any moms on here?? I'm a first time mom and had a baby two months ago. my ocd is back with a vengeance. I'm struggling and just looking for people I can talk to who understand what I'm going through. I don't want to worry anybody so I've been keeping things to myself but it's hard.

I recently was diagnosed with postpartum ocd/ depression/ anxiety it’s by far the hardest thing I ever had. As an adolescent I struggled with depression/anxiety/ & self harm I didn’t realize back then that self harm was a compulsion for me. Anyway recently ocd has been attacking my baby along with my loved ones or even strangers. I feel horrible about it & feel insane I have panic attacks very often. I do my best to remind myself it’s ocd not me. I am genuinely the kind of person that is disturbed by road kill & cry over new all the time. I didn’t have these intrusive thoughts until my baby was 4 months (he’s now 6 months) because of a stupid true crime case & then it spiraled. I believe the only reason it’s doing all this is to have me feel like I am a villain & evil. It causes me to wonder if I have psychosis (like my mind purposely thinks the worst to try to convince me of psychosis) I am aware that’s not how it works. I am doing everything possible to overcome this sadly my insurance is Medicaid & it doesn’t work on here to find a OCD specialist. I move in 10 days to a new state & my insurance will be cut off for some time. I recently started Zoloft so I’m hoping it helps me until then. I want hope from other moms that have gone through similar experiences… this feels so exhausting & endless I wasn’t like this a few months ago. All I do is pray for things to get better I read the Bible to ease my heart & try to trust God that this to shall pass.

My ocd is ruining my relationship with my kids. Because of the intrusive thoughts I avoid being close to them, hugging or cuddling up to watch tv. My ocd is either telling me I wouldn’t care if harm came to them or it turns everything into something sexual or inappropriate. For example, my daughter wanted to show me how long her nails are so she started scratching my arm gently. It felt so nice and relaxing and I immediately panicked because I was scared the ocd would cause a groinal and I don’t ever, ever want a feeling like that connected with my child even though I know it’s the ocd causing it and not me i’d still feel horrible. I just want to be a normal loving affectionate mom and I can never be that for my kids because of ocd😪 I don’t see any other parents posting about going through this or commenting that they do and how they cope. I feel so alone and defeated.

I’m going through a really bad flare up. I developed ocd many years ago when I had my first child. Postpartum ocd. I suffer from harm and pocd. At first I had mostly mental and some physical compulsions but the physical faded away pretty early on and i’ve just done mental compulsions since. My ocd was in remission for alot of years and if the ocd would pop up now and again, I was easily able to shrug it off and not engage. A few years ago I went through a stressful time in my life and the ocd came back to stay. At first it was bad but then it got better and has been pretty mild until now. It’s been really bad this week and the physical compulsions are even back. I never thought it would ever get this bad again. My ocd is making me doubt who I am and how I feel. I know it’s all ocd and not real or true but the ocd makes it feel so real that I can’t easily dismiss or disprove it. The more I try to disprove it the more real the ocd makes it feel. I’m really struggling and don’t know how to get back on track. I don’t have access to a therapist because there are no ocd specialists near me and my insurance doesn’t cover online therapy. That’s why i’m reaching out here. Has anyone been through a rough relapse? How can I get through and past this??