I really need someone’s input. And I feel really bad because I feel like I abuse that in another post and the other persons not respond rightfully so. Anyway has anyone ever imagine a scenario and gotten themselves really pissed off or upset or some combination of the two and then that triggers the OCD? I’m scared because I was washing these things at my job I work as a dishwasher. I think they’re for grills where are Japanese barbecue place so you can cook your own food if you want to I’m not sure where exactly is apparatuses go but I have to clean them. And I thought I’m scared I felt a shift inside me and said I do I don’t miss hanging boobs I don’t like them! And I can’t stop thinking about them and say love but I don’t love them I don’t I’m scary simply I don’t simply do I I don’t know I don’t not simply anything I don’t not do but I’m scared it felt like a gearshift but I still don’t feel right and I’m scared I don’t feels even worse like saying the word but I don’t I’m fine I can’t stop thinking about it like I do and I can’t even imagine a guy like doing a push-up without thinking I don’t want hanging I don’t want boobs I’m scared I don’t wanna condition myself too! And I can’t help it like it’s are there but I don’t miss them and find out you make faces like pecs are the really big ones are and then I protested saying not boobs are gross pecs are not at least the patrols that are not really big or not gross I kept saying those aren’t gross but they kind of are to be honest. But what kind of straight person says that kind of thing miss . I don’t miss hanging boobs I don’t even like them! What was that shift

Guys I feel a bit bothered. I fear I liked a thought bc my sister was showing me this video about a robbery and right before she was going to show me I was thinking "no... tsk this is not what I want to see. Dont think of anything." But i had to watch bc my sister was already playing the video. I tried to not pay as much attention. I hate watching videos that have stuff related to harm bc ocd loves to latch on. I got so many thoughts. But when I saw the person pull out a weapon and the cashier jump extremely high, I felt like laughing??? But not bc of what was going on but bc "why did he jump like that? It was so high! You know what? I would've jumped liked this too. That's scary!" And then I felt angry for the cashier bc why do evil people commit such things? How the heck? But ocd says i laughed bc I felt a sense of superiority and liked seeing people scared and want to feel a distorted sense of power. Like.. no? I knew I felt like laughing bc I didn't expect him to jump so high and I wanted to point it out but decided not to bc the video is serious, and it's not a movie. But I feel kinda guilty like why tf did I feel like laughing. I didn't even smile or actually laugh irl but it's bothering me. Then my sister showed me some other video and explained a specific weapon and I kept getting thoughts like "ohhh i want that! I wanna scare people too! I want to test the thoughts to double check if i actually like them" And it gave me an image of me doing something crazy like robbing a store as well! AND IT FELT REAL! I WASNT EVEN WANTING TO THINK THIS! Im worried this means its real or that i enjoyed the thought and fantasized, but at the same time ik im not actually interested nor do I have plans but what if I WANTED to for those few seconds?! Bc why did it FEEL like I enjoyed it??? I know I wouldn't, i dont have plans to nor do i want to think about making plans and I'm genuinely not interested but WHAT IF??? Did i enjoy this thought?! It felt like I wanted to bc I didn't immediately reject it like usual and for some reason felt "happy" (i didnt smile or anything but it FELT like i was happy???) Literally right after the thought came i was thinking to myself "OMG is that true?" And couldn't focus on anything else! How do I know I didnt genuinely enjoy and dont have some weird sense of power??? It's been bothering me so much, this happened a couple hours ago and I managed to fall asleep in the middle of my compulsion of mentally reviewing how I reacted to my thoughts.

My whole life I’ve kind of stared at people’s crotches whenever they’re wearing something revealing a bikini. I feel like I’ve always searched to see if I can see an outline or something or anything because it’s so revealing. It kind of feels like curiosity I don’t know how to describe it. I did this before my OCD got bad and I do this now. I feel scared that I’m doing something I shouldn’t be. I’m scared that I’m doing something perverted. What scares me the most is that about a year ago this happened with my boyfriend sister. She was 15 at the time. I didn’t think much about it. I stared, searched and moved on. But now I really question if I did something awful or if my intentions were perverted. I’m questioning whether it’s okay to even have curiosity about this. Maybe this is normal and people don’t analyze their behavior, I don’t know. I had a theory that this has been a compulsion all along but right now it feels fully out the window. I haven’t been able to stop crying. I really need someone’s input or perspective. Please.

I woke up this morning feeling like all weird, I went on Google to look at escape rooms and my ocd of corse kept saying there’s kids there and I felt groinal responses and actually stopped on the post that I thought was a child to look at them and feel aroused. My heart sank and now I need to wash my whole body and myself please can ocd do this