MAJOR, MAJOR, MAKOR POCD TRIGGER WARNING (TALKS ABOUT HEAVY STUFF) PLEASE 18+ I’m tired. I feel horrible. I haven’t been able to watch porn lately without being scared of the person in the video being exploited, kidnapped, or r*ped. I don’t go on shady websites, just pornhub, but it’s horrible. I find myself being really scared ever since I heard a while back about how cp and other stuff was being uploaded on porn hub and that they were doing a lot of investigations and taking down videos. I’m terrified that I at some point in my life saw something like that and didn’t know it was illegal, I’m horrified by wondering. It doesn’t help that a couple of months ago, I was reading confession posts on Reddit, I used to read them to maybe feel better about my own real events, and they sometimes did help. But I read one that was horrifying. It was about a man who was confessing to constantly watching CP and using the dark web to see it, I only read the beginning part and the comments replying to him, but it was horrible. One thing he wrote on there horrified me and has stuck in my mind ever since. He said “even when I’m watching the hardcore stuff I feel…” I shook when I read that, because I’ve never thought about a “hardcore” part of awful crap like that. As if anything beyond CP itself isn’t already the bottom of society, but to imagine it as different categories like in regular porn terrified me. Now I’m being flooded with intrusive images and it’s had me break out in panic attacks and feel incredibly nauseous. I stopped reading confessions on Reddit after that, that was by far the worst confession I’ve ever read. It was disgusting and horrifying. I called my friend afterwards and told how scared I was and he told that I shouldn’t feel guilty for the decisions someone else made who I didn’t even know, and that I need to be able to separate what I read about other people from myself. I’ve never seen CP but these intrusive images are so vivid and terrible, I feel like crawling out of my own skin. I also saw a video on tiktok by this hacker group who take down accounts that bully, harass or put illegal content. And while what they’re doing is great, they posted a video of an account that has been posting cp and we’re telling people to go and report to get it taken down, but they didn’t blur the profile picture of the account and while it didn’t show anything, the profile picture was of a little girl and she seemed scared and wearing makeup, I was horrified and I just scrolled away and logged off of tiktok. I can’t imagine the pain and suffering they face and seeing that little girls face triggered me beyond what you can imagine. I feel dead inside, I ended up blocking those social activist groups and accounts because while what they’re doing is great and are trying to get rid of all that and spread awareness, it just triggers me too much. I’m not asking for reassurance, but this stuff has horrified me so much, and my OCD is trying to convince me of truly horrible and despicable stuff, but idk anymore, I just feel like dying.

Hello 😭, so uhm I’m kind of in the point of my POCD where I’m just tired. I just need to get it all out and get some sort of instruction of how to just idk live? So for me my childhood is pretty blurry. I have a few real event blended with false memory events there but other than that I’m a csa victim. And the way I tried to cope? By fetishising nyself, making CP of myself, seeing my life goal as being used, raped and a prostitue. Self destructive behaviour through talking to pedophiles and seeing my only worth as if I was sexually attractive. Which made me kind of numb to CP as a coping mechanism I guess. And heres’s where my main event of REOCD/false memory ocd comes in. I have a few events in my life when I’ve accidentally stumbled across CP ish mangas or just plan abuse and not had a big reaction. Some of them I even liked the story. And my ocd LOVES playing with it, making me truly believe I enjoy and get of from CP. I’ve also had quite a few dreams. A few days ago I had a dream about me getting triggered by something I did in the dream. Which I now can’t figure out if it actually was a dream. But also moments overall where I’ve unintentionally touched my private part while my siblings are in the room or when I found a guy 2 years younger than me pretty in 4th grade. Or a few of my only friends who turned out to be younger than me, and I had talked about sexual things (like fan fictions, my trauma ect) with them. AHSHB I absolutely hate ruminating and I’m tired so so so so so so tried 😭 idk help me? Please TT

I’m worried about times when Child P*rn or suspicious porn videos have come up in the past. I tend to use Twitter for porn and it’s not the most moderated app out there but I was never looking for videos or pictures or anything related to that. Unfortunately stuff still has popped up and I’m just worried about if my reaction was perfect because I have intense POCD I want to say it’s nearly as severe as it can get so I just feel as if I remember times when something suspicious came up and I stayed for a moment to make sure I wasn’t attracted or maybe left and came back to be sure I was safe and didn’t like it and I’m afraid this counts as seeking out or engaging in illegal content that would get me in trouble. I’ve never once looked this stuff up and anyone who creates saves distributed or likes this stuff I believe deserves prison time for life but I’m just so worried that I didn’t react in the way I should’ve I’m 20 years old so I’m relatively young and I’m jus worried about what this means about me any one else deal with anything similar?

I think these are the worst real events ive ever done... and Im so triggered because the last thing I want is to be a a P or a MAP... im triggered because I dont want the people ive become friends with on NOCD to block me because they think im a P or a MAP... thats the last thing I want... When I was 18, i unknowingly consumed l*licon a couple times... I didnt know what the term was at the time... I thought that since it was on a public site, and it had millions of views, that i thought it was safe to consume... when I did my research when I was 19 onto what exactly the term was... I was horrified and mortified... I puked and gagged and felt numb for days... it's been 5 years since then... im 23... and the last thing I want is to ever be exposed to this kind of content ever again... let alone consume it... I should've been more knowledgeable and it's my fault... my pocd and real events ocd call me a P and a MAP when these are the LAST things i want to be... I know what I did was wrong and I regret it immensely till this day... and im so overwhelmed...