So I haven’t posted on here in a while. Mainly because I’m not anxious but the thoughts are still pinging around in there. They definitely still feel real. But now I’m caught up on the fact that we sit in silence a lot and just play our games or watch tv. But with other people I can talk for a long time. It might be because we live together and I know it’s honestly unrealistic to expect us to be talking 24/7, but it doesn’t stop me from feeling like it’s actually a problem

The fact that Im googling to see if that Im feeling numb towards my partner and that Im scared because I dont feel anxiety anymore so Im thinking my thoughts are real and that Im feeling that my partner is not real is normal could be considered as a compulsion? I think Ive been going through the backdoor spike for almost two weeks now and I dont even know what to feel anymore

Isn’t it so frustrating when you’re having a great day and in a wonderful mood (rare) and then all of a sudden, you’re triggered by something silly and now you’re anxious about something that keeps coming up over and over in your mind? I feel like this might sound silly (or many not). I’m scared to share in case everyone replies and just says what a big red flag this is but I’m so sick of being anxious about this so here goes... My partner and I will have been together for 4 years this year and he’s never posted about me on social media 🤦🏼‍♀️ on one hand, I feel so stupid for worrying about this (we’re in our 30’s for goodness sake!), but on the other hand, it still makes me extremely anxious when I think about it too much. We’ve had sooo many conversations about it, because I would get really upset that he was ashamed of me or trying to hide me. He always promises that isn’t why. He feels like posting on social media is like, the highest level of commitment lol. Last time we had this conversation, he told me he would feel more comfortable proposing to me than posting online. I know he was always uncomfortable with it, even when he was married. Apparently she would post photos of them from his account and he was always super uncomfortable with it. But yeah....I thought about it again today and it just makes me feel like there’s something seriously wrong with us. His family and friends all know about me, we’re always going out in public, but it just feels strange that we don’t post online. And don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I want sappy posts or anything....I just want the comfort of feeling like we’re “normal” and that it’s not just a huge red flag waving over my head. Okay, I guess that’s it. Thanks for listening! If you have any opinions, please be super gentle so I don’t totally freak out 😅 thank you!!

I haven’t really had real friends in years, except for my cousin which is like my best friend. But for all of these years at school when I would be alone with my school friends, I would constantly talk, but in my head. It was like my mind was my comfort place kinda. I didn’t really talk what was on my mind so I said a lot of it in my head. I would have thoughts such as “she’s/he’s cute” even when I wouldn’t think that and would say no in my head, but I would still constantly get these thoughts. Now, I have Harm OCD so it’s very tough because I feel like I can’t control my thoughts and it feels like sometimes I force these intrusive thoughts. What if my intrusive thoughts never go away and they just act like the thoughts I had before?