TW IM convinced that no one in the work could possibly be 100% straight. Just strong preferences. Does this make sense?

Trying to lean into that today but I’m having a hard ass time these past couple days. Ugh.

Okay what if while watching something like that does one even start like imagining themselves in the place of one of them? Will that be considered because of ocd an intrusive thought?? But like we aren’t in that situation or position what if we are there will we be okay? Like it ? Say no to it? Enjoy it? What does that mean then cause why would that thought to me feel so real and like i want it and i know that i might do want it still tell myself its not true but do i even say that idk if i am making sense but if that thought comes and you think of yourself to be in the place what then all this ocd is it just a cover up?What if some bi women comes up to me or - lesbian and tried something and i do indulge and i am okay with it and just this thought makes me think i will be and someone on here can say what if you are and just because i am not put in that position or that situation idk how i will react but if and when i am if just the thought that my reaction could be that i like it and just me thinking about it has to prove something right? Otherwise why would i think so?! Am i even straight do i even want to be what do i do?!? And i am thinking because i am curious and not anxious what do i do ?! I am i am curious and not anxious that has to prove something what do i do?!? And it feels like emotions are attached to it like I actually want it like feelings wise and someone over here said that if that happens its like running away from something and like is that true is this living a lie do I actually want something else? I am sorry for such a long rant idk what to do

@Brave through You’re definitely asking this from a place of anxiety and reassurance seeking. To be honest a lot of the message was hard to read. Step back and tell your self “maybe I am straight, maybe I’m not, I don’t need to know right this moment. I will be okay either way, even if I never figure it out” if there was something to figure out, you would’ve figured it out. Sexuality is a very very grey area and we do not need to fit into a box, we need to just be.

@Brave through I have been in your spot before. Worrying and obsessing and asking question after question in your head about what that means about you. The best thing to do is just say maybe I am! And if I am, it’s going to be okay! No need to go around coming out of the closet… it’s a mental excercise. So when you accept that you may be gay, and you accept it, it makes the anxiety go away little by little. Until eventually there’s barely any anxiety when you see a woman undressed. And then at that point you can determine whether you were feeling anxiety or attraction. But that doesn’t happen until you practice unconditional acceptance

@Anon1294 What makes me anxious about this is when I finally do treatment and I start to feel better, what if I find out I was really experiencing attraction?

@lennygirl I think this a lot too. Maybe, maybe not

@run99 It’s too scary, run99. I have far too much evidence that points to me being at least bisexual if not a full lesbian.

@run99 I feel like I really would be happier if I stopped “repressing” my attraction to women

@lennygirl That’s exactly the type of thought that keeps the brain latched to an ocd obsession, the idea is to tame your brain and trick it into not fearing that. So my biggest fear used to be “what if I’m gay” and just through experiences and exposures I have come to the realization that I am straight but I definitely can get aroused by women at times. But that’s actually completely normal and a huge chunk of the straight population experiences that believe it or not. So maybe I am a little bi, I accepted myself 100% because one thing I know for certain is that no matter how much I’ve thought about it, I could never be 100% sure. So I decided to be sure of being unsure! Maybe I am, maybe I’m not. No amount of worrying is going to change that, and all that worrying will do is make my mental health worse and worse.

@lennygirl So don’t repress anything! If you see a pretty woman, say “omg she’s gorgeous!” Out loud. If you think you’re feeling a flutter, stare at that picture or video longer, don’t avoid it. I realized after I started exposing myself in those ways, that I wasn’t feeling attraction at all, it was anxiety and fear of being attracted

@Anon1294 I’ve just suffered for so long 😭 it’s been 8 years. I was 12 when it started and now I’m 20. The last 3 years have been pretty constant; I’ve had 3 relapses, but in between those relapses I still have the thoughts. I’m not even sure my thoughts are intrusive or ever have been. I’m just scared.

@lennygirl Not to offer reassurance, but after all of this time of you really were gay, you wouldn’t still be obsessing. You are confronting it currently. It’s an ocd loop. Not you.

@lennygirl I’ve had it since 14 and I’m 27 honey!! I am finally feeling relief from it now because I started accepting myself unconditionally and it’s working… the best I’ve ever felt! I have a husband and he knows everything about my struggle and he accepts me for everything I am. Your life is going to be okay, you just need to accept yourself through and through

@Anon1294 Thanks so much for saying that. I really worry that because this has plagued me for so long and so deeply, that I’ll never have a normal life or relationship. There’s also just far too much evidence that I’m a lesbian, or at the very least bisexual.