Hello everyone, im struggling with something and i need your opinion. So for years i said to myself that i have suicidal ocd because i have random thoughts and images about that and i dont want to do it, but i always felt that what if its real suicidal thoughts and i just say that its ocd to avoid the pain. So today i did the "search" in me and i found out that sometimes when life is bad i really think that i want to die, and a feeling follows that too. And realizing that i started to feel soo much shame and i felt depressed bc of maybe im i danger and that how dare im thinking about that. And then i felt worse bc i thought about how my family will react to that, what feelings i would give to them. And then i read about suicidal ocd and i found out that all this shame and feelings its ocd, so i was like what the hell?! So the question is can i have both, i mean suicidal thoughts and suicidal ocd? By suicidal though i mean(i dont want to live, life is mean). Its just that but im even affraid that it will be worse thoughts...😅😅 and i dont know how to accept if i have these thoughts bc i feel shameful having these...(maybe im broking the rules but i want this bc where i live theres no one who specialize with ocd and i need this aswer to know the truth if i have ocd or not)

Harm OCD

Jellybean1984£

Date posted: 3y

If you are having random pop up thoughts and images about suicide it definitely sounds like suicidal ocd to me.

woahman

Date posted: 3y

I have that too but when i feel soo sad i have this "i dont want to die" feeling. This month i struggled with whats the meaning of life, and i had a feeling that for me now its nothing so i need to do something bc i feel theres no point of living and that im thinking like this makes me feel bad. Still now i feel so stressed and shameful bc last night i felt bad and the ,"i want to die" thought and feeling went through my mind and since then i struggle with is this a real problem, am i in danger and what i said before that i feel shameful and even guilty that such toughts came into my mind.

woahman

Date posted: 3y

@arnoldolasz Correcting the second line " *i want to die"

Jellybean1984£

Date posted: 3y

I have those thoughts too and I definitely have thought what’s the point. They are becoming less and less, as time goes on though, with the right treatment. Do you have depression? Depression and anxiety triggered my OCD to a worse degree and so they are linked. There will be times it feels like you’ve had enough but know that the OCD will make those thoughts more frequent and intense. Are you getting help with how you feel? I was put on Prozac and by week 9, with a mixture of walking, CBT, EMDR, the tapping solution, (all can be found on the App Store) and supplements I feel much more my old self.

woahman

Date posted: 3y

I was on medication last year and its not for me... i just want to know what i have to work with that

woahman

Date posted: 3y

And the depression part, honestly i dont know. I think sometimes negatively about the world but thst isnt depression. Sometimes the thoughts put me in a really tired state and then i feel like its something like depression but its not more then a week or even less. And its rarely, last time i had this on summer and it was 8 days till i felt free of it, but between those 8 days it wasnt like it was bad every day, one day was okay, the other was bad, and i tried to grow my knowledge.

woahman

Date posted: 3y

But i remember it was bc i had enough of the illnesses that im hearing of,(my aunt got diagnosed with cancer) and i felt like if i was the same situation i couldnt fight bc whats the point? You just will suffer with the illness, and then i realized that this is a really bad belief and i shouldnt think like that, bc i might get sick too and if i just give up bc of this than thats sucks... i know that i cant avoid pain, but i want to learn to not suffer more with it,so im trying to find meaning

woahman

Date posted: 3y

But yeah when im in pain i have this thoughts that whats the point and i dont like it that im thinking like this

woahman

Date posted: 3y

But one thing that makes me think now is that i read that here that ocd can make you question everything and when i try to think positive, feel good or give meaning to life my mind is like "did you do this to avoid pain?" So then i feel bad about that too...

Jellybean1984£

Date posted: 3y

So health anxiety/worries triggered it? I think it’s actually what triggered mine too. I question everything also. My brain seems to just not forget stuff easily, I call it sticky brain.

woahman

Date posted: 3y

Yes health anxiety,and the fear of life could be just pain. Bunch of negative thoughts that i dont let go bc i want to know why i think it and then i suffer...

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