i feel like all I’m doing is convincing myself and I’m so tired of it, like I don’t know who I am anymore or just I fear I will become a monster or I am a monster, they say fearing this much means you aren’t a monster but is that really true I have thought of so many things but I can’t control them but how does one live amongst them it gets hard but push forward I guess

Hi! I want to remind you that thoughts can't make you a bad person! Thought and actions are two completely different things! I'll make you some examples: If you imagine to watering some plants, it doesn't means that plants are watered. If you imagine that the roof is falling; killing someone, doesn't mean nothing! The roof didn't fall; and no one is dead!

Another thing really important for me is that you can control feelings, you can't control thoughts, but you can controll your will, who you want to be. I have rocd, i'm in a beautiful and healthy relationship. But sometimes my feelings tell me to RUN, even if I wanted to stay. I feel only anxious and sad sometimes. At first that make me doubt even more; worsening everything. I understood that I can't control emotions, but I can still do what I want, by not listening to those bad moments. I chose to follow what I want, instead of following fears and compulsion!

An last, when you learn how to "treat" your doubts, they will lose importance. They would still come yes. But they would be like if you tought "what if the water in this glass turn pink?" Meaningless!! So there are treatments! Things will get better, I'm sure!