i’m breaking down a lot.. my “false memory” is becoming realer than ever. I cant tell if it’s false or not but it’s a unspeakable. It’s my worst fear to not reach my dreams and to lose my family. I don’t feel deserving, and the thing is that I might not be able to tell if it’s false or real with certainty and the idea of living with the uncertainty that I could’ve done something just so terrible it tearing me alive. I love my family so much. I want to live a normal life desperately.. i’m so scared. my compulsions to try and figure out if they’re true or not are just really obsessive and it all started out with a bunch of different scenarios that were false of my false memory ocd. the more I think about it the realer it becomes but i’m not completely sure. I’m hitting probably completely rock bottom. I’m scared of losing my family or them abandoning me if I tell them about how I can’t tell if I did this horrendous thing or not. it’s just despicable something i’m completely against. I’m worried that I would’ve been extremely naive stressed and went in with my impulsive behavior. i’m not sure what I would’ve thought afterwards or if I thought about it in the next couple months or just suppressed it. I know I was having a really tough time then. I really just want to be okay. I want to find happiness and not feel like a criminal because of something i’m unsure I did. I cant stand the uncertainty.. it’s eating me alive.