Journal Entry (Don’t read if you’re at your lowest) I think I’m at one of my lowest points ever since my OCD has been considered severe. All these memories both real event and false memory keeps coming back and making things worse. I feel entirely alone and don’t think I deserve help. I’m just waiting for something terrible is going to happy at any day, and at this point, a part of me wants to something like that to happen, to reach my absolute lowest with no hope in coming back because at least that way I don’t feel a need to get better for anyone. Life is miserable and I can’t find any joy, and if I do, it’s taken away by my real event slapping me in the face of false memory causing me to ruminate and warps my mind and memory of events. I’m alone, no one tolerates me me talking about my OCD anymore, which I understand, it’s tiring trying to constantly reassure someone of the same thing, it’s like trying to play a broken record. I don’t know what’s next for me, I have no one in my life who wants to really speak to me but I also can’t just give up and unalive myself without causing pain to others. It’s a terrible thing, I don’t deserve anyones love or compassion. I’m a rotting mold in everyone’s life. And to anyone that wants to leave a nice comment, please don’t, I’m not looking for reassurance, it doesn’t work anymore and I don’t want it. I suppose I’m just writing this to vent and to get clarity in my mind