Andate
- Date posted
- 3y
ExseiiExseii
- Date posted
- 3y
Are u feeling happy in general? Are u satisfied with life? Any redflags in your relationship? (Abuse/ emotional abuse/ sexual assault etc) How are u feeling about yourself? The thing with anxiety is that it's scared of the unknown. I hate my anxiety, it makes me feel weak.. but you know what? You can recover. It's hard now, I am going through a living hell myself with anxiety and possibly ROCD. But you know what? Fuck anxiety and rocd, I'm in the same shoes as you. I thought I didn't love him anymore. Turns out I am crazy and madly in love with my boyfriend. He means the world to me. But my anxiety tells me ' you should leave'. Sometimes looking at him or staring at him or doing ANYTHING with him makes me flare up and want to run and my thoughts are going wild. I am in general very unhappy, when I am happy... I have 0 to no thoughts and I enjoy my time with him. I hope I can motivate you to keep fighting. I know it's hard. And you came to this forum to write this out.. If you truly didn't love him, why would u go around asking? Why would u feel this way? I know this is a huge reassurance thing ( sorry NOCD). But I know that made me realise that my thoughts are lying and making my life a living hell. Keep fighting and don't make a decision right now. It's okay to cry and feel this way. You don't always need to feel happy and it's okay to not always be sure.
eoideoid
- Date posted
- 3y
THISšššššÆšÆ
AndateAndate
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you! It helped me a lot! I have some traumas with death on my only parent shortly before I met him, so I was at nad condition and not having honeymoon. But finally feel happy. My therapist told me, that I have also great work to do, due to my family experiences and some false beliefs of how love should feel like. I was always afraid that from the beggining I was only settling, because he was nice and that now I'm a coward, who don't want to hurt him or lose my safe life with him. Are relationship is great, no abuse or real red flags. He is the best person I know and with who I feel like in home. I want him to be happy, and he always telling me that he feel my love to him in every minute and in my every action. I'm still fighting. I will be fighting, because I want him in my life.
ExseiiExseii
- Date posted
- 3y
@Andate I relate to many things you said. You might feel great and sure now, but rOCD and anxiety will come right back at you. Especially after typing that out. I'm glad I was able to help!
AndateAndate
- Date posted
- 3y
@Exseii Sadly I know that reassurence for me now last only few minute, but it really help me in my darkest hour. Im trying to heal myself and do some work, but sometimes it's so hard... Thank you once more ā¤ļø
ExseiiExseii
- Date posted
- 3y
@Andate I can totally relate... Sometimes reading that one post on accident can really do something in the darkest hours. No worries.
AndateAndate
- Date posted
- 3y
@Exseii I wish you all the best in your struggle! We can do this!
Jesse MillerJesse Miller
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
i read some of the comments to get some context as to what this post could be about. i dont want to give you any advice that would give you reassurance, but most relationships have ups and downs. you're not always going to be in love with him. some days you're just going to tolerate being with them. relationship OCD will tell you that this feeling doesn't exist and unless you have this blissful feeling all the time then they must not be "the one". but good news is, you get to pick your person every single day! when you start to get these thoughts "i dont love my partner" "hes not good enough" etc, instead of trying to find answers as to why you might have these thoughts, take time to just acknowledge it for what it is - just a thought. it doesn't need answered! it is a crazy good feeling when you get these thoughts in a relationship and continue to pick your partner anyway. you can always think of some worst case scenarios also of what life would be like if you didn't leave him and didn't love him. how bad would it be? i hope this helps!
AndateAndate
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you so much. I started to educating myself of how real love can feel and that's not only one movie like feeling of love. And I'm trying tell myself, that I choose him and want to be with and my feelings are valid and don't need all answers and don't need to compare my love to other relationships. Thank you once more ā¤ļø I'm not officially diagnosed with rocd, so every time I feel like I'm lying to myself
oliviak2305oliviak2305
- Date posted
- 3y
If you know 100% you donāt love him then you need to tell him. However OCD can make you think you donāt love him when you do. Sometimes I look at my boyfriend and feel nothing at all and then I panic that I donāt love him because all my other relationships have sailed so smoothly and I donāt understand why I have doubts about my feelings for him when he is the most amazing boy Iāve ever been with. however I know deep down that I do love him and there is something keeping me with him, I just tell myself that if I didnāt love him I would have left him months ago. it honestly depends if you know you love him or not and if youāre willing to stay with him, you will know when youāve met the right person. Itll all be okā¤ļø
AndateAndate
- Date posted
- 3y
I want to stay with him so badly, I don't want my life without him. When there was a time I could lose him, I was crying two days stright and sleeping holding his hand, because I want to remember his touch. But my thoughts feel so real
AndateAndate
- Date posted
- 3y
@Andate I also telling myself, that if I didn't love him I would leave months earlier because that suffering is killing me. I was always afraid of losing him or loving him not enough, but he is everything for me.
AndateAndate
- Date posted
- 3y
@Andate And I'm not 100 sure I don't love him, even if my thoughts are telling me that. I want my life with him
eoideoid
- Date posted
- 3y
@Andate Hey! You decide what to do! That is exactly how I felt two month ago! You will never be 100% sure! I think that "you know when you've met the right person" is a super toxic belief that make me flare up my ocd for weeks! You can learn how to manage those feelings and doubts! And for experience I can tell you that after that things will be REALLY BETTER! I survived that feeling, and now I am super happy, and in love AGAIN (after apathy, depression anxiety and guilty feelings) with my bf!
eoideoid
- Date posted
- 3y
Hi! I know your feeling. I had been there too. My first advice, actually my therapist's advice, is to DON'T TAKE any decision when you are in a rocd flare, (when you are really in anxiety, really sed, depressed, frustrated etc.). There is a possibility that rocd is making you feel that way. (You should embrace uncertainty, maby maby not! But i'm telling you, it is possible that it is just rocd messing with your feelings) You are not pushing your relationship. You are pushing yourself through rocd, to get YOURSELF a better and easier life. My motivation, to overcome rocd, is that! Decisions like this one, should be easy and spontaneous, without fear, anxiety; guilt etc. It should be like if I ask you "do you want a glass of water?" I can bet that you would just answer yes or no, without even thinking about it! I want to achieve that in my life!! Remember also that love is a choice; not a feeling! And people could live an happy life even without love; that doesn't mean nothing per se!
AndateAndate
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you so much! I had bad anxiety from April and literally didn't wanted life anymore, every day was a pain, it was like living in hell. Not I'm stuck into thought, without so much anxiety (feel like my body can't stand anxiety anymore) but thought are horrible. And so real. I don't want to leave him, even If my love is different from what I know from movies. I'm trying to tell myself that love is a choice and I want to make that choice, because I love him, but its so hard. He is my sunshine I'm afraid, that when I heal I will see that all that time I was living in delusion and have never loved him properly. I'm stuck, and he deserves better.
eoideoid
- Date posted
- 3y
@Andate I know. Been there. But it is kind of fun if you think that you "prefer" to stop wanting to live, than left him and "end the suffering" in the easy (unhealthy) way... and now you are asking if you loved him! You are fighting your own emotions to have a better life with him. He is FUCKING lucky to have you!! That is a thing that changed my way of seeing the situation, it worked for me hahah
AndateAndate
- Date posted
- 3y
@bif Thank you so much ā¤ļø the only thing I know for sure, is that I don't want to leave and I don't want to lose him. But I'm also afraid of hurting him. Thank you once more. Hope Hope you also better!
eoideoid
- Date posted
- 3y
Just remember that with therapy/exercise/healing things can get really really better! And eventually you would get even closer! There's no a proper way to love. I also used to think " I'm surely not in love with my friends, but I would like living with them, it would be fun!" Than why can't I leave with the person that I want to leave with, because maby I don't love him enough! I can, and I will!
mirbrachmirbrach
- Date posted
- 3y
It feels like I donāt love my husband of 18 years for around 3 years now. I want to love him and Iām always feeling depressed when heās there and when heās not there bc Iām always feeling tortured that I donāt love him. Itās as if Iām forcing myself to stay. We went through so much together. Have 2 girls and had a son who passed away at 5 days old. I canāt take these bad thoughts and feelings anymore.
AndateAndate
- Date posted
- 3y
Are you getting some therapy? Maybe ocd and marital therapy could be helpful?
Related posts
Mariabae
- Date posted
- 25w
Tomorrow is our 2-year anniversary, and I feel absolutely nothing.
It hurts so much to write that. Lately, every time I talk to my boyfriend ā whether itās through text or in person ā I feel this deep irritation, like everything he says or does annoys me. Sometimes, it even feels like disgust, and itās terrifying. I donāt feel love. I donāt feel excitement. I donāt even feel sadness about not feeling anythingā¦ just numb. I look at him and I donāt feel like I used to. I donāt know what happened to me. I used to be so sure I loved him, and now I feel like a completely different person ā cold, distant, empty. My brain keeps telling me: āYou donāt love him anymore. You never did. Youāre only staying out of habit.ā My mom told me that if I donāt like him anymore, then Iām hurting both him and myself by staying in this. And hearing that broke me. Because thatās exactly what I fear ā that Iām faking everything, and I just donāt want to admit the truth. I feel so lost. And I donāt know how to separate my thoughts from reality anymore. All I know is that I want to feel something again ā anything. Because right now, all I feel is guilt, fear, and confusion. i used to know these thoughts are just thoughts and that if i didnāt have them i would be so happy but now, i cant think aboyr that bc the thoughts feel too real.
Mariabae
- Date posted
- 24w
someone respond
My boyfriend just poured his heart out to me. He told me how much pain heās in ā how disconnected he feels from me, how hurt he is that weāre not intimate, that I donāt react to his love, that we donāt feel like a couple anymore. He said things that shouldāve broken my heartā¦ but I felt nothing. Nothing. And now Iām terrified. Not just scared ā destroyed by the thought that maybe I really donāt love him, and Iāve just been lying to myself this entire time. I keep thinking: āIf I loved him, wouldnāt I feel something?ā āWhy didnāt I cry? Why didnāt I reach for him? Why didnāt I say āIām sorryā?ā āWhat kind of person listens to someone they care about and feels absolutely nothing?ā I feel like Iāve been fighting this for so long ā like Iāve spent months, maybe even years, battling the same thoughts over and over again: āYou donāt love him.ā āYouāre just used to him.ā āYou want to want him ā but you donāt.ā And what makes it worse is that everyone around me says the same thing: āMaybe youāre forcing it.ā āYou canāt control how you feel.ā āIf youāre this confused, that means something.ā But what no one seems to understand is that Iāve tried so hard. I didnāt want this. I didnāt choose to become cold. I didnāt choose to stop feeling things. I didnāt want to lose my ability to love ā or to connect ā or to just exist next to him without questioning every single breath I take. I feel like Iāve become someone else. Someone who doesnāt react. Someone who doesnāt smile when heās kind. Someone who doesnāt feel warmth when he says āI love you.ā But this isnāt who I was. There was a time when I loved hearing his voice. When I looked forward to seeing him. When I felt. And nowā¦ nothing. Just this endless cycle of doubt, guilt, numbness, fear, and the horrible thought: āIf it feels this real, maybe it is.ā I donāt know what this is anymore. I feel like Iām hurting him. And I feel like Iām losing myself, too. And the most terrifying part? I donāt feel anything about that either. But if I truly didnāt care ā why does this hurt so much? If anyone else has ever felt like thisā¦ please, please tell me Iām not alone. I donāt want this to be the truth. I donāt want to lose him. But I also donāt want to keep living like this.
Mariabae
- Date posted
- 20w
would like a response
Lately, Iāve been feeling like something has changed in me ā like I have changed, and like my feelings for my boyfriend have faded or shifted. Itās one of the worst sensations Iāve ever felt. I keep thinking things like āI donāt love him like beforeā or āIāve changed too much to feel anything now.ā Sometimes when he calls me or makes a joke, I get irritated for no reason. I feel like Iām being mean, cold, disconnected ā and then guilt crashes down on me. I remember how I used to feel: warm, close, expressive. And nowā¦ I just donāt feel the same. That makes me think: āMaybe Iāve fallen out of love.ā But Iām also constantly anxious. I overthink every moment. I canāt relax into anything without analyzing if what I feel is āright.ā It makes me wonder ā maybe I havenāt actually changed. Maybe Iām just overwhelmed and tired from months of these thoughts and fears. I donāt know how to feel right now. I just want to believe that this disconnection isnāt proof that love is gone, but a sign that Iām scared and burnt out.
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