I am having a hard time with thoughts of urgency regarding my sexual orientation. I am going to a ceremony today and I feel this overwhelming kind of godly inspired anxiety where I think I have too air out my business in regards to the struggles I’ve been having with my sexuality and Hocd. I have told most of my family that I am bi sexual now & most of my friends basically everyone short of a Facebook post with having done barely anything with a man before. In fact I told them all before I ever even experimented sexually. So I wake up in the morning and feel like called by god to air out my business later even though I don’t want too. And than I get this anxiety and back n forth in my mind that if I don’t step up and share everything that’s going on with me I am living in fear etc which very well might be the case and that than if I don’t in like dialing myself. But the sharing of the fact that I’m having a hard time accepting myself whether it be HOCD or bisexuality seems never ending I have come out of the proverbial closet like a bunch of times now and I keep becoming obsessive and getting in this mental loop with myself that is just CRAZY. Like if I just open up to a person about it one more time it will go away or I will overcome it. Maybe that is my form of reassurance seeking who knows. I was talking to a lady about this and she asked me why the need to air out your business to everyone all the time and I stated that I feel like when it comes to things that bother me I can compare it to like jumping off a cliff. I either run full spread ahead and screaming full of fear and just off the cliff or I run around in the opposite direction. Why does everything have to feel like I’m either jumping off the cliff or running away from it, there has to be some middle ground. I would hope that my whole life doesent have to operate from that level of intensity and anxiety when it comes to how I feel about things, how I deal with them, and how I operate with the world. My obsessions seem to just switch depending on what’s going on but if there is nothing going on externally that I can latch on too it seems my sexuality is the baseline from which my obsessions and fears will manifest/operate. Before when I was in a relationship I would operate from the baseline of doubting my relationship