- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
Also, strangely enough I had these thoughts of my bf too, that he may have pedophilic related thoughts 🤔 interesting to know i’m not the only one who thought this about my bf
- Date posted
- 3y
That’s actually very interesting to know. I’m so sorry you’ve experienced this too- it’s absolutely the worst kind of fear. I feel like the rest I can deal with but when this comes up, it just makes me feel like I have no idea who he is. I’ve also never met anyone else whose had POCD towards someone else- it’s always about themselves- so as much as I hate that we both experience this, I’m glad I’m not alone. Haha and yes, now I’m extremely anxious over what your opinion would be and if you also think it’s inappropriate 😅😞 I do agree. The only solution is to stop checking. Even if I confront him, I’ll just worry he’s lying or something. But it’s really hard to let go of it when it feels like such a severe issue, you know? Like I HAVE to find this out right now because I need to know if he’s that type of person or not right away. And lastly, I think my biggest fear in not checking is that something like this will happen: I’ll feel SO much better for a few months, and I’ll be thinking highly of him and not being so scared of loving him…but then I check and see something I don’t like from months ago. Or he’s been being shady for months (just an example, I’m not sure how shady this behaviour really is), and then it negates all the “niceness” I’ve felt towards him and I feel more betrayed and blindsided Ugh sorry, I’m really bothered and tired of this. Thanks again for listening 💕
- Date posted
- 3y
I’ll redownload the app! Just a sec
- Date posted
- 3y
Hey, i’m here to talk if you need. I have been through this god knows how many times, more than a thousand tbh. It’s excruciatingly exhausting and it can take up all your energy and eventually lead to depression because you have been comparing yourself to these “other women”. It’s self-harm. You know it’s wrong and yet you continue to do it. It’s an obsession, you must find out who these women are, what are the links between your bf and them? Is there anything going on? These are jusr a few of the many thoughts I had to deal with too. You can get through this, but unfortunately the key to getting through it is to stop checking. Just like a drug addict, you must stop. I’ve stopped and I can honestly tell you that it feels f*cking fantastic! My confidence is so much better and u know what? If he cheats he cheats, it’s his loss and I will get through it because i’m a catch. People who cheat are the ones with severe issues and will continue to live miserable lifestyles, not able to get vulnerable with anyone. Saying this tho, your bf isn’t a cheater unless proven otherwise. These follows are just follows, unless he was liking nude photos then still it’s not proof, you can talk to him about that because it’s very disrespectful in my eyes but unless you find full on 100% proof that he is cheated, the only way is trust. One way of thinking about this which has really helped me is thinking, would I rather fully trust and then he cheats or distrust all the time and I lose him that way because he gets sick of it? What would you rather live with? For me i’d much rather trust and lose him because that way I’d know I wasn’t the problem but it was him.
- Date posted
- 3y
Thanks so much. I really appreciate that. It is absolute torture, and the more you “check” to try and soothe yourself, the more you find or the more you see or the more you need to check to know for sure. It’s an absolute black hole. I actually had stopped checking his Instagram for a few months and was feeling good, until today. I suppose I should also mention that one of my themes is POCD towards him- if that makes sense. I’m terrified that’s who he is, even with no proof in that regard. So it’s not even him liking other girls photos that makes me so anxious. It’s that I noticed two girls in particular that were liking many of his posts, and he has been liking theirs. Both their profiles say they’re in the same university program he’s in so I’m assuming they are classmates. He’s an adult student and most of his classmates are first year young students. These girls are 18 and 19. He’s 32. That’s why I’m panicking so much. Because it feels completely inappropriate, and even if they are classmates, they are too young for him to be interacting with them on Instagram, and liking their (very tame) selfies. So yeah… that’s where the anxiety and the issues lie today. Thanks so much for listening and offering your empathy and perspective. I do appreciate it
- Date posted
- 3y
I’m so sorry to hear that you have relapsed after several months! The only thing you can do is to climb back up the later, step by step. I know you desperately want answers and to find out my opinion on what I think about him following those women but i’m not going to feed your ocd because that’s what it wants. There is never a 100% way of knowing what the follows mean. NEVER. You can find all the reasons in the world and ask 100000’s of people but you will still feel unsatisfied with their responses because with ocd, no amount of checking is satisfactory, once you get a response you need more certainty to just “make sure”. It’s like filling a seive, it just won’t be satisfied. Or, Lets say u did get satisfied and I gave you my opinion on the matter and your anxiety went down. What’s to say something else is going to pop up? Because it most certainly will, especially with ROCD I know it all too well, it will lack onto any piece of uncertainty and overanalyse it.
- Date posted
- 3y
*climb back up the ladder
- Date posted
- 3y
Omg yes!! I can totally relate to everything you just said, it’s like we can’t accept them being nice or doing anything loving towards us because as soon as we are triggered we will find every single reason to paint them as bad so that we no longer have to feel loving towards them. My logic for this is that we’vre afraid of love because in the past love = pain, we’ve associated the two together. I’m guessing that in your past someone really hurt/betrayed you. For me it happened about 5 years ago and it still affects me to this day because i’m currently trying to heal it, I do believe i’m getting there, i’m like you where it’s been a few weeks of not checking and yes, there are some things that are still popping up that are urging me to check but i’m still refraining. My worry is that something will pop up that I HAVE to check. Because I know that once you’ve checked, it’s truly a downwards spiral from then on. Sometimes for me it’s lasted months. It’s really difficult to get out once you’ve started again.
- Date posted
- 3y
And this is so true, even if you confront him, you’ll believe he is lying which suggests that your mind right now is currently biased towards distrust and will ignore then positive and the things that make him innocent. This is what the ROCD does. I learned from my therapist that just because something feels real, doesn’t mean it is real. It is the anxiety that’s making it feel real and giving you the urge to act now. It’s really intense so I understand that i’ve acted on that intense urge more times than I can remember. I wonder if you’re like me and have broken up with him several times because of this? Imo I think it would be inappropriate if he was liking nude photos of someone or if it were every single one of a girls photos. Me and my bf have made an agreement to only like the opposite sexs photos if they are with their partner in the photo and to only follow the opposite sex if we work with them. Other than that, we don’t accept follows from the opposite sex and in fact we don’t even have each other on social media and this approach has worked so well for us. I know it sounds strict and most couples would thing it’s weird but hey, it’s worked for us for 4 years now so we’ve stuck with it.
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you! I definitely appreciate your reply- it sounds like we have a lot in common 😅 We’ve broken up several times before but not always because of me. I think that’s what adds to my fear. And I agree, it feels real but doesn’t mean it is. I think I just get tripped up because sometimes I’ve had anxious feelings that turned out to be right. So now I’m very scared that every anxious feeling I have is actually an intuitive feeling. But I applaud you for not checking! I went down the rabbit hole again this morning and of course, now I feel worse. There’s one girl who he liked her saucy photos earlier this year but hasn’t liked anything since, so I guess that’s…whatever. He’s only following a handful of these girls and it’s really just one I’m bothered about- I don’t know why. He’s liked most of her photos since the summer (when I’m assuming they started following each other), but she’s only posted 5 times since then. Anyway, I’ll try to let it go. He’s on his way over right now and I’m terrified I’m going to bring it up and we’ll have a fight. He always knows when something is wrong. I’ll check back in afterward 😅
- Date posted
- 3y
Let me know how it goes! Good luck! ❤️
- Date posted
- 3y
Hi! Thanks so much! I wish we could chat somewhere off here since this is so public haha But anyway, the day was good! He knew something was up and I kind of caved. In a roundabout way I just told him I was anxious and then made him promise he wouldn’t fall in love with any of his young classmates 🙄😳 He laughed a bit and said “of course not!” and then I quickly changed the subject before I could keep talking about it. Oops. So I guess I tried to get reassurance in a way. A bit later, I got upset because I noticed him looking at a girl in a store that was wearing a VERY short skirt. I totally don’t mind him checking out people but was only bothered because again, she looked younger (like 19-20). But after that, the rest of the day was fine. I’m still anxious about it but trying not to think about it too much. I really like what you said earlier about being “pre-programmed” for distrust and anxiety. That makes a lot of sense to me and I feel like that’s definitely something I feel on a regular basis.
- Date posted
- 3y
I’m going to have to delete my number very soon tho
- Date posted
- 3y
so let me know if you have taken note by liking the comment
- Date posted
- 3y
Let me know if it works
- Date posted
- 3y
I’m going to bed as it is very late here, hopefully you have taken note as I am going to delete it now
- Date posted
- 3y
I got it, thanks! Just trying to figure out how to add a contact with that number haha. Sorry I feel like an old lady
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
Adults only as pocd mentioned I'm still thinking abt all the friends online who have unfollowed me,some cases even i think softblocked or fully blocked me. My brain is convinced that I must have done something gross and predatory or I did something racist or in general bigoted and they came to terms with it and left me. I can't stop thinking abt it. I just remembered checking an old discord for a fandom I was in when I was 17,half the people there had unadded me when we were friended and possibly even blocked,I hadn't talked to a lot of them in a long time though,but I thought we were on good terms. I think we also used to follow eachother on tumblr but before I made a new tumblr I remember not seeing their posts after some point and I can't remember if it's just bc I wasn't on much or i unfolloed or I got blocked. I feel I must have done something awful. One of my worst fears is people i care abt or was friends w leaving me and not telling me why,I have so much stuff I did on the internet I feel regret abt and it could be any of those things,as i mentioned i cant stop goint thru old messages and there have been times ive seen me make like a nsfw joke as a teen in a group chat or me not react negatively when someone else in the chat does something weird . I'm constantly scared who the next old friend i have will suddenly disappear one day,letting me wonder if I did something hurtful or predatory or bigoted to them or someone they know. I have so much stuff I regret a lot when i was younger,I have so much stuff I wanna confess but I'd be here all day and I'm bound to forget something then remember it later and spiral.
- Date posted
- 8w
I’m struggling a ton rn and would love some insight from people. My bf and I broke up bc my OCD got to the point where it was extremely damaging to my exes mental health. We’ve been on a break for the last 2 months while I get therapy and help and he wants to try again in August. We talk everyday and fall asleep on the phone but I’m miserable anxious about what he’s been doing during the break. My mind is flooded with the idea that he might follow new girls on Instagram or he flirting and talking to new girls. It’s KILLING me. I’ve made up an entire situation w no proof. And I’m scared it’s not my OCD talking but a gut feeling. I know we aren’t together but it’s not fair to emotionally invest in each other if he’s not being loyal like I am. I’m just losing my mind and need help honestly.
- Date posted
- 5w
I’m overanlazing alot of things. My first post on my profile covers everything but I’m so worried and like nervous reck of what my ex boyfriend could be doing. We are on no contact for almost 3 weeks now which is the longest we’ve ever gone. I’m getting so much into my head like if he already moved on, or if he’s talking with some girl already, or letting a girl hit on him. Or even going back to bad habits. It’s been driving me nuts for the past few days. I’m still mad at him for hurting me mentally but miss him too. I keep thinking there’s something wrong with me, wrong with the way I’m thinking, like I’m not normal for thinking these things. That he’d find me weird I wonder those things and that I check on his profile on instagram, just staring at it, blocking and un blocking him. I worry that maybe he doesn’t think of me anymore. And he just. Doesn’t care. I feel like an older version of him would say I’m being too much, that I’m overthinking to so many extents that even tho we are broken up, he’s single and so am I and I shouldn’t care this much about it. But I do. And I’m sure it’s because I’m still in love with him. Even if I’m mad and upset still.
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