- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
I think mine got triggered but went dormant for years when I was younger and figured out my aunt is and I asked her. She just confirmed that she was she didn’t go into any inappropriate detail. And I remember my mom picking me up and me asking my mom if I was gonna end up like my aunt and she said no just because she is doesn’t mean you are that’s not how that works and that’s it. There’s no shaming no anything like that. But I was terrified that I would turn into her I didn’t identify with her as I wasn’t like oh so other people are like that I wasn’t like that at all. But I was little you know all you need is your mommy to say no that’s not how it works and you’re good and years later just got sugar I’m scared I said the girls are not hot or delicious I went to college and I went through shit I didn’t experiment I didn’t want to but I’m scared I started to notice stuff and I had those thoughts and then they went away again when my ex-boyfriend came in to the picture but that didn’t work out and I was fine with it then a couple years later at Cal State LA like an actual college instead of just community not a community college isn’t an actual college but that’s beside the point. And I’ve been struggling with it ever since I’m scared I don’t wanna notice how women are they’re not attractive I’ve never thought of them like that I’m so sorry I hope I didn’t sugar you. I’ve been posting on here a lot because I’m really freaked out by my reactions and I thought I saw your post and I was like oh I feel bad I kind of understand what you’re going through even though I’m not exactly the same
Thank you for taking the time to respond and share your story. It was a negative thing in my family which also is why I’m scared it’s denial.
As I’ve posted before, my friends has developed TOUGH hocd and has hit rock bottom :// She told me to ask y’all here if any of you have had a similar experience NOT reassurance (she doesn’t have NOCD). “Hi NOCD community. When I was like 5 I had this distant female cousin whom I played with and grew up. She had super short hair like a boy, but we low key had same interests in toys/tv series etc. and then at THAT age I got a very weird though which said: do you like her? And I remember getting a lot of anxiety and my stomach hurting cause why tf would I have that kind of thought about my female cousin? I remember ruminating about it the whole day, and the next day that thought disappeared and I never had that thought again. We grew up and obviously she’s my family like my sister. But now that I have HOCD, I keep thinking about that memory and I have so much anxiety about it and cry often about it. While growing up I’ve only had crushes on tons of boys at school etc. has anyone had a similar experience?” Thanks for reading if u did! We need support 😭🙏🏻
I never read someone talk about this so I wanted to know if it applies to anyone as well. For context: I deal with ROCD and SOCD but I do identify as straight and am in a (happy) relationship with a man. What often triggers me is memories about childhood and adolescences about having the groinal toward nudity in porn or music videos. Because I can’t deny having watched other things than straight porn and experimenting with porn I simply can’t stop trying to figure out what that might have meant and if i deep down have actually a other sexual orientation than the one that I feel comfortable identifying with. I only hear people talking about random triggers but never the REAL memory of arousal to pornography and so on.
I know I'm not attracted to children, there's no proof I am and no indication that I am. Yet why do I still get these sexual intrusive thoughts? Why do I still feel so uncomfortable? Why do I feel disgusting, distressed and confused when I get them? Why do I get them in the first place yet I still don't feel anxious enough? I'm really confused about this. I'm not going to do anything to a child or think of a child that way yet at the same time It gets all over in my mind. Is it just me like uncovering some attraction to children that was buried and where would it even come from I've always been attracted to men that are older than me (not like grandpas or something but 1-6 years older) so why the hell am I even getting these thoughts now? I'm genuinely so confused and I don't want this to happen. It feels I'm betraying everyone especially myself
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