems/intrusive thoughts, but focusing on something else like God, that you have seen improvement. Neither ruminating or trying to actively disprove the intrusive thoughts is definitely key. and Like 21-Now! Stated, confessing about it or praying repeatedly as a compulsion will only reinforce your OCD further. Very glad to hear that the counselor you are going to is experienced in OCD and I agree that talking to someone definitely does help, especially with real event OCD. In my experience, the more you revisit the event in your mind the more the event seems to get distorted making you seem worse, thereby making you feel worse and causing you to revisit and ruminate on it more. Try to remember that no amount of dwelling on or revisiting of past events will change what happened, be it thoughts or actions. Also, intrusive thoughts are going to seem real, otherwise they wouldn’t be causing us problems and making us fixate on them and further fed our OCD bully. OCD will find a way to constantly shift themes, and will ratchet up the intensity whenever you are already anxious, under duress or exhausted, I know that all too well. They key is to recognize the intrusive thoughts and doubt about your self worth and beliefs as the OCD trying to trick you into feeding it and then avoiding falling into its traps. Not focusing on the intrusive thoughts and giving them weight will definitely help and not giving into your compulsions, be it repeated confessing or prayers, as hard as it may seem is also very necessary for recovery. If focusing on God, instead of your intrusive thoughts or real event, has been allowing you to move ahead with your life with less anxiety and depression and pain, then double down on that light that has been guiding you way and clearing your mind. Please stay strong and seek therapy and you can overcome you OCD bully.
any resources on Real Event OCD? Basically my OCD will make me remember things I said in the past, that were sexual (innuendos, jokes, conversations, etc) and make me answer the question “did you cheat?” or will say “you are a cheater because you said X.” The only relief I have found has been from 1) confessing things I said/did or 2) checking the message or figuring it out. I can only stop my thoughts when I say “I have already confessed that.” Or “checked that.” Yesterday I had a meltdown because I thought of something else I said to one of my guy friends and hadn’t confessed it - I basically made my boyfriend read 90% of my messages to this guy because I was so afraid I had cheated. My boyfriend said it wasn’t a big deal despite all the sexual jokes / innuendos / conversations. I was clear with this guy that I wasn’t single and we were usually just joking about stuff or just talking about it. So my boyfriend said “I don’t really care” with an exception that we cleared up. So you’d think I could say “well I already told him about it” but my OCD keeps saying “but what if this thing you said + didn’t confess really is cheating, you meant to turn him on, you were asking about stuff, that’s inappropriate, he would definitely dump you for this...” and if I don’t fix it, it threatens me with “you’re going to worry about this forever, you did something wrong and didn’t confess it, it must really be cheating if you don’t confess it because you’re keeping it a secret...” I am suffering so much ): I will take any advice at this point. I have been seeing a OCD therapist for about 3 months but can’t let go of this.
I've struggled with anxiety, depression, and insomnia since I was a young teen and am currently struggling with what seems like scrupulosity (for the past few months I've been fighting with thoughts and feelings that I'm not saved or not good enough to be a Christian and it keeps me up all night half the time). I desperately want help but I'm afraid that I'm just seeking a diagnosis to blame my shortcomings on something other than myself or that going to a therapist would prove that I can't trust in God and go to him first. And the truth is I truly haven't been a good christian and there are many sins I still haven't totally faced and overcome yet and I'm not sure if I ever will be able to. I just don't know how I KNOW if I'm really the problem or if it is OCD. And I'm not looking for reassurance but maybe I am? I just don't know... if it is OCD it also feels like my "obsessions" are constantly morphing and changing and I can't keep up with them. Like I'll go from having existential thoughts to questioning my belief in God to feeling like I'm gonna turn into a creep or lose my mind or turn evil in some way. I'm just so exhausted and need help. I want to be able to turn to Jesus for help but I don't always know how to... I have faith that things will eventually turn out OK but then as soon as a feel secure in that the anxiety and doubt comes back. And even as I'm typing this I'm having thoughts like "its not that bad you just need to toughen up and be patient" and I know that's true but I just feel so alone and like I can't talk to anyone about this and if I do it'll all prove to be true. And as I write this I wonder if I made up all of these thoughts and feelings because I read online and on here about OCD and I'm trying to fit myself into it as an excuse to avoid my real problems... which might just be perfectly true but even if it is I don't know how to fix those problems??? I just want to get out of this loop and be a better person. I don't know if posting this will help. Maybe its even a compulsion in itself. I just want to understand... how do I know if its OCD or if I'm being convicted? Or both?
every time my OCD finds something new to obsess about I feel like it’s the worst one yet. I used to think feeling like i don’t love my partner is the worst but turns out feeling like i cheated on him is so much worse. especially because it’s not cheating OCD but real event OCD. I somewhat entertained things with a friend a couple years ago (assumed he was probably into me and didn’t stop it/ liked the attention??) and even drunkenly fell asleep on his leg once. and i have talked about it with my bf but not the detail about sleeping on his leg (i’ve told him other arguably worse things (no kissing or anything like that)) and we’ve gotten past it. this was someone who i definitely never had feelings for and never wanted anything more out of than attention. but now i feel overcome by guilt and anxiety and i replay the scenarios over and over in my head. i feel the constant need to confess every last detail i remember but i read that confessing can be a compulsion? ugh anyone else dealing with real event OCD have any advice? I can’t see my amazing NOCD therapist anymore due to insurance issues :/
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond