Does any else hate waking up? Like if you could stay in that level of sleep where you’re not thinking or feeling or even dreaming? Does anybody else take sleeping pills? Or take other pills that cause heavy drowsiness that way you can just silence the thoughts just for a couple hours? I always wake up arguing with myself about, ugh 😣 🤢, and boobs and wondering but then I don’t like them and what scares me is that I feel like my brain is trying to give me something happy to think about like the side of a man’s chest like from profile. And so my body would get kind of heavy but then wires would get cross and I don’t know if I am I don’t want to I can’t tell if I was but I don’t throb over boobs when I actually look at them consciously then it doesn’t feel right right and that means but that doesn’t mean I have anything for them subconsciously right? My wires could just get crossed right? I’m scared it happened naturally like I did I don’t want to have been throbbing over boobs I’m pretty sure it was my attempt to imagine pectorals and I’m scared that I’m just telling myself I don’t an actually but I don’t! I don’t like boobs and no have you ever tell yourself you know you don’t like it and then felt worse?

I took Tylenol p.m. extra strength last night. And I think because of my ADHD that meds like that have a stronger effect on me. I was going to like post something else and then I stopped myself. And now I feel like crying because I can’t stop thinking about boobs and how they point out like all different shapes and sizes like torpedoes and shit. I hate that I know all the shapes of them because I’ve looked at them like they graded our shit and I still regret it! I’m scared I do I don’t really like girls or prefer them I don’t like them at all! And I can’t stop thinking about boobs and how it’s just strange I’m scared I’m reacting way too happy so to speak I can’t stop thinking of like the underside of them like the roundedness and how they point out and shit and I don’t like this and I don’t like how weird I’m responding how like excited but not that kind if you know what I mean? I don’t like or prefer them at all but if I don’t why am I getting such a charge in my chest? I’m getting excited but not in that way I’ve checked myself my buddies responses before responding to you. And before you responded there was more activity that I’d like and I’m frightened because I was thinking of my guy and how I love him in his body but mostly him because he’s such a fucking dork lol and I fucking love it so much! And I I was thinking of his chest like males in general and I don’t want I hate that it all so expands to him like I don’t want I feel funny like I do but I don’t like it when I look at it I don’t want bigger muscular more defined guys and I said they’re more than not more attractive when I actually physically look like if I get too big I almost get disgusted with guys but then I act like his chest isn’t and I feel bad for my poor guy because I love him and I think he’s amazing! Physically and as a person most of all! But this boob thing is so fucking scaring me! I kept thinking of the underside of them and how they point out and I hate them as and then I kept repeating these phrases like don’t just when I don’t prefer them at all and if I don’t like boobs why did I get such a weird charge I don’t know and I’m scared I am I don’t wanna get over him I don’t say I don’t want to say all you care is MoveOn I don’t wanna move on from him he’s not away for me to deny that I’m but I’m not gay you know what I mean he’s not a denial method and there’s no other guy better for me but that’s not the point and I’m fucking scared I am I’m not gay and I can’t stop thinking don’t just I don’t I feel strange like this doesn’t feel right! Watch straight person smiles and get some weird charge in their chest thinking of the underside of boobs and how they point out why am I smiling as though I do when I don’t like them I can’t breathe 🥺

Sorry I hope I haven’t triggered you I needed to get that off my chsst

@Bookworm91 Not at all! I just relate to it

@anxiety:> So this is “normal“ for this OCD? Because I have been lying in my bed imagining that stuff like in an unfortunate amount of detail and I was just like wait a minute when I actually see what it is that I’m obsessing about and it’s not that I look at anything X-rated anymore because it doesn’t help it But when I’ve looked at them I’m like wait a minute when I in an encounter that stuff in real life like just like I don’t know a woman walking by or like statues or something I don’t like what I’m looking at there’s no response. Thankfully but I don’t like how I was trying to just ask my question to you and that’s it and then I thought of what I was thinking about and I’m so embarrassed my nipples got hard I don’t know if that means anything and I’m so fresh because like when I was really considering it I’m like wait a minute I don’t like this shit so why does this happen like it’s so frustrating but thanks for responding it does help I just feel weird like an alien in my own brain even though I feel so strange I hate this I’m sorry