Hello everyone. I was recently recommended this app by my therapist who I just started seeing for “HOCD”. I wanted to share my story and symptoms in the hopes that someone is going through the same thing and needs to hear it or can offer support. The onset for me was very recent, a month ago to be exact. I wasn’t in the best psychological state, I had a job offer for another company presented to me that I had the inclination to take but had a lot of anxiety and trepidation about. I spent days upon days worrying if I should take it or should I stay. Finally when I took it I was still in a funk and very indecisive and even regretful. One day thereafter I was watching a Video of an openly homosexual man doing a ABC news interview. To this day I’m not sure what caused it, but something about it caused me a lot of anxiety and I started thinking for some reason that I was gay. Now as a background, I live with my gf and we have been together 2 years. Our sex life the last couple months has been dormant to put it best and I had felt a detraction to wanting to make love. I found myself watching a lot of porn to get off which isn’t abnormal for me, it’s pretty regular. Once the symptoms kicked in I started panicking trying to force all the thoughts out of my head. That just amplified them and made it extreme. I couldn’t eat I couldn’t sleep I couldn’t work I couldn’t function. I googled everything under the sun and when I found out about OCD I instantly felt relieved. But then it came back, and I started to question myself even more. I go through the same mental loops over and over and over, constantly reassuring myself. Now, reading other people’s stories or even coming out stories they are so different From mine. Many people refer to past experiences or having thoughts of being with a guy sexually. I have never had those thoughts ever. I have been with a lot of women romantically and sexually and have never thought about another man, have never had the desire to be with a man in any way. This has caused me to rethink everything about myself and even times convinced me that I was living a lie. Fast forward to the day, I’m not sure what is going on or how to summarize all of this. I use to love watching sports listening to podcasts going to the gym and I do none of it anymore. I barely can keep my focus on the day to day especially when I try to work. It feels like my life is just trying to transform overnight and that it will never stop. I’ve reassured myself over and over and it’s like I can’t get out my own way. When I’m feeling good I’ll watch porn or fantasize about having sex with a woman and I’ll get hard. And still that’s not enough. It’s like I don’t even believe my reality anymore and my mind is trying to force me to be gay. I get headaches all the time especially in the morning. It’s like the first thought that pops in my head, “you’re gay”. I’ve been around many men in my life, even in my athletic days in college I mean you got half naked dudes in the locker room including myself-never in life have I ever had an intrusive thought or been attracted to any man. I don’t know what’s going on. I’m not even sure how to classify this-I don’t know if it’s generalized anxiety, overthinking, depression or HOCD. Any suggestions , insight, or recommendation would help. I’d like to have a clear head and be myself and enjoy my life. I’m a good dude and I have nothing against anyone of any subscription-including homosexuals. I’ve been around guys or girls who are whether in the workplace or seeing on social media and it’s all love. I am 26 years old. Thanks.

I feel awful that I keep coming on here whenever I’m down bad but oh my gosh OCD is the most painful shit that I have EVER experienced in my life and I have a physical chronic illness…. I hate to say it but I hate living right now it’s too painful… im crying as I type to the point where my stomach is hurting, I have pretty severe ocd I do have generalized anxiety and idk if that is connected with ocd but because of that I have most of the subtypes REAL EVENT OCD,POCD,ZOCD,ROCD,SOCD HARM OCD, you name it and I got it!!! a lot of also why I have have those theme is trauma growing up and involving those things^ as of right now i’m 25 and a women with the most loving boyfriend in the entire world before my ocd hit me I NEVER questioned my love and care and attraction with the love of my life I always knew I was going to marry and be with this person the rest of my life! Now with ocd it confuses me soooo much and now I think I’m gay and didn’t realize or indenial and listen I get it “don’t look for reassurance!” “It’s not the thing ocd is attacking that is the problem ocd is the actual problem!” Here’s the thing with that if I’m in a relationship and I’m gay that would mean I would have to leave that said relationship and to say that “oh yeah that stuff happens and you’ll move on” is absolutely devastating to me this is THE LOVE OF MY LIFE and your telling me that iv been lying to myself this whole time or that I didn’t realize?!?!? And that sexuality can change (even though some say it can’t google says otherwise and some people have said it can’t idek anymore) and all this other BULLSHIT I can’t take it WHY?!?! why does this have to happen why can’t I just be with my love the rest of my life?!? and yes before anyone says anything I have been attracted to girls more so when I was younger watching lesbian porn liking the body’s and fantazing them sexually it stopped when I got older but I still don’t get disgusted with women who are pretty it just makes me uncomfortable because I’m with the love of my life and before I remember talking to my partner and discussing certain childhood things I experienced and we discussed that we both could be a little bi and for certain I’m (demi sexual so I don’t even really care about looks) and I truly didn’t care!! NOW I do care even with being bi because again I don’t like thinking about anyone else but my partner but I do also know my parents are homophobic and I do think about if I am gay they wouldn’t be okay with that and I also dont want to deal with that so now I sound like in indenial right?!???? I didn’t even care about labels before my ocd it just didn’t matter but now it’s effected my sex life and it’s hard for me to enjoy sex with being so confused I’m so confused I googled everything can you still have sexual fantasies with same gender but still be straight? Can you fantasize about same gender or imagine marrying them all of it !!! And non of that disgusts me it just makes me uncomfortable AGIAN only bc I just love the partner I’m with right now!!! I’m so fucking confused do I have to leave my partner and accept that I’m gay is that going to happen in the future if I get better with ocd and find out it’s been true all along?!???

Hello, I unknowingly have lived with ROCD or OCD (not sure what one. I’m new to this). It has ruined so many amazing romantic and platonic relationships and I am so sad that just now I am finding out what the hell is wrong with me. Maybe life would be different if I have known. My OCD and anxiety is at an all time high (ATH) due to some horrible events that have happened in the recent months. I am at the point where paranoia has taken over my life now. I had my first panic attack a few weeks ago where I fainted. My anxiety attacks are so extreme I go thought cognitive distortion that has lasted days. My girlfriend of 3 years is my emotional guardian and she no long has the energy to be that and honestly it’s not her responsibility to be that. She is bi and wanted to have an open relationship and for someone who has OCD this has not been good for me. She also was assaulted in my own home by a good friend of ours when I was out of town but it’s not a clear situation because it sounded consensual at first. I just left my very high paying job. I am financially secure but the job was emotionally abusive and looking back made my OCD worse. I am taking some time off to get my head right…but now, all I have to do during the day is live in my OCD. I’m very happy I finally figured out why I act the way I do but I don’t know if I can get better quick enough to save my relationship. I have never been so worried about myself (M 28 years old). I am a confident young professional and never thought I would be writing on a page like this. Anyway…I hope it gets better.

I need too know that I'm not insane, really. I am 16 and for the past two weeks, this has been completely ruining my health and happiness. I only recently came out as a lesbian like 3 months ago after a lot of confusion about my attraction since I used to think I liked men. At first, I felt so sure that I liked women, but lately, I've been having these unwanted thoughts about the possibility of liking men. I never used to feel this way, but now, every time I look at a man, my brain obsessively fixates on it. It forces me to imagine kissing him, loving him, things I don’t want, and then tries to convince me that I do. It’s painful. The thought of this fills me with fear and anxiety, leading to panic attacks and breakdowns. I don’t want these thoughts. I hate them with every fiber of my being, but I’m terrified that one day I’ll act on them and somehow like it. I used to think I liked men, but back then, I was in a very unhealthy space in a time of escapism and something deeply parasocial. I’ve only ever liked the attention and validation a man could give me, but these experiences are somehow treated as further proof that I’m "bisexual." I’ve never been in a real relationship with anyone, which makes my brain constantly challenge me—telling me, “You don’t even know what love feels like.” It won’t shut up. It keeps obsessively trying to make me prove that I’m a lesbian, testing my reactions and questioning my certainty. Is this normal?